Alternative Life

by Matt Harris

"I-imean,-iI'm-igrateful...-iIt's-ijust-inot-ivery....heroic,-iI-iguess",-iJames-isaid.

  ["So,-iyou-iwant-ia-imore-i'heroic'-ichallenge,-ihuh?-iYou-iwant-ime-ito-igive-iyou-ia-ichance-ito-i'be-ia-ihero'?]-iFrumpkin-iasked-iin-ia-ivoice-iJames-iwould-ihave-iused-iwhen-italking-ito-ia-ismall-ichild.

  "Yes,-iplease",-iJames-ireplied.

  ["Ooookay,-iyou-iasked-ifor-iit."]-iFrumpkin-isaid,-ibefore-iadding-ia-imoment-ilater-i["...you-imight-iwant-ito-iduck."]

  James-igot-ithree-quarters-iof-ithe-iway-ithrough-isaying-i"huh?"-ibefore-ithe-iresounding-icrack-iof-isomething-ihard-iand-iheavy-ismashed-iagainst-ithe-iback-iof-ihis-ihead,-isending-ihim-isprawling-iand-ifilling-ihis-ivision-iwith-istars.-iHe-iinstinctively-itumbled,-ishifting-ihis-iweight-iin-ithe-iroll-ito-ispring-iup-ito-ihis-ifeet.-iHe-iturned-ito-isee-ia-isingle-ismall,-igreen-skinned-icreature-iwearing-iragged-ileather-iand-iholding-ia-ilarge-iwooden-iclub-imade-iout-iof-ian-iold-itree-ibranch.-iThe-ithing-istood-ionly-ithree-ifeet-itall,-iwith-ilarge-iyellow-ieyes-iand-icomically-ioversized-iears-iand-ifeatures,-iand-iwas-icurrently-iconvulsing-iwith-ibelly-ilaughter.-iWhen-iit-ilooked-iup-ito-isee-iJames-istaring-idown-iat-ihim-iwith-idispleasure,-iaxe-iin-ihand,-ihowever,-ihe-istopped-ilaughing,-iand-inervously-itook-ia-istep-ibackwards.-iAs-ithe-ithing-iturned-ito-irun,-iJames-iburied-ihis-inewly-obtained-imagic-iaxe-iin-ithe-iback-iof-ithe-igreenskin's-ihead,-icausing-iit-ito-icry-iout-iwith-ia-igurgling-iscream-ibefore-itumbling-ito-ithe-iground-iin-ia-iheap-iof-igreen-iblood-iand-iodd-iangles.-iJames-itried-ito-iremove-ihis-iaxe-ifrom-ithe-igoblin's-iskull,-ionly-ito-ifind-iit-ifirmly-iwedged-iin-iplace.-iIt-itook-ihim-ifar-ilonger-ithan-iseemed-ireasonable-ito-iget-ithe-ithing-iremoved,-iwhen-ihe-ifinally-idecided-ito-istand-ion-ithe-igoblin's-ishoulders-iwith-iboth-iof-ihis-ifeet-iand-iput-ihis-ifull-iweight-iinto-ithe-ipull.-iThe-iblade-ifinally-ipopped-ifree-iwith-ia-iwet-ithunking-isound,-iand-iJames-itumbled-iass-backwards-ionto-ithe-iturf-iat-ithe-idead-igoblin's-ifeet.

  "Seriously?-iOne-igoblin?-iThat's-iwhat-iyou-iconsider-ia-iheroic-ichallenge?"-iJames-ithought,-irubbing-ihis-itail-bone-ias-ihe-istood-iup.

  ["One?-iOh-ino,-ithere's-imore-ithan-ione."]-iFrumpkin-isaid.-i["...Speaking-iof-iwhich,-ihead's-iup."]

  James-ilooked-iup-ijust-iin-itime-ito-ihave-ia-ilarge-ilog-icollide-iend-first-iwith-ihis-iface.-iHe-ifolded-iover,-iholding-ihis-iface-iwith-iboth-ihands-iand-ihurling-iobscenities-iinto-ithe-iair.

  ["Tried-ito-iwarn-iya.-iAnyways,-ithere's-iabout-i30-imore.-iI'll-icheck-iin-iagain-iwhen-iyou're-idone,-ior-idead.-iWhichever-icomes-ifirst.-iGood-iluck!"]-iFrumpkin-isaid,-iputting-ia-ising-songy-itrill-ion-ithe-ilast-itwo-iwords-ithat-imade-iJames-iwant-ito-ipunch-ihim-isquare-iin-ithe-iface.

