I stopped talking, surprised that I’d told her that much about me. No one knew about my dad, except for Amber and Chloe. I didn’t even know the asshole’s name. For some reason, I’d never asked my mom. I didn’t want to know anything about the asshole who had terrified my mother so much that we had to run from state to state for over a decade.
She frowned. “I know a lot about asshole father figures.”
I stayed silent, waiting for her to continue. When she didn’t, I asked, “Care to elaborate on that?”
“What? Oh, yeah. Sorry. I just meant that I could relate. My stepdad was the perfect example of an arrogant prick. I hate him. He put me through hell before I finally left home.”
“Did you grow up in Morgantown?”
She shook her head. “No, I’m from Tennessee. I ran away from home when I was seventeen. I planned to go to New York City, but I met Eric on my way there. He offered me a place to stay, and we ended up forming the band with Adam and then Drake. The guys are more of a family to me than my mom and step-prick ever were. I do miss my little sister though.”
I raised an eyebrow. “You have a sister?”
“Yeah, she’s four years younger than I am. I probably wouldn’t recognize her if I saw her. She wasn’t quite fourteen when I left.”
“Are you the same age as us?” I asked, referring to Chloe, Drake, and me.
“Nah, I’m three and a half years older than you guys. I’m twenty-one. Eric and Adam are my age. Drake is the baby of the group. My sister is only a year younger than you guys though.”
We were both silent, lost in our thoughts. It was strange to know more about Jade. I’d always thought she was nice, but I never really paid much attention to her. She was just one of Chloe’s friends, nothing more. Now, I could see that there was a lot about Jade that I didn’t know.
“Anyway, tell me more about you. What is your major?”
I grinned. “Accounting with a minor in graphic design. I’m good with numbers and computers. I’m not sure if I want to be an accountant or a web designer.”
She shuddered. “I’d rather stick my tongue on a hot oven than deal with numbers all day. If the band ever makes it big, I’ll be sure to call you to handle our finances. I sure as hell don’t want to do it.”
I laughed. “It’s not that bad if you think about it. Number equations always have an answer, regardless of the variable. There’s always a way to solve it.”
She shook her head. “I’ll stick to the drums.”
“You’ve never been to college?”
She hesitated. “I didn’t even graduate high school, Logan. If it wasn’t for Eric, I’d be on the streets.”
That surprised me. Jade seemed like an intelligent person.
I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that she didn’t even have a high school diploma. “Why did you quit?”
“I ran away from home. It would have been easy for step-prick to track me down if I enrolled in another high school or even a GED program.”
“What about after you turned eighteen? You didn’t need to hide then. He couldn’t drag you back since you were a legal adult.” I said.
“I focus all my attention on the band. If I’m not doing that, I’m working. I have a few kids in the area that I give weekly drum lessons to for extra cash. It isn’t a ton, but it helps Eric with the rent. I don’t have time to go to school.”
I nodded, but I still didn’t get how she could put the band ahead of her education. My mother had beaten it into my head that I had to go as far as I could with my education. She wanted me to have so much more than she had.
“I think we’ve had enough heart-to-heart conversation for one night. I’ll leave you alone to mope.” She stood up and walked to the door.
I was surprised by her sudden departure, but I nodded. “Thanks for stopping by, Jade. I appreciate it.”
She smiled. “You’re welcome, Logan. I know you’re hurting right now, but you’re not alone. I hope you know that.”
She was gone before I had the chance to respond. I stared at the door, wondering what the hell had just happened.
After that night, something shifted between Jade and me. At least, it did for me. For the first time ever, I saw her as more than just Chloe’s friend or a member of Drake’s band. I saw her as my friend. She stopped by my dorm room a few more times, but we never talked about our pasts again. Instead, we would argue about music, bullshit about our day, or go over my classwork together.
