Lust (Seven Deadlies MC Book 5)

by Kaitlyn Ewald

  Slayer did in fact know that, yes, but he was more worried about making sure the love of his life didn’t leave the lot with his head on a fucking stick for lying to her about what he lied about.

  “I’m aware.”

  “You have ten minutes to get in the cage, or I’ll have Limit and Tango drag your ass to it.”

  Slayer expected nothing less for his choices, and nodded solemnly.

  “You got it, boss.”

  ◆◆◆

  Billie was speaking with Rayna, a fiery blonde who obviously knew her way around the outlaw MC Billie was only just now discovering.

  “He really didn’t tell you anything about us? About how this life works?”

  “He told me if was different and that I would need to remain open-minded, but he didn’t give me any solid leads on what to expect, no.”

  Billie’s head was spinning and she didn’t want to offend anyone by being so pissed, but Slayer knew what he was doing when he lied to her face back at that diner.

  “I’m sorry, baby. That sucks, royally. He should have given you the choice to choose what you wanted for yourself. This life ain’t for everybody, that’s for sure,” Rayna said.

  Billie stiffened when she saw Slayer step out onto the lot behind Rayna, but she avoided his gaze. He was stopped by Ox on his way over to her, and she was silently rejoicing. She couldn’t face him, not then.

  “Look, you can take this however you want, Billie, but I know that Slayer isn’t the brightest, okay? He means well, he really does, and he’s a good man. He probably didn’t want you to run before he really got a chance to keep you, ya know? You said you guys were estranged for six years.”

  “We were. He left, and now he’s lying, and I’m not sure which is worse.”

  “Scarlett got thrown into this life in a similar way. Her mom didn’t tell her for twenty-two years that Ox, her father, was alive and out in the world. When she first came here, she didn’t know if she could handle this either. She led a real silver-spoon-fed-life up until that. Not all of us were biker bitches before we met out dudes,” Rayna said.

  Billie winced, and she realized that it did sound judgmental, the way she was acting.

  “I knew that this wouldn’t be an easy transition, and I definitely wasn’t spoon-fed, but the fact that he lied to me makes this all the more overwhelming…does that make sense?”

  Rayna wrapped an arm around Billie’s shoulders.

  “I get it baby, I really do. But, uh, it looks like your man is about to get his ass handed to him.” Rayna pointed to a terrifying looking cage at the back of the lot, and Billie’s eyes wandered until she found Slayer, shirtless, climbing into the cage.

  “What the fuck is going on?,” She wondered.

  “Ox is about to give him his punishment. We don’t get extra duty around here, Billie. We gotta learn our lessons the hard way.”

  “What does that mean? Why is he in trouble?”

  Rayna squeezed her gently before she sighed.

  “Lying to you was wrong, that put you in danger. This place is a hot mess right now. We have a renegade MC leaving threats left and right, and we have no idea what their intentions are. If this were an easier time for us, it probably wouldn’t matter, but right now? Right now, he put you, himself, and our club at jeopardy.”

  “He did?”

  Rayna stopped walking as they came to the mouth of the cage, and turned Billie so that they were facing each other.

  “Don’t take this the wrong way, but if you don’t get the full disclosure from him, then you can’t make up your mind about being loyal to this club. This lifestyle requires loyalty, its one the few things that keeps us afloat. By not having that discussion with you, he took away that part of your relationship.”

  “I am loyal to him! I moved here with him after six years apart!”

  “And, that’s amazing, but I’m talking about the Seven Deadlies. We can’t afford for our guys to half-ass the information department. We gotta have their backs, for any reason, without hesitation. If something goes down and someone decides to go after their ladies, that leaves it up to us to keep our mouths shut. If you don’t know what’s a secret and what isn’t, that could jeopardize this entire organization.”

  Billie got what she was saying, and she didn’t take offense. That wasn’t something that she did wrong, it was all at Slayer’s doorstep. She glanced up to see Ox and Slayer bumping fists, bare-knuckled, and gasped.

