“Are you sure, Ma? Gisela is fetchin’ Declan right now.”
She touched his arm before she grabbed Caitlin like she weighed nothing. “I wouldn’t offer if I wasn’t sure. I’ll go let Gisela know the kids are stayin’ with us tonight, love. You take care of that woman of yours, make sure she’s happy. You can’t imagine the type of stress she’s been under and right now, she needs you a lot more than the kids do.”
He closed his eyes and bowed his head. The tears came just the same though he had no wish to break down in front of his mother. “I know she does and…I’ve failed her in so many ways. She’s stuck by me time and again and I’ve been nothing but a useless git—”
“She loves you, son, and you love her. Tonight, give her what she needs and don’t ever forget no matter how strong she is, she still needs you. Your love and affection are what keeps her goin’ and for so many years, we deprived that from you both. Not just us but her parents too but we only thought we were doin’ what was best…the same way we’re doin’ what’s best for Misty. She can’t take care of her daughter but Drake and his wife can. A child for a child, my love.”
He stared into his mother’s amber eyes and breathed deeply. “I don’t think I understand.”
“You’re me eldest son. I couldn’t allow your child to be raised by another family. Conan had to stay within the family and we know where he is…safe and sound. He carries our family name and when the time is right, he will know who his true parents are but until that time comes, you and Gisela are still young. You can have children of your own. We can’t control your life anymore and that’s a good thing.”
His mother kissed his brow and walked out with Caitlin nestled in her arms.
Dizzy sat back in his chair and stared at his son. “Ronan said some shite went down this evenin’ with those fookin’ WKs. What happened?”
Cillian sat down cater-corner to his father before he reached out and grabbed his right wrist. “Call Belfast, Da. See what’s goin’ on. The WKs—they know. I’m not sure who they’ve been speakin’ to or perhaps their charter over in Belfast keeps them informed but they are aware of the whole situation. They know all about Trey’s transition from a Bastard to a Saint. Hell, they even know he’s your son. They want blood and I fear we can’t trust them anymore. This was the last meth run I will ever do.”
“How do they know?” Dizzy’s face turned a deep shade of crimson and he clutched his father’s wrist.
“Calm down, Da. Just make sure Trey is okay and let him know he has to be careful over there. Tell him to stay out of Protestant dominated areas and we will have to find another way to bring more money into the Club. We can’t trust the WKs. Tonight, I was afraid all of us wouldn’t make it back here breathin’, and that is no way to live.”
He stared at his father and sighed before he reluctantly continued, “I am tellin’ you…I won’t continue to lie to Gisela and I can’t risk my case anymore than I already have. I have to stay out of Club activities until we get a handle on this case and some sort of upper hand. Right now, the prosecutor is painting me as this cold-hearted, sadistic murderer and the jury is buying it.” He slowly let go of his father’s wrist and rested his arms on the smooth wooden table.
“You have a beautiful family son, and if I messed that up for you, I’d be heartbroken. Concentrate on the trial and your old lady. Life is too short and with what I’ve been through, I know that. I’ve made so many mistakes, and now I’m payin’ for ‘em. Don’t be like me—be a better man and father than what I have been to you and your brothers, you hear me?”
Cillian nodded before he stood, and walked slowly out of the chapel. As he closed the doors softly behind him, he felt an overwhelming sense of relief.
Chapter Fourteen
Gisela
The weeks that followed the barbeque were some of the toughest of my life.
It was more than Cillian’s trial and taking care of the kids. I felt like my whole life was breaking down and there was little I could do to stop it.
I had a feeling the reason why I felt so lethargic, moody and just plain difficult to get along with but I was afraid to take the test.
Cillian had demanded as soon as we got back together, I have my IUD removed. He’d used that Catholic guilt crap on me and how it wasn’t permitted by the church. Last time I’d checked, neither was murder but that hadn’t stopped him from killing dozens of people in his lifetime.
Shortly after I moved into the family home, I’d finally made an appointment with my gynecologist and had the damn thing removed. My periods eventually returned to normal, and so did my sex life with my soon-to-be old man.
It was only a matter of time before something happened and when it finally did, that whole summer dragged by.
The prosecution’s case finally came to an end in late August, the same day I found out I was six weeks pregnant.
I was still in my first trimester so I didn’t mention it to anyone but it didn’t take a genius to figure it out when I’d quit marijuana, cigarettes and alcohol cold turkey. The whole experience of carrying a child again brought back too many painful memories and I couldn’t tell Cillian—not yet at least—but I told Kyra.
“Good God, Gisela…what the hell are you gonna do? Have his baby and not know whether the kid will grow up to know his father at all?”
It was early September and I’d been presenting the defense case for a little over two weeks. Funny how time just snuck by when there was so much going on.
“I had my first…scan.” I nursed a cup of caffeine free green tea in my office as we went over case notes and planned my defense strategy for that upcoming Monday.
It was Friday, and although I could justify staying a bit late at work, Cillian would be calling soon.
Dizzy and Bronaugh had the kids that weekend, Brianna kept calling me and all I wanted to do was shut myself in an empty room, alone and away from the world.