Just as I’d suspected, Jade was smart, really smart. I never brought up her lack of education, but it bothered me. I really did hope that the band took off, but there was a good chance that it wouldn’t, and she’d be left with nothing. In this world, she would need a high school diploma to find work—period. I spent some time researching how she could get her GED, but I never mentioned it up to her. I didn’t want to piss her off or offend her. So, I stashed the information away as I debated on the best way to bring it up.
I saw Chloe several times on campus, but I couldn’t bring myself to speak to her. She looked as miserable as I felt, but I wasn’t ready. She’d hurt me, broken me. It would take time to heal from that. I even saw Drake once or twice. While I hated him, I no longer felt the rage I had in the beginning. I didn’t have it in me. I hated the fact that I couldn’t be angry with either of them. I wanted to be angry. Instead, all I felt was disappointment and sadness. I’d thought that I made Chloe happy, but it was obvious that I hadn’t. I lacked whatever it was that drew her to Drake.
I kept replaying my relationship with Chloe over and over, trying to figure out what I had done to screw it up. To me, every moment had felt perfect. It was obvious that I was missing something. I was lacking, and the worst part was that I would never know what I had done wrong. Even if I could forgive Chloe, I knew I would never have the courage to ask her what I had done to ruin everything, what I had done to make her love another man.
Maybe it was the whole bad-boy thing. I knew girls liked that. Drake played that role perfectly. The women, the band, the tattoos, and the piercings—I knew those were things that women loved. I’d just never expected Chloe to be one of those women, and I’d never expected the womanizer in Drake to love Chloe back.
I hated the fact that I was hurting Chloe by ignoring her and by keeping her away from Drake. I would watch both of them, and I could tell they weren’t together. If I told her that it was okay for her to be with Drake, I knew she would go running to him, begging him to take her back after she let both of us go. I wasn’t sure that I could stomach that.
I started going to the gym more, and I picked up extra shifts at work just so I had something to do. I’d made friends with a few guys at work, and I even went out with them a few times, but it didn’t feel the same as it had when I was with Chloe and Amber. As days turned to weeks, I knew I needed to man up and get over myself. I needed to forgive Chloe, so both of us could all start living our lives again instead of hanging in this miserable limbo.
Knocking on Chloe’s door was one of the most selfish and selfless things I’d ever done. It was selfish because I was sick of being miserable, and it was also selfless because I knew that once I told her I forgave her, she would eventually find her way back to Drake. It was inevitable. I’d been a blind fool before, and deep down, even I’d known what would happen.
I’d tried calling her a few times, but her phone always went straight to voice mail. I’d hoped that I could take the coward’s way out and not have to come face-to-face with her when I all but gave her my permission to go back to Drake, but I’d had no such luck. I was going to have to grow a pair and act like an adult.
I almost laughed at the startled gasp Rachel, Chloe’s roommate, gave when she answered the door. It was obvious that she hadn’t expected me. I glanced behind her to see Chloe staring at me with a look of shock on her face. She was holding a bag, but it slipped from her fingers. Feathers flew everywhere as the bag hit the ground.
I chuckled as I stared at the me
ss. “Do I even want to ask?”
“Pillow fight,” she whispered as she continued to stare at me.
“Mind if I come in to talk?” I asked quietly.
Rachel held the door open the rest of the way, and I walked in. I stopped when I was standing in front of Chloe. I glanced back to see Rachel still standing by the doorway, looking like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming semi.
“I’m…yeah…I’m going to go. Call me when you’re done.” She gave Chloe a hopeful smile as she grabbed her keys, and then she made a hasty retreat out the door.
Chloe and I were silent as we stared at each other. She looked away and quickly bent down to start scooping the escaped feathers back into the bag. I took a deep breath before I knelt beside her and started helping.
“How have you been?” I asked once we finished searching for feathers.
“Fine. You?” She stood up quickly and set the bag by the door, trying to avoid all eye contact with me.
“Not so good. I’ve missed you a lot, Chloe. I don’t like how things are between us.”
