“There’s nothing we can do about it,” Charles said, looking tired. Isabel was always trying to solve everyone’s problems, but there was no lightening the burden of the war until it was over. Simon had been injured the year before and was back in action. That was stressful enough for them after losing Edmund. It was a terrible time for them all. Charles thought they just had to tough through it.
“I think we should send her to London,” Isabel said with her latest brainstorm.
“What, and have her killed by a bomb or falling debris from a burnt-out building? Are you mad?”
“Not everyone gets killed in London. I’ll admit I don’t like the idea much myself, but she’s twenty-three years old, and she has no friends here, nothing to look forward to or to do. They may be dropping bombs on London, but there are parties and people and young officers to flirt with.”
“Oh, for heaven’s sake. Wait till the war is over, Izzie.” But she was worried about Marianne and how despondent she had been since her father’s death. She didn’t even seem to be enjoying Violet these days, who was an enchanting child.
“We can keep the little one here. At least send her up for a visit. She’s too depressed over her father’s death. She needs to get out of here.”
She argued with him for a month, and finally after Christmas, she sent Marianne to London to stay with cousins of the Beaulieus who had a lovely house on Belgravia Square, near a bomb shelter. At first Marianne said she didn’t want to go, but by the time she left, she looked brighter again, and she was excited about her London visit. Isabel had chosen their cousins for Marianne to stay with because they had a daughter the same age, and she could introduce Marianne to some young people for a change. She had seen no one but her parents-in-law for four years. And Marianne herself didn’t realize how much she had missed being with people her own age since Edmund died, until she got to London and their cousin Julie took her to a score of parties, and introduced her to everyone she knew. She convinced Marianne to extend her stay and got her a volunteer job at a hospital two days a week, and the rest of the time they were out every night. She missed Violet, but her time in London was therapeutic and restoring her, so Isabel urged her to stay there. Her trip to London was doing for her what Isabel had hoped. She sounded young again, and happier than she’d been in years.
Marianne called the Beaulieus regularly, and she sounded like a different person. And she didn’t tell her mother-in-law, but on New Year’s Day she had met a young officer from Virginia, an American named Arthur Garrison, and she had seen him almost every day since. She had never had so much fun in her life. And when she came back to Haversham in February to see her daughter, she looked like a different person. Even Charles had to admit it, and that Isabel’s mad idea had been the right thing, as always. Her “mad ideas” were usually her best.
Charles had a serious talk with Marianne when she got back. The war was by no means over, but when it would be, she would have to decide what to do about Schloss Altenberg, and whether she would want to keep it or sell it. She couldn’t imagine living in Germany again. Her life was in England with them, and it would be too sad for her at Altenberg without her father. She thought she would probably sell it, although she knew it would be painful to do so. For all this time she had hoped to go back, but without her father, it had lost meaning for her.
“I thought you’d feel that way,” Charles said sensibly. “But I wanted to ask you. I’ll help you when the time comes. And of course, my dear, we want you to stay here with us. You will always have a home here.” And Edmund had left her a substantial amount in his will, which she hadn’t expected. Charles knew that her father had had a considerable fortune and extensive lands. Germany was liable to be in very bad shape after the war, but she was his sole heir. And between Edmund and her father, she’d been left a very substantial amount of money. She was set for life.
Marianne went back to London after a week and saw Arthur Garrison again. They shared a passion for horses. He had a horse farm in Virginia where his family raised them. He had inherited it right before the war when his parents died, and she told him about her father’s Lipizzaners. He was fascinated by them, and by her, but he also noticed how reticent she was to let any romance develop between them. She had fun with him, and loved talking to him, but she treated him more like a friend, and he finally questioned her about it one night after dinner.
“I lost my husband two and a half years ago,” she said quietly, “in a bombing raid over Germany. And my father this year. I hadn’t seen him in four years since I came to England. And my mother died when I was born.” She took a breath and tried to explain to him what she was feeling. “I just don’t want to lose any more people in my life. All I have are my daughter and my parents-in-law. I’m afraid that if I get attached to anyone else, they’ll die too.” It was as honest and direct as she could be with him, and tears stood out in her eyes as she said it.
“You’re twenty-three years old, Marianne. You can’t be afraid to love anyone for the rest of your life, because they might die. That’s not fair. When the war is over, we’ll all go back to normal lives. No one will be flying bombing raids, or having bombs dropped on them. We’ll live with the risks of ordinary life.”
“The only family I ever had was my father,” she said sadly. “Now he’s gone. My best friends died or left Germany. And I’ll never go back to live in Germany again. My parents-in-law want me to stay here. And the only man I ever loved was Edmund, and he died the day before my daughter was born. I don’t know if I have the courage to try again.” Arthur was five years older than she was, and mature for his age.
“You’ve paid a high price for this war. Now you’re going to have to learn to live with peacetime.”
“It’s not over yet,” she reminded him. He could still die, as any number of people could.
“It will be soon. You can’t live hidden away in the country forever either. You’re too young to do that.”