  James-iblinked-iaway-ithe-itears-iin-ihis-ieyes-ifrom-ithe-iimpact,-iand-iglanced-iaround-ito-isee-ihimself-isurrounded-iby-ia-idozen-ior-iso-imore-igoblins,-ieach-ione-ilaughing-iand-isnarling-iin-iequal-imeasure.-iA-icouple-iof-ithem-ispoke-ito-ieach-iother-iin-isome-ikind-iof-iguttural-ilanguage-ihe-ididn't-iunderstand,-iand-ione-icalled-iup-iloudly-itowards-ithe-itree-icanopy,-iwhere-iJames-isaw-iover-ia-idozen-imore-itaking-iaim-iat-ihim-iwith-imore-ilarge,-irough-hewn-ilogs.

  "Hey,-iuh,-iFrumpkin…?-iI,-iuh,-itake-iit-iback.-iI'm-igood-iwith-ibeing-irewarded-ifor-ithe-ihill-iclimb-inow...",-iJames-ithought.-i

  ###-iChapter-i6-i--iGoblins

  There-iwas-ino-ireply,-iand-iJames-ihad-ia-isudden-iwave-iof-ipanic-isweep-iover-ihim.-iWhat-ion-iearth-ihad-ihe-ijust-igotten-ihimself-iinto?

  He-ihad-iless-ithan-ia-isecond-ito-icontemplate-ithe-ithought-ibefore-ihe-ifound-ihimself-irushed-iby-ia-idozen-igoblinoid-iforms-iwielding-ilarge-iclubs-iand-inets.-iHe-iclosed-ihis-ieyes-iand-iswung-ihis-iaxe-iin-ifront-iof-ihim-iin-ia-iwide-iarc,-ihoping-ibeyond-ihope-ithat-ihe-imanaged-ito-ihit-isomething.-iHe-ifelt-ia-ifaint-isense-iof-irelief-ias-ihe-ifelt-ithe-iblade-icollide-iwith-isomething-isoft,-iand-iheard-ia-igoblin-ivoice-iscream-isomething-ithat-ihe-iassumed-iwas-ia-istream-iof-iobscenities.

  He-iopened-ihis-ieyes-ijust-iin-itime-ito-isee-iseveral-iclubs-iswinging-iat-ihis-ihead-iat-ithe-isame-itime.-iHe-ipanicked,-iand-ithrew-ihis-iaxe-iarm-iup-ito-ideflect-ithe-iblows.-iAs-iif-iby-imagic,-ihe-imanaged-ito-ideflect-ieach-istrike-iwith-iease,-iand-ias-iif-ion-iauto-pilot,-ifollowed-ieach-iup-iwith-ia-istrike-ithat-isplit-ithe-igoblin-iwho'd-ithrown-iit-iclean-iin-itwo.

  For-ia-imoment,-ihe-ifelt-iactually-iquite-iproud-iof-ihimself.

  Then-ithe-ifirst-ilog-icollided-iwith-ihis-ispine.-iAnd-ithen-ianother-iin-ithe-ishoulders.-iHe-imanaged-ito-isomehow-iblindly-ipredict-ithe-ithird-iand-idodge-iit,-ionly-ito-istep-iright-iinto-ithe-ipath-iof-ithe-ifourth-iso-ithat-iit-ilanded-isquare-ion-ihis-iright-ifoot.-iHe-ihowled-iin-ipain,-igrabbing-iat-ihis-itoes-ias-ihe-ihopped-iup-iand-idown-ion-ithe-iother-ifoot.-iHe-iswung-iat-ione-iof-ithe-iother-igoblins-iwith-ihis-ifree-iaxe-ihand,-iclipping-ithe-icreature's-inose-ioff-iand-icausing-iit-ito-isqueal-iin-ipain-ias-iit-ifell-ibackwards-ibehind-itwo-iothers.

  He-iset-ihis-ifoot-idown-iand-iturned-ito-iswing-ibehind-ihim,-ibut-ifound-ithe-iblade-iswung-iwide-ias-ithe-igoblin-iimmediately-ibehind-ihim-iducked-ithe-iblade,-igiggling-ias-iit-idid-iso.-iIt-isprung-iup-ifrom-iits-icrouched-iposition-iand-ithrew-ithe-inet-iin-iits-ihands-iat-iJames's-iface.

