Pegasus: A Novel

by Danielle Steel

  And then they headed for the last leg of the tour. They had been on the road for seven months, a little less than in previous years, as they headed south and east on their way home. They only spent one night in each town, which was grueling for the roustabouts to set up and tear down, all in one day. More often than not, they worked straight through the night to tear it down, so they could leave again in the morning and move on.

  They went all through the South, stopping in nearly every state, which would finally lead them to Tampa, Florida, for their last night.

  All through September, the entire circus and the world had followed the war news from Europe, when finally Great Britain, France, New Zealand, and Australia declared war on Germany. And everyone in the circus was terrified for their relatives in Europe, and so was Nick. It particularly affected the people in the circus since so many of them were from Europe, especially Germany, and various Eastern European countries.

  Despite the shocking news, they continued the tour and finished in Tampa on October 30, although their mood was subdued. Nick had had no news from Alex or his father for several weeks, and the letters he’d gotten after war started had been heavily censored, with official stamps and seals on them, but they’d gotten through, since the United States was not at war with Germany.

  Nick had been worried about his father since he left, and he never said it in his letters, but Nick was concerned for his health. When Paul wrote to him now, he sounded old, and discouraged about the state of the world. And it could only get worse now, with Germany at war with much of Europe. He hoped that Alex would write to him again soon—he usually gave him more news than Paul. All Nick’s father ever did was reassure him that as soon as things calmed down, he and the boys could come home. But it was clear now to Nick, even more so than it had been, that that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon. Maybe never, if Hitler remained in power. And Nick couldn’t help wondering how his mother had fared in the random removal of Jews to concentration camps in the past year. He wondered if she had fled, too, and could only hope that she had, even though he didn’t know her.

  Nick and Christianna had managed another romantic night together in a charming bed and breakfast in Savannah, Georgia. The Ukrainian girls covered for her again, and Nick confided to her how worried he was about his father, and she was deeply sympathetic and always gentle with him. Her family was anxious about their relatives in Poland, too, although most of them were in the States, with the circus, but they still had relatives in Warsaw, who were at great risk now with the war on.

  Christianna was still under the spell of Nick’s lovemaking after the stolen moments they shared, and she stumbled on the high wire again on the last night in Tampa. And when she slipped, it nearly stopped his heart. It had been a close one, and the crowd had gasped as they watched, and Nick nearly cried. They argued about it afterward, as they had several times now, and he always made the same plea for her to stop working on the high wire without a net.

  “Don’t ask me that, Nick,” she said finally in frustration. “I can’t stop doing it. I have no choice. If I stop, we have no act, and we’d have to leave. My father isn’t going to let that happen, nor will my brothers. They depend on me. This is what I do. Just like you do with your horses.” Her eyes were two deep pools of sorrow gazing into his. She didn’t like causing him pain, but had no choice. No one in their family had ever worked with a net. The Markoviches were known for it, and their daring feats.

  “And your father and brothers are entirely willing for you to risk your life, all of them.” He got angry every time they discussed it, and she always vowed to herself that she wouldn’t talk to him about it again. He didn’t understand, he was not a circus person, and he’d only been there with them for less than a year.

  “So you’re not going to give it up?” he asked bluntly.

  “No, I’m not. So maybe we shouldn’t talk about it all the time.”

  “Probably not, if you’re not going to be reasonable about it. And I know your family certainly won’t be.” He was seriously upset, because her working without a net filled him with terror, for her and himself. Nothing was resolved, and they were cool with each other the next day when they got back to Sarasota. Neither of them would concede, let alone take action about it. But the tension between them relaxed again as they settled into Sarasota for the winter break and no longer had to perform every night and travel every day. The issue was shelved for now, during their break, and they were all focused on the war news, none of which was good. Nick listened to the radio constantly to get all the news he could of what was happening in Europe. It appeared to Nick that Hitler wanted to rule the world, which had occurred to everyone by then.

