Pegasus: A Novel

by Danielle Steel

  “Then stay and take care of it for him until he returns,” Alex said in a stronger voice, trying to urge him to hang on, but Paul only shook his head and turned away, and a little while later, Alex saw he was asleep and left the room.

  “How is he?” Ursula asked when Alex came back to the kitchen. He was certain that if Nick and the boys were still there, his father would be fighting to live, but without them, and no hope of seeing them again anytime soon, he no longer cared.

  “Not well,” Alex told her honestly as tears sprang to Marianne’s eyes while she listened. Paul von Bingen had been like a grandfather to her, the only one she had ever known. “What time is the doctor coming in the morning?”

  “He said he’d try to come at eight.”

  “I’ll come back then,” Alex told her, and she assured him that she’d spend the night at the manor house even though it was Christmas Eve. And a few minutes later, he and Marianne rode back to their schloss, and made a detour to the village, to attend midnight mass in the village church. They were singing “Silent Night” when they got there, and the crowd was thin. It was all women and children and old men. For any young man, it was considered a disgrace to still be at home, and Marianne had asked her father many times if he would be called up too. But at forty-eight, he assured her that he was too old.

  After mass in the little church, they both went home to the schloss, and sat huddled in her father’s library, building up a fire and trying to stay warm. It felt like the saddest Christmas they’d ever shared. All they had left was each other.

  And in the morning after a short night, when he tossed and turned, Alex went back to check on Paul again, and was alarmed to find him worse. The doctor was still there and after listening to Paul’s chest, he said he had pneumonia and told Alex honestly that he had little hope that Paul would recover. It would depend on how hard he fought, and from everything Alex could see, Paul had no desire to survive. He dozed for the rest of the day, and by the next day he had slipped into a groggy, nearly comatose state. Alex stayed at the manor house with him, and every day, Marianne rode over to keep her father company, but she had to go home to take care of their horses. She came back before dinner, and they sat together in the living room, and ate in the kitchen.

  For a few brief moments on New Year’s Eve, Paul finally opened his eyes and looked at Alex, and seemed as though he was going to make it after all.

  “You’re still here?” He seemed surprised, as Alex leaned toward him in the darkened room and smiled at him. “Don’t you have better things to do?”

  “No, I don’t,” Alex said firmly, “I just want you to get better. Marianne is here too. She’s downstairs. How do you feel?” Alex asked, looking hopeful, but he could see Paul was still blazing with fever, although he was more lucid than he had been in days.

  “I feel fine,” Paul said in a strong, clear voice, and he sat up in bed for a few minutes, and took a sip of the broth Ursula had left beside his bed. “I feel much better. Have you heard from Nick?” It was the only thing that interested him, and the same question he had asked Alex for the past year whenever they met, although Nick wrote to his father regularly too.

  “They’re still in Florida, at their winter headquarters. He and the boys are fine.” Nick had never told Alex that he had fallen in love with Christianna. He knew that what he was experiencing now would be so foreign to his friend that there was no way he could explain it to him, so he never tried. He was sure that Alex would disapprove and say that he had gone mad, but Alex had no way of understanding the life they now led, or the people in it. And his father even less. “They were going to put candles on their Christmas tree, just as we do here.” Nick hadn’t told him that the tree was two feet tall and sat on a table in their trailer and they’d have to put the candles out quickly, so it didn’t set fire to anything.

  “It’s good that the boys don’t forget our traditions,” Paul said with a satisfied look, and then lay down again and closed his eyes. He seemed tired, and Alex decided to spend the night, sitting beside him, although Paul seemed better and stronger when he went back to sleep. Paul opened his eyes once just after midnight, in the first moments of the New Year, and smiled at Alex, who realized instantly that Paul thought he was Nick.

  “Come home soon. They need you here,” he said in a whisper.

