by Maddie Wade
“You look like shit.”
I fight to hide the grin on my face and fail. “So, do you, you old crone.”
She shoots me the middle finger as I move around my desk to her and sling my arm over her bony shoulder. She arches a brow at me and looks at my arm. Instead of removing it I bend and gently kiss her cheek. It is papery and thin, and soft a silk.
“Why are you kissing me, what do you want?”
“. Can’t a boss show his favourite member of staff some appreciation?”
“No, not unless it’s in my pay packet.”
“Not happening old lady,” I say as I scoot her out of my chair and switch my computer on. She starts to mutter under her breath. She does this a lot, I ignore it as I usually do.
“What’s on the agenda for today?” I ask.
“You have an appointment at eleven and then some calls with potential clients this afternoon and then you need to decide if you are going to replace that little shit you fired.” Lindy knew what had gone down with Ashley and Ethan. She also knew how I had handled it and unusually she was keeping her own counsel.
Sitting back, I fold my arms over my chest and look at her. “Spit it out.”
“What?”
Rocking forward on my chair I lean my elbows on the desk. “Come on, Lindy you have an opinion about everything, so don’t play coy with me now.”
She snorts and laughs an unamused laugh. “Fine you want to know, I’ll tell you. You fucked up, you fucked up hiring him and you fucked up walking away from that pretty little unicorn girl.”
“Ashley. Her name is Ashley.”
She waves a hand at me as if doesn’t matter what she is called. “Whatever, you messed up and now you’re going to fix it, aren’t you Jackson?” She eyes me with a hard glint and I wonder if she ever thought of applying for the military, she would have been a ball buster.
“I am going to fix it, yes,” I sigh.
“But, I hear a but,” she says as she sits down opposite getting comfortable for this conversation.
“But I need to change my life first, this isn’t fair to her,” I say raising my hands in the air to indicate the office and the business I have built.
“No shit, Sherlock. This business is amazing, and I don’t care what anyone else says it comes from a good place and it saves a lot of girls from having their self-esteem destroyed and you do that, Jackson, you.” She points a gnarly finger at me.
“You just have to figure out the direction that allows you to still do that but keep your girl happy. Get your thinking cap on and I’ll sort the coffee before your appointment arrives.” She stands and heads for the door.
I think about what she has said, she accepted I fucked up as did my mother, they seem to think it is fixable, that I can rescue this situation. I stare at the screen hardly noticing the coffee Lindy leaves me.
At bang on eleven, she calls through on my phone to tell me my eleven o’clock is here.
“Send him in,” I say as I stand and go to meet him at the door, swinging it open I stop dead in my tracks not expecting to see him.
Chapter 29
Ashley
They always say that distance makes the heart grow fonder, but I don’t think that worked with Jackson. I mean it’s been four days and nothing not even a text to explain what he was thinking. I was hurt and upset the first two days, but now, now I’m just angry with him.
I thought we had something, something that saw us together for a long time, but maybe he had other ideas, and his job is also his life, breaking girl’s hearts. Get them to fall in love with him, then break their hearts so that they never trust a man again, that is how I feel at the moment. I have tried to lose myself designing some new cakes for the shop window. The black and hot pink burlesque theme cake with feathers is beautiful, I can’t wait to get started on it.
“Ash...ummm...there is someone here about a cake,” Tay says as she pops her head through the door. She seems a little worried. What’s wrong with her?
“Be right out,” I tell her as I smile, wipe my hands on my apron and grab my diary. Walking out to the front of the shop, I stop in my tracks, Jackson’s mum is standing there. “Hi how can I help you?” Why is Jackson’s mum here? I really thought Jackson and I breaking up would make her not want to come here, perhaps she blames me for all this.
She stares at me for a moment. “He’s an idiot….” Relief hits me as a breath I hadn’t known I was holding leaves me.