  “They aren’t using gloves?”

  A small crowd was forming around them faster than Billie liked, and more than one woman was yelling Slayer’s name; that didn’t sit well with her, either.

  “No, baby. Not here. He won’t get any mercy from Ox tonight, but he’ll let his president win, anyways.”

  “What! Why?”

  “Because, he knows he deserves this ass beating.”

  A woman across the cage, damn near naked and obviously sporting a fake pair of tits, screamed his name.

  “Who the fuck is she?”

  Rayna slowly blinked before she started to laugh, her pretty smile pointed in Billie’s direction.

  “My, my. I like that temper of yours, Billie King. It’ll do you good around here. And, her? That’s Loretta, and she and Slayer used to fuck. I heard through the grapevine he refers to you as his ol’ lady, so that means, you gotta lay down some ground rules. I ain’t tellin’ you anything to make you mad or start some shit, but you need to be prepared.”

  “Prepared? For women?”

  Rayna chuckled and nodded.

  “Yeah, baby. These women here, the ones that look like they take cash for dick? They’ll do anything they can to make these men happy if they think they have a chance to become one of us; an old lady.”

  “I won’t be used like some biker whore,” Billie said vehemently.

  “Then don’t let him! You gotta lay down the rules the way you want them, Billie. The ball is in your court now. Is he worth it?”

  Billie glanced up, watched Ox slam Slayer into the side of the cage before flipping him over his knee and pressing his foot into his chest. She winced, hated the fact that this had to be his punishment, but he got right back up for more.

  “I don’t know.”

  “I can tell you a story that not many know. I shouldn’t even know this, but one night Fury got drunk and told me a little story, and I never spilled the beans…but, about three years ago, Slayer was seein’ someone from town. A woman he was serious enough about to tell Fury in a drunken stupor that he was thinkin’ about making her his old lady. Turns out she was married the whole time, and just slumming it with him because she wanted a little spice in her life. It tore him up, from what Fury said.”

  Billie didn’t know how she felt about that; hearing that Slayer had been serious enough about someone else to ask them to be his, well, it hurt. She’d had a boyfriend here and there over the years, but never anything serious. She hadn’t wanted anything serious, but she couldn’t blame Slayer for wanting something different.

  “What is an ‘old lady,’ exactly?”

  “In this lifestyle, that means you’re basically his wife without the legalities.”

  Billie’s eyes widened as she watched Slayer fight his president up and down the ring like he did it all the time. She couldn’t tell if he was enjoying himself or not, but he was smiling.

  “Rayna, I don’t know if I’m cut out for this.”

  “Cut out for this, or cut out to forgive him?”

  “Both.”

  Rayna ran a hand through her hair and glanced over to the left, where Fury was rocking Flora against his muscular chest.

  “Sometimes ya gotta take the risk if you want the reward. There’s a reason you were willing to move out here on a whim, Billie. There’s a reason you two never settled with someone else after six years of waiting. You know it, and he knows it. Does anything else really matter besides that? The past shouldn’t, and you know that, too.”

  Billie didn’t have any argum
ent for that, and Rayna seemed to be counting on that, because she just turned and pointed towards the cage.

  “Your man is done, and I would say he’s lookin’ for you. Go inside, sort your shit out, and make up your mind. We’re on the brink of a war, baby, he doesn’t have the time to wait for you to choose.”

  It made perfect sense and she hated it, because her righteous anger didn’t feel so big anymore, and instead felt like something far lower on his the scale of things that needed to be worried about. It was true, Billie didn’t know the first fucking thing about being someone’s ‘old lady,’ or how to run with an outlaw crew, but she came all the way out here for a reason. She needed to figure out what that reason was if she wanted to stay.

  As the crowd dispersed and Slayer came into view again, he was sweaty and bloody and looking directly at her. Billie wasn’t so sure she could handle a confrontation right then, but she was sure she shouldn’t run. He would take that as a bad sign, and she just wanted to get to the bottom of everything.

