“Yes, I want to see you too,” I whispered breathlessly.
Cillian removed my blouse and tossed it on the bed before he unbuttoned my skirt and the zipper came down inch by inch.
I couldn’t properly breathe as my heart thundered so hard in my chest, a part of me felt like I was dying. He knew every move to make, even the exact time to flip me over onto my back so he could remove my skirt, panties included.
I had small, B-cup breasts but that didn’t stop him from tracing my body with his fingers. It felt like he was taking in all of me, from my neck down to the curve of my hips.
“I want to commit your whole body to memory so I won’t ever forget you again, do you understand what I’m sayin’? I look at you now and all I see is all this natural beauty. The shape of your breasts, the way your nipples are small and pinkish brown. The natural curve of your hips and the ‘landing’ strip of pubic hair. You’re beautiful because everything is one hundred percent natural and there’s not anythin’ fake about you at all, baby, you understand me?”
I nodded my head. “That was poetry, Cillian. I wonder how I will feel when I finally get a chance to look at you sans clothing. You do plan to take them off, don’t you?”
“Of course, darlin’. You don’t have to ask twice.”
He stood and removed his vintage tee shirt, which showed off a lean muscled chest and rock hard abs. Though he was now taking his clothes off, I felt like I was missing a part of him because he wasn’t touching my body.
Like every girl at my age, I had hang ups about my body. My ass wasn’t big enough, my waist was too small, my stomach was flat but had no definition and my boobs were too small. However, Cillian made me feel like I was a goddess, and maybe I was in his eyes. That gave me an extra boost of confidence to believe my body was beautiful, at least in one guy’s opinion.
I enjoyed his strip show as he removed his Chuck Taylors and socks, slid down his jeans to show off a pair of boxers and then slid them down.
Whoa! I wasn’t expecting the package I saw before my own eyes. He was…huge! How the hell would that fit into my vagina?
I wasn’t a complete and utter prude. Kyra and I had watched our fair share of porn but I knew he was above average—at least eight inches, maybe more—but it was the girth that worried me. I wasn’t sure if my hand would fit around his length and how would he get me turned on enough that the pleasure would outweigh the pain?
He stepped toward me slid my legs open like I was at a gynecologist appointment. I wasn’t ready to just take the plunge and allow him to have all of me. Would he hate me when I told him to take it easy on me?
“Cillian, are you just going to shove your penis inside me because I’m not ready.” I closed my eyes and my face burned with embarrassment.
Way to go, Gisela, you sound so freakin’ lame!
“No, of course not. There is more to sex than just the physical act. I told you I’m not a virgin and I have been doing this since I was thirteen. You’re not some Slapper…you’re the girl I love and adore. I want you to receive pleasure too.”
“I know you do but…I’ve never been in this position with a guy before…ever. I don’t want to disappoint you.”
“You couldn’t ever do that, ceann álainn.” He ran his fingers against my face before they trailed down to my breasts and cupped one of them lovingly. “It means ‘beautiful one’ in Gaelic.”
My eyes widened with curiosity as his hands began to palm my breasts softly. “Am I beautiful to you?”
“The most gorgeous girl in the world, Sela. I want you to be by my side always,” he whispered before his lips kissed my own and before I knew it, I was under the spell of his tongue, his hands, and his body as his weight settled over mine.
Cillian took his time and caressed every part of me before putting his mouth where his hands had been. He licked and suckled on my nipples and I arched my spine to get closer to him. He kissed his way down my stomach to my vagina and as he spread my legs wider, his fingers spread my outer lips open as his tongue licked me and I gasped at the sensation.
True, I was a virgin but I knew how to play with myself and orgasm but to feel another human being with a tongue like hot fire and a mouth like a hoover on my clitoris was amazing. My eyes opened wide and I took in all the feelings he gave my body as I caressed his silky brown strands.