“Maybe I’ll move to London,” she said vaguely. She really didn’t know what she wanted to do yet. He was kind and attentive, and they had the same interests. He was very attractive, and protective of her. And she truly liked him.
“Will you give me a chance, Marianne?” he said softly. “Please?” He had never met anyone like her.
“I don’t know if I can,” she said fairly.
“Let’s do it together,” he said with a kind expression. It was one of the things she liked best about him, his gentleness, and how well he treated her. So had Edmund and her father. Arthur reminded her a lot of Edmund in that way, although he was very American and soft-spoken with a Southern accent, and not British. And he didn’t look anything like Marianne’s late husband. He was as fair as Edmund had been dark, which was a relief. It would have been too strange if he looked like Edmund. But they had the same loving spirit. “I won’t push you,” he promised. He was smart enough to know that that was a bad idea. She didn’t answer, but she smiled at him, and she seemed calmer.
And for the next several weeks, they went to dinner and saw friends. He was an adjutant to a general, so he was not flying missions, and she didn’t need to worry about his dying from being in danger. He came down to Haversham to visit her one weekend, and her parents-in-law liked him too. He was well bred and polite and as aristocratic as they were, in an American way. And he was wonderful with Violet, and she responded to him. Most of all, he was terrific to Marianne. But his circumstances and “real life” worried Isabel greatly about him, and she expressed it to Charles after he left.
“What if she marries him and goes to America with him?” she said sadly.
“Then we’ll visit her, and she’ll visit us. You said it yourself, we can’t keep her locked up here forever. She’s a young woman.”
“I was thinking London, not Virginia,” she said wistfully. And she would miss Violet so much if they left, but she knew Charles was right, and she wanted whatever was best for Marianne. And Arthur Garrison looked like he might be it
. Only Marianne still wasn’t convinced. She was keeping him at arm’s length.
By early April, Arthur was discouraged. He had the feeling that Marianne would never let herself love again, or not for a long time. And he had fallen in love with her. He stopped calling her for a few days to give himself some air, and Marianne was surprised. She had gotten used to spending a lot of time with him for the past few months, and hearing from him constantly, whenever he wasn’t working. She mentioned it to Julie, who suggested that she might have finally scared him off, and Marianne spent the next few days thinking about it, afraid she had. And she suddenly realized that she didn’t want that to happen. She liked him more than she wanted to admit.
She sounded relieved when he finally called her again. “I missed you,” she confessed, and he beamed when she said it.
“Well, that’s good news. I figured that you’d be relieved not to hear from me.” He had almost given up on her.
“I’m not relieved, Arthur,” she said honestly. “I’m just scared.”
“I know you are. Me too. But good things can be scary sometimes. You just have to be brave enough to grab them.”
“I don’t know if I’m that brave,” or if she wanted to be, but she knew now that she didn’t want to lose him either.
She was warmer when she saw him for dinner that night, and animated when they talked, and when he took her home this time, he kissed her. She hesitated at first, and then let herself go and kissed him with a passion she had forgotten. He didn’t press her for anything then. He kissed her lightly again and told her he’d call her in the morning, and she looked dreamy eyed when she walked into the house and Julie saw her.
“What happened to you?” Julie asked her, and Marianne smiled mysteriously and didn’t answer. “Don’t tell me Sleeping Beauty is waking up again. Good lord! Hallelujah!” Julie had been worried about her too. She’d been so frozen when she first came to London, as though everything inside her was dead.
“Maybe” was all Marianne would say, and went upstairs to bed. But when she saw Arthur again the following night, things were progressing nicely.
Two weeks later, after they’d been dancing all evening at a private club, they talked about Berlin falling soon, and she suddenly realized that when the war ended, he would be going home to Virginia. And thinking about it, she suddenly felt panicked. She said something about it to him, and he was happy to hear it.
“May I consider that a hopeful sign?” he asked her, and she smiled, and he kissed her. They had been doing a lot of kissing in the past few weeks, and she wasn’t as disconnected as she feared. He could sense that she was a passionate woman. She had just been badly wounded. But he was a patient man, and he was willing to spend a lifetime helping her recover. He was trying to let her know that, and he thought she was hearing him at last.
For the next few weeks, as the war ended in Germany, Arthur did everything he could to reassure her. They were together when the German surrender to the Allies was announced, and it was a day of jubilation in England and all over Europe. It was bittersweet for Marianne, without Edmund and her father. Arthur said he’d probably be going home in June, back to his horse farm in Virginia.
“I’ll have to go to my home in Germany to decide what to do with it,” she said with a look of profound sadness. “I’m pretty sure I’m going to sell it. I could never live there without my father, and now knowing he died there. I think he must have come to hate Germany in the end. I don’t want to live there anymore. Charles Beaulieu said he’d help me put it on the market.”
“And the horses?” he asked sympathetically.
“They’re all gone. The Germans took them. The stables are empty. And the house. At least the German high command never took it.” And then she smiled at him. “It was probably too drafty and too hard to heat.” He laughed at that. Most European castles seemed to be, from what he’d seen. She wondered if Nick would sell their old schloss now, too, or if he’d come home. After seven years in America and a life there, she didn’t think so. Germany was over for all of them.
