I played with the ends of my hair, looking down. I didn’t want to admit how much he made sense. But it still didn’t lessen the betrayal I felt.
“She did her best. She kept you protected for eighteen years, even when she wasn’t around. Quite a feat since you were hunted every day since you both escaped from the castle.”
I wiggled in my chair with irritation.
“Give her a chance to tell you her story.” Lars sat on the corner of his desk.
“Why should I?” Anger spoke the words before rationality got hold of my tongue.
“Because she gave up everything she had for you. Do not forget Lily had family, friends, a future husband, a home ... and she left it all. For you. She lost her best friend, all for a baby who was not hers and one who should not have even existed. The prejudice against Daes was at highpoint at the time of your birth, yet she raised you like her own. She was on the run, alone and scared, with a newborn. Lily and I may never get along, but I will always regard her with the highest esteem. I do not think anyone else would have done what she did.”
I bit my lip, feeling a wave of gratitude and guilt. Love wormed its way through my hurt and pain.
“She may have made a lot of mistakes, but she loves you more than anything. She gave herself over to Aneira and stayed silent through years of torture to keep you secure. If you cannot find a way to forgive her, then you are less like your mother and more like your real father than I thought.”
I kept my head down the whole time he spoke, ashamed of the anguish I caused Lily. A strong desire to see her pounded into my chest, gripping my heart. Now that I was back in the land of the living, there were so many things I needed to deal with. “I need to see her, Ryan, and my dad.” Kennedy’s face burst into my head. I bolted out of my chair, suddenly restless and angry at myself for not looking for her. What kind of friend was I?
“Oh, my god. I need to find Kennedy.”
Lars stood, his shoulders hitching back in frustration as if he was trying to pacify a petulant child. He rounded his desk and faced me from behind it. “In your absence, we have been doing everything we can to find her. She is important to us, too.”
“I know, and I am grateful for that, but I need to do something. I’ve been so selfish. She needs me, and I wasn’t there for her.”
“She is not aware of your absence.”
“But I am.” I bobbed on the balls of my feet, my calves constricting in protest.
“There is no way I am letting you leave here. The Queen may appear not to be looking for you, but we both know she is. She will have spies everywhere. Your death has become her obsession.”
“Lars, I can’t become prisoner here, too. I need to find my friend. I need to see Ryan, my mom and my dad.” Panic moved my arms around frantically. “I can’t stop my life. I can’t.”
“Ember!” His voice cut through my rant like a cleaver. “Do you understand the severity of what is happening? Soon, I will have an army here. Aneira is going to tear down the walls with your stolen powers. The destruction will be beyond comprehension. Do you realize you are still the one who has to kill her? We will find a way to get you to the sword. It is our only chance. And if anything happens to you?” He trailed off. “Our chances are exceedingly slim. We need everyone at their best ... and alive.”
I still had yet to tell anyone the truth about the sword. Part of me wanted to stay silent and let him believe we had hope. The other part needed to get the weight off my chest.
“What if I couldn’t kill her?”
His eyebrows drew down. “You have to.”
“No. I mean what if something happened, and I could no longer obtain the sword?”
“Not an option.” He said it so firmly it almost stopped the words in my throat from coming out.
“Can’t anyone kill her? Anyone who has the sword?” My finger curled around the hem of my top. “Why don’t you do it? You’re the Unseelie King. And don’t think I have forgotten about our agreement. I never thought about it till now ... but why do you want the sword so badly, Lars? If you are so convinced I am going to become Queen, aren’t I handing you a weapon that can kill me?” My stare was full of accusation. “Is it why you want it? Something you will forever hold over me to keep me in line? To control me?”
His jaw clenched as he stared at me. “Your supposition is not the reason I desire the sword.”
“Then why? No one would desire a weapon so strong except to use it to control and destroy.”
Lars pressed his hands on his desk. “Such a notion right there will get you killed. Fae and most leaders covet objects and secrets to control and keep the game in their favor. What is the human phrase, ‘Those with the most toys win’? For Fae it is even more so.”
“You will use it to command me if you don’t like something I do?”
“Let us hope it does not come to pass.”
“You are such a dick,” I yelled.
“I am a Demon, Ember. Do not forget the fact.”
“I won’t.” I crossed my arms. “Good thing I can’t get you the one thing you want the most.”
“You will. You have agreed to the terms.” His lashes lowered as his focus drilled into me, forcing my legs back against the chair. “I am sorry, but we do not have time for uncertainty and stubbornness. There is no other option but for us to win. You are going to kill her, Ember. I am not the one who is prophesized. You are. If you do not acknowledge your part then I believe we are doomed.”
I swallowed nervously. “No pressure or anything.”
“I understand the task is a lot for you. As much as you may not believe what I say, I only want the best for you. You are my blood.” Possibly my daughter was left unsaid, but I could hear it in the pause. “If I could have it another way, I would take it, but we cannot. The task before us is our fate. Your fate. We must finish the war she forced. End Aneira.”
Something in me snapped. “But I can’t touch it, Lars! She put a curse on me.”
