“Yes, and no,” he said honestly. “In the real world, as we knew it until recently, no, I wasn’t. In Hitler’s Germany, apparently I am. I never knew my mother. My parents divorced when I was born, and my father and I discovered recently that she was half Jewish, which makes my sons and me Jewish according to the Nazis. We had to leave, we might have been sent to a labor camp if we stayed, so we’re going to America.” She looked shocked at what he said, and for a moment he wasn’t sure which part of the story had alarmed her, the fact that he had barely escaped being sent to a labor camp, or that his mother was Jewish.
“How horrible of them,” she said, suddenly sympathetic. “And how absurd. What will you do?” She looked worried and sad for him and the boys, which confirmed to him that she was a good person. And he laughed at her question.
“I didn’t have a lot of choices. I have no profession, nothing I know how to do. I suppose I could have been a dance instructor”—he smiled at her—“or a chauffeur or a stable boy. I can’t say that any of those options appealed to me, and I only had a few weeks to figure it out. A friend gave me the horses I have with me. Two of them are Lipizzaners, trained for exhibition. I’m joining the circus as an equestrian act,” he said with a wry expression. “My six-year-old son is enchanted. I can’t say I feel the same way about it, but I’m grateful that I could get them out of Germany and found something I can do. So, my dear, you have been dancing your nights away with a circus performer. I daresay your friends would be shocked, and so would mine.” Saying it out loud to her made it both worse and better. Worse because it made a reality of it, and better because it was so ridiculous even to him that it made it laughable instead of something that made him want to cry. Not knowing what else to do, Monique laughed.
“Are you serious?” She thought he might be teasing her. But from the look in his eyes, she could see he wasn’t. It was the oddest story she’d ever heard. She had heard of doctors and lawyers who had left Germany, all of them Jewish, but never aristocrats like Nick.
“I’m entirely serious. When we land in New York, I am taking my sons and the horses to Florida, where we were hired by the Greatest Show on Earth. They sponsored me to get us out of Germany, and offered me the job, and I’m very grateful that they did. So I’m afraid you’ve shown up a bit late in the day. A month ago I could have courted you properly, and visited you when you go back. Now I’m going to be wintering in Florida with freaks and clowns and circus acts, and touring with them nine or ten months a year. I can send you postcards from all over the States.”
As he said it, she looked truly shocked this time, particularly at the look in his eyes. He was clearly still grappling with the impact of what had happened to them.
“I can’t even imagine it,” she said honestly.
“Neither can I, but it’s better than a labor camp on the Czech border. Or having my children die of malnourishment or some disease. We really had no choice.”
“You’re a brave man, Nick,” she said quietly, impressed by what he had said.
“No, I’m a man who was driven out of his homeland, by a lunatic who wants to purify the master race and take over the world. And Jews are not welcome in it, or part of his plan. And suddenly, by a quirk of fate, I have become one. It’s more than a little humbling, to say the least. I slipped from the top to the bottom of the ladder, literally overnight.”
“Do you think Hitler is really that bad?” she asked thoughtfully. From Nick’s perspective, he certainly was, but it was still hard for her to believe that he was as dangerous as Nick said. Thus far, nothing Hitler had done had affected her, except that her favorite seamstress had moved away, and her doctor in Munich had been obliged to close his practice. But other than that, she had suffered no ill effects. And her doctor had been about to retire anyway.
“I actually think he’s considerably worse than we all realize,” Nick said with a bitter tone about Hitler. “Now that I know what he’s up to firsthand, I think he will make changes that will frighten and affect us all. The boys and I are certainly a good example of that. And if my father were still married to my mother, he’d be a criminal for being married to a Jew. That’s against the law now, for a Christian to be married to a Jew. Luckily, he divorced her. He would never survive this, being uprooted and having to leave everything he’s ever known, disappearing like a thief in the night.”
“Will he come to the States too?” she asked, curious about them now. He had become a real person to her with his confessions, not just a handsome man in a superficial way. Nick shook his head in answer to her question about his father.
