Rumors: Megan & Vinnie

by Rachael Brownell

  “I knew you wanted me. You were fighting it, though. Hard. In the end, it was my job to convince you it was okay to want me. To let me in. I thought I had. I thought you were finally letting me in, Megan. I really hope I wasn’t wrong.”

  The seconds tick by, feeling more like minutes, while we stare at each other. Neither of us says a word. I can see the hesitance in his eyes. He’s pulling back.

  “You’re going out for girls’ night,” he finally says.

  That’s not an answer.

  “I won’t be out all night. What about after? Do you want to come over? Stay here again tonight?”

  “I’ll let you know.”

  Vinnie kisses me on the cheek, quickly ending our discussion, and lets himself out. I stand there, staring off into space, replaying our conversation over and over again in my head.

  Did I give him the impression I’m faking this? That what we have isn’t real?

  Who could do that? Who could spend this much time with someone else and hide who they really are from them? That’s more work than it’s worth.

  Maybe it’s time for a change.

  Maybe it’s time to show people who I really am. If they don’t like me, screw them. The people who care about me most are the only ones that matter.

  Ally. Amara. Vinnie.

  Yep, he’s on the list.

  He’s worth fighting for. He’s worth the risk of losing others to have him in my life.

  Time to formulate a plan.

  Operation Vinnie starts tonight.

  Step One: Get him to come over.

  Then we can talk more. I can show him who I am, prove that I’m not pretending to be someone I’m not.

  As the plan begins to come together in my head, I put out a call for help. I need my girls. I need back up. From all sides. I hate to do it, but a group text is in order.

  ME: Girls night tonight. Seven o’clock.

  JUSTINE: Count me in!

  ANGELA: I’ll let you know.

  EMERSON: I’ll get back to you.

  ALLY: I’ll be there. Call me.

  Before I even have the chance to dial her number, Ally’s face appears on my screen.

  “Impatient much?” I ask in lieu of a greeting.

  “What are you doing? I thought we decided on a low-key girls’ night. Just the two of us.”

  “You decided on that. Then you left, I somehow gave Vinnie the impression that I’m pretending to be someone I’m not, and I decided that in order to prove to him he’s wrong, I need some face time with everyone.”

  “Face time? For what?”

  “To tell my side of the story. To share the truth with them about what really happened between me and Ryder so they can stop speculating. No more secrets. No more hiding. I’m going to put the rumor to bed, clear my name, and show people who I am really am. How strong I can be and that I’m sick of people expecting the worst of me. I may have acted like a bitch in the past, but it was only to cover for how I was feeling in my marriage. Insecure. I’m done. I’m over it, and they need to be as well.”

  Ally’s silent for a few minutes. I can almost hear her thinking. Exasperated breath after exasperated breath, she clears her throat but doesn’t speak.

  “Say something,” I urge when I can’t take it anymore.

  “Hold on.”

  “Ally, I still need to convince Angela and Emerson to come. If you’re not going to say anything—”

  “They’re coming. I just texted them.”

  “What did you tell them?”

  “That is was important. That you promised to be on your best behavior.”

  My best behavior. Wow! That’s what it takes for people to have a drink with me. I’ve really destroyed my reputation with these girls, haven’t I?

  No better time than the present to start rebuilding, I guess.

  “Okay, then, I guess I’ll see you in a few hours.”

  “Megan,” she begins but hesitates.

  “Say whatever’s on your mind, Ally. It’s fine.”

  “You’ve never told me what really happened, and now you’re ready to share it with everyone. I don’t get it. This has to be about more than clearing your name. More than proving to Vinnie that you’re a good person. What we think doesn’t matter. You have to tell him the truth.”

  “He knows. I told him before anything even happened between us.”

  “You did? Why?”

  “I guess, at the time, I was trying to push him away. I thought if he knew what happened, he wouldn’t want anything to do with me. He’d run the other way, and my life would stay boring and uncomplicated.”