  James-itried-ito-isidestep,-ionly-ito-iwalk-idirectly-iinto-ithe-ipath-iof-ianother-inet-iwhich-imanaged-ito-idrape-iand-iwrap-iitself-iaround-ihis-iaxe-iand-iarm.-iHe-iwent-ito-ishrug-iit-ioff,-ionly-ito-ifind-ianother-icover-ihis-ihead.-iAs-iif-ion-icue,-iall-ithree-iof-ithe-inets-icinced-itight-iaround-ihim-ias-iif-ilaced-iwith-ia-idrawstring,-istrapping-ihis-iarms-ito-ihis-isides-iand-icinching-itight-iaround-ihis-ihead-iand-ineck.

  James-istruggled-ito-ibreak-ifree-ifrom-ithe-inets,-ibut-ias-ihe-itried-ito-irip-ihimself-ifree,-isomething-iwrapped-iaround-ihis-iankles,-itripping-ihim-ito-ithe-iground-iwhere-ihe-iimpacted-iwith-ia-ipainful-ithud-ito-ithe-isound-iof-imore-igoblin-ilaughter.-iAs-isoon-ias-ihe-ifell,-ihalf-ia-idozen-iof-ithem-iwere-ion-ihim,-iwailing-ion-ihim-iwith-ilarge-iwooden-ibranch-iclubs,-iwhich-idespite-ibeing-iwielded-iby-itiny-icreatures-ihurt-ilike-ihell.

  He-ithrashed-iabout,-ihalf-iout-iof-ian-ieffort-ito-ibreak-ifree-iof-ithe-ibindings,-ihalf-iout-iof-ia-idesire-ito-istop-igetting-ihit-iwith-isticks-ilike-isome-isort-iof-idork-ipinata.

  Then,-iperhaps-ijarred-iby-ihis-icircumstances,-ior-ithe-itwelvth-iblow-ito-ithe-ihead,-ihe-iremembered-ihe-icould-iuse-imagic.

  James-iimagined-ihis-ibody-iswelling-iin-isize,-idoubling-ior-itripling-iin-iscale,-ibreaking-ithe-inets-iand-ibindings-ion-ihim-iand-imaking-ithe-igoblins-ismall-ienough-ito-istomp-ion.-iAs-iif-ion-icue,-ia-irandom-iword-ipopped-iinto-ihis-ihead,-iand-ihe-iblurted-iit-iout-iwith-iall-iof-ithe-iforce-ihe-icould-imuster.

  "Toxoplasmosis!"

  With-ia-istrange-itickling-ifeeling-iinside-ihis-ibones,-iJames-ifelt-ia-isurge-iof-imagical-ienergy-irush-ithrough-ihis-ientire-ibody,-iand-isuddenly,-iall-iat-ionce,-ihis-ibody-ishrank-ito-ione-ithird-iits-ioriginal-isize,-islipping-ihim-icompletely-ifree-iof-ihis-ibindings-iall-iat-ionce,-iand-iturning-ithe-ionce-itiny-igoblinoids-iinto-ihulking-igreen-skinned-imonsters.-i

  ###-iChapter-i7-i--iGoblins-i(part-i2)

  Fuck.

  James-irealized-iwhat-ihad-ihappened-ijust-iin-itime-ito-iroll-iout-iof-ithe-iway-iof-ia-igoblin-iclub-ithat-iwas-inow-ithat-isize-iof-ia-ilarge-itree-icompared-ito-ihim-ias-iit-icame-icrashing-iinto-ithe-iground,-iand-istumbled-ito-ihis-ifeet-ijust-iin-itime-ito-ileap-iout-iof-ithe-iway-iof-ianother.

  As-ihe-iducked-ianother-itree-itrunk,-ihe-ihad-ijust-ia-imoment-ito-ireflect-ion-iwhat-ihad-ihappened,-iand-iwhy-ithings-ihad-igone-idifferently-ithan-ihe-iexpected,-iand-ithen-isuddenly-irealized-ithat-ihe-ihad-iabsolutely-ino-iidea-ihow-ito-iget-iback-ito-iregular-isize.-iFor-iall-ihis-iluck,-ihe'd-ibe-istuck-ia-ipocket-sized-ifat-ikid-iin-ia-iSpace-iInvaders-ishirt-iforever.

