Finding Justice

by Rachel Brimble

  Fear and loathing rose up inside him in equal measure. Would his selfishness ever end? Here was the love of his life terrified for her mother and the thought taking over his mind was whether or not Cat would leave and never come back. Why had he not understood her asking him to reaffirm his innocence over Sarah after Bennett gave such an Oscar-winning performance at the beach? Cat was scared, but she was a professional. The question had been about Sarah, not him. He was an asshole.

  He slammed his hand against the steering wheel without thinking.

  “What the hell was that for?” she snapped.

  He turned. “What?”

  “You think smashing the steering wheel is helping my nerves right now?”

  “No. Sorry.”

  “Then stop it.”

  “I stopped.”

  “Not just with the steering wheel, either. Stop with the scowling and the cursing under your breath. None of it is helping. It’s all irritating the crap out of me.”

  “Has Julia tried anything like this before?” He hoped a change in direction would lessen the tension between them, before she completely flipped out.

  “No.” She sighed. “Never suicide. Never this. That’s why I know it can only be down to me leaving.”

  Jay shook his head. “You don’t know that, so don’t think it. Do you know how many times my mother blamed herself for my drug abuse? Too many to count according to my dad. It was half of the reason why it took him so long to look me in the face after I came out of rehab.”

  “This is different. You were with strangers when you were using. Mum was with me. I was responsible for her. She relied on me being there to pick her up.”

  Protective anger heated his blood and singed hot at his cheeks. “Well, she was wrong to do that. You’re her child and she was wrong to rely on you for anything.”

  Silence.

  He glanced at her. “Shout at me. Tell me I’m wrong. Deep down inside can you ever imagine you doing that to our kid...I mean, your kid?”

  The heat of her gaze bored into his temple and he cursed the slip of his tongue. If she hadn’t wanted to run and never look back before, she certainly would now. Silently cursing, Jay pulled into the road leading to the station. Time was running out.

  “Chris? Oh, thank God. Where are you? You’re with her?” Her voice cracked.

  Jay looked across to see her drop her head back against the headrest, her cell phone at her ear. The tension left her body in a rush of air. He pulled into a vacant parking spot in front of the train station door and cut the engine. Without thinking, he gripped her hand as it lay limp on her leg. Relief pumped into his heart when she squeezed her fingers tightly around his, her eyes closing.

  “She’s okay? Uh-huh. Well, what does the doctor say?” A long pause. “Okay, well, I’m at the station now. I’ll be home in a couple of hours or so. Did the police find her?” Another pause. “Uh-huh, yeah, well, I won’t forgive you for this. She scared the crap out of me. What? No, Chris. Not now.”

  She snapped the phone shut. “Can you believe he wanted to talk about rehab? Now?”

  “She’s in the perfect place to talk about it.”

  “What?”

  “The hospital can deal with it for you. If we can convince—”

  She inched back against the door, held up her hand. “We? What’s all this ‘we’? There is no ‘we,’ Jay. I’m staying with Mum.”

  She scrambled from the car, yanked opened the back door and dragged out her case. She ran toward the station doors before he had time to draw breath.

  “Shit.” Jay leaped from the car and, slamming the door, raced after her.

  She took off at a sprint and was through the sliding doors of the station like a cat through a narrow alley. Her body skimmed through the crowds of travelers, leaving Jay feeling like a bounding, clumsy rhino chasing a redheaded gazelle.

  He darted his gaze around the crowded platform. He couldn’t let her go without him. She needed him now more than ever even if she was too stubborn...or scared to see it.

  He rushed forward to the ticket office. The woman behind the counter flinched and inched back. Jay tried to soften his scowl but the desperation ripping through his blood at ninety miles an hour was too intense.

  “When does the next train to Reading leave?” he panted. “Which platform?”

  “It leaves in three minutes, platform six.” She stared at him, wide-eyed. “You’ll never make it now. I can get you a ticket for the next one at—”

  Jay took off, leaping and jumping through people like an out of control jack-in-the-box. His blood roared in his ears as he took flight after flight of stairs, gathering speed, yet knowing he was too late. He was chasing the fittest, sexiest cop on the planet. He was an ex-drug addict with a once-a-week gym attendance. The woman would most likely leave him standing if they were to run track together.

  He burst onto platform six just as the whistle blew and the train, carrying the woman he loved more than life, drew out of Templeton Cove. Jay sank to his knees.

  * * *

  THE HOSPITAL’S METALLIC smell of antiseptic and cleaning detergent hit Cat’s nostrils with the same overwhelming force it always did. She exhaled through pursed lips and rushed straight to the Emergency reception desk. She bounced from one foot to the other, waiting for a woman telling the receptionist her “cystitis was burning like hell” to move out of the way. When no end seemed in sight, Cat pushed forward unable to contain her self-control. She whipped her badge from inside her jacket and flashed it.

  “Excuse me. Sorry.” She looked at the exhausted-looking receptionist. “I’m here to see Julia Forrester, attempted suicide brought in a few hours ago.”

