Unspeakable (Freedom Series Book 1)

by Michelle Pickett

  During lunch, I sat at Jaden’s table. When I mentioned I wanted to say hi to Jenna and Tim, he stood to go with me. I sat down and told him I’d changed my mind. Brody was sitting with them, and he was who I really wanted to see. But that was impossible with Jaden shadowing me.

  I was counting the seconds until independent study so I could talk to Brody. But when I walked into the library, I came face-to-face with one of Jaden’s football buddies. How had I not noticed him before? There was no way I could talk to Brody with Jaden’s lackey watching me. So I sat at a table in the front of the library, instead of where Brody and I always sat. When independent study was over, Jaden was waiting in the hall. He walked me to my locker and then my car. I was never alone the entire day. He’d completely shut me off from my friends and, more importantly, from Brody.

  I was backing out of my parking space when my phone chimed, but I didn’t dare look at it. Jaden still watched me. I waited until I was on the main road sitting at a stoplight before I looked at the message.

  Brody: Call me.

  I dialed his number as soon as I pulled into my driveway. I hadn’t even gotten out of the car when he answered.

  “What’s going on?”

  I threw my messenger bag over my shoulder and walked into the house. “Someone saw us at the mall yesterday and word got back to Jaden. I can’t believe I was so stupid. He has friends everywhere. I should have known someone would see and tell him.”

  “So, what, he’s going to babysit you every day to make sure you don’t talk to anyone?” Brody asked, his voice hard. “Willow, you can’t—”

  “I know what you’re going to say and if it was any other person, I would break up with him, but it’s Jaden. He’ll make my life a living hell if I try to leave him. And he’ll do the same to you. Trust me, I’ve tried.”

  “And he’s not making your life a living hell now?” Brody challenged. I didn’t answer. He was right. “I need to see you,” he said softly.

  I took the stairs two at a time and hurried into my bedroom, clicking the lock closed behind me. “I can’t. He’s coming over for dinner. My mom and stepdad are wrapped around his little finger. They’ll never let me see you.” Blowing out a breath, I threw my stuff on the floor before I fell across my bed.

  “Can you get away tonight? After your parents are in bed?”

  “You mean sneak out?” I chewed on my bottom lip, running through the scenarios in my head. Once I went to bed, my mother never checked on me and since I had my own bathroom, there was no reason for me to leave my room. But my bedroom was on the second floor. Getting down the stairs and out the door would be a problem. If I ever got caught… “I can do that.”

  “Don’t if you’ll get caught. My mom isn’t around, so I’m free to come and go. I don’t want you getting in trouble.”

  “No, I’ll be fine. Can you meet me down the road around midnight? They should be in bed by then. Or is that too late?” I ran my hand up and down my thigh, waiting for his answer.

  Actually, they’ll both be passed out by then, but that’s beside the point. They won’t know I’ve left the house.

  “I need to see you. I don’t care what time. I’ll be there.”

  I looked straight ahead through most of dinner. I spoke when spoken to. I smiled when I was supposed to. Answered questions, played the part of adoring girlfriend. All the while, I screamed, railed, and cursed inside. I was trapped, both physically and in my own head. I didn’t want to be there. I didn’t want to be sitting next to Jaden. I tried not to cringe when he touched me, and I had to force myself not to gag when he kissed me.

  I kept looking at the clock. The hands moved so slow it was as if they were moving backward.

  “Have somewhere to be?” Jaden asked, looking at me. I looked up at him and noticed he gripped his fork so tightly that his knuckles were turning white.

  “No.” I shook my head and forced a smile. “I just have a ton of homework tonight. My history teacher assigned another report. Did yours give the same assignment?” I took a bite of dinner, forcing myself to keep eye contact with him and my expression neutral.

  “Yeah, she did. It’s due Friday.”

  “Mine too.”

  “We should work on it together this week after school. I could pick you up after football practice tomorrow and Thursday. We can go to the library and knock it out.” He smiled like he knew he’d just one-upped me and taken away any chance I’d had at seeing Brody after school the evenings he had football practice.

