“I’ve been waiting for you. You took a long time to come,” she said quietly.
“I had some things to do,” he said, with his arms still around her. “We’re going to have a problem about the high wire, Christianna,” he warned her, which only seemed fair.
“We’ll see,” she said, not promising him anything either way.
“I didn’t come here to watch you kill yourself.” He had been widowed once, and he didn’t want to fall in love with a woman who risked her life every night. He couldn’t go through that again. “I need you here with me.”
“I need you too … maybe in time I won’t need the high wire anymore.”
“Is that why you do it? For the thrill?” He looked surprised. She didn’t seem like that kind of person. She was serious and strong and wise beyond her years.
“No. I do it because it’s expected of me. It’s what my family does, and needs me to do. I’m the only one who can right now. My sister is too young, and she’s afraid. My brothers are too big.” Nick had noticed that her father was a far slighter man than his sons.
“Some of your family have been gravely injured or died. I don’t want you to be next,” Nick said as he nuzzled her neck and kissed her again. It suddenly felt as though this had always been meant to be, as though their paths had been destined to cross, and it was written years before, in another life. He couldn’t get enough of her, just kissing her was dizzying, as was feeling her skin when he touched her face, or she touched his with gentle hands. She felt like velvet to him. “We’ll talk about it later,” he said, about the high wire. He couldn’t think anymore. He just wanted to be with her, and feel her in his arms. She felt so small and frail, he was afraid to crush her.
“I can never be yours,” she said in a sad, gentle tone, but her words surprised him.
“Why do you say that?” He looked hurt and worried as she lowered her eyes, but she didn’t pull away. She was happy in his arms and didn’t want to leave them.
“Because of who you are. I’m just a girl from the circus, and you were someone important in your other life. I can tell. And one day you’ll go back. I don’t know why you came, but I know you’ll leave. You don’t belong here. I do.”
“I don’t know if I ever will leave, or be able to go back,” he said honestly, in a whisper. “And if I do, I’ll take you with me. You’re not just a girl in the circus, Christianna. You’re a very special person.” He already knew that. She had a quiet dignity about her, a nobility and grace that made where they had met and where she came from irrelevant to him. He would have been proud to be with her anywhere, and he said it to her without hesitation.
“I will always be less than you because I come from this place,” she said sadly. She understood it perfectly, but it wasn’t how he felt about her. She was the most exciting woman he’d ever met. And he didn’t care about his lost world now or the people in it. In an instant, she had catapulted into his life and made him feel part of hers. “One day you’ll be ashamed,” she said as though she knew that about him, but it was no longer true for him, and he knew it.
“Never,” he promised her as they stood there. “You have nothing to be ashamed of. Nor do I. I will be the luckiest man alive if you’re with me.”
“You’re a nobleman, Nick. I’m just a girl in a high-wire act.”
“Be quiet,” he said firmly, “shhh …” He silenced her then with a kiss, and Pegasus turned to look at them, and nodded. And Nick knew that all he could do now was prove to her that he meant what he said. Whoever she was, and wherever they had met, he was sure. The bond between them had formed, irreversibly, from the instant they first saw each other. And as they left the horse tent together that night, it was sealed.
Chapter 11
Everything was different and infinitely better in Nick’s life once Christianna entered it. They kept their romance quiet at first, which seemed wise. They went for long walks at night, away from the fairground, where people wouldn’t recognize either of them. He just wanted to be with her, and talk to her, and learn more about her. They shared many of the same views of life, and about people, and even the circus, despite the difference in their histories and age. She was wise for a girl of twenty-one, and she made him feel younger than he was. On their next birthdays, he would be exactly twice her age, but neither of them cared.
“What would your father think about us?” Nick asked her one night, as they sat down on a bench to talk. They had been walking for an hour, and it felt good to get away. They had agreed not to tell her family yet, or his sons. They wanted to give themselves time first to get to know each other better, and protect what they shared.
“He’d be worried that you’ll take me away. There’s no one else to do the high wire, except me. My sister Mina is too young, she’s only thirteen. And there has never not been a Markovich on the high wire for forty years. Until Mina is old enough, it’s up to me. And she’s afraid.” Christianna never was, which added magic to her act.
“And if you fall, there won’t be anyone either. Your father got hurt, and it killed your mother. How can he want you to do that?”
“It’s our heritage. It’s a tradition. My grandfather owned the best circus in Warsaw, and then he lost his money gambling and sold it. My parents came here when I was a baby, twenty years ago. The circus has always been our life. But it’s not yours, Nick. One day you’ll leave. My father will be afraid of that when he knows about us.”
“Will he care about our age?” Nick was more worried about that and what people might say, that he was a cradle robber, or had seduced her, which he hadn’t. Thus far, their relationship had been chaste, although they were falling in love with each other. But he didn’t want to take advantage of her in any way, he loved her too much to do that. It was the first time he had ever felt like that, even with his late wife. Everything about Christianna was different. He felt as though he had come back to life again.