  “I will,” Alex promised, speaking for his friend. “I need you, too, Papa,” he said then on behalf of both of them. He couldn’t bear the thought of losing the old man he loved, and he knew that the loss would devastate Nick.

  Paul just smiled as he looked at him again, nodded, and drifted off to sleep. He slept for several hours as Alex dozed beside him, and when the sun came up, Alex looked at him and knew instantly what had happened. Paul von Bingen had died peacefully in his sleep. He was gone. Alex sat looking at him for a long time, and gently stroked his hand, which was already cool, and his heart plummeted as tears rolled down his cheeks and he realized that the worst lay before him. Now he would have to tell Nick.

  Chapter 15

  Nick spent Christmas Eve in his trailer with Toby and Lucas, and he gave them each a game and a sweater he bought for them in Sarasota, and he gave Christianna a tiny heart-shaped gold locket, which she put on immediately. She cut out a small photograph of him from one of the pages in the circus program and put it in the locket, and she was thrilled. She had knitted him a scarf herself from soft black wool to wear on cold nights when they were on tour. They spent as much of the holiday together as they could, without arousing suspicion, and she joined them when they spent Christmas Day with Gallina and Sergei and their children. And despite the alleged rivalry between them, the two women laughed with the others and had a good time. Nick and his children had spent Thanksgiving with them too, they were his closest friends.

  “She’s a sweet girl,” Gallina said to Nick afterward, and looked at him with the same motherly look she gave Toby. “So when are you two going to admit that you’re in love? How long has it been now? Don’t you think you have the right to be happy? You can’t keep it a secret forever, and anyone who sees you knows.”

  “How long have you known?” he asked her sheepishly, wondering if they had been less discreet than they thought. But Gallina was a smart woman, and by now she knew him well. And his deep feelings for Christianna were hard to hide. Even his sons had figured it out and were pleased. They loved her, and Lucas said he hoped his father would marry her one day so they could keep her, and Toby agreed.

  “I’ve known for several months,” Gallina answered, and he laughed.

  “Well, so much for keeping secrets around here. I just wasn’t sure how her family would feel about it, and I don’t want to complicate things for her. They’re very protective of her.”

  “Except when they put her on the high wire,” Gallina said with a strong look of disapproval. She had completely given up working without a net herself the month before, at the insistence of Sergei. But Christianna was still in the main ring every night, risking her life, to the thrill of the crowds. Nick hated every minute of it, but he was always there, watching her. He couldn’t stand being anywhere else. And whenever possible, they managed to spend a night together, but they had been very careful not to be discovered. He didn’t want to hurt her reputation in any way, and treated her with profound respect. And fortunately, there had been no slips in their sex life either, and she hadn’t gotten pregnant. He was always careful to protect her.

  Gallina’s words were not lost on Nick. He and Christianna spent New Year’s Eve with them. And the next day, Nick talked to Christianna before they went to dinner with her family at her father’s favorite Polish restaurant in Sarasota. He had invited Nick and his boys, to celebrate the New Year.

  “What do you think about saying something to your family one of these days?” Nick asked her cautiously when he fed and watered the horses, and she came to keep him company. She liked feeding Athena, and had gotten used to her from their act.

  “I’ve been
wondering the same thing,” she admitted.

  “Will they be upset?” Nick asked her, looking worried. He could handle it for himself, but he didn’t want them taking it out on her. It was a problem she didn’t need, with four brothers and a father who watched her every move.

  “They like you,” Christianna said with a shy smile, as she stroked the Lipizzaner mare who nuzzled her. “And they suspect anyway.”

  “They might not like my age.”

  “They’re afraid you’ll leave,” she said simply. They had questioned him about it too. “Or interfere,” she added. His comments about the wire hadn’t been lost on them, and they had mentioned it to her, that he was worried about her on the high wire.

