“You’ve been gone for…what? Four years now?” I asked.
She nodded. “Yep.”
“And he’s never tried to find you?” I asked incredulously. If Chloe were to disappear, I would do everything in my power to find her.
“If he tried, I don’t know about it. I mean, I left a note in my little sister’s room, so my mom and stepdad would know that I hadn’t been kidnapped or anything. I’m sure they told Mikey I left. That probably went over real well with him. I didn’t leave any kind of trail. I don’t have anything in my name, not even a cell phone. Everything is in Eric’s name, and they don’t know about him. I doubt Mikey could find me even if he wanted to.”
“I…wow, I don’t even know what to say, Jade. I can’t imagine just leaving home and not talking to anyone for so long.”
“It’s not so bad. Like I said, the guys are my family now. The only person I truly miss is my sister. Once she turns eighteen, I plan on hunting her down. If I tried to see her now, I doubt my mom and stepdad would let me. My stepdad is an ass for sure, but in some ways, my mom is worse.”
“If your stepdad was as bad as you say, weren’t you worried about leaving your sister alone with him?” I asked.
She gave me a weak smile. “She’s only my half-sister. She’s his actual kid, so he wasn’t mean to her. He hated me because my mom had fucked around on him and ended up with me. They hated me for something I had no say in.”
I frowned. “And I thought my life was screwed-up. I’m sorry you had to go through all of that, Jade. It’s bullshit.”
“Don’t feel sorry for me. I’m happy now, happier than I ever was there. One day, when the band makes it big, I’m going to go back home and rub it in all their faces. I’m going to tell both of them how much I hate them.”
Neither of us spoke for a long time after that. Instead, we drank shot after shot, both of us trying to forget. I was sure Jade was lost in memories of her old life, and I was torn between thinking about everything with Chloe and worrying about Jade.
Chloe’s mom had always terrified me. I’d seen Chloe come to school with bruises and cuts more times than I could count. I couldn’t help but wonder if Jade had gone through something similar. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know.
Regardless of how these women had grown up, it was obvious that they were incredibly strong. I knew that they had to be damaged mentally from the abuse they dealt with, but they had rarely shown it, especially Jade. I’d known her for a few months now, and I’d always thought of her as a strong person. She had to be since she dealt with Eric, Adam, and Drake day and night.
Before I realized what had happened, I was drunk—not the stumbling-around-and-puking kind of drunk but a happy drunk. With the exception of the last few weeks, I rarely drank. I’d seen how Chloe’s mom was when she was drunk, and I wanted no part in something that did that kind of damage to a person. But this wasn’t that kind of drunk. Instead, I felt weightless and relaxed. While I knew things weren’t even close to being back to normal, for the first time since everything had happened, I had hope that I would be happy again. I knew it was just the alcohol talking, but I didn’t mind. I liked it. Between school and Chloe, I was always stressed. It was nice to just let loose for the night and chill.
It dawned on me that I looked forward to these nights with Jade more than I’d realized. I looked up to see her absentmindedly running her finger around the rim of her shot glass. Without either of us realizing it, she was quickly becoming my go-to friend. She was becoming important to me, and I’d be damned if that didn’t scare me. I never got close to anyone with the exception of Chloe and Amber. I wasn’t sure how I felt about my realization that Jade was important to me. Being close to her left me open and vulnerable. Over the past month, I’d had enough of feeling vulnerable.
I stared at her, taking all of her in. She reminded me so much of Chloe with her rocker-chick style, but they were so different. Both of them were beautiful in their own way. I couldn’t believe that I hadn’t noticed just how beautiful Jade was before now. She had just the right amount of feminism and ball-busting attitude that it made for a deadly combination.
I racked my brain, trying to remember if I’d ever seen her with a guy. I couldn’t think of a time when I had. I’d seen Adam and Drake leave the bar with a one-night stand tons of times. Hell, even quiet Eric had picked girls up occasionally. Jade never did—at least, not that I’d noticed, and I’d been to tons of their shows.
“Why are you staring at me like that?” Jade asked, pulling me from my thoughts.
I’d been looking at her for God only knew how long. I grinned sheepishly as I dropped my eyes to the floor.
“You’re beautiful,” I stated without really thinking about it.
When she didn’t say anything, I looked up to see her watching me.
Finally, she grinned. “If you’re starting to spout off shit like that, you’ve had too much Jack tonight, my friend.”
I gave her a questioning look. “What do you mean?”
“You’ve spent the last few months with Chloe, Logan.”
“So?”
“Chloe’s gorgeous.”
“What’s your point?” I asked, getting annoyed fast. Why can’t she just take the damn compliment like a normal person?
“I’m not even close to Chloe. After being with her, there’s no way you can think I’m pretty.”
I studied her, waiting for sarcastic Jade to break free. Instead, I saw the truth in her eyes. She really thought that she wasn’t pretty. She wasn’t just fishing for compliments.
I stood and walked over to where she was sitting. I crouched down on the floor in front of her. “Jade, you and Chloe look absolutely nothing alike, but that doesn’t mean you’re not beautiful. You are.”