  “And now?”

  “Now it feels like he’s slipping away, and I don’t want that to happen. I like him, Ally. A lot. More than I want to admit. And, yeah, it’s complicated, but I think he’s worth life being a little complicated.”

  “Okay. I get it, but don’t let them make you feel bad about what happened. We all make bad decisions in life; it doesn’t mean we should be crucified for them until we die.”

  I don’t bother pointing out that she’s already assuming the worst before I let her go. She may be my best friend, but until I share the full story with her, the rumors are all she has to go by. They were vicious and inaccurate to a point. If the situation were reversed, I’d probably think the worst as well.

  Not to mention, I let her think I was still seeing Jared long after Ryder filed for divorce. I shouldn’t have done that. It led credibility to the rumors. It made me look even worse than I already did.

  All that changes tonight.

  I’ll share my truth with everyone. It’ll be up to them whether to believe it or not. No matter what they choose to do with the information, I’m putting it all behind me. It’s time to forgive myself.

  Chapter Fifteen

  The girls have already assembled by the time I arrive. As I approach the table, a low hush falls across the group and they all stare in my direction.

  Taking my seat, I greet each of them with a smile and direct eye contact. I need them to see my sincerity. This is me, the new and improved me. The confident me. The unashamed me. The real me.

  “Thanks for coming out, guys,” I say after the waiter places my glass of wine in front of me.

  “Sure,” Emerson says, dragging the single word out an extra syllable or two.

  “Can I just say that we need to do this more often?” Justine interjects, raising her glass.

  “We really should,” I concur, clinking mine against hers, the other girls following our lead.

  “Okay, I can’t do this,” Angela states firmly, sliding off her stool and standing next to the table. “Whatever you want, just say it, Megan. I’m not in the mood to play nice just because you decided you want to today.”

  Leave it to Angela to be direct. She’s always been a ‘no bullshit’ kind of person.

  Little does she know I was counting on her response.

  “I’d love to,” I say, setting my glass on the table and reaching into my purse. I pull out my phone and pull up a picture for everyone to see, passing my phone to Justine. “My marriage was falling apart. Ryder was ignoring me. Not on purpose, but that’s how I felt. So, when his best friend, Jared, called one day and I was crying, I broke down and told him everything. It was all a dramatic attempt to get Ryder to notice me. You see, Jared was my friend first. He introduced me to Ryder. He came up with a plan to get Ryder’s attention, but I wasn’t really sure I liked it. The text message you’re reading is how it all got started. You can see my hesitance.

  “If you swipe right, you can read the rest of our text messages. The idea was for Ryder to catch us in bed together, freak out, show some kind of emotion, and then we’d explain to him what was really going on. I wanted to get his attention, that’s all. I was never cheating on him with Jared.

  “So, when Angela walked in on us that day, we had to reset the plan. I assumed she ran to Ryder and told him she found me in bed with someone else. When Ryder didn’t mention any
thing that night, or the next day, I figured I was wrong. Angela had kept it to herself. Little did I know that Ryder took you at your word and started filing for divorce that same day.”

  The four of them gasp in unison. It’s the same reaction I had when Ryder told me he had known the entire time.

  “Jump ahead a few months and Jared thought we should try again. That’s the next set of text messages. What I didn’t know is that he had other plans. He wasn’t in this to help me get Ryder’s attention; he wanted me back. He wanted to break us up, and he was making his own plan, one he didn’t include me in on. Ryder walked in on us and Jared thought it would be a good idea to make fiction a reality.

  “I was a pawn in his game the entire time, and I didn’t even know it. I should have known better than to trust him. Even in college, he was the only person he cared about. But that’s fine because everything works out for a reason. Ryder and I were good together in the beginning, but what we had wasn’t meant to last. If it had been, I wouldn’t have been fake cheating on him to get his attention. I wouldn’t have had to go to great lengths to get my husband to notice me. Our love, our relationship wouldn’t have faded away like it did. I can see that now.”