“He won’t care about that,” she reassured him. “He was twenty-eight years older than my mother. She was his second wife.” Her father was seventy years old, and her oldest brother, by her father’s first marriage, was almost forty, three years younger than Nick. “All he’ll care about is that I don’t leave the circus.”
“What if you want to one day?”
“I’ve never known any other life,” she said simply. But Nick wished he could share a better life with her, but he had no other life to offer her now, and even if he did, she was happy there. She had never wanted to leave. This was as much her heritage as his life in Germany had been his. And it was the only life she knew. It was enough for her.
They walked back to the fairground, taking their time, enjoying being together and getting away from the chaos they lived with, the jugglers and clowns and elephants, and people constantly swirling around them. And everyone was busy now, working on new acts and costumes, and getting ready to leave on tour in the spring. In spite of everything that had happened, Nick had never felt as peaceful before. Christianna had a calm about her that brought balance and strength to his existence. He saw everything differently now, and instead of contemplating his losses, he saw his new life now as a tremendous blessing, with her in it. He looked happy and relaxed, and so did she.
They did several shows before they left Sarasota, and warm-ups for the season. And when he watched her on the high wire now, he felt physically ill, even more than before he knew her. He was breathless with terror until she came down. He knew he couldn’t stand it indefinitely—he was too frightened for her, and twice she nearly lost her footing. He was angry at her about it later, at night when they were alone.
“Do you realize what you’re doing, Christianna? You’re risking your life every time. You can’t be that lucky forever.” He looked miserable as he said it. He had been near tears while he watched her. It was the only thing they disagreed on.
“Yes, I can. My grandmother never fell. She died of old age.”
“She’s probably the only one. I know I have no
right to change what you do, but I want you to keep your life, and stay alive for me.”
“I will,” she said solemnly, but it didn’t calm him. He was frantic with worry for her now every time she went up the rope to her platform.
At the end of January, Nick saw in the newspapers that Hitler had openly threatened the Jews in his Reichstag speech. It didn’t surprise Nick, but the rest of the world was shocked. Hitler saying that Europe would not have peace “until the Jewish question had been disposed of” made everything clear. It made him even more grateful that he had left after the general’s warning to his father. He had obviously known what was coming.
A few weeks later, John Ringling North asked Nick and Christianna to come to his office, together. They were sure that he had found out about their budding romance and was going to scold them and voice his disapproval. There was nothing in their contracts that prevented them from being together—people in the circus had affairs with each other all the time, as they both knew, and some got married. But Nick was afraid he’d reprimand them anyway, and he looked tense when they walked into North’s office. They both felt as though they were being called into the principal’s office at school. But instead, he smiled broadly when he saw them. They had no idea what was on his mind, and tried not to look at each other for reassurance.
“I wanted to bring you both in to discuss a thought I had. Christianna has been our biggest star since she turned eighteen,” he said as he smiled at her. “And Nick, I think you’re going to be. You’re already heading there, and you haven’t been on tour yet.” But his Lipizzaners had been the hit of every show since he’d joined them, and Nick was a dashing figure. The women in the audience were crazy about him. He was a handsome aristocrat from Europe, riding a white horse. He was the essence of every woman’s fantasies. And even the other performers talked about what a good-looking man he was.
“I’d like you both to think about doing part of an act together. I don’t think we’re going to get you up on the wire, Nick,” he said, smiling at him, “but I love the idea of Christianna on one of your Lipizzaners. If you could work up part of an act together, during yours,” he looked at Nick, “I think it would bring down the house. The handsome prince and the fairy princess. Can you ride?” he asked Christianna.
“A little,” she responded, shocked at his suggestion, and relieved that they weren’t in trouble.
“I can teach her,” Nick volunteered quickly. He loved the idea. “We could do a waltz together on horseback. I’ll need to work with my horses for a while. We can do something simple in the meantime. I think it’s a wonderful suggestion.” Nick was ecstatic, they talked about it with him for a while, then left North’s office in a daze. It seemed providential. It was the perfect opportunity to be together for shows and rehearsals. They had six weeks to learn the act North wanted, before they left on tour.
“Wow, I thought we were in trouble,” Christianna said with a giggle that made her seem even younger than she was.
“We will be if we don’t come up with a good act for him. Leave that to me. I’ll start thinking about it today.” It took Nick six days to choreograph a routine that his horses were able to execute, and that was simple enough for Christianna to follow. Nick rehearsed it with her a week after they’d seen North. And they had time to work on it before they opened at Madison Square Garden. It was still rough, but it worked, and with practice, once set to music, it would be elegant and romantic. Nick could hardly wait to perfect their new act and perform it in New York. He knew the audience would love it.