She shifted her weight from one foot to the other.
“I tried calling you first to see if it was okay for me to come by, but it went straight to voice mail. I wasn’t sure if you were avoiding me or if you had shut off your phone.”
She shook her head as she walked over to pick up her phone. “It’s off. I would never ignore you, Logan. I’ve missed you, too.”
My forehead crinkled in confusion. “Why is your phone off? What if someone needed to get a hold of you?”
She snorted in a very unladylike manor. I couldn’t help but give her a small grin. It was so Chloe.
“Like who? Besides Rachel and Jade, no one has been speaking to me.”
Jade? She hadn’t mentioned spending time with Chloe. Then again, why would she? She knew that I hated when she would mention Chloe or Drake. I made a mental note to ask her about it later.
“Has anyone been giving you a hard time since…everything happened?”
She shook her head as she set her phone back down. “No, everyone has left me alone, even Amber.”
I frowned, unhappy that Amber hadn’t listened to me. She’d let me come between her and Chloe.
“I see. I’ll talk to Amber tomorrow. She doesn’t need to ignore you because of me. You’ve been friends far too long to let me get in the way. That doesn’t answer my question though. If no one was bothering you, why did you shut off your phone?”
She gave me a weak smile as she sat down on her bed. “Um…my mom has been calling me a lot lately. I shut it off, so I wouldn’t have to hear it ring all night.”
My body went rigid. Her mom was a psychotic bitch who thrived on making Chloe’s life miserable.
“She’s still bothering you?”
She nodded. “Yeah, but it’s not a big deal. I just ignore it.”
I sat down next to her. I was about to hug her, but I stopped myself at the last second. For the first time since we had become friends, hugging her felt wrong. “Why didn’t you tell me? Have you been talking to her?”
She scooted across the bed a bit to get away from me. I winced, but she didn’t seem to notice.
Jesus, how did we come to this?
“No, I haven’t spoken with her since that day I called you. Drake got on the phone with her then, and I think he scared her off for a while, but she’s back with a vengeance.”
I couldn’t help but stiffen at the mention of Drake.
“And I never told you because it’s only been happening for the last week or so, and we haven’t exactly been on speaking terms. I couldn’t just run to you about it like I did before.”
I took a deep breath before turning to look at her. “Chloe, you can always come to me about this stuff, no matter what’s happening between us. Just because things ended the way they did doesn’t mean that I don’t care about you anymore. You’re still my best friend and always will be. That’s actually what I came here to talk to you about tonight. I miss you, Chloe. I know that there’s nothing left between us romantically, but I don’t want to lose you completely. You’ve always been such a big part of my life. These past few weeks have been hell without you.”
Tears broke free from her eyes and started rolling down her cheeks. She threw herself into my arms and hugged me as tightly as her tiny body could manage. My gut clenched at the contact. God, I’d missed her, but it hurt like hell to hold her, knowing she wasn’t mine anymore.
“Oh, Logan! I’ve missed you so much. You have no idea. After everything, I was so sure you’d never speak to me again. I thought I’d lost you!”
She sobbed into my chest as I rubbed her back.
“I told you, I just needed time, Chloe. I could never leave you for long. You’re too important to me. I felt like I had a hole in my chest.”
She pulled back to look at me. “I have, too. My world is not the same without you in it.”
We sat together on her bed and just talked for hours. She finally came clean and told me everything that had happened from the beginning. I listened quietly as she spilled every regret, every loss, every happy moment. When she finished, we were both shaken and tearful.
“I wish you would have told me everything from the beginning, Chloe. Things could have been so much different for all of us.” Maybe it wouldn’t have broken me if I had known. I didn’t tell her that though.
She obviously had enough guilt to deal with right now without me adding anything extra to it.
She nodded as she wiped her tears away. “I know that now, but I figured it out too late. I was too deep in with you, and I didn’t want to hurt you.”