  The woman glanced at her badge before scanning the screen. “Room forty-two, second floor.”

  Smiling her thanks, Cat pocketed her badge and hurried toward the stairwell the receptionist indicated. The smell might have been familiar, but the hospital layout wasn’t. Every time her mum had been brought here, Cat had sat beside her in a curtained cubicle in the emergency room while Julia’s wrist was plastered or her head bandaged. Then they’d gone home. This was different. This was a suicide attempt. This time she’d have a room. A bed.

  Cat took off at a jog. She found room forty-two at the end of the corridor and stopped. Her hand shook on the door handle. Her feet welded to the tiles.

  The past few days with Jay passed like a video behind her closed eyelids. Their time in the forest, their arguments, their kisses...their lovemaking. Did any of it really happen? Right now, her time with him felt little more than a dream. A pipedream. Opening her eyes, she blinked back her tears and opened the door.

  “Mum.” The single word left her mouth on a soft breath.

  Chris came forward and went to take her hand but Cat brushed past him to her mum. Against the stark white of the sheets, Julia looked like a ghost. Her skin was dove-gray. Her eyes were hooded and vacant, two bruises showing charcoal beneath. Her lips were the palest pink. Cat came closer.

  “Mum.” Cat picked up her hand from the bed.

  Her mum turned to her and two tears shone like crystals beneath the harsh light above them as they slipped down Julia’s cheeks. Cat blinked and her tears broke, too.

  “What did you do?” Cat leaned forward and pulled her mum into her embrace as Julia’s body wracked within the circle of her own. “What did you do?”

  Aware of the door opening and closing behind her, Cat was
suddenly grateful for Chris’s absence. She needed this time alone with her mum as they’d been alone for the seven years leading to this day. A day, Cat realized with deep and sudden clarity, that she always knew would come. Guilt and hopelessness whirled inside of her as she clung to her mum’s skinny frame, seeking comfort as she had when she was a child.

  “I’m sorry, baby.” Her mum’s words brushed over Cat’s temple and lifted her hair. “So, so sorry.”

  Cat squeezed her eyes tightly shut. The immediate response burning on her tongue was to tell her it was all right, that everything would be all right. Jay’s face filled her mind’s eye. Everything wouldn’t be okay, not anymore. His strength and determination seeped into her blood and her courage burned brighter. So he wouldn’t be there for her. What did it matter? She could face down criminals. She could handle Bennett’s betrayal. She had brought Sarah’s killer to justice...and she could get her mum into rehab.

  So her love for Jay would fade. She swallowed. God, please let it fade.

  Gently, she eased her mum back and looked into her sad hazel eyes. “It’s time, Mum.” She brushed her hair back from her face and cupped her jaw. “It’s time to stop.”

  She nodded. “I know. I can’t—” Her breath caught on a sob and she put her hand to her mouth. “I can’t do this to you, to Chris...to me anymore. I’m tired, Cat. So tired.”

  Tentative hope poured into Cat’s heart along with the fear, distrust and desperation she felt for so long. “Do you mean it this time? Really mean it?”

  Cat thumbed away Julia’s tears as they poured down her face, their significance neither lost nor dismissed. It was the first time she had seen her mum cry since her husband’s coffin squeaked and trundled away behind a curtain the color of freshly drawn blood.

  Julia nodded.

  Pulling her mother into her arms once more, Cat whispered, “Then it’s time for the professionals. I can’t do this on my own anymore.”

  Her mum’s trembling intensified and Cat held her tight. Tried to absorb the terror that clearly gripped the woman who gave birth to her and provided so many years of laughter and piggybacks, cookies and cheers before her father died.

  “It’s okay,” Julia whispered. “It’s going to be okay.”

  “Then I need to hear you say it. I need to hear you say the words.”

  The creak of the door behind her had Cat dropping her arms from Julia and turning around, ready to cuss Chris out for disturbing them during such a momentous step forward. When she turned, Cat’s breath left her body in a rush. “Jay.”

  He stood in the doorway, his broad frame filling the space, his gaze not on Cat but on Julia. Her mum stared at Jay as though not really believing what she saw. Cat imagined she had the exact same expression of horror and embarrassment on her face, too.

  “Julia.” He came into the room and walked to the other side of the bed from Cat and sat down.

  A knot of tension formed in Cat’s stomach as her mum’s arms fell away from her body and went around Jay. Her mother closed her eyes and dropped her head onto his shoulder, her eyes shut, silent tears slowly trailing down her cheeks.

  Jay met Cat’s gaze over her mother’s shoulder and his eyes were steely with determination—yet edged with a tenderness that told Cat in no uncertain terms he was there for her, and her mum, whether she liked it or not. Exhaustion settled like lead around her and Cat slumped beneath its weight.

  “I guess you got the train after me.”

  “I told you I wasn’t going to let you do this alone. Now, I’m telling you we’ll get through this, through anything. Together.”

  She opened her mouth to respond but any words of protest or acceptance dissolved on her tongue when he turned his gaze from her and focused his attention fully on her mum. He eased Julia back from his arms, his hands sliding gently down her arms to clasp her hands. He raised them to his lips and met her eyes.