“I really don’t want to talk about Jackson, he made his decision, and I just have to move on,” I smile to take the bite out of my words. “So how can I help you?” She is the last person I want to talk to about Jackson. Jackson’s mum is really sweet, and I loved talking to her, but I’m no longer dating her son. She watches me carefully and I try not to fidget under her gaze. Whatever she sees satisfies her because she gives a tiny nod.
“I was hoping to order a cake for my Maisy, she will be four in three weeks, so I hope that is long enough?” I ignore the pull in my heart as I realise I won’t be there for that.
Opening my diary, I have a look to see if I have anything big happening the week before. I like to make a few cakes in the week, but if I have a big project then I’ll only take on one other cake, as I have to bake everything for the shop too.
“What type of cake would you like?” I say walking over to the table to the side of the shop, so we can talk about everything she would like.
“Princess, a lot of pink.” She starts laughing. “But I know that you will do an amazing job with it. I would like a big cake, say about two tiers.”
“Great, I’ll get some designs together, or some images, then I’ll send them over and you can see which one you like,” I reply, writing everything down. She starts telling me the flavours that she would like and has added some cupcakes for the goody bags.
After thirty minutes of talking about her order, she finally leaves. It felt like a very long thirty minutes for me. I drop my head on the table. “That wasn’t comfortable at all.”
Taylor sits on the chair in front of me. “Coffee?” I hear her place the mug on the table, and I look up at her.
“Thanks, what was I meant to say. No?” I ask her, I would have liked to say no, but I just couldn’t do it.
“Be honest with me now, Ash. Are you waiting for Jackson to finally realise that he fucked up, and realise you were the best thing that ever happened to him?”
I lean back in my chair and bring the hot coffee to my lips, as I think about my answer to her. “Honestly, I have no idea. I love him, and I think it will take me some time to put this behind me, if ever,” I tell her.
There was something about Jackson that got me the first time I looked at him, and the more time I spent with him the more he just pulled me in, I loved him, and I still love him.
“Right, we are going out tonight, I’m not letting you sit at home and keep thinking what did you do wrong, because the answer to that question is nothing, you did nothing wrong.”
Taylor pulls me out of my thoughts, and I look at her. “Don’t give me that look, get your ass upstairs I’ll shut the shop, you start getting ready.” She stands up and puts her hands on her hips tapping her foot on the floor.
“Fine,” I stand up, “but I’m not staying long, don’t you dare try pushing me to any guys. I mean it’s not even been a week, and I’m stupid and still hoping that he will at least come over and explain why he’s breaking up with me,” I tell her walking back to the back of the shop, and I start to clean up.
The shop has been so busy that last week or so, and Taylor and I have been talking about hiring a new staff member. Someone to help in the back with the baking or someone to work in the front so Taylor can help me, but we are still working on all that.
*~*~*
Walking into the club, this was the last club I wanted to come to, the first time I ran into Jackson was at this club, but Taylor wanted to come here, and I can’t really run away from every place that we went togethe
r, as I would have to buy a new place too.
I go to the bar as Corey gets us a booth. Shouting my order over to the barman I look around, it feels nice to be out and enjoying my nights again.
“Ashley.” I hear my name being shouted behind me, looking to the side I see Jake standing there. “You’ve changed your hair, it looks nice.”
“Hi Jake.” What are the chances of me running into two of Jackson’s family members in one day? I look around the club.
“He's not here,” Jake tells me, and I feel a little relieved and a little gutted about it. “Don’t give up on him, he will come around I promise.”
My eyes look at Jake again searching for the answer that Jackson should be giving me, but there is nothing. “Well I’ve not heard from him all week, so I think I’ll move on like he has.”
Jake starts laughing. “You think my little brother has moved on? You’re wrong, he’s a mess, and it’s his own fault not yours, but he will come back.” Jake moves closer to me. “He thought he was like a man he never wanted to be like, and he thought he would hurt the best thing to ever happen to him. He didn’t walk away because he doesn’t love you, he walked out because he does love you.” With that Jake walks away and joins his friends, and I’m standing there thinking about what he just said.