  “Oh, that sounds great, doesn’t it, Willow? You and Jaden haven’t been able to spend a lot of time together since football season started,” my mom said, looking between Jaden and me.

  “Yes, that does sound great.” I kept my smile in place and my eyes never left Jaden’s.

  Jaden didn’t leave until eight. My nerves were nearly frayed, and I’d chewed my fingernails to the quick.

  I put my ear buds in and listened to music to distract myself as I cleaned the kitchen from dinner and bagged up the garbage, picturing Jaden’s face as I stuffed the garbage bag into the dirty garbage can outside.

  “I’m done with my chores. I’m going upstairs.”

  “Okay,” my mom said.

  “Goodnight.”

  And then I waited. I heard my mom go to bed at ten-thirty. My stepdad stayed up. Eleven o’clock came and went, and he still hadn’t come upstairs. Eleven-thirty passed, and he still hadn’t gone to bed.

  Adrenaline flooded my bloodstream, and my head began to pound. I paced my room, wringing my shaking hands, and trying to think of other ways to get out of the house.

  Can I climb down from my window? Can I climb out of the bathroom window and into the tree next to the house? Is it too far to reach? Can I climb down the trellis or is that something that only works in movies?

  And then I heard it and my heart started racing. The floorboards creaked outside my bedroom door as he walked by. I wanted to do a happy dance. I would’ve if I weren’t afraid he or my mom would hear. So I forced myself to sit on the edge of my bed and text Brody.

  Me: I’ll be a few minutes late.

  Brody: I’ll wait.

  At midnight, I stuck my head in the hallway and looked toward their bedroom door. The light was off, and it was quiet. I slipped out my door, carefully avoiding the floorboards I knew creaked. I’d learned which were safe about a month after moving into the house. It was a skill that had come in handy more than once.

  I bypassed the front door because it was directly under their bedroom. Instead I made my way to the back corner of the house and let myself out through the sunroom.

  I saw Brody’s Jeep parked three houses down from mine. The engine was running, but the lights were off. As soon as I step on the sidewalk, the Jeep rolled forward and I climbed into the passenger’s side.

  “Hey, Ace,” I said and grinned at him. I wanted to touch him so bad. I could hardly keep my fingers to myself. I slipped my hands between my thighs and the seat to keep from reaching out to him.

  “Hey back.” He smiled at me as he steered away from my house. “Where do you want to go?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know. I thought you had this planned out.”

  His eyes met mine. Open and vulnerable. His voice was soft when he said, “I just needed to see you. I didn’t think beyond that.”

  “Um, there a small park down the road and to the right. We can go there if you want.”

  We drove in silence until Brody turned into the park’s parking lot and turned off the Jeep. He turned sideways in his seat and looked at me.

  “So.” He rubbed his hands up and down his thighs.

  “Yeah.”

  Why am I so nervous? I’ve been out with him before. I wasn’t nervous the night we drove to his aunt’s property and watched a movie. What’s different now?

  Brody rubbed the back of his neck and gave a short laugh. “I’m freakin’ nervous.”

  “Why? It’s just me.” I didn’t tell him I was nervous t
oo. I thought that might make him more nervous. “Let’s go swing.” Jumping out of the Jeep, I started running toward the swings. “I’ll race ya,” I called over my shoulder, laughing.

  Brody caught up with me easily. I squealed when he grabbed me around the waist and lifted me in the air

  He let go of me, letting me slowly slide down his body. My breath quickened. And desire flowed through my veins. I held on to one of his arms, my other hand resting on his chest, where I could feel his heart beat racing, mimicking my own. I looked into his eyes as he leaned his face closer to mine. My lips parted, and I moistened them with the tip of my tongue. Brody watched my tongue move across my lips and groaned a curse.

  He cupped the side of my face with one hand and placed the other on my hip, pulling me closer to him. Placing his thumb under my chin, he tilted my head to meet his. His lips were so close to mine that our breath mingled. Then he moved and kissed just in front of my earlobe.