“Okay. You had your first scan, without your old man because you haven’t told him yet and…” Kyra trailed off before she drank from a cup of coffee.
“I had my first scan and…I’m carrying twins.” The words didn’t feel like they were coming from me, and I didn’t recognize the voice speaking as my own.
“Shit on a stick…what are you going to do? You’re not planning on going through with the pregnancy, are you? I mean, he’s already got two kids and then there’s Conan.”
“Conan doesn’t belong to us so he isn’t even part of the picture and the kids…well, they’ll adjust. I can’t have an abortion, Kyra. It’s not in me to do something like that and you know I don’t judge—”
My best friend placed her hand on mine. “I know you don’t. You were with me when I had mine. I wouldn’t have been able to go through with it if you hadn’t been there. It’s just such…shitty timing. I mean, this case, and what he did to you with the cheating—”
“It was once, Kyra.” I closed my eyes and tried through sheer will and determination to keep an approaching headache at bay. “I can’t keep living in the past and thinking about that. It’s irrelevant—he doesn’t want to be with the woman in question. In the scheme of things, his indiscretion is a very small drop in the bucket. I want these children because we couldn’t keep our first. It’s bigger than bad timing and him being on trial. This is our life we’re talking about.”
She bit her lip before she nodded with understanding. “Believe me, I understand why you’re making this decision.”
However, I knew although she was my best friend, she didn’t. She couldn’t have; she hadn’t gone through what I had in Belfast.
The Past
The labor and subsequent birth of a child was more than I could have ever imagined but it was finally over. I was still a kid myself at sixteen and when the nun handed my son over to me, I couldn’t help but look at the scrunched up, rat looking creature and think he was the most beautiful baby in the world.
He opened his eyes and they were pale blue. He was bald but
he’d entered the world weighing eight pounds and three ounces. He was twenty-four inches long and he was mine.
The last six months in Belfast had been miserable. I was in a home for unwed mothers and the nuns were not kind or helpful. We were a bunch of sluts who’d gotten knocked up and maybe if we were lucky, our child would be cute enough to be placed with a family.
My little prized possession went beyond merely cute. He was the love of my life and I already loved him as much I loved his father.
Sister Caroline walked in. She glanced at me with eyes so dark, they looked black in the dim light. Her skin, parchment white, and smooth, was a stark contrast to her eyes while her dark brown hair was perpetually worn in a tight bun.
“You have fifteen minutes, Gisela,” she greeted without so much as a “Hello.”
I held my little bundle to my breasts as tight as I could without hurting him. “I don’t understand…most of the girls get days and even a week. Why do I have fifteen minutes?”
She raised thick eyebrows and looked down her nose at me. “Looks like your child has been adopted out before you gave birth. The parents weren’t concerned with youse havin’ a touch of the tar brush. They only thought you and the father were very good looking people.”
I tried to swallow past a lump in my throat. “He looks like his dad and my mom…”
“Yes, thank God for small favors. The wee one’s parents are on their way from their hotel.” She turned and left the room, slamming the door shut.
Well, that explained why I’d given birth in a hospital instead of at the dreaded place I’d had to endure all this time. The adoptive parents had paid for my care to make sure their precious bundle would be born healthy.
My little one began to whine and I grabbed my right breast, full and heavy, and teased his lips with my nipple before he latched on without an issue. He was so beautiful and as he looked at me with those pale blue eyes, I could see his father. The thought made me smile despite all the pain I was in.
I felt like I’d been ripped open from the inside although miraculously, I’d delivered an eight pound baby and had not sustained a single tear. My vagina felt like a watermelon had passed through it but I was in good shape down there thanks to being young.
I kissed his head and wondered what would be a good name for him. He looked like a Braedan or maybe a Joachim. It would be cool for him to represent all his mélange of cultures. Braedan Joachim Jackson-Cox. That was a strong masculine name for our perfect baby.
“Well, Braedan…looks like we don’t have much together. I want you to know that I love you very much and I won’t ever forget you. Your daddy would be here too but your grandparents won’t let him anywhere near me. He should be here to see you because he would think you’re just as gorgeous as I do.”
Moments later, Sister Caroline barged in and walked straight over to me. I wedged a finger between Braedan’s gums and he let go of my breast. She grabbed him from my arms and cradled his head before a younger looking couple walked in. The woman had flaxen blonde hair, bright blue eyes and alabaster skin while the man had brown hair, crystal blue eyes and had skin just as pale.
Sister Caroline handed the child to the young woman and she began to cry. “He’s beautiful! Look, his eyes are like yours, Kian.”
“He’s gorgeous, Alannah. Didn’t I tell you I would do my best to aid our situation? I don’t think my brother could have delivered a better gift.”
Kian and Alannah looked at Sister Caroline and thanked her before they walked out of my room with my baby.
My heart felt like it’d been physically removed from my chest, ripped into pieces and thrown back into its rightful place.
Now I had no one and nothing.
The ties between Cillian and I had physically been broken now and probably forever.
The Present
“Gisela?”
I looked into Kyra’s eyes and blinked several times. “What?”
“Your phone. It’s ringing.”