  No more lies, no more half-truths, just the bare bones of everything. No stories, no fillers, just Slayer and Billie. The two of them, as a team, after all those years apart.

  He stepped down and out of the cage just as she started walking towards him. He was still watching her, still scared, she could see it in his eyes. She could see the hesitation and the indecision and they both knew her temper could get the best of her. They both knew she was better off leading the conversation.

  As she neared him, another woman who’d obviously shared his bed, stopped him in his tracks by putting a hand against his chest. Billie was too far away to hear what they were saying over the noise of the crowd, but it seemed like he was doing his best to push past her so that he could get to Billie.

  As she neared them she realized that the woman, someone he called Ivory, wouldn’t take no for an answer.

  “Come on, just an hour. All I need is an hour. I miss you,” She whined. Billie tried not to snort under her breath as she rolled her eyes.

  “No, Ivory. There is more than one single man on this lot, and I ain’t one of them anymore.”

  “So?”

  “So, if you don’t remove your hand from his chest, I’ll pry your fingernails off one by one and make you eat them,” Billie said casually from behind her.

  Ivory turned to look at her, her eyes widening. Slayer was grinning from ear to ear, and she just knew he was going to make some stupid comment about her being jealous. She was, but she wouldn’t ever admit it.

  “I’m sorry, do I know you?”

  “Regardless of whether or not you know me isn’t important. What is important I that your hand is still on something that doesn’t belong to you.”

  “Ivory, I said no. You better heed her warning. She’s got a real nasty temper,” Slayer said with a laugh.

  Ivory finally seemed to catch the drift because she lifted her hand and moved away from Slayer, nodding in Billie’s direction.

  “Sorry, I didn’t realize he was serious about being taken. No hard feelings?”

  Billie nodded.

  “No hard feelings. But, do yourself and the other girls and favor and spread the word, okay?”

  Ivory sent a half-smile her way and nodded.

  “You got it.”

  Slayer waited until Ivory was gone before he said, “Is it time to sort our shit out?”

  “I would say so, don’t you?”

  He dipped his head.

  “Yeah. I think so, too.”

  Chapter 16

  Billie followed Slayer into his room and waited for him to say something. When it became obvious that he didn’t know what he was supposed to say, she sighed.

  “Start with why you lied.”

  “I know that this place isn’t what you expected it to be. I knew that it wouldn’t be. I just wanted to introduce you to it slow. I wanted to get you used to me again before I tried to introduce you to all of this,” He said as he waved his hands in the air.

  “You could have talked to me about it before we left.”

  “How do you think that conversation would have gone, Billie? Would you have been willing to come with me if you knew we dabbled with murder? Drugs? Guns? You have always had a very strong sense of right and wrong, and it’s always been black and white. I know you, Billie. This life has to be experienced, not explained.”

  “And, what if you introduced me slow, and I still didn’t want to stay?”

  ‘Then, at least I would know we gave this a fair shot.”

  “Fair enough, but that doesn’t change the fact that you’ve started this relationship on false pretenses, Slayer. Now I don’t know what to do here. How can I believe anything you say?”

  “I guess that’s a fair question, but Billie, come on. Do you really think I would hurt you now? After moving forward the way we have?”

  “Who was the woman from town? That you wanted to make your old lady?”

  Slayer grunted under his breath and tied his long hair back into a ponytail at the base of his neck, which gave her a clear view of his bruised and swollen face.

  “She wasn’t anyone special. I was lonely, I wanted to feel connected, so I went out with her a few times. I didn’t tell Fury I wanted to make her my old lady, I said that I wanted an old lady. Especially the last couple of years, watching all my brothers find someone special and make a family? Billie I wanted all of that, but I only wanted it with you. I didn’t date anyone after her because I didn’t want to settle, and I didn’t definitely want to settle for someone who played games with me.”

  “Kind of like you’ve been playing with me?”

  “Fuck, I know it looks that way, but I swear it isn’t like that. I just wanted to keep you.”

