Pregnesia

by Carla Cassidy

  A knot of tension throbbed in Lucas’s lean jaw as he pulled out of the parking lot and onto the road.

  She continued to look at him, needing the mere sight of him to ground her, to somehow chase away the panic that still clawed at her insides.

  “I don’t suppose you recognized those men?” he asked.

  She shook her head. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen them before.”

  “Did they say anything to you?”

  “No, not a word. They just grabbed me and tried to get me into the back of the van.” She shuddered as she relived the moment when they’d grabbed her arms, when they’d begun to force her toward the vehicle.

  Lucas didn’t say another word as they drove back to the apartment. As he drove he checked the rearview mirror constantly and she realized he was watching to see if they’d been followed.

  He didn’t sign up for this, Jane thought. He didn’t volunteer for whatever was going on in my life. But the idea of not having him next to her terrified her.

  When they reached the apartment he grabbed her by the arm and walked her inside the building, his gaze seeming to go in all directions at the same time.

  “Why don’t you go and take a shower and change clothes,” he said. “Then we’ll head to that restaurant and see if anyone there can identify you.”

  The idea of leaving the safety of the apartment terrified her, but she knew she couldn’t just stay here and hope that her memories might magically return. Maybe being in the familiar surroundings of the restaurant would jog something loose.

  She brought the shopping bags into the bedroom where she’d spent the night, then carried the clean clothes and the other items into the bathroom for a quick shower.

  As she stood beneath the hot spray of water she thought of the moments when the men had grabbed her. She’d been so stunned that she’d been unable to think, and had reacted only by fighting back. She’d kicked and punched to get away, but they’d seemed determined to get her into the back of the van.

  Why? Who were those men?

  Don’t let them find you!

  The words thundered in her brain and she leaned against the porcelain wall as wave after wave of fear swept through her.

  Were those men the “them” that her brain had screamed a warning about? What did they want with her? Who was she? The questions pounded her as the hot water pelted her skin.

  What kind of trouble was she in?

  When she was finished showering, she dressed in the new clothes, the maternity jeans feeling crisp and clean against her skin and the blue blouse fitting her perfectly. She found Loretta’s blow-dryer beneath the sink and dried her hair, then brushed her teeth and pronounced herself ready for what the rest of the day might bring.

  She found Lucas seated at the kitchen table, doodling on a piece of paper. He looked up as she entered, and for an instant she saw the flash of something dark, something hot in his eyes.

  She might not know her own name, but she knew desire when she saw it. It stunned her and at the same time sent a shock wave of excitement through her.

  There was no question that she was attracted to him, that his lean, dark good looks made her heart beat just a tiny bit faster. But she’d attempted to shove away those crazy feelings. She was carrying somebody’s baby, and for all she knew she was in a happy, committed relationship with another man.

  “You look nice,” he said.

  She wrapped her arms around her stomach. “I look pregnant,” she replied, as if somehow reminding herself and him of that fact.

  A corner of his mouth curled up in a smile. “You can look pregnant and nice at the same time.”

  “Thank you,” she said, aware of the flush that warmed her cheeks.

  She sat at the table across from him. “What are you doing?”

  “Unfortunately I didn’t get a good look at the two men who were trying to grab you, and I didn’t get the license plate of the van, but I did notice a sign in the back window.”

  “A sign? What did it say?”

  “It didn’t say anything. It was a symbol of some kind. I tried to draw it to see if maybe you’d seen it before.” He shoved a piece of paper to her.

  She stared down at what he’d drawn—a triangle with what looked like the all-seeing eye in the center. The sight of it shot a cold, stark terror through her. She gasped and pushed it back across the table to him.

  He leaned forward and covered her hand with his. “Do you recognize it? What is it, Jane? What does it mean?”

  “I don’t know.” She felt ill, as if the cold November air had brought icy snow into her veins. “All I know is that seeing it makes me feel sick. It makes me so afraid.”

  She turned her hand over and twined her fingers with his, needing the warmth of his hand to banish some of the chill. “What does it mean, Lucas? My God, what was going on in my life before I lost my memories?”

  “I don’t know. But those men definitely had something in mind for you.” The throb of that muscle was back in his jaw.

  Reluctantly Jane pulled her hand away from his. Her heart thudded anxiously as she looked at the man who had taken her in. “Lucas, maybe you should just drop me off at a shelter or something.” The words came reluctantly and with a thunderous pounding in her head. “I don’t know what kind of danger I might bring to you and Loretta.”

  His eyes narrowed. “Danger has never scared me.” He leaned back in the chair. “There’s no way anyone can tie you to me. I’m not concerned about danger finding you here. And there’s no way in hell I’m going to drop you off anywhere until we know what’s going on. I don’t think those men intended to take you someplace for a nice hot cup of tea.”

  A river of gratitude washed over her. It would have been so easy for him to abdicate all responsibility for her and toss her to the proverbial wolves.

  She cradled her stomach as the baby moved inside her. “Junior is restless,” she said.

  “Maybe he’s hungry.” Lucas pushed back from the table and stood. “Come on, let’s check out that Italian restaurant. Maybe over bread sticks we’ll learn your real name.”