Silence stilled the room, pricking at my skin as he stared at me. “Excuse me?”
Licking my lips, I looked away. “When Aneira killed Eli, she said she would let me bring him back if I promised to never touch the sword again. If I did, he would die. This time for good.”
Lars’ face flushed red and his eyes swirled brightly. “And. You. Agreed?” He was fighting to control his anger, but his shoulders and chest tensed like steel cables on the verge of snapping. He suddenly seemed taller, looming over me. The room grew tight and small. A chill brushed my bones.
“Yes.” My voice sounded small.
His features shifted. No horns sprouted from his head, but his eyes glowed bright yellowish-green, and they outshone the flickering bulbs overhead. The bones under his skin protruded sharply through his now parchment-thin skin. His eyes went entirely black.
I took a step back. I had heard so many people tell me it was freaky when my eyes turned black, and now I saw what they meant. No white remained, just two black pools of fury. “Lars?” My voice squeaked.
He no longer resembled the good-looking, olive-skinned King but a monster from a nightmare. “Lars!”
It looked at me, and it felt like its stare went right through me, tearing at my soul. It took a few steps toward me. My instinct told me to run, but my legs only moved me back against the wall.
The Demon suddenly stood right in front of me, its bony fingers wrapping around my throat and squeezing. My feet lifted off the floor, his hand strangling my throat as he pushed me up the wall. Air tore from my lungs, like it was sucked out with a vacuum.
“Lars ... please stop,” I choked, my eyes beginning to water.
I could see my reflection in his black eyes, my face red and strained, desperate for air. His fingers dug into my skin, crushing my vocal chords.
“Lars ... Uncle.” My voice did not make it out of my mouth, but the words formed on my lips.
The Demon stopped, my body sliding back to the floor. It gave a sharp huff of air from its
nose, and shook its head. Its features slowly turned back to the face I had come to know so well. Lars dropped his hand and stepped away.
I rubbed at my throat, coughing.
Several minutes passed while neither of us spoke. If he needed “time” to control his temper, I would give it to him. Speaking might only piss him off again.
Tension turned the small noises of the house to top volume. My hearing picked up Marguerite setting a pot on the stove. The shrillness of the metal on metal hurt my eardrums.
“All right.” Lars turned around and strode to the French doors and looked out into the night. There would be no apologies coming my way. Demons did not work like that. “Nothing has changed.”
I blinked, his words sinking heavy in my heart. “What? What do you mean?”
He shifted slightly toward me, but kept his eyes looking ahead. “You can still kill the Queen.”
Instant rage pushed me off the wall. “But it will mean Eli dies!”
Lars finally turned and faced me. “Yes, it does.”
“W-What?” Even after all he’d done, the mere idea of something bad happening to him, of him no longer existing, launched a terror so deep I gasped for breath.
“You said yourself how you no longer wanted to see him again. You swore you hated him.”
“I didn’t mean I want him to die!”
Lars sighed. He took slow, methodical breaths. I could tell he was fighting to stay in control. Right now I didn’t care.
“How can you even say that? And here I thought you had grown to like him.”
“The facts have nothing to do with whether I like him or not. We are at war, Ember.”
“How soulless are you? You can’t expect me to kill him no matter what he’s done ... I won’t do it.”
“Now who is being selfish?” Lars moved to his desk. “Is one life worth millions? Freedom and happiness? Your friends and family? All of it will no longer exist. Is Elighan’s life worth all their loss and suffering to you?”
My mouth fell open. Then it closed. My first response was to say yes. Even if I never wanted to see him again, and he had done horrible things, I couldn’t kill him. But was I being selfish? Was Eli’s life worth the destruction of Earth? I had already killed so many. Could I really doom all to a life of slavery and or death? Was I willing to forgo the lives of millions of innocent humans and Fae for his?
“You are also condemning him to an even worse fate than death.”
“What?”
“Let us say you do not touch the sword. Yes, Elighan would live ... for a while. So would Aneira. How long do you think his life would last after that? Your way would be quick and painless. Aneira will torture him beyond recognition. I am not talking only physically, either. What she did to Torin would be child’s play compared to what she would do to Eli. She feels the connection between you. She will be cruel in dealing with him especially to hurt you. Even if she has already killed you, she will torment him out of spite.” Lars’ eyes flashed black again, hinting the Demon in him was close to the surface. “Is such a fate what you want for him?”
My lids blinked feverishly, and I stared at my feet, my voice soft. “No.” The weight of the world was on my shoulders, crushing my bones into the earth. Both my choices were unbearable. How could one small decision of mine make or break the entire world? Aneira was conniving, and she had been quick to act that day. She saw my love for Eli was enough for her to think she had me, but could she possibly think I would choose him over an entire population? Yes, she did. She had no respect or love for humans and probably could never fathom I would choose their side. As much as I hated him right now, I also cared too much to let him be tortured. I was fated to kill the man I loved, and I knew what my choice would be when the moment came.
“You will not tell him of the curse. I want all heads clear going into war.” Lars sat back in his chair, his shoulders tight around his neck.
