“Good night, sweetie. I’ll see you again soon, okay?” Vinnie’s words are soft, a contradiction to the stern look on his face.
As soon as Amara is out of ear shot, Ally turns to me and lets loose.
“What the hell was that? I thought he didn’t care if you dated. I thought he liked Vinnie. What’s his deal?”
She continues with her onslaught of questions without giving me a chance to reply. Not that I know the answers. If she wants to know what crawled up Ryder’s ass, she’s going to have to ask him herself.
It could be anything.
My presence tonight. The fact I’m trying to move on. Any number of things. None of which I give two shits about. He’s going to have to learn to deal with it himself.
Chapter Twelve
“Well, that was awkward,” Vinnie says as he spins me around the dance floor.
The DJ finally switched gears and played a slow song worth dancing to. It’s been golden oldies most of the night. Great songs, but nothing that made me want to be twirled around the dance floor.
Ryder and Emerson came back shortly after they put Amara to bed. They stayed on their side of the room while I stayed on mine. Tyler came over to talk with Vinnie for a while, but Angela stayed at their table. I felt all eyes on me on more than one occasion. The stares, filled with both curiosity and hate.
Brianna made a point of walking by on her way to the bar and stopping over.
She made small talk, but I could tell that she was uncomfortable. For all the two of us have shared over the years, it was losing her that sucked the most. She was the one person I trusted with my darkest secrets. I confided in her how I was feeling about my marriage to Ryder. She even knew the plan Jared and I made and tried to talk me out of it.
I should have listened. Brianna may be quiet and keeps to herself most of the time, but she’s a smart woman. She’s intuitive and caring. She’s always watching and sees things most others don’t. She knew Ryder and I were having problems before I told her. She claims it was the way we were looking at each other or, rather, the fact that we weren’t.
Still, her visit is kept short, and our conversation is rather generic.
My concern is the defeat I see in her eyes. The sadness in her voice.
It has nothing to do with me or the fact that I’ve been shunned from the family, thus ending our friendship. There’s an emptiness I’ve seen before, and it hurts my heart to know why it’s there.
Her infertility.
She’s been trying so hard for years to have a child. She’s put her body through every test and clinical trial imaginable, and yet, judging by her still tiny frame, nothing has worked.
It makes me want to pull her in for a hug and never let go. It’s not her fault, and as much as she knows that, she doesn’t believe it. The doctors have told her multiple times. Hunter has reassured her. Even I’ve tried to comfort her.
Nothing we say or do will change the way she feels about it. The blame, in her eyes, can only be placed on her since it’s her body that can’t conceive.
After B gets a drink, she heads back over to where Hunter is seated with his parents. He looks engrossed in a heated conversation with his father. Work related, I’m sure. The one thing I’ve noticed over the years is that Herman and Hunter Dixon are practically the same person. They’re always focused on work whether at the office or on vacation.
They’re still talking now. Almost an hour later. The conversation appears lighter, Herman laughing from time to time, but it took a while to get there. He doesn’t relax easily, but when he does, he’s one of the kindest people you will ever meet. Both of Ryder’s parents are.
“It’s never not going to be awkward,” I finally say to Vinnie after a few minutes.
“Are you up for the challenge?”
“I don’t have a choice in the matter. Things between Ryder and I will never be the way they were. We’ll never be friends again. I destroyed any chance of that. You, however, don’t have to be involved. You can choose to walk away anytime. No harm, no foul.”
My words trail off, my voice losing its fight toward the end.
If there’s anything I’ve learned about Vinnie in the last few weeks, it’s that he couldn’t care less what other people think or say about him. That’s great, but what about how they treat him? Would he care if Ryder was an asshole to him because of me? Would he stand up and fight for himself? Or make the choice to walk away from me?
It’s his career on the line. His life that would be affected.
Not that I think Ryder would ever act anything less than professionally toward him in the office, but at events like this, where he’s not required to play nice or even associate with him… that’s a different story.
“Why are you pushing me away?” he asks as the song changes, another slow melody floating across the breeze.
It’s dark now, the lights surrounding the tent’s canopy illuminating only a few feet beyond the space. My eyes are drawn to the special place where the darkness meets the light. One step in either direction and my view is different. What people would see when they looked at me would be different.
It’s like walking a fine line. You can teeter between the good and the bad, the light and the darkness. People’s opinions of you can alter in either direction as well. It’s all about perception.
To change the way they feel about you—sometimes all it takes is a change in perspective. That’s what I need right now, for people to change the way they see me, and the only way to do that, is to show them the side of me they refuse to acknowledge.
I need to step out of the shadows, leave the darkness that’s clouding me behind, and step into the light.
“I’m not trying to. In fact, I retract my previous statement.”
“You do?”
“Yeah. I’m sick of hiding from everyone. The past is in the past, and if they want to be a part of my future, people are going to have to either forgive or forget. I’m moving on, and so should they.”
Vinnie grins at me before tilting his head down and kissing me softly on the lips.
“What was that for?”