“He’s staying to protect our land. Which, other than me and my children, is the only thing he’s ever loved. He’s a man of duty, honor, and tradition. He stayed to run our estate until I return. And God only knows when that will be. Probably not until Hitler steps down, or someone runs him out of town, or shoots him, which sounds like an excellent idea to me.” He could say that openly now, having escaped. “And even if I can return to Germany safely later, I can no longer inherit my estate till the laws about Jews are changed. My children and I can’t own property anymore.”
“Do you think there will be a war?” she asked Nick, looking slightly nervous.
“I don’t know. They say not, but all signs seem to point to it, to me. His rallies sound like calls to arms. I don’t think he’ll stop until he takes over all of Europe. Germany will never be enough. Taking over Austria was only the beginning.” He was convinced of that now.
“He is ambitious,” Monique agreed, “and there seem to be soldiers everywhere these days. There were an incredible number the last time I went to Munich. And most of them seem to be SS, the elite corps.”
“I’ve noticed it too,” Nick agreed with her. “I managed to keep Tobias out of the Hitler Jugend, because he had asthma as a child and we have a sympathetic doctor. I didn’t want him parading around in a uniform, parroting the party line. And now instead, he’s going to be in the circus, playing with the clowns. It’s a hell of a choice.”
“I’m sure they’ll let you come back eventually, probably very soon,” she said to encourage him. But Nick wasn’t sure of that at all.
“I’m not convinced. And, my dear, until then, I’m afraid that the person I will become when we get to Florida isn’t even suitable for you to know.”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” she scolded him, and then lowered her voice conspiratorially. “I was a manicurist when I met my husband. He married me and changed my life. It wasn’t the circus, but I wasn’t born into the lofty world you were. I only got there because of Klaus. And he got very upset whenever anyone said anything about it. He hired a teacher to show me how to speak and act like a lady.” It was an amazing confession that Nick found fascinating and endearing in its honesty. And when he thought about it, only the way she danced gave her away. It was a little too intimate, a little too flirtatious and outrageous for a lady of rank, and she did the tango in a way no respectable woman would dare. But he didn’t care. She was a nice woman, and he liked talking to her. And what did it matter now?
“If they ever throw you out of Germany,” he said wryly—trying to make light of the fact he had been, which still smarted to his very core. He was far more aristocratic than any of the idiots he knew in the Third Reich—“we could form a dance team, or you could join me in the circus. But I don’t think they’ll be sending you away, as long as you’re not Jewish.”
“I’m not,” she confirmed, “but neither are you, in any real way.”
“That’s not what they believe, or exactly correct. I’m part of the race they want to stamp out. According to them, it’s a race of criminals and half-breeds.”
“Will I ever see you again?” she asked sadly, and he looked at her for a long moment before he answered.
“Probably not,” he said quietly. “I don’t see how. You’ll have a nice visit with your sister and her baby, when it’s born. And you’ll go back to Germany, to the life you know, that your husba
nd gave you. And I’ll be here, in the circus. Not ‘at’ the circus, in it, just like the clowns.”
“Don’t say that,” she scolded him with a catch in her voice. She felt so sorry for him.
“Why not? It’s true. And I’d better get used to it quickly. That’s not a life you want, Monique.” She didn’t deny it because what he said was correct. “We can write to each other. But for now, that’s the best I can do.” She realized now that the reason he had held back till then, even from kissing her to any great extent, was because of everything he had just explained, not because of her. He had been so distant with her at first, except on the dance floor, and now she knew why. He had been nothing but a gentleman with her, out of respect and kindness. He didn’t want to pull her into his mess, or the life he was about to lead. He didn’t even want her to see it, and he knew she never would. She would go back to Germany in a month and lead the life she had, since marrying her husband. A life that Nick would never live again. He had been born into it, and she hadn’t. But she had been allowed to stay and he was a refugee now. The irony and unfairness of that did not elude either of them.