  “I’m not planning to leave anytime soon,” Nick said quietly. “There’s a war on in Europe. I had to flee Germany, and I have nowhere to go. And I don’t know if I’ll ever go back there, even after the war. I can’t, unless things change. So leaving isn’t an issue. And yes, I might interfere if they don’t take you off the high wire one of these days. I’m not going to stop objecting to that. You know how I feel. All I want is for them to let you work with a net. I don’t think that’s too much to ask. If they give you a net, you can stay up there till you’re ninety years old for all I care. Without a net, I’m going to interfere every chance I get.” He was always honest with her. And he had been with her family too. But he was polite enough not to make a constant issue of it. He had let them know how he felt, and then let it go. He was respectful and polite, if nothing else, and Christianna loved him for that too. “What do you want to tell them, if we say something?” Nick asked curiously.

  “That we love each other. I think that’s enough.”

  “What if they want to know more?” Nick asked her.

  “What more is there?”

  “They might want to know if I intend to marry you,” he said gently. It was the kind of thing fathers wanted to know.

  “You don’t have to tell them that,” she said, blushing, as she turned away and busied herself with Athena. He smiled as he watched her then, and walked over to where she was hiding behind the white horse.

  “Don’t run away from me,” he said with a smile, gently pulling her away from the horse and turning her face up to his. “You don’t have to hide from me. I love you. I want to marry you one day, but not until I can give you a good life.” He had never said that to her before, and she buried her face in his chest. She had wondered, but would never have dared to ask.

  “This is a good life,” she said, as she looked up at him again.

  “Not good enough. I want to give you more than this, a trailer, and a net for your act, if I can talk your father into it. You deserve a lot more, Christianna. And one day, I want to give it to you. I’d love to buy a ranch in the Santa Ynez Valley.” It had stayed in his mind from when they had seen it together. “Or somewhere else. Somewhere where we can breed horses and have a peaceful life.”

  “And what would I do?” she asked him, smiling at him mischievously. It was a big conversation they’d never had before, about their future and his dreams, although she knew some of them but not all.

  “Take care of me,” he said with a broad smile, “and have babies, if you want to. That’s up to you. I’d like that, but I have the boys. I’d love to have a baby with you when we’re married. But as long as I have you, I’ll be happy. The rest is your decision.”

  “And not Germany?” she asked him, curious about his answer. Like her brothers, she had the feeling that one day he would want to go back to his own world, even if he was bitter about being forced to leave.

  “I don’t know. It depends what happens there after the war. I’m not sure what I would have left, or how I would feel after they made us leave.” It was a cruel blow. “I have my father in Germany, which is important to me. If he’s old and he needs me, I’d go back. If not, I honestly don’t know. Maybe we’d be happier here. We’ll have to see what it’s like after the war. I don’t know if I’ll be able to reclaim our property. And who knows how badly they’ll destroy the country? I don’t trust Hitler, and Germany is at his mercy now. It might never be the same again when it’s all over.” That was honest, too, and he was trying to be fair with her. “I can’t ask you to marry me now, Christianna. I have nothing to offer you. But when I do, I will, and I hope you’ll say yes.” He took her face in his hands as he said it and kissed her. He had told her all she needed to know, and all that her father would want to hear. “I love you,” he added for good measure.

  “I love you too. And when you ask me, I will say yes, whatever you have. I don’t care.” He knew that about her, too, and loved her for it.

  “I think we got that all worked out,” he said, smiling broadly as they left the horse tent, and they both looked exceptionally happy when they picked up Lucas and Toby and joined her family at the restaurant for a New Year’s celebration. Her father noticed how jubilant they looked too. And after dinner he turned to Nick with a question in his eyes.

  “Do you two have something to tell us?” Sandor prodded them. He and Nick were on a first-name basis now, which was a sign of his approval.

  Nick looked at him innocently, teasing him a little. “Like what?” Nick smiled as he said it, and Christianna giggled.

  “We’re in love, Papa,” she said softly.

  “I knew that much months ago. I’m not blind, for God’s sake. Anything else? Any plans?” He suddenly looked concerned, as his eyes went back to Nick’s.