  They put their coats back on, then left Loretta’s apartment. “We need to stop by my place before leaving,” he said.

  When they reached his door he unlocked it and gestured her inside. “I’ll be right back,” he said, and disappeared down the hallway while Jane looked around the living room with interest.

  It somehow didn’t surprise her that his living conditions were spartan and as impersonal as a motel room. He’d been completely at ease in Loretta’s apartment. She had a feeling he spent most of his free time there.

  There was only one photo in the room and it sat on top of the television in a silver frame. She walked over and picked it up. It was a picture of him and Loretta sitting on a park bench. He looked to be around fifteen and she was nine or ten. She leaned into him, smiling up at him as if he were the greatest thing since sliced bread, but his smile looked slightly forced.

  She set the photo down as he returned to the living room. “You and Loretta have always been close?”

  “It’s always been her and me against the world,” he replied.

  “What about your parents? Are they still alive?”

  “No, they’re both dead. But even when they were alive, Loretta and I only had each other.”

  She wanted to ask him more about the dark shadow that had danced over his eyes when he’d mentioned his parents. But his terse tone and frown forbade her from asking anything else.

  They left his apartment and walked back out into the cold, wintry air. She got into his passenger seat and watched as he walked around the front of the car to the driver side.

  As he moved, his coat blew open to reveal that he now wore a holster with a gun. Jane’s mouth went dry. She’d known she was in trouble when those men had tried to grab her, but the sight of that gun suddenly shot it all home.

  He was expecting more trouble. That’s what the gun meant. She only hoped they both w
ould survive whatever happened next.

  Chapter Four

  The Café Italian was a popular lunch place. They had a reasonably priced luncheon menu and promised fast service for those who only had an hour or so to eat before returning back to work.

  Lucas and Jane were greeted at the door by a smiling, robust man who looked as if he’d been eating pasta and garlic bread for most of his life. “Two?” he asked as he grabbed a couple of menus.

  Lucas nodded and they were led to a table in the back, where Lucas sat facing the door so he could see who was coming and going. Jane took off her oversize jacket and sat across from him. “Have you been working here long?” Lucas asked the man as he handed them their menus.

  “Just started a couple of weeks ago,” he replied. “Why?”

  “Do you recognize me?” Jane asked.

  Lucas heard the desperation in her voice and wondered how she was managing to hold it all together. Certainly after the scene at the store she had every right to fall apart, but she hadn’t and she’d earned a grudging admiration from him.

  “Should I recognize you?” the man asked as he studied her face carefully. “Are you somebody famous?”

  “No, nothing like that,” she replied. “I just…I’m having some memory problems and I remember being in here and hoped somebody would be able to tell me when.”

  “Sorry. I’m pretty good with faces, but I don’t remember seeing yours before,” he replied. “I’ll ask the waitresses if any of them recognize you.”

  “Thanks, I’d appreciate it,” she replied.

  As he left their table, she looked at Lucas with a disheartening frown. “I thought I’d just walk in here and everything would come back to me.”

  “Do you remember anything?”

  She leaned back in her chair and looked around. Lucas had known the blue blouse would match her eyes, but he hadn’t thought about how it might make her skin look creamy and touchable. He hadn’t considered that with the top buttons unfastened he’d get a hint of cleavage each time she bent forward.

  “I don’t remember anything specific, but this place feels familiar. I know for sure that I’ve been here before. I just don’t know if it was a week ago, a year ago or five years ago.” She puffed a sigh of obvious frustration. “What if I never remember who I am or why those men tried to grab me?”

  “It’s only been a day, Jane. Maybe you’re trying too hard,” he replied.

  She smiled. “Having a couple of goons try to grab you in a parking lot tends to make you try hard.” She sighed once again and opened her menu. “The eggplant is delicious here.” Her gaze shot to his in stunned surprise. “How did I know that? Why can I remember eggplant when I can’t remember my own name?”

  She was getting more and more agitated with each minute that passed. Lucas frowned. “I think maybe after we eat we’ll go back to my place and just relax for the rest of the afternoon. Stop reaching for it and maybe it will come.”

  “Maybe you’re right,” she agreed as she closed her menu.

  With each minute Lucas spent with her, more questions whirled in his head. What did that symbol mean that he’d seen on the back of the van? Why had Jane reacted so viscerally to it? And why had those men tried to grab her? What could they possibly want from her? It sure as hell hadn’t been a robbery attempt. She wasn’t even carrying a purse.

  If the cashier had taken one more minute in loading up his purchases, if he’d stopped to look at something on his way out of the store, then they would probably have succeeded in getting her into the back of the van. The thought chilled him to the bone.

  His thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of the waitress to their table. Jane ordered the eggplant and he ordered lasagna. Then Jane asked the woman if she’d seen her in the restaurant before.

  “You look kind of familiar,” she said. “I’m sure you’ve been in here before, but I don’t know your name or anything.”

  “We knew this was probably a long shot,” Lucas said as the waitress left with their orders.