  His words sounded sincere, and Billie hated that. She wanted to be able to hold on to her anger just a little bit longer; it would keep her head clearer. Slayer watched Billie with astute eyes as she seemed to think about what to say.

  “I need to be able to trust you, Slayer. I need to know you won’t go out there and fuck one of the tagalongs because you’re mad at me. I need to know that I come first before anyone else here. I won’t ever ask you to abandon your brothers or your club, but if you want my loyalty, I want yours.”

  His gaze met hers, “You already have mine. I should have told you everything before we left, and I apologize for that. I’ll tell you whatever you need to know.”

  “That’s a great promise and all, but I need actions, not words. You’ve just set the precedent for our entire relationship with this move, man. How can I expect anything good to come from this?”

  “You’re right, okay? I fucked up. But, I don’t want this to go around and around and around in circles. I need you to listen, and hear me, okay?”

  Billie nodded.

  “I don’t want to do this with anyone else. I never got you out of my head, you were my best friend and the only person I wanted by my side. I fucked that up, I know I did, and I can’t take it back now. I stayed away because I didn’t think there was a chance that I could ever actually have you. I know that I didn’t do this right and I know that I haven’t set the bar very high here, but please give me a chance. An honest one, Billie. You wanna be my old lady?”

  “I don’t think we’re ready for that.”

  “No, maybe you’re right. Maybe I do need to earn that, and I get it. But, lets forget all of that for a second. You want full disclosure?”

  “I think I need it.”

  “I can give it to you, but it won’t be pretty, and you have to follow my rules as far as the club goes. I know you hate authority and I usually do too, but in this instance I need you to trust me. I know that sounds lame, but I swear it’s the only way.”

  Billie chewed her bottom lip, her hair falling in her eyes as she nodded.

  “Okay, you obviously know more about it than I do.”

  “Those tagalongs don’t mean anything to me, Billie. I was empty for a long time, and they distracted me from that. That’
s the truth. I may not be the same man I was before, but I wasn’t lying when I said you’re the only one who knows me as a man.”

  Billie’s eyes filled with tears as she turned to look out the window, ignoring the scent of blood and sweat and regret. It filled the room like all the words she didn’t know how to say, and the weight of it made her sick to her stomach.

  Just say it out loud, Billie.

  Just say what he needs to hear.

  “It’s funny, actually. That is has gotten so hard when it used to be so easy,” She commented.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean that one day, maybe not tomorrow or the day after, but one day, this won’t be so fucking hard.”

  Slayer looked doubly confused as she turned to face him.

  “What do you mean?”

  “One day, something big enough will happen that will make me more important than before, than the inbewteen.”

  “What do you mean? You’re already more important.” She smiled a sad kind of smile that almost chipped away at the edges of his soul.

  “No, I’m not. You still have moments where you panic inside because you don’t know if you’re equipped to handle a woman like me, but you want to be. I can see it in your eyes; that momentary panic that creeps up on you, because you’re afraid that one day, I’ll realize you’re not equipped for it either, and I’ll leave you. That I’ll become like all the rest, and decide that you’re not worth the effort, and you’ll end up right where you started, with a neat little hole, right about...here,” She said as she pressed a palm to his chest.

  “And, sometimes you say or do something that’s so familiar, so scary, that I start to convince myself that you’re no different than any other man, including the old you, that’s taken advantage of me. But, do you know why we’re going to work? Do you know why this connection is the forever kind?”

  Riveted, Slayer shook his head as he continued to study her. She wasn’t like the women he was used to, but Billie already knew that. She patted his chest affectionately like she always had before she said, “You may not have been my only, but you’ve always been my one. The fact that we’ve shared some awful experiences before now, only makes us appreciate each other that much more. So, we panic a little and get a little petty about it, we’re human. It’s gonna happen. I’m not the smartest woman out there, and I won’t ever pretend to be, but I know that regardless of circumstances, I would still choose you. At the end of the day, all I can hope for, is that you will choose me, too.”