  I let my voice trail off as they stare at me in shock. Reality is hard to accept when it’s even more fucked up than the lies. In my case, both were pretty bad.

  Emerson is the first to speak up, her words causing my jaw to drop.

  “Ryder believes you were cheating on him for months behind his back. For fun. Not because you were trying to get his attention but out of malice. You need to tell him the truth, Megan. He deserves to know.”

  Tell Ryder the truth. Ha! That’s rich. He wouldn’t listen to me before; why would he want to listen to me now? What’s the point?

  “Maybe one day, but the situation is still a little raw for me.”

  “Then, why are you telling us?” Angela asks, her voice maintaining the usual level of disgust it has when talking to me.

  Not only did my fake escapades with Jared ruin my marriage, but it also ruined my friendship with Angela. It ruined my relationship with Brianna. Two things I’d like to have back some day.

  “Because I heard the rumor going around the office. I don’t want anyone thinking that I’m using Vinnie to try and get Ryder back. Our relationship ended long before our divorce. He’s moved on, and so have I. I need you to see that I’m not the person people think I am. I’m not vindictive. I’m not out to hurt anyone just because. That’s not who I am. I never was that person.”

  “Which rumor?” Justine asks, her voice so low I’m not sure anyone else heard her.

  “There’s more than one?”

  “I’ve heard a few.”

  “Shit. My life is not that interesting.”

  That earns me a laugh from everyone except Angela, but she does raise her eyebrow at me in challenge of my comment.

  “Look, whatever you hear about me, just know it’s not true. I’m not trying to cause issues for anyone, especially Ryder.” Looking straight at Emerson, I wait until I have her full attention before continuing, “You’re a lucky woman because when he loves, he loves with all his heart. Cherish him. I’m happy he found someone as nice as you are, Emerson. I really mean that.”

  “So this is a party to celebrate you not being a bitch to everyone anymore, is that it?”

  Damn it, Angela. Why are you being so difficult?

  “Yeah, I guess so. I’ve been a bitch for so long now I forgot who I was. I put up my defenses so people wouldn’t see how miserable I really was. It was how I coped with it. It was how I shielded myself from getting hurt. I’ve wronged a lot of people, and it’s going to take more than an apology to mend a few relationships, but I’m here, and I want to try.”

  She nods, sits back down, and reaches for her drink without saying a word. I’m not sure if that’s confirmation that she’ll think about forgiving me or her indifference to the topic.

  “You know I love you, Megan, but be honest with me. What brought this on?” Justine’s the last person I expected to ask this question. Although, her relationship with Devon has changed her a little. She’s happy and more vibrant than I’ve ever seen her.

  “Vinnie,” I answer honestly. “He knows everything, and I gave him the wrong impression earlier. He thinks I’m pretending to be someone I’m not. When I’m with him, I feel free to be me, but that’s not who I’ve been in the past. I want to be that person all the time. Like right now, here with you guys. I want to have fun. I don’t want to be the bitch who sits on the sidelines and listens while everyone else talks and laughs. I want to be part of the laughter. I miss my friends. I miss the person I was before I lost sight of everything. I miss being me. When I’m with Vinnie, that’s the only person I know how to be. He brings out the best in me.”

  “So you want us to what? Tell him that you’re really the person he likes? Is that it?” she asks, clearly confused.

  “No, I just want to be this person all the time. I don’t want to feel like it’s wrong to be me, and in the past, that’s what it’s felt like. It felt like it wasn’t okay to be happy, or laugh, or act silly. I don’t know when I started feeling like that or why, but I’m sick of being miserable.”

  “Megan—” Justine starts.

  “No, it’s fine. I was a horrible person before. To each of you, on more than one occasion. That was my insecurity. He makes me feel confident and happy and not afraid to be who I am. Who I want to be.”

  “Megan—” Justine repeats, clearing her throat.