I grabbed my cell phone off my desk and without checking the caller ID, and answered, “Hello?”
“Hey, it’s me. Did I call you at a bad time?” I recognized the voice as Brianna and grimaced slightly.
We weren’t the best of friends but I tried to be cordial to her because the kids needed their real mother despite Cillian’s demands she not come around too often. Now that I was pregnant, I thought it was essential we all learn to co-parent together. Neither Declan nor Caitlin needed the issues a new baby would cause.
“Well, at the moment, no time is a good time. What’s up?” I sat back in my chair and tried to stop the memories from fourteen years ago from dragging me back into their living hell.
Of course it would make sense; Conan’s birthday was coming up later this month and it held a certain significance. He’d been snatched from my arms all those years ago, and yet, it still felt like it’d happened yesterday. Now I was pregnant with his biological siblings—twins on top of that.
“I need you to come by Essential Assets after work. It’s really important, and you know how Cillian feels about me,” she said in a soft voice barely above a whisper.
“Why can’t I just meet you at your condo? I’m not sure I want to be caught in a strip club.”
Brianna laughed out loud. “Believe me, if you want to become an old lady and not just be a side bitch because this trial is guaranteed to drag on for the rest of the year then you’ll meet me at my job.”
Now all the sudden, she had my attention. “What does this concern exactly? I mean, why is it so urgent we speak tonight?”
“You know how technology is nowadays. I’m certainly not going to discuss this matter with you over the phone, sweetie. You’re a smart woman, and you know phones can be tapped. I can’t risk speaking about it to you right now.”
I chewed on my lower lip before I sighed out loud. “Fine. What time do you want to meet?”
“Fifteen minutes after seven. That is when I go on break.”
“Okay, see you then.”
The phone clicked on her end and I set my Samsung Galaxy down on my desk.
“Who was that?”
I glanced up and realized Kyra had been there the whole time therefore she’d heard the conversation.
“Brianna Cox. Apparently she has something to tell me but I have to watch her shake her naked ass before I can find out what the hell is so damn important.”
She laughed out loud. “Have fun watching all those naked tits. You’re just full of surprises today.”
“Don’t you have work to do or somethin’?” I looked back at my MacBook Pro and studied some notes for Monday’s court session. It was surprisingly dry, technical evidence that was slowly chipping away at the government’s weak case against Cillian.
“Or somethin’.” Kyra smiled before she sat down on my desk. “I’ve got a date tonight with Cricket. You know, Connor Shaughnessy?”
That aroused me from what I was studying on my laptop. “What? How old is he? Twenty-four? Are you that desperate you’re dating a Saint member that is so much younger than you?”
Kyra pursed her lips as her blue eyes sharpened. “He’s twenty-five and we’ve been goin’ out for the last couple of months. It’s not my fault you’ve had your head so far up Cillian’s ass to notice. He’s surprisingly sweet and I don’t want to date anyone from my dad’s Club. I grew up with those guys…to sleep with one of them would just seem—I don’t know…incestuous?”
I sighed again as I looked toward my notes. “Sorry. I’m a shit friend at the moment and to be honest, I have no room to judge you. As long as you’re happy and getting laid, it’s all good…even if you are a cougar.”
She slammed her hand down on my desk. “I am not a cougar! Damn, girl, we just made thirty! Jeez, you act like I’m sneakin’ around with a teenage boy! He knows how to work it and for the first time in God knows how long, I could see this actually going somewhere. He’s a cool guy and he treats me like a lady even if I act like a w
hore in the bedroom.”
“That’s a little too bit much information—more than I needed but I’m glad you’ve finally found someone who’s gonna stick around longer than a week.”
“I know, right? I thought for a minute there I would never find anyone who’d hold my interest.”
I shook my head. “Go home, Kyra, and get ready for your date. Don’t forget to call me tomorrow. I want to know all the juicy details.”
She smiled as stood and began to walk out of my office. “You know I will.”
The moment she shut the door, I saved my notes and powered down my laptop. I wasn’t looking forward to going to a strip club but it didn’t seem like I had much of a choice.
Essential Assets was the type of high class “Gentlemen’s Club” the wealthy and elite of Carson City frequented. There was absolutely nothing trashy about the place what so ever, and it was obvious the women, like the clientele, were classy with perfect bodies and knew how to work the pole with artistic precision.
I walked in after I paid the high priced fee for non-members, and the bright, airy space was alive with the sizzle of excitement and the promise of sex.
Brianna was on stage doing an upside down split as she slid down the pole while wearing seven-inch, black Mary Jane platforms. She ground her body to Chris Brown’s “Love More” before the song ended and she began another set to Panic At The Disco’s “Miss Jackson.”
My face burned and I knew it was an unflattering shade of crimson as she threw a leg around the pole, her breasts free as the song kicked into high gear. I sat down next to the stage because I might as well enjoy my full humiliation in all its glory.
She wore a black thong and sweat gleamed off her alabaster skin. She turned my way and smiled in acknowledgment as she lip synced with the song before she bent down and slowly shimmied out of her thong.
A Ride or Die Kind of Love Page 36