  Nick was often quiet now when he was with Christianna, thinking of his father and Alex, wondering how they were holding up in the face of the war. He felt guiltier than ever now not to be there to help.

  “I’m sure they understand,” Christianna said soothingly, as they talked about it late one night. “You couldn’t stay.”

  “I don’t know why they would understand,” he said honestly. “I can’t comprehend it myself. It makes no sense to me at all. It never did. I should be there with them.” But he was here now and the others were in Europe, living it, and no longer safe. And there was nothing he could do, for them, or anyone else. He was too far away. And as she looked at him, Christianna could see the loneliness and helplessness in his eyes, and her heart ached for him. It made her want to console him for all he had lost, if she ever could. Their relationship had grown stronger, and the bond between them was continuing to bring them ever closer to each other.

  Toby and Lucas were happy to be back in Sarasota, too, and had had a seven-month geography lesson traveling across the States. Lucas played with the clowns every day after school, just as he had before they went on tour. In the year they had been there, Lucas had become a circus child—he hardly seemed to remember their previous life. He was seven now, and he had friends all over the circus, among the children and adults. Lucas never met anyone he didn’t love, or who didn’t love him. Toby was far more reserved, and he and Katja were still in love, in a gentle and respectful way. They spent long hours talking, doing homework together, and kissing whenever they could. They were sixteen, after all. And they attended the same school.

  It was pouring rain in Sarasota one November afternoon, when Christianna appeared at their trailer, soaking wet, and asked if he and the boys would come to dinner with her family. With nothing else to do, her brothers had been grousing about Nick all week, making comments about how fancy and what a snob he was, and she wanted them to see for themselves that he was a decent person, surprisingly modest, and always kind to her. She was tired of their snide remarks. She said her sisters-in-law were cooking dinner that night, and it would be a simple meal of Polish sausages, dumplings, steamed vegetables, and the things they liked to eat and knew how to cook. She hoped Nick wouldn’t mind.

  “I was going to take the boys to the cook tent.” He smiled at her. He tried to take them out for hearty meals whenever he could, they were growing boys, but sometimes they ate whatever was on hand. Nick got tired of the mess tent and readily admitted that he still wasn’t much of a cook. Fortunately Gallina and Sergei were generous about inviting them to join them, often for deliciously prepared Czech meals, which he and the boys thoroughly enjoyed. “We’d love it.” He thanked Christianna for the invitation, and she told him to come around seven.

  The camp had been bustling recently with talk of Warsaw surrendering to the Nazis a month before, which had many of them panicked. And Nick was sure Christianna’s family was upset about it, too, and there would probably be talk of it that night. There had been fights recently around the circus on that subject. Sentiments were running high, and fears for loved ones at home in their countries of origin affected them all. Some of the Polish gymnasts had attacked a group of Germans at the commissary, and John Ringling North had sent out a general memo warning everyone to behave, whatever
their national allegiance, or sympathies with the war. There was a British troupe with another horse act that had come to blows with the Germans too.

  Word had gotten out that Nick and his sons had been forced to leave Germany, due to a Jewish connection of some kind, so the anti-German contingent left him alone. Without that gossip about him circulating, he would have been at risk for attacks, too, but thus far there had been none. And he was careful never to talk about politics except with Christianna, Gallina, or Sergei, who were his closest friends. It was no secret that he hated Hitler, and he had good reason to, but most of the time, he kept it to himself. It seemed smarter that way. One of the tiger acts was run by two Germans who were sympathetic to Hitler, and Nick stayed away and made no comment to them. He wanted no trouble here. There was enough at home. He was worried sick about his father, and Alex and Marianne. Their letters took much longer to arrive now, and he was without news for longer periods of time, except what he saw in newsreels in local movie theaters, which he went to whenever possible, so he could stay informed of the latest news from Germany, or what he read in newspapers, but most of the smaller towns they’d been in barely mentioned the war in the press. America wasn’t involved, and in the rural areas, no one cared.