Her eyes widened, and she quickly looked away. “Well, thanks then.”
I reached forward and grabbed her face to pull her back toward me. “Who told you that you weren’t beautiful?”
She shrugged, still refusing to meet my eyes.
I sighed as I studied her. “Let me guess. Step-prick?”
Again, she shrugged.
“Damn it, Jade. You should know better than to listen to an asshole like him.”
Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe I wanted to make her see that I meant what I’d said, but I leaned forward until we were only inches apart. Our breaths mingled together as she finally looked at me.
“You’re fucking gorgeous. One of these days, you’re going to find a guy who’s smart enough to realize that. Don’t let the assholes in your past make you doubt yourself, Jade.”
Her gaze dropped to my lips for a split second before returning to my eyes. “What are you doing, Logan?”
“I…I don’t know,” I told her truthfully.
All I knew was that her lips were inches away from mine, and I was thinking about doing something stupid. No, I wasn’t thinking about it. I was doing it. I leaned forward those last few inches and pressed my lips against hers. She sucked in a shocked breath as I kissed her softly. After a moment of hesitation, she started to kiss me back. I took my time, leisurely exploring her mouth with my tongue. A tiny moan escaped her as she raised her hands and ran them through my blond hair. Fire shot through my veins as she tugged on my hair. My hands slowly slid down her body until I was gripping her hips tightly to pull her tighter against me.
She broke the kiss unexpectedly and shoved me away. “Stop, Logan!”
I froze, unsure of what had just happened or what to say. “Jade, I—”
“Don’t. Just…don’t.” She scooted farther up the bed to get away from me. She sighed and ran her hand over her face. “Look, we’ve both been drinking. That shouldn’t have happened. Let’s just pretend that it didn’t.”
I nodded. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do that.”
“It’s fine. I know you’re hurting and looking for a distraction, but I won’t be your rebound, Logan. I’m your friend, and that’s it, okay?”
> I nodded as she stood up.
“I should probably go.”
I didn’t bother to answer. She was gone before I could even process what I’d just done.
You fucked up. Good job, asshole.
I couldn’t believe that I’d kissed Jade. I was better than that. She was better than that.
I shook my head as I walked over to my bed and dropped down onto it. That couldn’t happen again. I wouldn’t use her like that. She was my friend, for Christ’s sake! I only hoped that she still would be after that monumental fuck-up.
But the worst part was that I’d enjoyed kissing her.
Eighteen Months Later
I moaned before opening my eyes. I lowered my gaze to where some chick—I thought she’d told me her name was Nicole—was sucking my dick. She raised her eyes to look at me as her head continued to bob. Without thinking, I reached down and grabbed her hair to push her closer to me. She took the hint and took me deeper as she continued to suck on me.
I leaned back against the wall as I felt myself building. A minute later, I exploded. Lucky for her, I always wore a condom, regardless of whether or not the girls had said they were clean. I couldn’t be too careful nowadays, especially with girls who would suck me in the restroom of a run-down bar an hour after meeting me.
She released me and stood, and I peeled off the condom and threw it in the trash. I shoved my dick back into my pants and zipped them up. She frowned for a second before leaning into me. I almost winced when she ran her fingernails down my chest, but I caught myself at the last second.
“Are you done already? I thought you might return the favor,” she whispered huskily.
“What? You want me to fuck you?”
She nodded, and I laughed.
“Sorry, babe, I’m not about to stick my dick in someone who’s willing to blow me in this disgusting restroom.”
Her mouth fell open in shock first, but then she became angry. “Fuck you, asshole. You’re the one who asked for a blow job!”
I shrugged. “Didn’t mean you had to say yes.”
I walked out of the restroom and headed for the door. I forgot about the girl as soon as I’d stopped looking at her. It was a shame really that she had done that for me. She was a pretty girl. I could see that even though she covered her features under way too much makeup. If she wasn’t such a slut, she would find guys who were interested in more than what she could do with her mouth or her pussy.
I walked out of the bar and headed for my car. I had almost an hour drive ahead of me before I would make it home. I would try to go to bars that were far away from my house in Morgantown. I didn’t want Amber or Chloe to know what I did on the nights I wasn’t home—not that Chloe would find out now anyway. She’d left with Drake three months ago to live thousands of miles away in L.A. A major label had picked up his band almost a year ago, and he’d moved out there to record. I knew they would be huge one day. They already had a large fan base, and their first tour was set to start in just a couple of weeks.
My thoughts drifted to the girl back at the bar as I drove home. She had been just one of many who I’d met and screwed around with all in one night. I’d been doing this for almost a year and the way these girls behaved still surprised me. It shouldn’t have though. I knew that all women were sluts—well, not all, but the majority were.
Jade. I squeezed my eyes shut. Don’t go there, brother. Jade was a subject I never wanted to think about.
Women are easy. I would just have to flash them my dimples and let them rub their breasts against my arm while I bought them a few drinks, and they would be mine. It was always as easy as that. They wouldn’t care to know anything about me—where I worked, if I went to school, what my favorite book was. No, all they would care about was how fast they could get my dick inside them.