My grip probably turned downright painful as he licked and suckled on my hard nub until a feeling of one hundred percent pleasure rolled through me. My breath came in waves and spurts. I couldn’t believe how great that felt and I still struggled to breathe as he fit himself between my legs and with one even motion, entered me with his cock.
I gasped because there was a wave of both pain and pleasure as he ripped me open and his body fit against mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he gripped my waist and continued to move in and out of me at a steady pace. My muscles relaxed and I realized he hadn’t ripped anything. The pain slowly turned into a strange kind of pleasure where I wanted him to be inside of me and my arms relaxed until they wandered down to his ass and I clutched his cheeks as he continued to fuck me.
Cillian kissed me deeply and I responded before he pulled away and looked into my eyes as he came inside of me in hot spurts that seared my insides.
I wanted him to stay buried inside of me but he quickly removed himself and laid down on the bed.
“Go to the bathroom and pee. All my sperm will come out and you won’t get pregnant,” he told me as he tucked his arms under his head casually.
“Okay,” I responded before I quickly got up and palmed my vaginal area. His sperm was already coming out and so were my juices. It was gross. I cleaned my hand with toilet paper as I sat on the toilet and peed.
Was this how people prevented from getting pregnant? What was wrong with condoms? Shit, I’d forgotten he was Catholic and they didn’t believe in artificial birth control.
After I wiped myself and flushed the toilet, I stood up, my vagina sore but I still washed my hands and looked at myself in the mirror.
I was officially a woman.
The child was gone and I’d never felt more free in my life.
The Present
Kyra sat across from me with a glass of a Chardonnay in her wine stem and swigged from it. “When are you coming back to the office? It’s lonely there without you and yeah, I know you have to ‘stand by your man’ and all but this is bullshit, Sela. We’ve been friends for too long.”
I sipped from a snifter of Courvoisier. The case had started to wear my nerves down and after picking up Declan from soccer practice, I looked forward to a relaxing evening with my favorite alcoholic beverage. I needed to feel numb just to get through most days.
If Cillian wasn’t in my presence then that meant his life was in danger and I couldn’t handle losing him again. I knew it was part of the life but I still had to adjust and seeing his children just reminded me of how much he had to lose. The worst part about the situation was he didn’t seem to comprehend the seriousness of the matter, or maybe it was just easier for him to not think about any of it.
“I’m coming back tomorrow. I miss working in the office too. What can I say? I’m nervous about this case I can’t approach it objectively. This is the man I love and he’s facing life in prison, Kyra. I should have never taken the case.”
“Aw, shoulda, woulda, coulda—you did.” Her blue eyes with those gorgeous flecks of green sparkled and went so well with her hair, which was more blonde than ginger. “Now put your big girl panties on and ask for my help. I’m divorced from the situation and I don’t want to see Cillian go to prison any more than you do. Maybe I can see some things you have blatantly missed before you’re too close?”
“Okay. I’ll email you all the case files and all the notes. Just remember to upload it to your Cloud drive, okay? And lock your damned computer when you’re done.”
Kyra finished her wine and shook her head sadly as she stood and grabbed her Louis Vuitton hobo bag. “Have I s
uddenly become the village idiot? In case you failed to remember, we graduated from the same schools. I’m not going to do anything stupid.”
“Yeah, I’m the idiot, not you. I can’t even trust my own best friend.” I rubbed at my temples and felt like crying but I held onto my stiff resolve. “See you tomorrow.”
“Au revoir, mademoiselle!” she exclaimed in perfect French before she opened the door and almost ran into Cillian.
“Hey, Kyra,” he said before he pulled her in for a hug and kissed her neck.
I always got the feeling they’d fucked each other—there were very few women in the tri-cities area I knew who hadn’t been there with him—but neither chose to acknowledge it, and Kyra did her best to try to forget it.
“Hello, my uncontrollable Irishman with the wandering prick. Your old lady is right over there. I’m off. Back to Lake Tahoe I go.”