  “A lot has happened in seven years, huh?”

  Protectiveness rose in Cat on a tidal wave. “Jay, now isn’t the time—”

  “I’m a drug addict, Julia.”

  Cat’s breath caught in her throat and her gaze shot to her mum. Julia’s widened as she stared at him. “Oh, Jay.”

  His smile was soft, barely whispering along lips Cat loved with all her heart. “I know, quite the pair, aren’t we?”

  A small whimper or maybe a laugh escaped her mum as she ran her fingers over his forehead and down the side of his face, letting her hand drop limply into her lap. “You look so...handsome.”

  He smiled. “Four years ago I resembled an extra from a certain Michael Jackson video.”

  Another giggle. Cat’s lips twitched as her heart swelled painfully inside her chest. Hope and gratitude swept through her not only for what he said and did but also for his forgiveness, his pursuit of her. The fact he had traveled all this way without a bag or even a change of clothes to carry out what he promised he’d do. Be there for her. For her mum.

  “Jay, this is madness,” Cat said quietly. “I told you I have to do this alone.”

  He kept looking at her mum. “Can you hear this stubborn daughter of yours?”

  Julia smiled, nodded.

  Jay shook his head. “She doesn’t get it, does she?”

  Julia shook her head. “No.”

  Blowing out a breath and rolling his eyes, Jay turned to look at Cat. “I love you, Cat Forrester. I’ve always loved you, and whether you marry me here or in Templeton, I don’t care. You will marry me. Whether it’s this year, next year or ten years from now. The rest of the plan is up to you, but now, today, we do what I want.”

  Happiness swirled in her abdomen as Cat tried and failed to drag some of her authority to the surface. Nothing came. It was deeply buried beneath the torrent of relief and hope rushing through her; she might never feel the sense of isolation that plagued her for the past seven years ever again.

  “You are insane if you think I’m getting married—”

  “Catherine.” Her mum’s voice sliced Cat’s words in half. “I am an alcoholic. I need help, and while I’m getting that help, Jay’s going to love you like I should have.” She turned to Jay. “Aren’t you?”

  He grinned and put a hand to his head in a salute. “Yes, ma’am.”

  Cat’s tentative smile erupted into a grin and she pulled her mum’s frail body into her arms. “Do you realize what you just said?”

  “What?”

  “You just said...you just said—”

  “I’m an alcoholic.” Her mum pulled back and her eyes shone with unshed tears. Her lips trembled. “This time it’s for real. I’m tired but not tired enough to sleep forever.”

  “You’re going to do this. You’re going to get better.”

  Julia swiped at her tears and gestured for Jay to come closer. She took his hand. “I can do this. I can do this for you two. When you walked through that door just now, I was reminded of the life Richard wanted for Cat.”

  Cat swallowed. “What Dad wanted?”

  Julia smiled, cupping a hand each to her and Jay’s jaw. “Yes, my love, he said you two would marry one day, come hell or high water, and he swore so on his life. I thought when he died...” She stopped, exhaled. “When he died, I thought I’d never see you together again. Then when I started drinking, I didn’t care one way or another. Now? Now I can feel him. I can feel your father. He’s going to help me through this. He brought you and Jay back together to make me see, make me realize Sarah is dead.... Oh, G
od, Sarah is dead and she had her whole life ahead of her.” She shook her head and cast her gaze toward the ceiling. “He’s had enough. He brought Jay here to show me how I need to get a grip. My God, I’m scared beyond belief.”

  Cat brought her mother’s hand to the bed and squeezed. “Mum, don’t cry.” Raw emotion and need for her father flowed on a suppressed avalanche of grief. “You can do this. I know you can.”

  Jay took her other hand. “If I can recover, so can you.”

  Cat stared at his profile and, even though her love for him grew like an expanding balloon behind her rib cage, she shook her head. “I want to be with you, Jay, but I don’t think I’m strong enough to be with you and be what I need to be for Mum at the same time.”

  He opened his mouth to respond, but Julia got there first. “Not strong enough?” She dropped back against her pillows, exhaustion showing in the deep premature lines on her face. “You’re the strongest woman I know, Catherine. The strongest and the most wonderful.”

  “Hear, hear.” Jay winked.

  Never able to resist her mum, or Jay, Cat laughed. “This is insane.”

  “But totally possible.” All three of them turned to the sound of Chris’s voice at the door.

  Melinda stood beside him and Cat’s emotions bubbled over as the weight of her burden split four ways. It would be all right. They would help her mum through the hardest months of her life, harder than losing her husband, harder than losing control in the first months of her addiction. She would get better.

  Chris came forward and Cat stood to embrace him and then Melinda. Turning, she watched Jay shake Chris’s hand and then kiss Melinda’s cheek. Cat smiled when Melinda’s cheeks flushed pink. No woman reacted any differently when Jay came within five feet of her.

  Jay slipped his arm around Cat’s waist and she turned to him. “We need to talk.”