Nick liked Monique, and the fact that she was straightforward with him. And she liked him for being truthful as well. He hadn’t tried to cover up what was happening to him, and he was bitter about it, but not with her. He was as lovely as she had thought at first. Even better now. He wasn’t just a handsome, dashing aristocrat, he was a real human being. And she was sorry to hear everything that was happening to him. She felt now as though she’d made a friend. He kissed her again then, but there was no passion to it. She was a pretty woman, but suddenly their lives were too different. As a circus performer, he didn’t feel very dashing. He felt anything but, as he kissed her on the cheek, chastely this time, and then walked back to his own cabin. It was hard to imagine what his life would be like now, but surely like nothing he had ever known. And he wasn’t anxious to find out.
He lay awake in his bed for a long time that night, and finally he put a coat on over his pajamas, and went outside to stand at the rail. It was nearly daybreak by then, and the sun came up slowly as they steamed into New York Harbor. The rest of the passengers were asleep, and he watched as they slid by the Statue of Liberty. The tugboats had come to lead them in, and at seven o’clock in a bright morning sun, they pulled into the dock. They had arrived. And whether he felt ready for it or not, their new life had begun.
Chapter 7
Nick made sure that the horses were all safely tethered, and Toby helped him clean out their stalls before they disembarked. Lucas gave them all water, as his father had shown him how to do, and oats in their feed bags. Nick commented that the three of them had become able stable boys during the long trip. And he watched closely, once he was dressed, as the crane lowered the boxcar carefully onto the dock.
From the pier on the Hudson River, the boxcar would be taken to the station, and their trip to Sarasota would begin. Nick barely had time to find Monique to say goodbye, before he left to join the boys in the car he had hired to take them to the station. He found her as her endless stack of steamer and cabin trunks was being removed by cabin boys and porters. She was wearing a heavy fur coat, and a spectacular hat with a veil, and white kid gloves.
“You look very beautiful,” he said, smiling at her. “Thank you for our lovely evenings. I haven’t danced that much in years.” And he realized that, mostly thanks to her, the respite from reality on the boat had done him good. It was his final farewell to a life he had been forced to give up, and he had enjoyed spending time with her.
“Take care of yourself,” she said, looking longingly at him, wishing things were different, but they weren’t. “Write to me sometime.”
“I will,” he promised, but neither of them was sure they would, and he thought it unlikely. What could he possibly have to say that would interest her now, in her safe world in her husband’s schloss in the Tyrol, once she returned from Boston? In a strange way, she had inherited the life he had been born to, and he had lost it. They were ships passing in the night. He kissed her gently on the cheek through her veil, smiled, and then was gone, as she stood watching from the rail as he got into the car with his boys. Lucas was hanging out the window, looking up at the ship they had just left, and a flatbed truck was carrying the boxcar with the horses. Nick had stolen a minute to thank Beauregard Thompson for his kindness and support during Pluto’s experience of nearly dying. They shook hands, and the horseman from Kentucky wished him luck.
As they drove to Penn Station, Lucas was gazing out the window, fascinated by everything he saw and chattering excitedly, while Toby drifted into pensive silence. Nick kept a lookout to make sure that the boxcar was stable and the luggage car was following with their trunks. He had never had to handle so many details and arrangements on his own. Until then, servants and underlings had handled everything he had to cope with now himself, and he had a new respect for how talented and dedicated they had been, and how complicated it was to manage all the details, particularly with the horses. And as they hurried to their train, he stopped at a Western Union office in the station to send telegrams to his father and Alex, saying that they had arrived safely in New York. Lucas was insisting that he wanted to see the city, the Chrysler Building, and the Empire State Building, which was the tallest building in New York, and Nick said they didn’t have time.
It seemed like a herculean feat to get the boxcar onto the Seaboard Air Line Railway train, and half an hour later they were settled into their compartment with their trunks all around them. It was a relief when they finally left the station, even though they had seen nothing of New York. Nick couldn’t help thinking of Monique, on her way to Boston, and how simple her life was. She could return to Germany whenever she wanted, and he and his sons had fled. The cruelty of fate didn’t escape him, but it was the way of the world now. He thought, too, about his mother, as they rode south on the train. He would have liked to try to find her before he left Germany, but he hadn’t had time. And in an odd way, for the first time he felt angry at her for abandoning him, but she’d been a young girl, probably with no choice in the matter. He was determined to find her one day, and meet her, but he knew that now it was a long way off, if he could ever return to Germany at all. If Hitler remained in power, Nick would be a man without a country for the rest of his life.