I blew her a kiss and watched as she left before Cillian closed the door.
My handsome fella looked worse for wear. He looked tired, worn out and just plain defeated. I stood and walked over to him before he grabbed me and held me in his arms tightly.
“What happened out there tonight?”
“Club business.” He allowed his fingers to trace through his hair before he held on tight again. “Where are the kids?”
“Doing their homework upstairs.” I sighed and studied him carefully. “You can’t always tell me Club business, because that’s not how it works this time, babe. If I was just your old lady, I wouldn’t ask but I’m defending you and I gotta know what you do just so the prosecution doesn’t blindside me with it—you understand what I’m sayin’? I know the Club rules and I would never ask you to intentionally break them but your life is on the line and I want to keep you out of the slammer…so please, fuck Club rules and tell me where you’ve been. Right. Now.”
His crystal blue eyes stared into mine as if this was an honest to goodness challenge but eventually he backed down. “I need to take a shower, and when you’re ready to join me in bed, I’ll tell you.”
I couldn’t help but smile as he kissed my lips and let go of me.
He headed up the stairs and I walked directly to the backyard after grabbing a joint. I needed something besides cognac to calm me down tonight.
Chapter Eleven
Cillian
Cillian allowed all the dirt and filth from today to wash down his body with the soothing soap suds as he placed his hands against the tiles and the hot water splashed over his body.
How could he put it in a way that was easy for Gisela to understand? He knew about Club rules and why there were in place but he couldn’t give a fuck. It wasn’t about not trusting her but he didn’t want her with those images in her head about him.
There was still a look of innocence and trust, despite all the shit they’d gone through and no matter what she knew he was capable of. She didn’t look at him like he was a piece of shit and he didn’t ever want that to change.
The last thing he needed or wanted was that look to be replaced with one of revulsion and fear. He had to deal with the lowest of the low that day just because they needed to make more on their cocaine sales. In order to make more, they had to stretch a top quality product with an inferior quality drug and that came in the form of meth.
It was true: the White Knights were a piece of shit, inbred MC, but they knew how to cook a mean batch of meth. They didn’t make garbage; they made meth, Breaking Bad style.
Nel Decker, the Prez of the White Knights MC, was only a few credits shy of a degree in Chemistry from UNLV but he’d been kicked out for fighting and raising the usual ruckus. His father was dying and needed someone to take over the MC anyway. He did take over, turned his father’s outright bigotry into a whites only Club and began cooking some of the best meth to come out of the West Coast.
Stella Decker, Nel’s old lady, also helped with the cooking and preparing and because their meth was Grade-A shit—for the kind of downgraded product it was—the Saints had to pay top dollar. Despite the cost, the whole process of mixing it with cocaine would triple their profits.
Gisela wasn’t stupid; her father dealt in drugs and prostitution but he would rather work with the Italian Mafia and the Demon’s Bastards. The problem was he shouldn’t have been there at all because he was already in trouble, and if any law enforcement agency had caught him in a van with eight kilos of meth, he would’ve been sent straight to prison.
Do not collect two hundred dollars, do not past go—in fact, fuck you, goodbye and enjoy the United States Penal code system for the rest of your miserable motherfuckin’ life.
He knew those would be Sela’s words and he couldn’t help but agree however, what the hell was he supposed to tell his father? No?
It wasn’t gonna happen and they were both intelligent enough to know that but he had to convince her he’d done everything in his power to get out of the deal and that meant a look of betrayal and pity. Not to mention he probably wouldn’t get any sex and he really needed her now more than ever.
It wasn’t even so much about the physical act as it was scrubbing his fuckin’ brain of Sydney and how he’d fucked his half-brother’s old lady.
There were things you didn’t do and things that were just downright wrong.
Cillian had acted in a way that was unbecoming, uncouth and disgusting. He could only hope Gisela would forgive him for his behavior.