I want to send him a message, but I don’t know what to say to him. I want him to talk to me first, but Jake’s words have stuck in my head. Which man did he not want to be like, and did he really think that he would hurt me that much? He broke not only my heart but his own. Taking my phone out I bring up a new message chat and stare at the screen as Taylor pulls me over to the booth.
Ashley: 5 months ago, I knocked into a man in a club, I thought he was gay, and it turned out I was wrong, and was I happy I was wrong. I thought I knew that man, I thought we had something, but he lied to me, then left me when I need him the most. Not even a text to explain why. When the man I know wants to talk I’m here, but remember this, I won’t wait long.
“What did Jake say to you?” Taylor says leaning over to me. I tell her what he said, and how I need to wait for him. “I knew that he wouldn’t just break up with you like that,” Taylor tells me.
“I know that, but I’m still angry with him for lying about his job.” I want to know why he walked away from us, but I want to know about his job, why he started the business, why he thought that he didn’t have to tell me about it.
“Well, tonight you are out, so enjoy yourself,” Taylor tells me, and taking my drink off the table I lean back in the booth and watch all these couples enjoying themselves. I hate them. I feel my phone vibrate in my bag, pull out my phone, and smile when I see Jackson’s name.
Jackson: 5 months ago, I met a woman who scared me to death with what she made me feel. Now I realise she is the best thing ever to happen to me.
Ashley: If she was the best thing to ever happen to you, why did you walk away?
I see the dots appear then disappear, and I can’t take my eyes off my phone, I want to know why. The dots appear again.
Jackson: Because I’m an idiot and got scared.
Ashley: And now?
Jackson: Tinkerbell, you are the first real relationship I have ever had. The woman I spend my days thinking about and my nights dreaming about. Every smile you give me is a gift that makes me feel like a champion. What you make me feel terrifies me, because I can’t bear to fuck this up and hurt you. I think I need some time just to get my head together.
I re-read the text a few times, not knowing what to say at the moment. These are the things as a couple we need to talk through, but the thing that gets me the most is ?that I’m his first real girlfriend. He doesn’t know what he should be doing.
Time? How much time does he need. My fingers moving over the screen of my phone I don’t know what I should be writing back to him, this is making me feel like I’m the one in the wrong, I’m the one that fucked up somehow.
Jackson: I can’t lose you, please say I haven’t lost you?
Ashley: At the moment, I don’t know. Maybe we both need some time.
Is that how I really feel? No, but I can’t be the only one feeling bad, I can see that he needs time and I’ll give it to him, but at the moment I need to stop thinking about him. I look at my phone to see if Jackson has sent anything back, but nothing.
Taking my drink, I down it in one go, and turn to Taylor. “You know what? I’m really not in the mood tonight, I’m going to head home.” I lean over to give her a kiss on the cheek.
“We can we come with…”
“No, Ethan is behind bars, so there’s nothing to worry about, I’ll see you in the morning.” Coming out of the booth, I get my phone out of my bag.
Jackson: Please don’t give up on us.
Ashley: I care about you Jackson. When you’re ready to talk let me know.
Chapter 30
Jackson
My heart cramps in pain as I get the last text from Ashley, I’m losing her I can feel it. Fear grips me, and I feel like I can’t breathe, my chest hurts. Fuck am I having a heart attack? I stand and pace my living room trying to catch my breath.
I need air, pulling open the back door I step onto my patio area and take deep breaths as I concentrate on the night sky and the stars there. Within a few minutes the vice around my chest eases.
Slumping into the garden chair, I listen to the sounds of the night. Even in the dead of night London doesn’t sleep. I find it comforting to know that life is happening around me. It makes the lonely feeling subside.
I wonder if Tinkerbell is still at the club? Jake sent a text to say he had seen her, I struggled not to ask him if she was with anyone. I didn’t deserve to know after what I had done. Thank God my brother had then sent a text to say she was with Taylor and her guy.