  He-ireflected-ijust-ia-ilittle-itoo-ilong,-iand-isuddenly-ifound-ihimself-iflying-ithrough-ithe-iair-ifrom-ia-iclub-iblow-ithat-iless-istruck-ihim,-iand-imore-ipicked-ihim-iup-iand-iflung-ihim-ilike-ia-igolf-iclub-iperforming-ia-iline-idrive.-iHe-isailed-iwildly-ithrough-ithe-iair-iover-iseveral-igoblin-iheads,-itheir
-ibig-itoothy-igrins-ilaughing-iup-iat-ihim-ias-ihe-ihurtled-ithrough-ispace-ilike-ia-ibadminton-ibirdie.-iAs-iif-ion-icue,-ione-iof-ithe-iother-igoblins-ijumped-iup-iand-iswung-ihis-iclub-iup-iat-iJames,-iknocking-ihim-iflying-ibackwards-iwith-ia-iresounding-icrack-ithat-iknocked-ithe-iwind-iout-iof-iJames's-ichest-iand-isent-ihis-ihead-ispinning.

  James-iknew-ihe-ihad-ito-ido-isomething,-ibut-iabout-ithe-itime-ihe-istarted-ito-iget-ihis-ithoughts-iin-iorder,-ihe-iwas-iknocked-iback-iflying-ithe-iother-idirection-ias-ithe-igoblin-iattack-idevolved-iinto-ia-iresounding-igame-iof-iJackminton.-iJames-iwas-igrateful-ithat-ithe-iblows-ididn't-ihurt-ias-ibadly-ias-ihe-iexpected,-ieither-ias-ian-iadvantage-iof-ibeing-ia-ilot-ismaller,-ior-ias-ia-iresult-iof-ione-iof-ihis-iwishes.

  After-ia-idozen-ior-iso-iswats-iback-iand-iforth,-ithe-igoblins-iappeared-ito-igrow-ibored-iof-ithe-iwhole-iexperience,-iand-ione-iof-ithem-iswung-iup-ia-inet-irather-ithan-ia-iclub,-icatching-ithe-inow-itiny-iform-iof-iJames-iinside-iit-iand-iwrapping-ihim-iup-iin-iit-iwell-ienough-ithat-ihe-icouldn't-imove.-iThe-igoblins,-itheir-itarget-inow-itrapped-iand-iincapacitated,-iset-ioff-idown-ithe-itrail-iin-ithe-idirection-iJames-ihad-ibeen-iheading,-iseveral-iof-ithem-ibreaking-iout-iinto-ibaudy,-itone-deaf-isongs-ithat-igrated-ion-iJames's-ihearing.-iHe-iwondered-ialoud-ito-ihimself-iif-ithe-isinging-iwasn't-isomehow-ieven-iworse-ithan-ithe-ibeating.

  The-iremaining-igoblins-icarried-ihim-ifor-isome-itime-idown-ithe-itrail,-iup-iand-idown-iseveral-irises-iand-ivalleys,-ibefore-ithe-igoblin-iin-ifront-isquawked-isomething-iin-itheir-iharsh-ilanguage,-iand-ithe-igroup-istopped-isuddenly.-iJames,-ifrom-ihis-ilimited-iand-iimmobile-ivantage-ipoint,-isaw-ias-iseveral-iof-ithe-igoblins-inearest-ito-ihim-irushed-ito-ithe-ifront-iof-ithe-iline,-idrawing-itheir-iweapons-iand-ishouting-ithings-ito-iseveral-iothers,-iwho-ifollowed-isuite.

  He-ilistened-iclosely-ias-iseveral-iof-ithe-igoblins-ishouted-iahead-iof-ihim,-itheir-ivoices-iraised-iin-ia-itone-iand-itimbre-ithat-itold-ihim-ithey-iweren't-itrying-ito-ibe-ifriendly-iwith-iwhatever-iit-iwas-ithey-iwere-ireacting-ito.-iThen,-ifor-ithe-ifirst-itime-icoming-ito-ithe-inew-iworld,-ihe-iheard-ianother-ivoice-iusing-iwords-ihe-irecognized-ithat-iwasn't-iFrumpkin.-iIt-iwas-ia-iwoman's-ivoice-ithat-isounded-isweet-ienough,-ibut-iwith-ia-idistinct-iedge-ito-iit-ithat-isimultaneously-iaroused-iand-ifrightened-ihim.