“I know you didn’t, baby girl, but you did. What’s in the past is exactly where it needs to be—behind us. From this point on, we’ll start over, no more looking back at our mistakes. We’ll only look to the future. I’m not about to lose you again.” I’m willing to let you go even if that means he’ll have you. I love you that much, Chloe.
She hugged me tightly as a smile spread across her face. “I’m never going to let you go again. We’re Logan and Chloe—partners in crime until the end.”
It was well after midnight when I finally left Chloe’s room and went back to mine. I dropped down onto my bed and closed my eyes. I felt relieved now that I’d told Chloe that things were okay between us, but it still hurt like hell to think of everything. I didn’t want to be alone. Without really thinking about it, I texted Jade.
Me: Hey. What are you up to?
She replied a few minutes later.
Jade: Just finished practicing with the guys. You?
Me: Just got back from talking with Chloe.
Jade: How did that go?
Me: As expected.
Jade: I’ll be over in a few. I’ll bring our good friend Jack.
I smiled at her text. Jade was good for me. She made me smile. It was nice to have a friend who wouldn’t judge me for what had happened. She wouldn’t react, unlike Amber had. Jade was just…there.
Twenty minutes later, Jade knocked on my door. As soon as I opened it, she walked in and dropped down onto my roommate’s bed. He’d stayed in the room once, maybe twice, since the beginning of school. I wasn’t complaining though. It was like having a room to myself.
She poured two shots and handed one to me.
I grinned as I took it. “You know, I feel like we’re on the verge of becoming alcoholics with the way we drink when we’re together.”
She laughed before taking her shot. “Don’t be a pussy. I could drink Jack every day if I wanted to.”
I rolled my eyes as I dropped down onto my bed. “So, I talked to Chloe.”
“How did it go? Did you go at it like animals?”
It was my turn to laugh. I wish. “Not quite. We talked.”
“And?” She pushed for more.
“And we’re okay. I told her that I forgive her for what happened.”
“Do you?”
I sighed. “Yes and no. I don’
t know if I’ll ever really forgive her. I loved her completely, Jade, and she threw it back in my face. How the hell am I supposed to have a relationship after this? I mean, when I’m with someone in the future, I’m going to wonder if she’s sneaking around behind my back with someone better.”
“Better?” Jade asked, sounding half-confused and half-pissed.
“Yeah, better. It’s obvious that Drake is better than I am, or she never would have gone to him.”
“You’re an idiot, Logan. Drake isn’t better than you. It’s just that…sometimes, people are just drawn to each other. I know you don’t want to hear this, but I’ve seen the way Drake and Chloe look at each other. They love each other.”
I winced.
“I know it hurts to hear that, but I won’t lie to you. They love each other. Sometimes, people are just meant to be. It doesn’t mean that Drake is a better guy than you. It just means that he’s the one she’s supposed to be with.”
“So, where does that leave me?” I asked sadly.
“In your dorm room, drinking Jack with an awesome drummer chick.”
I laughed. Leave it to Jade to make me smile. “So, what about you?”
“What about me?”
“You know all of my nasty history. How’s your love life?”
She rolled her eyes. “I have no love life. I haven’t had one for a long time.”
“How come?”
She hesitated for a second. I watched as she filled her glass before taking another shot.
“I loved someone once, but it wasn’t meant to be.”
“Wasn’t meant to be?” I raised an eyebrow at her.
“I…I thought I loved him, but he wasn’t right for me. I told you before about my controlling step-prick, right?”
I nodded.
“Well, Mikey was there for me when I was living at home. He made me forget all about my home life. I thought I loved him, but I’m not sure if I really did. He was more of an escape than anything. The longer we were together, the more controlling he became. It didn’t take me long to realize that I was walking headfirst into a relationship with someone exactly like my stepdad. I didn’t want that, so I ran away without even saying good-bye to Mikey. I couldn’t. He would have either stopped me or tried to come with me.”
Toxic: Logan's Story Page 3