“Two things. First, I missed that spunk and sass. It’s been in hiding since the wedding, and it turns me on.”
Laughing, I swat him in the chest and he pulls me off the dance floor, over to our table.
“Second, I wanted to make sure you were serious. You didn’t cower or pull away. You didn’t look around to see if anyone was watching. Had you looked around, had you cared that people saw us together, your words would have been for nothing.”
“Well, I’m serious. So, if you’re done here, I’d like you all to myself for a little while. I believe you promised me things that I’d like you to deliver on. First and foremost, my ice cream.”
“You still not planning to share?”
“Depends on what I get in exchange for sharing.”
“And just like that, I’m regretting sneaking up on you,” Ally’s voice says from behind me, her voice dripping with disgust.
Laughing, I turn to find Ally’s face beet red. Her eyes match. Her cheeks are puffy, and she’s wearing a forced smile. Whatever she overheard is not the reason for her appearance.
“Hey,” I say to Vinnie, patting him on the knee. “Give me a minute and then we’ll go, okay?”
“I’ll just start saying our goodbyes, then.” He nods and heads across the dance floor toward where Tyler’s seated.
Ally takes his chair, and I wrap my arm around her shoulder, pulling her in for a hug. “What’s wrong girl?”
“Marco’s an asshole.”
“Well, I knew you weren’t that into him, but I’m guessing he didn’t.”
“It’s not like I didn’t try and give him hints.”
“But you invited him tonight. Mixed messages, chick. Men aren’t as perceptive as women are. What happened?”
“He kept trying to feed me drinks, and I kept telling him no. Then he suggested we get out of here, but when I asked him
to take me home, he suggested we go to his place. You know me, I told him no flat out, and that pissed him off. I’m pretty sure he ruined Mrs. Dixon’s bushes when he tore out of here.”
“Sounds to me like you were fairly accurate when you said something was off about him. It wasn’t just the geek in him that had you wanting to run, it was the creep that was waiting to rear his ugly head.”
“I sure do know how to pick them, don’t I?”
“Think of it this way… At least you find out they’re assholes before you sleep with them. Not to mention, once you’ve found all the assholes in Sunnyside, you’ll have your pick of the good ones to date, right?”
“Ha ha. Can you please take me home? I just want to jump in the shower and wash his stench off of me. I can still smell his cologne.”
“Of course. I’m sure Vinnie won’t mind.”
“Thanks. I’m glad you came since Justine bailed this afternoon.”
I’m a horrible friend. I didn’t even notice she wasn’t here tonight.
“Why isn’t she here?”
“Devon’s mom is selling her house, and they went down there to help her get things in order. I guess she’s kind of a pack rat, so they’re spending the weekend down there, going through her stuff and minimizing for the realtor.”
I hate moving. Even after the divorce, moving was a pain in the ass, and the beach house was basically furnished. Aside from the master bedroom, I took a few pieces of furniture and my personal things. Still, it’s not necessarily the moving from one place to another, it’s more of the organizing. Finding the space for things in a new place and then remembering where you put things when you need them later on.
Cue horrible memory.
I’m still searching for things on occasion.
“Ready to go?” Vinnie asks as he approaches.
“Yeah. Can we drop Ally off at home?”
Nodding, the three of us leave the party behind and walk through the darkness around the house. I contemplate looking back, waving goodbye to my past as a sentiment that I’m leaving it behind, but I don’t. It’s more important to be focused on what’s in front of me.
“So I take it Marco was a jerk,” Vinnie says as he pulls away from Ally’s apartment building.
“I think he set his expectations a little high, is all.”
“No, I think he was an idiot. You should have heard what he was saying about Allison after you two walked away.”
“Like what?”
“Like rude and degrading things. He had a plan, and it included her in his bed tonight.”
“I’m getting the impression you didn’t like Marco,” I tease.
“Not really. There was something about him that didn’t sit well with me. I’m glad she’s done with him.”
Me, too. I want to say it out loud, because I truly believe that Ally deserves better, but I don’t. Instead, I stare out the window and watch as the miles pass. We’ll be back at my house in thirty minutes. Naked in forty. Fast asleep in a few hours, Vinnie’s arms wrapped around me, holding me tight.
The evening plays over and over again in my mind. My conversation with Ally at the forefront. The conversation we never finished. He cares, it’s obvious. I care about him, too, and I hope he sees that. I’m trying really hard not to care too much, of course. Not until I know him better. Not until I have all the facts.
“I’ve been thinking,” I start.
“Should I be worried?” he jokes, turning into my driveway.
“No, I just realized this week that there are things about you I don’t know.”
“There are lots of things you probably don’t know, but if you want to, all you have to do is ask.”
Thinking back to earlier when I was freaking out, I try to remember the questions I was desperately seeking answers to.
What were they again?
They were important.
Amara was saying he should move in with us. I was trying to mentally validate that it wasn’t a good idea. There were things we didn’t know about each other. Those things seemed like the most important things to know at the moment.
His middle name.
His parents.
His sibling.
Yes, those things.