  “I know. I just hoped that we’d at least get a first name.” She tucked a strand of shiny hair behind her ear. “So, talk to me about something else, Lucas. Tell me more about yourself.” She smiled. “The good thing about being with a woman who has amnesia is that the conversation gets to be all about you.”

  He laughed, finding her more than a little bit enchanting. “There isn’t much to tell. I’m thirty-three years old, never been married, never intend to get married. I love my work, my sister and my partners and that’s about it.”

  “Why don’t you have any intention of marrying?” she asked.

  “Because I’d probably be a crummy husband and an even crummier father.” He was intimately familiar with bad relationships and bore the scars of horrible parenting. That’s what he knew. By staying single, by never becoming a husband or a father, he would never run the risk of repeating the mistakes his parents made.

  “I don’t think you’d be crummy at either,” she said. But she really knew nothing about him.

  “I’m just better off alone.” He shrugged, slightly uncomfortable by the conversation. “I’m happy that way.”

  “I know it sounds crazy, especially given this little circumstance.” She patted her tummy. “But I feel like I was alone before all this.” Her cheeks flushed a becoming pink. “I don’t know, maybe the man who got me pregnant decided he didn’t want anything more to do with me or the baby.” She picked up her water glass and took a sip, then continued. “It’s just a crazy feeling I have.”

  “Maybe you feel that way because of the circumstances,” he replied. “Maybe you have a loving husband somewhere waiting, worrying about you right now.”

  She looked down at her hands. She had slender fingers with neatly clipped nails and wore no polish. “I’m not wearing a ring. I’m not sure how to explain it, but I just know in my heart that I’m not married.”

  He didn’t know what to think. Certainly just because she was pregnant he couldn’t automatically assume that she was married. Maybe deep down inside he hoped she was. He hoped she had a loving man in her life who was worried sick about her, a man who loved her to distraction and couldn’t wait for the birth of their baby.

  Although he’d known her less than twenty-four hours, he wanted that for her. And maybe he needed to believe that in order to erect a barrier between them.

  There was no question that he was attracted to her. More attracted than he could remember being to a woman in a very long time.

  As the waitress arrived to serve them, he tried not to think about that attraction. He told himself it was nothing more than the way she looked at him, as if he could fix her life, as if she trusted him to make things right. Loretta was the only other woman who had ever looked at him like that.

  He was as temporary in her life as her amnesia and he hoped that within another twenty-four hours she’d have her memories back and be out of his life.

  Lunch passed uneventfully. They chatted about the food and she asked him questions about his partners, Micah and Troy.

  He told her about how Micah had found love with Caylee when he’d gone to a private island to retrieve an airplane. And Troy fell in love with a California paparazzi favorite, Brianna Waverly, while protecting her during a kidnapping.

  Brianna now ran an animal shelter not far from the Recovery Inc. office, and Lucas had a feeling it wouldn’t be long before they’d begin planning a wedding.

  “When we get back home I’ll check in with Troy and Micah and see if they can hunt down some information about that symbol I saw in the van window,” he said.

  Her face paled. “Seeing it gave me a terrible feeling,” she said, her voice higher than usual with obvious stress.

  “Maybe if we can figure out what it means, then we’ll have a clue to your identity.”

  “So you do believe me? You don’t think I’m faking?” Those blue eyes of hers held his gaze intently.

  A man could drown in those blue depths
, he thought. Maybe it was because she had no past, no baggage, that her eyes were so clear, so achingly blue.

  “Yeah, I believe you.” It was true. At some point after those men had tried to grab her at the store, he’d realized she wasn’t pretending. He’d seen the stark terror on her face coupled with utter confusion. Nobody was that good an actress.

  “I’m so glad,” she replied. “It was important to me that you believe me.”

  “Why?”

  She looked at him in surprise. “Because you’re helping me. Because you and your sister have already gone above and beyond for me. I don’t want you to think that I’m the kind of woman to lie and take advantage of you.”

  He might not think she was a woman who would take advantage of him, but he had a feeling she was definitely the kind of woman who could get him into trouble if he wasn’t careful.

  BY THE TIME THEY GOT BACK to Loretta’s apartment Jane was exhausted. “Why don’t you go lie down for a little while,” Lucas suggested. “You look beat.”

  “I am,” she agreed.

  “While you’re resting I’m going to call my partners and see what they can find out about that symbol. I’m friendly with the chief of police, Wendall Kincaid. I’ll give him a call and see if anyone has filed a missing persons report about a pregnant woman.”

  She frowned. “But you won’t tell the police about me?” He hesitated and she took a step closer to him. “Lucas, I don’t think I’m a criminal and I have no rational reason for my fear, but the idea of going to the police makes me as afraid as the sight of that symbol did. I know eventually if I don’t remember who I am we’ll probably have to go to the police. But please, not yet?”

  “Don’t worry,” he assured her. “I’m not going to go against your wishes right now. I can ask Wendall some questions, and if he asks why I want to know, I can tell him that I have an issue I’m not ready to tell him about right now. He’ll respect that. But if this amnesia continues, then you’re right, we might have no choice but to go to the police. Go on, get some rest.”