Chloe. She’d done this to me. I couldn’t help but feel resentment toward the one person I’d loved. If I were being honest with myself, I still loved her. But I also hated her, too. After she had ripped my heart out, I’d changed completely. I’d stopped trying to be the nice guy, the gentleman. Time and time again, she’d proved that wasn’t what she wanted.
Not two weeks after our heart-to-heart when I’d told her I forgave her for what she had done to me, she’d gone back to Drake. I’d had to stomach seeing them together constantly, watching her kiss and hold him when it should have been me. I’d said nothing. I’d done nothing. Instead, I’d sat back and watched as he took everything I wanted. They’d barely made it six months before he fucked up. The fucker had been hiding a cocaine addiction for God only knew how long. Since Chloe’s mother had been an addict as well, the betrayal had hit Chloe especially hard. To add insult to injury, the dumb fuck had gotten caught only a few weeks after Chloe’s mother committed suicide.
As horrible as it sounded, I had been glad when Chloe’s mother died. She’d tormented and abused Chloe her entire life. Up until the moment she’d died, she’d been on the run for beating and almost drowning Chloe. Only a few minutes before parking her car on a railroad track where she’d met her untimely fate, she’d even called Chloe to tell her how fucking worthless she was.
Chloe had no idea that I still loved her or that I hated her. To her, I was still the same Logan I’d been when we first walked onto West Virginia University’s campus. Now, I hid who I truly was from both her and Amber. Neither of them needed to know that I was a cold-hearted bastard. No, to them, I was still sweet and kind Logan. To the rest of the world though, I was what I’d hated most about Drake. I was a slut. I used women. And the best part was that I didn’t give a damn.
I chuckled when I realized that Drake and I had switched positions in life. Now, he was the idiot who only had eyes for Chloe. He was whipped. I was the asshole who didn’t care. I guessed I should thank him for that. If it wasn’t for him, I’d still be wearing my heart on my sleeve.
When Drake had fucked up, Chloe had come running back to who she knew she could trust—Amber and me. We had taken care of her. We’d made sure that she ate, we’d tried to make her laugh, and to make her forget. I’d been an idiot at first, hoping that maybe she would see me as more since Drake was gone. Nope. Instead, she’d pined over the asshole for months. She’d acted skittish around me until I finally sat down and lied to her.
“Chloe, can we talk?” I asked as I walked into her new bedroom.
A week ago, Amber, Chloe, and I had just signed the papers to rent this house.
“Uh…sure. What’s up?” she asked. Her unease was apparent.
I sat down on the edge of her bed and looked up at her. My temper flared when I saw how bloodshot her eyes were. She’d been crying over that asshole—again. He’d ripped her heart out, and she still cried over him.
“Look, I’ve noticed how uneasy you are around me. I wanted to let you know that you don’t have to be.”
She frowned. “I’m sorry, Logan. I don’t mean to be. I’m just confused and upset right now. I need you, but I’m afraid something will happen, and I’ll lose you. I couldn’t handle that.”
In other words, she was afraid that I would try to win her back, and when she told me to fuck off, I would leave—permanently.
“Chloe, I do love you.”
She winced.
“But I don’t love you like that anymore. I know now that we aren’t supposed to be together like that. We’re friends, and that’s how it should be. You don’t have to worry about me trying anything. I want nothing from you.”
She smiled, and I could tell it was genuine.
“Thank you, Logan. I’ll never forgive myself for what I did to you. You’re my best friend, and I refuse to ever let you go.”
She’d hugged me, thinking that everything was perfect between us. What a fucking joke. Things had been far from fine, and they never would be.
That was the first night when I had gone out on my own. I’d been careless that night, going to a bar close to the house, but Amber and Chloe had never found out about it. I’d picked
up a blonde, and we had gone back to her house. I hadn’t even known her name. After that, I’d started going out once or twice a week to pick up women. I never took them back to the house though. I always went to their places, and they never knew more about me than my first name.
Amber, Chloe, and I had fallen into an easy routine for almost six months. Then, just when Chloe had started to get back to normal, Drake had decided it was time to show back up again. He’d begged her to take him back, and she had. She was an idiot.
Once a fuck-up, always a fuck-up.
He would break her heart again. I had known it, and I had been sure he knew it, too, but I’d said nothing. Their relationship wasn’t my problem. Chloe wasn’t my problem. It was time I moved on with my own life and stopped worrying about her. She’d controlled my life for long enough.
I pulled up into my parking spot next to the house. That was one of the main reasons I’d wanted this house so much. In Morgantown, a college town, it was hard to find off-street parking. As many drunken idiots as there were around here, it was a relief to know I wouldn’t wake up one morning to find a huge dent or worse on my car.
The house was dark with the exception of the living room. The TV was on as well as a small lamp, which meant Amber was actually home for once. Lately, she’d been gone more than I had been. I wasn’t sure where she would go, but I had a good idea. I was pretty sure she would go out and do the same thing I was, but I wasn’t sure why. That wasn’t Amber, but neither of us were perfect.
Who am I to judge?
I walked into the living room to see Amber sitting on the couch.
Toxic: Logan's Story Page 4