It’s been a week since I saw her, and I miss her more than I could ever imagine. Her smile that lights up a room, her goofy sense of humour. Her beautiful body, soft lips, her luscious curves. Fuck, I even miss her beautiful tattoos.
She is everything I didn’t know I wanted, I crave her like a drug and I don’t want to let her go.
I go to bed, tired after days of not sleeping properly and despite my inner turmoil just that little contact with her tonight has calmed me enough to think. I don’t want to give up Heartbreaker, it is a good service, but I know she won’t accept it, I need a new idea.
The shock of Eddie’s visit the other day had knocked me off my feet and even now I was regretting taking the job. To dump my first girlfriend for her current boyfriend brings me full circle. She is the reason I started Heartbreaker and now she will be the last person I dump. I won’t close the business, I have decided that, but I won’t be doing it anymore. I have recruited two new people to handle that side of things. A man named Nikolay and a woman called Jenna. They are both gorgeous and both come highly recommended with references out the wazoo. More importantly they got past Lindy.
I have promoted Lindy to Office Manager and she is hiring someone to handle enquiries and reception. I feel positive I can make changes in my life that I need. I can’t resist the desire to text Ashley one more time.
Jackson: Goodnight my Love
I wait expectantly and soon the dots are jumping.
Tinkerbell: Gloria Estefan xx
I smile at her reply, it’s not over yet. I fall asleep feeling happier than I have for a while.
I wake up at five the next morning. Sitting bolt upright as it comes to me, I know what I need to do. Jumping out of bed I rush through a shower and dress for work. I need to speak to people get the wheels in motion.
I get to the office by six and after fixing myself a coffee I head to my computer and start my research. I need to do some projections and speak to contacts, but this can work.
The next time I look up is when Lindy walks into the office.
“You sleep here?” she asks with a raised brow.
I jump up and round the desk. “I know what I have to do,” I announce, and a
smile curls her mouth. I tell her all about it as I make her coffee. She is as animated as I am, her enthusiasm fuels mine. At eleven I get a call from my contact, we talk for an hour and agree to meet tomorrow to set things in motion. I put down the phone and lean back, a happy smile on my face.
Lindy walks in and hands me a sandwich. “Here eat this, you have that meeting in an hour and if you’re going to see the praying mantis you should eat first. I really don’t agree with you doing this, but if you have to, do you want me to come along? You know guard you,” she asks and the mouth full of food nearly erupts from my mouth.
“Lindy, you’re a hundred pounds soaking wet.”
I watch her straighten to her full height and glare at me. “I could kick your ass,” she says and walks away.
I finish my sandwich and think about my upcoming meeting. It is something I believe I need to do, to confront Jade about her behaviour and then dump her like she did me. It is payback with the ultimate satisfaction. She had been so keen to meet when I called her, and I had felt pity for her boyfriend. He was a weak prick, but he didn’t deserve that.
I decide to walk to meet Jade, we are meeting at the Milton Hotel bar. The air is still warm, but the light is starting to change, summer is waning, and autumn is showing its pretty head. The leaves are still green, but you can feel that it is the last few weeks before the weather cools.
I love this time of year, I take it all in as I walk. My phone rings and I look at it and see Lindy’s name. I dismiss the call, I know she only wants to lecture me. I’ll get my revenge and then move on hopefully with Tinkerbell.
Thinking of her I stop short. She wouldn’t understand me having to do this, she hasn’t got a vindictive bone in her sweet body. I shake the image of her from my head and stride into the hotel.
I go to the bar, looking around as I do. There was a time when being in here would have given me a thrill, only the elite of the elite stayed at the Milton. Now I just felt bored, men in suits drink scotch and discuss business, while bored wives eyed up the barmen. Posh women with no facial movement from too much Botox sit around pretending to eat while pushing food around their plates and discussing the latest fashion. They try to outdo each other with how much money their husbands earn, while secretly fucking their gym instructor.