He wasn’t a fool; he knew she already knew because the look was there, embedded in those gorgeous amber eyes.
A look of quiet and soul searing betrayal.
She would forgive him because that’s what she did but she sure as hell wouldn’t forget and that was yet another debt on his conscience that would have to be paid.
Unfortunately for him, that was a bill he was not looking forward to because when it came time to reap what he’d sown, vengeance and fate were a bitch and then some.
He knew plenty about being on the wrong side of destiny’s stick but woe betide a man who wronged a woman with a memory as long as his old lady’s.
The punishment would definitely fit the crime.
Cillian shut off the water and climbed out of the shower. He towel dried off quickly before slipping his favorite black robe over his body and walked down the hallway to kiss his kids goodnight.
Declan played Minecraft on his iPad; he ruffled the boy’s head before he kissed him on his crown. “Another fifteen minutes and then it’s lights out, okay, lad?”
“Yeah, Dad, okay.” Declan continued to concentrate, his tongue sticking out as he battled zombies.
Cillian closed the door on his son and walked down the hallway to Caitlin’s room. Her whole bedroom was decked out in Hello Kitty décor and she clutched the newest one under her arm. Her Kindle had turned itself off and she slept peacefully.
He smiled at her, kissed her forehead and cut off her light beside the bed. After he’d turned on her nightlight, he slowly left the room and closed the door behind him.
With a heavy breath, he walked towards his bedroom and steeled himself for Gisela’s wrath. Whatever she said, he hoped in the end, he would be worthy of her forgiveness.
Cillian entered the bedroom to find her in a short black negligee. She sat in a comfortable ottoman chair as she spread scented lotion all over her legs. Her dark hair fell into her face and it obscured her features.
He cleared his throat and she looked up briefly before she replied, “Shut the door. The last thing we need is for Declan to overhear our conversation.”
“Am I in trouble?” he joked as he closed the door behind him and locked it for good measure.
The look on Gisela’s face silenced him into submission. After all this time, she could still do that to him with just a glance from her gorgeous features and the thought he might have disappointed her.
He’d been doing that his whole life. When was he going to stop being such a fuck up and actually make her happy for once? He knew it was possible but every time he thought h
e was approaching that place between the two of them, either his cock or some fucked up scheme his father had conjured up in his head would put a monkey wrench in his plans.
“This is no time for games, Cillian.” Her amber eyes shone hard. “I know you were somewhere you shouldn’t have been and that makes me very upset because here I am, working my ass off to keep you out of prison and you just don’t seem to care about what happens to your life at all. I can only do so much and put up with so much before I ask myself what the hell I’m doing and what the fuck all of this is for? I’m not the one facing life in prison but I feel like I am and I hate that feeling!”
He strolled to where she sat before he knelt before her. “What do you want me to do? Defy my father when he gives me a specific order? Is that what it’s going to take to prove that I do give a fuck about what happens to me?”
“Yes, I do!” She stood and walked over to the bed before she whipped the covers back in anger. “You’re VP. I thought that meant you had a legitimate say in what happens to the Club.”
“I do—”
“Then stop acting like some little boy stuck in the middle of arrested development. Grow a fucking pair of balls when it comes to Dizzy.” Gisela slid under the covers and tucked them under her breasts. “Are you scared of him? Do you think he would have you murdered? Set up? You’re his oldest son, Cillian, and he plans to hand over the Club to you. What is it about him that has you so frightened you can’t speak your mind?”
He took off his robe and tossed it on the ottoman before he slid into bed beside her. “Do you want to know why I act the way I do around my father?”
“Yes, I do because you make me so angry you won’t grow a backbone and defend yourself!”
“I don’t want to end up like him!” he admonished, his voice filled with fury, hurt and frustration.
Gisela nailed him with amber irises that could start a forest fire. “You’re already like him so it’s too late to use that lame fucking excuse.”
A Ride or Die Kind of Love Page 32