  “As soon as I know that I can offer your daughter a good life, I will come and speak to you, I promise. I give you my word.”

  “And you will stay in the circus?” Sandor pressed him. He drove a hard bargain.

  “For as long as Christianna wants to, if that’s reasonable,” Nick said diplomatically. “I’ll do whatever makes her happy.” But he had already told her what he wanted and hoped for them. And he hoped he could convince her to try it, a life in the real world with him. “And I want a wedding present from you, on the day we get married,” Nick said smoothly.

  “Of course,” Sandor said, waving his arms magnanimously. “What is it?”

  “A net for my wife,” Nick said, looking him straight in the eye, and for a long moment the senior Markovich didn’t answer, and then slowly he nodded and shook Nick’s hand.

  “You will have it. You have my word as well.” The two men looked satisfied, and as Nick thought about it, it was enough incentive to make him marry her sooner, just to preserve her life. But both men looked happy with the bargain they had struck and the assurances that had been given. Now that their love for each other was no longer a secret, Nick and Christianna could court openly, with her father’s approval. He ordered vodka for the entire table, and everyone but Toby and Lucas drank it. There was a mood of celebration that night, and it was nearly midnight when they went back to the fairground. Nick wanted to get the boys home and Christianna joined him. Her brothers stayed to continue drinking with her father, while their wives and her aunt went back to the fairground as well. It had been a joyful evening, and they no longer had to deal with the pressure of hiding what they felt for each other. Nick was glad that Gallina had prodded him to broach the subject. So far, she was always right. And Sandor seemed satisfied with his promise to ask for her hand at a later date, and Nick’s answer about staying with the circus seemed to satisfy him as well. Sandor couldn’t imagine Christianna ever wanting to leave them, so obviously Nick wouldn’t either. And Nick would make a very distinguished son-in-law one day. And at the restaurant, after several more vodkas, Sandor was bragging that his daughter was going to be a countess. As he said it, she was sitting outside his trailer, talking to Nick, and the boys had just gone to bed. The New Year was definitely off to a great start.

  As they talked softly, Nick noticed a boy wearing a Western Union uniform ride up to the trailer on a bicycle. He squinted in the darkness as the boy in the uniform approached after he set down his bicycle. He took an envelope out of a bag sl
ung across his chest.

  “I have a telegram for Nicolas von Bingen. Is that you?” he said in an official voice, which startled Nick. He wasn’t used to hearing his own name anymore. Everyone at the circus called him Nick Bing now. And he only saw his name on letters from Alex and his father.

  “Yes, it is.” Nick looked surprised as he took it from him, signed a log sheet the boy kept with him, and then opened the envelope as Christianna watched and the boy left. Nick had no idea what it was. He could just barely read it in the moonlight, and his eyes went immediately to the sender’s name at the bottom of the telegram. It was from Alex.

  “Deeply regret to inform you your father died in the early hours of New Year’s morning. Peacefully from pneumonia. Nothing we could do. I am so sorry. Fondest sympathy and all our love. Alex.” Nick read it and said not a word, unable to absorb what was written, and then read it again as it sank in. He felt as though he had been struck by lightning. He looked at Christianna and his eyes filled with tears as he handed it to her. He hadn’t expected this final blow. He couldn’t imagine a world without his father in it. Other than the boys, all he had had all his life was his father, and a mother he’d never known and probably never would now, thanks to Hitler.

  Christianna took the telegram from him, read it and gave a gasp, and flew instantly from where she sat to put her arms around him and console him. He was crying silently as they held each other, and they sat that way for a long time as the full meaning of the words hit him. He had lost his father. Christianna stayed with him that night until early sunrise. The sun was just streaking into the sky when she left him dozing on the couch and went back to her own trailer. No one heard her tiptoe in. The others had all had too much to drink the night before, and would be hung over when they woke up.