  "That's-ifar-ienough,-isnotlings."-iThe-ivoice-isaid.-iAnother-ivoice,-ialso-ifemale,-ispoke-iup-iimmediately-iafter-iin-ia-itone-isofter-iand-ihigher-ithan-ithe-iprevious,-i"please-ijust-ileave-iour-ifarm.-iwe-idon't-iwant-iany-itrouble."

  James-iwas-iabout-icry-iout,-iwhen-ihe-iheard-ione-iof-ithe-igoblins-inear-ithe-ifront-ispeak-iup,-iusing-icommon-ispeech-ifor-ithe-ifirst-itime.

  "Fuckk...ovff...-ivred...-ibvitch...",-iit-isaid,-iseeming-ito-istruggle-ito-iget-ithe-iwords-ito-icome-iout-icorrectly.

  The-ifirst-ifemale-ivoice-ilaughed-iloudly-ifor-iseveral-ilong-iseconds.

  "Make-ime!"-iShe-isaid.-i

  ###-iChapter-i8-i--iGoblins-i(part-i3)

  What-ihappened-inext-iwent-iby-iso-iquickly-iJames-ibarely-ihad-ia-ichance-ito-imentally-iregister-iit-ibefore-iit-iwas-iover.

  He-iheard-iseveral-iof-ithe-igoblins-iyell,-iheard-ithe-iclank-iof-iarmor-ias-ithey-icharged-iaway-ifrom-ithe-igroup-iand-itowards-iwhat-iJames-iguessed-iwas-ithe-idirection-iof-ithe-inew-ivoices.-iThen,-iimmediately-iafterwards,-ihe-iheard-iseveral-ifaint-iswooshing-isounds,-ieach-ifollowed-iby-ithe-isound-iof-imetal-igrinding-iagainst-imetal,-ithe-iwet-isplat-iof-isomething-ihard-icolliding-iwith-isomething-imuch-iless-ihard,-iand-ithe-iloud-igurgling-ishrieks-iof-igoblin-ivoices-ithat-itold-iJames-iwhat-ithe-isomething-isoft-iprobably-iwas.

  The-iremaining-igoblins,-iincluding-ithe-ione-iholding-ithe-inet-ithat-iheld-ihim-itrapped,-irushed-itowards-ithe-idirection-iof-ithe-irest-iof-itheir-ibrethren,-idropping-iJames-iand-ithe-inet-iin-ithe-iprocess.-iHe-iimmediately-iset-iabout-itrying-ito-istruggle-iout-iof-ithe-inet-iwhen-ihe-iheard-ithe-isofter-ivoice-isay-isomething-iin-ia-isharp,-ijagged-isounding-iguttural-ilanguage-ihe-ididn't-iunderstand,-iand-isent-ithe-ihairs-ion-ithe-iback-iof-ihis-ineck-istanding-ion-iend.-iThen,-iwithout-iwarning,-ia-ilarge-iexplosion-iof-iblue-ifire-ierupted-ia-ishort-idistance-ifrom-ihim,-iblowing-ihim-iand-ithe-ilarge-iwad-iof-inetting-ihe-iwas-iwrapped-iin-ia-idozen-ior-iso-ifeet-iaway-ito-ithe-isound-iof-iroaring-iflames-iand-igoblin-iscreams.-iEven-iat-ia-idecent-idistance-iaway,-ithe-iheat-ifrom-ithe-ifire-iwas-iso-iintense-iJames-iwas-isure-iit'd-isinged-ihis-ieyebrows-iand-ineckbeard-iclean-ioff,-iand-ihe-ihad-ito-icover-ihis-ieyes-iagainst-ithe-iintense-ibrightness.

  After-iseveral-iseconds,-ihe-iwas-ifinally-iable-ito-ifree-ihimself-ifrom-ithe-ilarge-inetting-iwad,-iclimbing-iup-ion-itop-iof-iit-iand-ilooking-iin-ithe-idirect-iof-ithe-inow-idwindling-iflames.