They talked late into the night. And two weeks later, Arthur told her that he was going home at the end of June. She nodded sadly when he said it.
“I’d like to ask you something, Marianne,” he said quietly. “I’ll understand whatever you decide. But would you do me the honor of marrying me? I know this isn’t easy for you, and it would be a whole new life in America. But I love you, and little Violet. I would love you to be my wife.” She hesitated for an eternity as she looked at him, and he was sure she would say no. And then she nodded. He nearly fell out of his seat, and he wanted to whoop with glee. But he didn’t want to scare her. Instead he kissed her and promised to take care of her for the rest of her life, and she believed him. And she didn’t ask him never to die. She knew better now. Sometimes people died, even if they didn’t mean to. They couldn’t help it. And it didn’t mean they didn’t love you.
“I love you too,” she said softly. “I’ll try to be a good wife.”
“You don’t have to try to be anything,” he said, kissing her again.
“I have to settle my father’s estate in Germany, and put the house on the market. Maybe I could come in September.”
“Whenever you’re ready,” he said peacefully. “I’ll be waiting for you.” And she knew he would be, for however long it took.
Chapter 26
Arthur left for America at the end of June to be released from the army, and return to Virginia. And in July, Marianne went to Germany. It was the first time she’d been back in five years, and the country was a shambles. It broke her heart to see it. And it nearly killed her to see their schloss again, empty and sad and deserted. She took her father’s old lawyer with her, and asked two of the tenant farmers and their wives to help her. She spent a week packing up the house. She had to dispose of her father’s possessions, and many of her own. She had a big job deciding what to give away, and what to keep, or sell. She wanted to send a few family heirlooms to America, like their silver and her grandmother’s china, and some furniture she loved, and a portrait of her father. And she spent a whole afternoon going through the treasures of her childhood. There were so many memories, and all of it made her sad now. In the end, she kept very little, and decided to sell a lot of the furniture and even the ancestral portraits with the schloss. She had never really liked them and had no use for them now.
And there was nothing for her to keep from the stables. All the Lipizzaners and Arabians were gone. She and the lawyer decided what price she wanted for the estate. Her father’s cars had disappeared from the garage, even the Hispano-Suiza he had loved, stolen by the Third Reich as well. The objects mattered nothing to her. She missed her father. She had come to say goodbye.
She stopped at her father’s unmarked grave, near the chapel on her estate. No one had ordered a headstone for him, since he had been killed by the Third Reich, and she asked the lawyer to do it. She visited the tenant farmers before she left, and thanked them for their many years of service to her father. She was a lady to her core, with all the sense of honor and responsibility that her father had taught her by his example.
And then she and the lawyer drove past the von Bingen schloss. It looked empty and deserted too. And she shuddered when she thought of who had lived there and that no one of the family would return. It was overwhelmingly sad.
Marianne felt as though she had crawled through hundreds of years of history when she left Germany and went back to Haversham. She hoped to never return. Her life there was over. It was finished. And it was a relief to go back to the Beaulieus. They truly were her only family now, other than Violet. She was going to America in September to marry Arthur, and Isabel and Charles were happy for her. She had promised to spend the summer with them, and to return as often as she could. And they were going to visit her in Virginia too.
She and Isabel walked in the gardens the day she returned from Altenberg, the way she used to with Edmund. She had come so far in the la
st five years, and the Beaulieus had been so good to her. She had grown up. Violet had thrived, and they had lost a son. The world had changed. And now she was going to America for a new life. She looked at Isabel and smiled as they walked back into the house, remembering how terrified she had been the day she arrived, and now this was home to her in many ways, and they were like her parents, not just Edmund’s. And she could almost feel him with her as she walked into the morning room. Violet was there, playing with her grandfather, and looking so like her father.
It would be a new chapter for Marianne now, a new country, a new life, and finally she was ready. And she knew Edmund would have approved.
Nick had the same difficult decision to make as Marianne, once the war in Germany ended. He had a schloss, extensive lands, and tenant farms. The house and lands still belonged to him, now that the Third Reich had fallen and he could own his estate again. But unlike Marianne, he had no desire to go back, even for a visit. He was sure. His homeland had betrayed him. And he knew it would break his heart to see it all again, and the manor house where his father died of grief, upholding his duty to God and country till the end. And seeing Alex’s deserted schloss now that he was dead would be no better.
Nick decided to sell all of it, and make his life in the States for good, in the country that had welcomed him. He told Christianna about his decision, and she wasn’t surprised. She had always believed that he wouldn’t go back to Germany, just as he said. Too much had happened there to hurt him.
Nick had contacted a Red Cross group and a Jewish refugee organization, trying to trace his mother, when the war ended, and in September, they told him what he had suspected. She had died with her husband, four children, and several other relatives, including her parents. The whole family had been wiped out, like so many others. It didn’t surprise him, but it made him sad. She had had other children, but had never known him. He felt as though he had lost her again when they told him.
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