They rehearsed diligently every day, and by the time they left for New York at the beginning of April, Christianna looked like an angel on Athena’s back. She was nervous at first, but she had exceptionally good balance, for obvious reasons, and she managed to stand on the Lipizzaner’s back for part of the routine that Nick had designed, and was comfortable in the saddle the rest of the time, riding beside Nick on Pegasus, the two horses moving in split-second precision around the ring. Nick was thrilled with how far they’d gotten with the new routine, and Christianna learned quickly. And she had gotten better every day. They still made mistakes, but very, very few, and none the crowd would see. And he loved doing it with her. John North had been right—it added a measure of elegance and excitement to Nick’s act. He could hardly wait to try it out in front of an audience. They were both excited about it when he walked her back to her trailer, the night before they left Sarasota. And they ran into her father and brothers and younger sister when they finished their rehearsal. Nick greeted them politely, chatted with her brothers for a few minutes, and then left to get back to his boys. Like everyone else, he still had a lot to do before they left the next morning.
The day they left Sarasota to begin touring, later than usual this year, everyone was excited to leave, and Lucas thought it was the most exciting day of his life. The big cats were loaded onto the train, along with the elephants and other animals. Nick loaded all his horses in a trailer early that morning after feeding and watering them. There were roustabouts and handlers on the train to feed the animals and tend to their needs. Many of the performers were taking the train, but some were driving their trailers, as Christianna’s family was planning to do, and Nick with his boys, following the train. The big equipment was being transported by rail and a fleet of trucks. It looked like the whole town was leaving, which was nearly true, and it would be eight or nine months before they returned, after touring the country, stopping in small towns along the way, and occasional big ones, usually for only one night, and rarely for more than two days, except when they opened in New York, where they always spent four weeks at the beginning of their tour. And everyone loved performing at “the Garden” because the conditions there were so good.
Nick had been told the tour would be grueling, but his boys didn’t care. And they were looking forward to being in New York for almost a month. Toby had asked to ride with Katja’s family, and Rosie was going to travel the first day with Lucas and Nick. It seemed a fair trade.
Nick stopped briefly to see Christianna before they left. It would be many hours, or even the next day, before he could see her again. She was wearing a white cotton sundress and dance shoes that were too worn for the high wire. He gave her a quick kiss before they took off. Her brothers and sister were already waiting for her in their trailer, and her father and aunt were taking the train.
“My brothers are getting suspicious,” she whispered as he kissed her again. They had been talking lately about saying something to them, but they were both sure there would be a reaction. His presence in her life, and his concern for her well-being was a huge threat to them. And they weren’t pleased that John Ringling North wanted her to perform with him. They thought it diluted the impact of her own act later in the show. According to them, high-wire artists didn’t perform on horses like acrobats. But North was the president of the circus, and as Christianna pointed out to her brothers, his word was law, and they had to agree. And Nick and Christianna were delighted at the legitimate excuse to work together and no one could object. And the act that Nick had designed for them was beautiful and artistic.
“See you later,” he whispered after a last kiss and hurried off, and she was smiling as she got into the trailer and they started on the long journey to New York.
They had been driving for several hours when her oldest brother, Peter, asked her about Nick.
“What’s going on with you two?” he inquired as he took a bite of an apple. Their little sister, Mina, was asleep next to him on the couch. And their three other brothers were taking turns driving. Their wives had gone on the train to take care of their aunt and father-in-law.
“Nothing. Why?” She had never lied to him before, but she didn’t want to share what was happening with Nick. She wasn’t ready to yet. What they had belonged to them, and she felt loyal to Nick, and wanted to protect him, and herself. “We’ve been working on the act Mr. North wants us to do.”
“And what else?�
� Her brother was smiling at her. “You can tell me,” he pried with a knowing look. He always treated her like a child, no different than her thirteen-year-old sister.
“There’s nothing to tell. He’s a nice man. We’re friends. I like his boys.”
“They’re more your age than he is. He’s old enough to be your father, Christianna. I hope you realize that.”
“There’s nothing going on,” she repeated with a cold look. She didn’t like being pushed, and she got on less well with her older brother than the others. He was too much like their father and had old-fashioned ideas about their act. And he was jealous, and always had been, that she was the star of the high wire. He had always wanted to take their father’s place, but he was heavy-set, and the audience liked watching Christianna better. She was a lot prettier to look at, and steadier on the wire. Peter had fallen off the low wire many times. And none of her sisters-in-law had ever performed with them. They were just part of the entourage, and several of them were jealous of her, too, especially Peter’s wife. Christianna was wary of them both.
“Well, don’t get any ideas about him, just because he looks good on a horse. He’ll throw you away in five minutes, and he won’t be here long. I know his type. Some fancy aristocrat with a title, down on his luck, so he joins the circus with his horses to bail himself out. As soon as he does, he’ll be gone. And don’t let him make you believe anything else.” Christianna didn’t think he’d be there long either, but for different reasons. He deserved a better life than this, and wasn’t suited to it, even if he was a good sport about it. He had long since told her why he had left Germany and what he was doing there, but she couldn’t imagine him staying either, once Germany returned to normal, which they all felt sure it would one day. The current insanity, under Hitler, couldn’t last forever.
Pegasus: A Novel Page 13