  He let his lips rest in front of my ear and murmured, “I’m not going to kiss you tonight. I’m not going to kiss you tomorrow, or the next night, or the next, or even the night after that. I want to. You don’t know how damn much I want to, but I won’t. Not as long as you belong to Jaden.” He kissed the side of my face again, sucking my earlobe gently into his mouth. I gasped, fisting my hands in his shirt. He pulled his head back and rested his forehead against mine.

  He took my hand in his. We walked to the swings and sat down next to each other, swaying back and forth.

  “So tell me all about Willow McKenna,” Brody said.

  “Well, first, my name is Willow Rutherford, not McKenna. That’s Ralph’s name. He’s my stepdad.”

  “Huh. How come I didn’t know that? I mean, I knew he was your stepdad, but I didn’t know your last name.”

  “That’s because you were too mesmerized by my beauty and wit to be bothered by things as trivial as names.” I flipped my hair and batted my lashes at him.

  He chuckled at my pose and kissed me on the nose. “That has to be it.”

  “Either that, or you didn’t bother to find out my last name because you thought I was a bimbo.” I giggled at him.

  “You will never let me live that down, will you?”

  “Probably not. In fact, I’m thinking about putting it on a T-shirt,” I said.

  “No way.”

  “What? You said you liked my T-shirts.”

  “I do, but you’re not going to wear a T-shirt that reads bimbo.” Brody shook his head. “Nope.”

  “Oh, I wasn’t going to get it for me. I was going to get it for you.” I poked him in the chest and grinned.

  “Ah, I see how it is.” He chuckled. “So Rutherford was your biological father’s name, then?”

  I twiddled my fingers on the side of my thigh, looking at my feet. “Um, no. Rutherford is my mom’s maiden name. I don’t know who my biological father is. She was married once before. He was the closest thing I had to a father, but he died in a car accident. Six months later, she married Ralph.” I shrugged.

  Shut up. Shut up now! You’re telling too much.

  “Birthday?” he asked.

  “Ugh, you’re not going to ask me what my sign is, are you?”

  “No.” He snorted a laugh. “I just want to know when your birthday is.”

  “May first.” I took a few steps backward, lifting my feet to swing forward.

  “Really? Mine is April first.”

  I skimmed my feet against the packed dirt ground under the swings until I came to a stop and angled myself toward Brody. “Your birthday is on April Fool’s Day?”

  “Yes.” A grin tugged at his lips.

  I giggled. “So you’re just a fool, then.”

  He looked into my eyes, his blue eyes twinkling. “A fool for you.” He didn’t smile. There was no trace of teasing in his voice.

  “Brody, you’re no one’s fool.” I tried to wave off what he’d said.

  I’m with Jaden. Brody and I are just friends. So why did what he said make my stomach do somersaults? And why do my lips tingle with the need to feel his on them? Who am I kidding? Brody and I crossed the friend line a long time ago. And Jaden will never let me go.

  We sat on the swings talking for more than an hour before Brody took me home.

  “Would it be too greedy for me to ask if you can get away tomorrow night?” Brody asked before I got out of the Jeep.

  “I was afraid you wouldn’t ask.”

  He let out a breath and shook his head. “When it comes to you, it goes without saying that I want to spend every second I can with you.”

  His answer filled me with the most exquisite feeling. I felt it bubble up within me, beginning in my heart and moving through my veins until it touched every part of me. I didn’t know what it was, but I’d never felt something so good, so right. “Then I’ll definitely be waiting for you tomorrow night. Same time.”

  I was already looking forward to the next night and wondered what we’d do, what we’d talk about, where we’d go. Jaden never entered my mind.

  “Oh, and Willow? The answer to the question is purple.” I tilted my head and looked at him, my brow wrinkled. He waved his hand at me. “Your shirt, ‘If you choke a Smurf, what color would it turn?’ It’d turn purple.”

  “I don’t even want to know how you know that.” I shook my head slowly and jumped from the Jeep.

  Brody chuckled. “See you in class.”

  “Bye, Brody.”

  I was still smiling when I climbed into bed. When I fell asleep, I dreamt of bright blue eyes looking into mine, as if they could see directly into my soul.