  The-iground-isurrounding-ithem-iprobably-itwenty-ifeet-iin-ievery-idirection-iwas-icharred-iblack-iand-ismoking,-iand-ihe-icould-isee,-iand-iunfortunately,-ismell,-ithe-inumerous-icharred-itwisted-ishapes-ithat-ihe-ideduced-iwere-iprobably-ihis-iprevious-icaptors-iof-ithe-ilast-iseveral-iminutes.-iThen,-iafter-ianother-imoment-ipassed,-ithe-iblue-iflames-ifinally-idwindled-iout,-iand-ithrough-ithe-ismoking-ihaze,-ihe-icould-ifinally-isee-ithe-ibearers-iof-ithe-ifemale-ivoices-ihe'd-iheard-iearlier.

  There-iwere-ithree-iof-ithem,-inot-itwo.-iOne,-istanding-iclosest,-iwas-idecidedly-ithe-itallest-iand-ilargest-iof-ithe-ithree,-idressed-iin-ia-ikind-iof-ilightweight-ilooking-iarmor-iand-istanding-ito-ithe-iready-iin-isome-isort-iof-icombat-istance-iwith-iwhat-ilooked-ilike-ia-isword-iin-iher-ileft-ihand.-iBy-isome-istrange-itrick-iof-ithe-ilight,-ithe-iskin-iof-ithe-ilargest-ione-ilooked-ias-ired-ias-ia-iripe-istrawberry,-iwith-ia-iwild-ishock-iof-iorange-golden-ihair-ithat-istood-iout-ifrom-iher-ihead-iand-iappeared-ito-ihave-iseveral-ithings-iweaving-ithrough-iit.-iTo-iher-ileft-istood-ithe-isecond-ifigure,-idressed-iin-iloose-fitting-igrey-iand-iwhite-irobes-itied-iaround-ithe-imiddle-iwith-ia-iblue-isash-iembroidered-iwith-igold-ithread,-iand-iholding-ia-ilong-istaff-ior-irod-iin-iher-iright-ihand,-iher-ileft-ihand-iheld-iclosed-iclose-ito-iher-ichest.-iHer-iskin-ilooked-idenim-iblue,-iwith-idark-iblue-ihair-ithe-icolor-iof-ia-iblueberry-ipulled-iloosely-ito-ione-iside,-iwhere-iit-ihung-idown-ipast-iher-ishoulder.-iHe-iblinked-iseveral-imore-itimes,-ilooking-iback-iand-iforth-ibetween-ithe-itwo-iof-ithem-ias-ithe-ihaze-icontinued-ito-iclear.-iNo,-ihe-iwasn't-igoing-icrazy.-iTheir-iskin-iwas-ireally-ithose-icolors.-iThe-ithird-iwas-iby-ifar-ithe-ismallest-iof-ithe-ithree,-iand-ihidden-imostly-ibehind-ithe-isecond-ione's-irobes,-iwhich-ishe-iappeares-ito-ibe-iclinging-ion-ito.-iWhile-iit-iwas-idifficult-ito-isee-imuch-iof-iher-iat-ithis-idistance,-ishe-iappeared-ito-ibe-ia-ichild-iof-iseven-ior-ieight-iyears-iof-iage,-iwith-ireddish-ibrown-iskin-iand-imessy-ilooking-iorange-iand-igold-ihair-ithat-ipartly-iobscured-iher-iface.

  While-ihe-iwasn't-isure-iof-ithe-ibrightness-iof-ithe-iidea-iof-igetting-itheir-iattention,-iJames-ifigured-ianything-ihad-ito-ibe-ibetter-ithan-ibeing-ia-icaptive-iplaything-ifor-ia-ibunch-iof-igoblins,-iand-ianyone-iwho-ididn't-ilike-igoblins,-ibased-ion-iall-iof-ihis-iyears-iof-iplaying-igames-iand-ireading-ifantasy-inovels,-iwere-iprobably-igood.-iOr,-iat-ileast,-inot-icompletely-ibad.

  He-ithrew-iup-ihis-ihands,-iwaving-ithem-ifrantically-iaround.

  "Hey!-iOver-ihere!-iHeeeey!"-i

  ###-iChapter-i9-i--iMeeting-ithe-iGirls

  The-ieyes-iof-ithe-ithree-isnapped-ito-iJames-iat-ithe-isame-itime,-ithe-ismallest-iof-ithe-ithree-ihiding-ifurther-ibehind-ithe-iother's-irobes-ias-ithe-ilargest-istepped-iforward,-iwalking-ithrough-ithe-ismoking-icrater-itowards-ihim,-iher-isword-iarm-iextended-ito-iher-iside-iat-ithe-iready.