“What’s your middle name?” I ask with enthusiasm as he turns the engine off.
“That’s the most pressing question on your mind right now?” he laughs as he opens his door and exits the car, walking around to open mine for me.
Such a gentleman. Always.
“No. What about your parents? Where are they? And your sibling,” I continue to rapid fire questions at him until the door closes behind us and we’re alone in the dark.
“Adam. My parents are alive and well in California. No siblings. Anything else?”
“You’re an only child?” I ask, surprised by his answer.
Generally, I’m a good judge when it comes to people. I would have guessed Vinnie was the oldest. They tend to be leaders, responsible and ambitious. Hunter, for example. He’s the epitome of oldest child syndrome. Compare him to Tyler, the middle child, or Ryder, the youngest, and his traits stand out like white paint on a chalkboard.
Vinnie is goal oriented. He’s driven by his work and a need to achieve excellence.
An only child would be this way, as well, but they would need others to recognize those achievements. They need that pat on the back. They tend to be overly confident and full of themselves. Why? Because they weren’t competing with siblings for Mom and Dad’s attention.
Sure, not every only child or oldest child will exhibit the common characteristics. Hell, Ryder acts more like the middle child and Tyler more like the baby. It still surprises me that he’s an only child, though. As great of friends as he is with Tyler, he resembles Hunter more.
“Is that a problem?” he replies, his tone serious as he steps closer, backing me up against a wall. “I mean, I can pretend to be needy and helpless if you want me to. Is that what you want? Someone who needs to rely on you for everything like they’re the baby of the family?”
Is he referring to Ryder, because I could easily knee him in his junk right now and not feel bad.
“Or would you prefer I remain confident and dominating? In control. Aware of what I want and not afraid to get it.”
My knees are shaking, and my breath hitches in my throat.
Knee him in the balls? Nope. If I lift my leg, I’ll probably fall over. I’m barely standing as it is right now.
“I’ll be whatever you want me to be, Megan. As long as you let me in.”
Let him in? Where? My pants or my heart? Right now, I want to give him anything and everything he wants.
Chapter Thirteen
As long as you let me in.
That’s what he said.
Coming from a man, you would think he meant in my pants.
Nope. Not at all.
If that were the case, he would have pushed me against the wall like I’d imagined he was about to do. Ripped my clothes off and kissed me deeply. That’s what normally happens when it comes to Vinnie. We go at each other like we need the other to breathe. To live.
Rough and tumble. Fast and erratic.
Vinnie is full of surprises, though.
He placed his hand over my heart, kissed me gently, and carried me to my bed. There was still a chance he was going to rip my clothes off in my mind, but he had other plans. Instead, he gently helped me out of my dress and shoes. He took time undressing, and then once we were both tucked under the sheet, he made love to me.
Yes, I said love.
It wasn’t sex.
It wasn’t hot and heavy let’s see how many times we can each get off tonight sex.
It was slow, passionate, mind-blowing lovemaking.
The word fuck flew from my lips three times that night, and it felt wrong to use that word during something so precious and personal. Something so emotional because, yes, I may have shed a tear when it was all over while Vinnie held me in his arms as I
pretended to fall asleep.
My naked body tucked against his.
His breath blowing lightly over the curve of my neck.
Yet, as I closed my eyes, the demons that have haunted me worked their way in. Images of Jared. Memories of our conversation, of the plan, before everything went to hell. Before my marriage crumbled.
Only this time, I’m stronger. I don’t follow his lead. Instead of inviting him into my bed, I kick him out of the house and send him packing. I make a better decision, confronting Ryder and sharing my feelings with him.
We’re sitting in our living room. I can hear Amara somewhere in the house laughing. There’ a fire roaring in the fireplace and the lights are low. I’ve confessed my feelings to Ryder, and just as he’s about to respond, the doorbell rings and in walks Vinnie.
He’s smiling at me. Ryder’s looking between us, contemplation evident.
Then Emerson appears out of nowhere, Amara at her side, holding her hand.
Ryder walks over to her, kisses her on the lips, and takes Amara’s other hand. They stand as a united front. A family.
Looking between Vinnie and Ryder, it feels like I’m being presented with a choice. Ryder or Vinnie. My husband or my boyfriend. I can’t have both.
Taking Vinnie’s hand, we walk out the still-open door. When I look back over my shoulder, Amara is no longer standing with Ryder and Emerson. That’s when I realize she’s now between me and Vinnie, holding our hands. She’s laughing and staring up at Vinnie.
He’s smiling and looking down at her with amusement in his eyes.
Then suddenly I’m alone. Turning around in a circle, I’m standing on the dance floor at Herman’s retirement party. The backyard is illuminated by the sun, and no one is in sight. I hear voices and run in their direction. When I round the side of the house, I spot a large group of people cheering and clapping. Pushing through the crowd, my heart stops beating for a moment when I catch sight of why.
Emerson in a white dress, round with child. Ryder is standing next to her, smiling proudly.
They’re married. She’s pregnant.
Rumors: Megan & Vinnie Page 9