  Wednesday. I dressed normally for Jenna. Well, I guessed you could call it normal. I called it my mourning outfit, a short, black shirt, black leggings, a black belt sitting diagonally on my hips, black boots, black nail polish, and black eyeliner. I looked like I’d just come from a funeral. Totally the vibe I was going for. I slipped in my skull and cross bone earrings that Jenna had bought me as a joke on Halloween the year before, and left for school.

  Walking into the school building, I saw Jaden leaning against the locker next to mine. Jenna was pulling out her books from her locker. Papers and pens were falling from the shelf. Jaden stood there watching her, shaking his head. The idiot didn’t even try to help.

  Handing Jenna a Starbucks caramel macchiato, I picked up the pens and crap falling out of the locker, stuffing them back on the shelf. “Thanks,” she said over her shoulder. “Holy black hole, Batman. Did a funeral throw up on you?”

  I glanced at Jaden and then back at Jenna. “Something like that.”

  “Ah. Your mourning outfit. How could I forget?” Jenna nodded.

  “Doesn’t my girl look hot in black?” Jaden asked, wrapping his arm around me and kissing me hard on the lips. I felt nothing. Empty. Dead.

  Brody set my body on fire with just a look. Jaden turned it cold with the sound of his voice. He made me feel dirty with his touch. Being with him was wrong. But he knew, damn it all to hell. He knew… and I didn’t know how to get out from under his threat of exposing what she did—what we did. That one night… one decision. Every day, I wish we could go back. I’d make her do something. Something other than what she did best—watching.

  I grabbed my biology book out of my locker and walked to class, Jaden following close behind me. Stopping outside the door, I stood with my back to the wall and one foot propped against it. I could see Brody watching me out of the corner of my eye.

  “Aren’t you going in?” Jaden asked.

  “Nope.” I took a sip of my macchiato

  “Why not?”

  “I’m drinking my caffeine. I can’t take it in with me,” I said and looked around the hall, saying hi to people as they passed.

  “I don’t want to stand in the hall while you drink your macchi-whatever the hell it is. Let’s go.” He grabbed my arm, pulling me toward the door.

  I yanked free of his grasp. “If you don’t want to stand here, don’t. Go to you
r class. I’m finishing my drink. I can’t take it in the room with me, so that means I’m staying out here until I’m done. Don’t like it? Tough.” I took another sip of my Starbucks, watching him over the rim of my cup. I braced myself for his outburst, but he was too smart to do anything in school. He’d wait until after, and then he’d mete out his punishment.

  “Fine. We’ll do it your way today. But from now on, make sure your drink is gone before you get to school. I’m not waiting in the hall for you to finish your coffee again.”

  “Macchiato.”

  “Whatever,” he snapped.

  I deliberately drank as slow as humanly possible. When the first bell rang, Jaden started getting nervous. He shifted from foot to foot, scanning the hallway.

  “You’re going to be late for class, Jaden. You know if you’re tardy too many times, you’ll be benched.” I looked at him with a raised eyebrow, knowing he wouldn’t risk not being able to play in his precious game.

  “Go in and sit down,” he said through clenched teeth.

  “I will. I still have some drink left,” I lied. My macchiato had been gone before I even got to the door of the classroom.

  He turned with a huff and stalked away. I grinned behind my cup. As soon as he was out of sight, I walked past the classroom door. Brody got up and walked into the hall.

  “Hey, Ace,” I said with a smile. “Tired?”

  “Nah. I could stay up all night.” He let his hand brush against mine quickly. I wrapped my finger around one of his and squeezed.

  “We’d better get in there, I guess.”

  “Is your Starbucks gone?”

  I laughed. “It was gone before I even got here.”

  “Sneaky. You go in first. I’ll wait a minute and follow.”

  I squeezed his hand one more time and walked into class, dumping my cup in the garbage on my way to my seat. I didn’t look up when Brody walked in and sat down next to me. We didn’t speak in class, and we scooted our chairs as far from each other as possible.

  It was all about appearances. That was my life. Smoke and mirrors until I wasn’t even sure what was real and what wasn’t.