“You don’t want me to tell him he’s going to die?” The shrill voice didn’t sound like my own.
“No.” Lars leaned back. “It will alter his outlook on the battle ahead. He will be impulsive and foolish. His dedication, knowing he will die, would be skewed.”
I wasn’t particularly crazy about the idea of telling him. How do you tell someone he is doomed to die, anyway? But keeping it from him, from my Alpha, didn’t sit right either.
“I bind your tongue, eyes, and hands against telling anyone.” I felt the weight of his spell come down on me, wrapping around my throat and tongue.
“Why ... why did you do that?” My hand went to my already bruised neck.
“I made the decision easier for you. You no longer have the option. You cannot feel guilty for something you are not able to do. Blame me for Elighan’s ignorance. We both know this choice is for the best. There is nothing you can do to change the realities, and Elighan knowing will not help.”
Blistering rage rippled between my ribs. Lars was forcing my hand and taking away my choice. I hated it, but at the same time, I felt relieved the decision to tell him was no longer in my hands. Lars was right. It was probably better Eli didn’t know. I looked down as a single tear dropped from my eye.
“I am sorry, Ember, but my decision is for the greater good.”
My eyelids narrowed as I brought my head up. “I don’t give a fuck about what’s best right now. Don’t worry. I will do what I have to do, but don’t give me platitudes about the greater good!” I seethed. With a turn I propelled to the door. I grabbed the knob, yanked the door open, and slammed it behind me.
I didn’t know what pissed me off more: the fact I felt like I had no choice in the matter, or I still wanted to choose the man who should disgust me.
The world was in my hands? Yeah, good luck, Earth ...
EIGHT
I stared out the windows into the darkening sky as I sat on my bed. Syrupy clouds dripped with rain, hiding all remnants of the moon and stars beyond. The pulse of my heart thumped quicker in my chest as the night crushed the walls in on me. I had been here too long doing nothing as my life passed by. My friend was lost somewhere out there. I understood searching for Kennedy at this moment was stupid. Lorcan had taken her far away from here by now. But I knew I could get to Ryan, Mark, and Lily. The need to finally hear my mother’s story dominated my thoughts.
“I need you to take me to the Otherworld.” My knee bobbed up and down on my bed. “I want to see my family.”
“She speaks.” Cal flew from the chandelier onto my shoulder.
Simmons followed him, landing roughly on my bed.
“Good girl. Now sit.” Cal pointed towards the bed.
I looked down. My rear was already nestled on my bed.
“Goooood girl.” Cal patted my cheek. “So obedient.”
I flicked him off my shoulder, and he tumbled onto my comforter. “Bad, bad doggie.”
“Cal, do not insult my lady.” Simmons hopped up on my leg, crossed his arms and tapped his foot on my thigh.
“I’m serious. I need to go now. I need to talk to my mom, to see Mark and Ryan.”
Cal padded over and climbed on my other leg. “Are you nuts, girlie? Okay, that is well proven, but are you crazy?”
I frowned.
“Lars will never let you leave here,” Cal exclaimed.
Simmons nodded. “My lady, he is right.”
“Lars doesn’t have to know.”
“Right, because his ignorance has always worked out so well in the past.” Cal rolled his eyes.
“What I mean is he doesn’t have to know till after I leave.” The need to go, to move, took all rational thought and stuffed it in a back drawer of my mind. “Better to go now and ask for forgiveness after.” I couldn’t stay in the room one minute longer. Without warning, I bolted up, taking Cal and Simmons with me.
“Warn a pixie when you are going to erupt all over the place!” Cal yelled as he flew in the air. Simmons settled back on the bed.
My feet moved frantically in front of m
y patio doors. “Cal, I am going. You can help me or not.”
“Without my help, how will you know how to get there, huh?” He flew up to look me in the eyes. His hands on his hips.
A grin grew on my lips as I turned to the other pixie. “Simmons?”
Simmons looked around, unsettled by my smile. “What?”
Cal’s mouth hung slightly open. “Are you kidding me? You’re not being fair, girlie.”
“What?” My eyes widened. “I am only asking. He doesn’t have to say yes.”
“Oh, come on. We both knew he’ll do anything you ask.”
Simmons’ head snapped between us. “What? What do you want to ask me, my lady?”
“She wants you to take her to the Otherworld.” Cal flew down to the bed.
“What? You want me to escort you against the Unseelie King’s orders to the Otherworld?” Simmons’ eyes grew to the size of dimes.
“Yes,” I confirmed.
He gulped and glanced down. I knelt, becoming level with them. “Simmons, I have been trapped in my own misery for too long. I’ve been a terrible friend and daughter. I need to fix the mess I made.” I paused, knowing the power my next words would have on him. “As future Queen, I ask for your service, soldier. I need your help.”
Simmons lifted his head, pride filling his chest and face.
“What a load of fairy farts.” Cal let his head dramatically drop back. “Could you tug at his little pixie heart—”
“I will do it,” Simmons cut him off.
“Oh, what a shocker.” Cal threw up his arms.
I leaned in and gave Simmons a kiss on the cheek. “Thank you.”
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