  The Markovich family occupied four trailers, and Nick and the boys arrived promptly at Christianna’s father’s trailer, as Christianna had told him to do. Nick had managed to go into town and buy flowers for her aunt and her four sisters-in-law, and a small bunch for Christianna, and a bottle of vodka for the men. He hadn’t wanted to show up empty-handed, and her aunt in the wheelchair was wreathed in smiles when he handed the first bouquet to her.

  “Thank you for having us to dinner, Miss Markovich.” He knew the aunt had never been married. She had been injured when she was still young, barely eighteen, although she was in her fifties now. She was Sandor Markovich’s sister, and he had always taken care of her, long before he was in a wheelchair himself. She sewed costumes for them, kept track of their money, and babysat their children for them, and she had been like a mother to Christianna after her mother fell. She was a cantankerous old woman, and Christianna said she was not a happy person, but she was very attached to her, more so than to her brothers or their wives, who weren’t always kind to her, and Nick suspected they were jealous of her since she was the star now. Her brothers’ wives weren’t part of their act, but they resented her anyway, for her looks and grace, her youth, and her skill on the high wire. And they would have resented her even more if they’d known about her relationship with Nick. They thought he was too good for her. And the fact that they were the stars of the show together now made them both the target for other people’s envy. And the adoration of the crowds for Christianna didn’t sit well with them either. It just fed the flames of the jealousy they already harbored against her.

  The smell of sausages and European cooking was strong, and it reminded Nick instantly of the smells in their tenant farmers’ homes. He had always liked it, and longed to be invited to dinner at their homes when he was a boy, instead of the more elegant fare they served him at his house, like goose and venison and duck and pheasant. His father loved to hunt, and they often ate game. He had preferred sausages as a child, and Lucas’s face lit up immediately when he saw what they were serving for dinner. It was very much like German country food, and familiar to them. And Nick was perfectly content to eat a simple meal, and get to know her family better. He scarcely knew them at all, but her family was definitely considered the royalty of the circus world. And Christianna had the dignity of a princess when Nick and his sons walked in and handed all of the women their bouquets. It was royalty meeting royalty.

  Her brothers were pleased with the vodka when he handed it to them—he had bought as decent a brand as he could find at the small market near the fairground.

  The men talked about the war for a while, and one of her brothers asked him why he had left Germany. He hadn’t heard the rumors about Nick, and Christianna hadn’t explained. She stayed among the women as they prepared dinner and left the men to themselves. Her aunt was having a lively conversation with Lucas about wanting to be a clown when he grew up, and she told him he should be a trapeze artist instead, which didn’t appeal as much to him. And Toby was sitting politely listening to them, answering questions when he was asked. He had told her that he wanted to be a veterinarian for horses, which sounded dull to her.

  “Why did you leave Germany last year, and come over here?” her youngest brother asked Nick.

  “I discovered that my mother was half Jewish. I never knew her,” he answered simply, looking him directly in the eye. He knew that the Markoviches weren’t, and he had no idea what their feelings were about it, but there was no point hiding it, it was a fact. “They were persecuting Jews and trying to chase them away. It was right before Kristallnacht. We had to leave to be safe, or we could have been sent to a labor camp or put in prison,” which was the truth.

  “You don’t look like a Jew,” one of her older brothers commented, passing each of them a shot of vodka from the bottle Nick had brought. They all tossed it off in one gulp, and Nick tried not to make a face as he did. He didn’t want to be rude, but he rarely drank and it burned his throat.

  “I’m only a quarter. My father is Catholic and my mother was half,” Nick explained.

  “And a count, from what I hear,” he said with an edge to his voice, as he took another shot. Their father rolled in and helped himself to a shot as well and seemed pleased, as he glanced at Nick. “This must be quite a change for you.” There was still a sarcastic tone as he spoke to Nick.