“We’re not going back, are we?” Toby said softly, once Lucas fell asleep from the rhythmic motion of the train, several hours out from New York.
“I don’t know,” Nick said honestly. He didn’t want to lie to him and give him false hope. “It depends on what happens in Germany. For now, we have to make our home here.” They had no other choice.
“With the circus? Forever?” Toby was appalled.
“For a while.”
“I miss Opa,” Toby said sadly, and Nick nodded. He missed his father too. Terribly. And Alex. And their comfortable home and life.
“So do I. I’m sure he misses us too,” Nick said sadly, as the train to Florida rolled on.
It was long after dinnertime when Nick’s telegram arrived at the manor house at the schloss that night. Paul had decided to remain where he was—the main house would be too lonely now without Nick and the boys, so he didn’t move back. And staying in the manor house was a way of convincing himself they would return. The main schloss was their home.
He was relieved to read in the telegram that they had arrived safely in New York, and were on their way to Florida with the horses in good condition. Nick had signed it from him and the boys, and Paul had tears in his eyes when he read it. His life had been bleak for the past five days without them. He couldn’t even imagine a whole lifetime without them now, and he had aged visibly ten years overnight.
When Alex got Nick’s telegram at Schloss Altenberg, he showed it to Marianne, who had been sitting in the library with him. And they had been nearly as lonely as Nick’s father. Nick and the boys’ absence was sorely felt in everyone’s life. Alex was relieve
d to read that the horses had traveled without mishap. Nick hadn’t told him that Pluto nearly died. It would only have worried Alex for no reason, since all was well now, and Pluto seemed healthier than ever. At least for now, their future was safe.
When the train made several stops as it wended its way south, Nick got out and checked the horses, and gave them fresh water. The boys were excited to have dinner in the dining car, and afterward the porter set up their sleepers. They weren’t due to arrive in Sarasota until the next morning, and would be traveling through the night. And Lucas loved the little blue light over his bed in the compartment. He thought everything about the trip was exciting. And Toby cheered up a little after dinner, as they watched the countryside slide by. Nick was exhausted by the stress of their travel, and constantly worried about either his sons or the horses. There seemed to be so much to take care of now. He had had no idea how complicated running one’s own life was, and he was not enjoying the process. No matter how bad it was, it would be good to get to Florida, and finally stop moving around. He felt as though they were coming from the far end of the earth to get there. And they hadn’t arrived yet. He was grateful that they wouldn’t have to travel again for the next three months, since the circus was settled in its winter quarters, and wasn’t leaving on tour until March. After that they would be on the move, going from city to city, for nine months. But they would have time to adapt to their new life now, with only a light schedule of occasional performances in Sarasota. It would give him and the boys a chance to adjust and settle in, and perfect their act. He wished Alex were there to help him improve further, and tried to remember everything Alex had taught him about putting the Lipizzaners through their paces.
And after not sleeping at all the night before on the ship, Nick fell into a deep sleep on the train, with the hypnotic rhythm and the sounds of the wheels on the track. It was morning, in a bright sun, when they finally got there. Nick had woken the boys an hour before, so they could dress and have breakfast, in the dining car again. Lucas ordered nearly everything on the menu, and tried to order in German. Nick forced him to use his halting English instead of translating for him. Toby had learned enough English to speak a little, although not well. He had to struggle for his words, but the people he spoke to were patient about it. Nick let Lucas order for all of them, and he did a decent job of it, and got everything right, except for the pancakes, which he called “crepes” and confused the waiter. Both boys spoke a smattering of French, which they’d learned from a nanny they’d had when they were younger and still remembered, and enough English to get by.
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