  “Let me finish, Justine. I need to get his off my chest.”

  That’s when I notice Ally casually pointing with her eyes over my left shoulder. Before I can look, Devon appears from behind me, sliding up next to Justine. Tyler’s next to make his presence known. When Ryder catches my eye, I feel like pounding my head against the table.

  He’s behind me.

  I just know it.

  I said all of that, and he heard every word. They all did. Justine tried to stop me, but I persisted. I wanted to get the words out before I lost my nerve. Before everything became a jumbled mess in my head.

  And now I can’t think of anything to say. Not a single word.

  I smell his cologne before I feel his presence. His intoxicating scent surrounds me, just like it did that first night and every day we’ve spent together since then. When the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, I reach for my glass of wine, taking a large gulp. His breath against my ear causes me to inhale swiftly, wine going down the wrong tube.

  The conversation he walked in on is long forgotten as I cough and sputter up my wine. My eyes begin watering as Vinnie lightly pats me on my back. Closing them tightly as I struggle to breathe, I can feel the tears running down my cheeks and reach up to wipe them away before anyone can see.

  Once the episode has passed, I open my eyes to find all of my friends and their significant others staring at me. Some look worried, mainly Justine and Ally, while others look indifferent to my near-death experience.

  Maybe because I wasn’t all that close to dying.

  “You okay?” Vinnie asks, stepping into my line of sight.

  “Fine. Thanks,” I reply, reaching for the napkin under my wine glass and wiping away the dampness on my cheeks.

  “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

  “You didn’t. I swallowed wrong,” I lie. Why? He knows what happened. His timing was perfect. There’s no reason to deny that he startled me or that his presence was the cause of me attempting to fill my lungs with sweet white wine. “What are you guys doing here?”

  Looking around the table, all the guys turn to look at Ally. She smiles proudly at each of them and then focuses her smile on me.

  “What? There was too much estrogen in the room,” she announces with a shrug, causing Justine to giggle.

  “Girls’ night is all about the estrogen,” I state, my eyes attempting to convey my message only to her.

  Before Ally can give what I
’m sure would have been a witty reply, the waitress walks over and begins taking drink orders from the guys. Tyler and Ryder pull another table over and push it together with ours so we have more room, and as everyone settles in, Vinnie leans close and kisses me on the cheek.

  “I hope you’re not mad we crashed your party.”

  “No, just surprised to see you. You were pretty upset when you left this afternoon.”

  A weary smile crosses his face. “I know. I’m sorry. I think I may have misinterpreted what you were trying to tell me. After hearing what you were telling the girls, things are a perfectly clear in my mind now.”

  So, he did hear what I was saying.

  “And?”

  “I’m proud of you for standing up for who you are. I like the person you are when you’re with me, and I hope you feel like you can be that person all the time now. You may not be able to mend all the broken relationships at this table, but you will find out who your true friends are now.”

  “That’s a little too insightful, Mr. Redding.”

  “Keep calling me that and I’ll show you how insightful I am,” he replies, slipping his hand beneath the table and placing it on the hem of my skirt. “How well I know you.” His hand inches up slightly, causing my breath to hitch. “How much I cherish what we have together.”

  Another inch and I’m starting to sweat. My body is responding to his, and the look in his eyes tells me he knows exactly what he’s doing.

  In a room filled with people, all I can see, all I can focus on, is his touch, the feel of his hand against my thigh, and the need building inside me. His words, although soft-spoken, are igniting a fire inside me. One that only he can put out.

  And then the magic is broken.

  “Will you two please stop looking at each other like you’re about to have sex on the table. It’s nauseating.”

  Ally’s voice, like nails on a chalkboard, pops the tiny bubble we had created around us.

  “It’s called a private conversation,” I say, my eyes never leaving Vinnie's. Not because I’m fixated on them but because I’m afraid to look anyone else in the eye right now. I can’t bear to see their judgment.