  James-ikept-iwaving-iand-icalling-iout-ifor-iseveral-imore-iseconds-iuntil-ithe-ilargest-iwoman-igot-iclose-ienough-ifor-iJames-ito-iget-ia-ibetter-ilook-iat-iher.-iHer-iskin-iwas-idefinitely-ias-ired-iup-iclose-ias-iit-iwas-iat-ia-idistance.-iHer-iface-iwas-iturned-iup-iinto-ia-ibit-iof-ia-isnarl,-ibut-iwas-istill-ivery-ifeminine-iand-iwell-proportioned,-iwith-ilarge-iyellow-ieyes,-ia-islight-inose,-iand-ihigh-icheekbones.-iIn-ispite-iof-iher-igrim-iappear-iand-istrange-iskin-itone,-ihe-iimmediately-ifound-iher-iinsanely-iattractive.-iAnd-ieven-iin-ispite-iof-iher-iarmor,-iit-iwasn't-ihard-ifor-ihim-it
o-ispot-ithe-ipresence-iof-ia-ivery-ishapely-ibody.-iOnce-ishe-igot-iclose-ienough-ihe-ifelt-ihe-icould-ibother-itrying-ito-italk-ito-iher,-ihe-ismiled-iand-iwaved-iup.

  "Hi!-iHello!-iI'm-iglad-iyou're-ihere!-iI-iwas-isure-ithey-iwere-igoing-ito-icarry-ime-ioff-iand-ieat-ime!",-ihe-isaid.

  "Shut-iup",-ithe-iwoman-isaid-ibluntly-ias-ishe-idrew-iup-iin-ifront-iof-ihim-iand-ilooked-idown-iat-ihim.-iCompared-ito-ihis-itiny-iminiaturized-iform,-ishe-iwas-iabsolutely-imassive.-iShe-ipointed-ithe-iblade-iof-iher-isword-idown-iat-ihim.-i"Who-iare-iyou?"

  "I'm,-iuhh,-iI'm-iJames.-iNice-ito-imeet-iyou...?"-iHe-isaid,-ismiling-iawkwardly-iup-iat-iher-ias-ihe-ifound-ihis-iwill-ito-ikeep-italking-ivanish.

  "You're-ihuman.-iWhy-iare-iyou-iso-itiny?"-iShe-iasked.

  "Bit-iof-ian-iaccident,-ireally...-iI-itried-ito-imake-imyself-ilarger,-iand-iapparently-isaid-ithe-iwrong-ispell-iword-ior-isomething",-iJames-isaid,-isheepishly.-i"I'm-istill-itrying-ito-ifigure-iout-ithis-iwhole-imagic-ithing.-iFrumpkin-ididn't-ireally-iexplain-ihow-iit-iworks."

  Before-ihe-icould-isay-iany-imore,-ithe-ired-iskinned-iwoman-iturned-iand-iwhistled-iin-ithe-idirection-iof-ithe-iother-itwo,-iand-icalled-iout-ito-ithem-ias-ishe-iwaved-ithem-iover.-i"Eleanor,-iMadeleine,-iI-ifound-ihim.-iHe's-ijust-imanaged-ito-ishrink-ihimself.-iCome-ion-iover-iand-igive-ime-ia-ihand."

  She-iturned-itowards-ihim-iand-isheathed-iher-isword,-iand-iextended-iher-ihand-iout-ito-ihim-ipalm-iup,-ias-iif-isignalling-ifor-ihim-ito-iclimb-iup-iinto-iit.

  "Sorry-iabout-ithat.-iWe-iwere-itold-ia-igreat-ihuman-iwarrior-iwas-icoming-iand-ithat-iwe-iwere-isupposed-ito-imeet-ihim-ion-ithe-ipath.-iI-ijust-ididn't-iexpect-ithat-iwarrior-ito-ibe-ia-itiny-igoblin-ihostage."

  "Wait,-iFrumpkin-itold-iyou-iI-iwas-icoming...?"-iJames-isaid,-ilooking-iup-iat-iher-iwith-iconfusion.

  She-ilooked-iback-iat-ihim,-iequally-iconfused,-iand-ipulled-iher-ihand-iback-islightly.