  “Coming to the circus saved my life, and my boys. I’m grateful for that. A friend gave me the horses I brought with me. This is the only thing I know how to do, ride horses and train them. I’ve learned a lot in the last year.” The simplicity and honesty with which he said it silenced all of them for a moment. Nick didn’t put on airs, he was modest and told the truth.

  “Don’t worry,” one brother said with a sudden laugh, warmed by the second vodka, as he glanced at Nick with a kinder look in his eyes. “We don’t know how to do anything else either, except our trapeze act, and watch our sister on the high wire. It’s enough. So is what you do.” Then generously, he added, “You’re good. I like what you do with the white ones. How do you teach them to stand up like that?”

  “It’s in their blood.” Nick smiled. “They’re born and built to do that. There’s a school in Vienna where they teach them all the exercises they do. My friend was training them before he gave them to me. I want to breed Lipizzaners one day.”

  “They must be worth a lot,” he commented, and Nick nodded. And then one of them asked him the question they’d all been wondering, and predicting darkly to Christianna: “Do you think you’ll stay?”

  “I hope so. I need the job. I have my boys to take care of. And by the time Hitler is finished, Germany will be in ruins. This is all we have now.” What he said discounted the schloss and the land he had left in Germany, all of which he would inherit one day, if he was allowed to, and Hitler was no longer in power, or lost the war. But for now, Nick had no access to any of it, and lived on his salary, just as they did, and knew he might have to for a long, long time. He saved his money, knowing it was all he had for now. “What about you? Do you still have relatives in Poland?”

  “Only some cousins. Most of us are here. And we’re not Jews,” Peter said matter-of-factly. “Some of the juggling acts are Jewish and still have relatives there. They’re trying to bring them here, but they haven’t been able to. You’re lucky you got out when you did.”

  “Yes, I am,” Nick agreed. There had been pogroms in Poland, Russia, and Czechoslovakia, and Jews were being taken to labor camps and severely persecuted, or killed. Nick had heard about it on the news. “Things are bad over there. We’re all lucky to be here.”

  “We’re Americans now,” Peter, the oldest brother, said proudly, “and so are our wives. My father is now too. We’ve
been here for twenty years. Christianna is a citizen now too. My aunt was the last to give up her Polish citizenship. It’s better for us here, for all of us. America has been good to us,” he said gratefully. Thus far it had been to Nick, too, but he still felt German, not American, and thought about going back one day, when things changed again, although he was no longer sure after everything that had happened. And he felt attached to neither country, the old, nor the new. He hadn’t adopted his new country sufficiently to want to give up his heritage and his homeland yet, no matter how cruel they had been to him. He had been betrayed, but by Hitler, not by Germany. And he didn’t feel American, and didn’t think he ever would. But he admired Christianna’s family for embracing the country that had been good to them, and where they’d lived for so long.

  “Why do you let her work without a net?” Nick asked quietly, during a lull in their war talk. It was the burning question he had wanted to ask them since he had first seen her on the high wire, and there was a sudden silence. None of them answered him for a moment, and then her father spoke from his chair. He had been watching Nick closely since he first walked into the trailer with his boys. He liked him, better than he expected to. He seemed like a good man, and he had well-brought-up boys, which her father respected too.

  “It’s what the crowd wants, and what we do. They don’t want to see a little girl tripping across a wire five feet off the ground with a balancing bar and a canary on her head. People respect courage. She’s a brave girl. So was my wife. You don’t win anything in life if you don’t take risk. They don’t understand it, but they respect the skill. It’s not easy to be up there, and Christianna is very good at it. She has a gift, more than I did, or her aunt, or her mother, and we don’t know about her sister, if she ever tries it, which she may not. Christianna has it in her blood. Not everyone does. It’s a talent to be up there, not just something you learn or decide to do. Like your horses. You said that they are born to do the tricks they perform. So was Christianna. She must use the gift.”