I glanced into the living room to see Amber and Logan sitting on the couch, watching TV.
He glanced up at me and smiled. “Morning.”
“Why didn’t you wake me up? I thought we were going to leave early.”
He shrugged. “I started to wake you up, but you looked so peaceful, so I let you sleep in a bit. I know you’re tired from traveling so much.”
His thoughtfulness touched me, and I grinned back at him. “Thanks. I’m up now, so if you’re ready to go…”
He nodded as he rose from the couch. “Let me grab my bags and throw them in the car.”
He walked past me, leaving Amber and me alone. I glanced over to see her watching me. I looked away and stared at the TV. Amber seemed nice enough, but we’d never really talked before.
“I have to say, I’m surprised,” she finally said.
I glanced at her. “Huh?”
“That Logan is going with you. He’s even excited to take a spur-of-the-moment vacation to meet your family. I didn’t realize you two were so close.” She raised an eyebrow as she waited for my response.
“Oh…well, I wanted to get away for a while, and I didn’t want to go alone, so I asked him to come with me.”
“To meet your parents.”
He obviously hadn’t told her what my plans were or the circumstances surrounding my parents and me.
“It’s not like that.”
She grinned. “Jade, I’m not his mother. I don’t care what’s going on between you two. Just do me a favor, okay? Don’t break him. He’s had enough of that.”
My eyes widened. “I wouldn’t do that to him.”
“Good. As long as he’s happy, I’m happy.”
Logan walked back into the room and glanced between the two of us. “I’m ready if you are.”
I nodded and walked past him. I could hear him and Amber saying their temporary good-byes before the door closed behind me. I tried not to think about what Amber had said. Don’t break him. I had no intentions of doing that. In fact, my plans were the complete opposite. I wanted to help him heal, not drag him further down. He seemed to be doing just fine on his own, but I’d only been with him for a day. Just because he seemed okay didn’t mean that he was.
I walked over to Logan’s car and leaned against the passenger-side door. I’d offered to rent a car for the trip, so we wouldn’t put extra miles on his car, but he’d refused. It didn’t matter to me as long as he was okay with it, so I didn’t argue with him.
A car pulled up to the curb in front of the house. My mouth dropped open in shock when I saw Chloe and Drake getting out. The shock was evident on their faces as we stared at each other.
“Jade? What are you doing here?” Drake asked as they walked over to where I was standing.
Fuck! I’d told everyone that I was going to hang around L.A. for a while and that I didn’t want anyone to bug me.
Drake and Chloe obviously knew that was a lie now.
“I, uh…”
“Chloe? Drake? What are you guys doing here?” Amber called as she walked outside with Logan.
Chloe ran over to her and Logan and hugged them tightly. My stomach dropped when I saw how tightly Logan was holding her back.
“We came to surprise you guys, but it looks like we’re the ones who got the surprise,” Chloe said as she glanced over at me. “We didn’t know Jade would be here.”
“I’m so glad you’re here,” Amber squealed.
“Me, too. I’ve missed you both so much, so Drake agreed to come back to West Virginia while he had some time off. We can spend the summer together!”
My stomach dropped until it was no longer part of my body. Chloe was back, and she wanted Amber and Logan to hang out with her this summer. There was no way that he’d choose me over her. It looked like I’d be making my way to Tennessee on my own. The thought alone made me want to cry. I hadn’t wanted to go by myself, and I’d stupidly relied on Logan to keep me company.
“Oh,” Logan said, shock clearly covering his face. He glanced at me. “We were just about to head out.”
“Where to? We can all go,” Chloe said.
I noticed Drake watching me. He knew something was up.
Fuck. My. Life.
Before Logan could spill where we were going, I cut into the conversation, “Actually, I was just leaving. I’m going to take a road trip.” I pretended to glance at my phone. “I’d better head out. I’m already starting late.”
I stupidly realized that I didn’t have a car as soon as the words were out of my mouth. Perfect, just fucking perfect. I just kept digging my hole deeper and deeper.
Logan walked down the sidewalk to where I was standing. “Jade…”
“No, it’s okay. I get it,” I whispered before raising my voice so that everyone could hear me. “Would you mind taking me to the car rental place?”
He kept looking back and forth between Chloe and me. Finally, his eyes hardened as he made his decision, and he turned his attention to me.
Just say it, and get it over with, Logan. Come on, tell me that you’ll take me to the rental place and be rid of me.
Then, he looked back to Chloe. “Sorry, Chloe, but I won’t be around for the summer. I’m going with Jade.”
I looked up at him in surprise. Did he really just choose me over her?
I glanced over at Drake to see him frowning as he watched Logan carefully. His eyes flicked over to me, and I saw the light bulb come on. A small smile lifted the corner of his mouth.
“Aw…are you sure?” Chloe asked.
I could tell that she was upset because I was taking Logan from her, but I couldn’t bring myself to feel bad. She’d had years with him. All I wanted was a few weeks. Besides, she had Drake to keep her company. She didn’t need Logan for that anymore.
“Sorry, Chloe, but I promised Jade. Maybe I’ll be back in time to hang out some.” He shrugged his shoulders like he didn’t really care if they spent time together or not.
I knew it was an act, but I still felt like doing a victory dance around his car.
“But—”
Drake cut her off, “Let them go, Chloe. Jade said they needed to head out.”
She frowned but nodded. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound rude. I’m just surprised.” She walked over and wrapped her arms around Logan.
I looked away, suddenly uncomfortable. I wasn’t sure if or when I’d ever be comfortable with them touching.
She released Logan and turned to hug me. “Take care of him, Jade. Please,” she whispered in my ear.
“I will.” I hugged her back before stepping away.
Drake’s knowing gaze drilled into me as I climbed into the car.
We waved as Logan backed out of the driveway and started down the street. I still couldn’t believe that he’d chosen me over her. I couldn’t remember him ever telling her no or turning her down.
My phone beeped, and I looked down to see a text from Drake.
Drake: Didn’t expect that one.
Me: I have no idea what you’re talking about.
Drake: Have fun. ;)
Me: Asshole.
Drake: Love you, too. :P
I rolled my eyes and shoved my phone into my pocket.
“You could have stayed,” I mumbled once the house disappeared from sight.
“I could have, but I didn’t want to. What I do want is to spend the summer getting to know you better.” He didn’t look at me when he spoke, obviously unsure of how I’d respond to his words.
I leaned across the console and kissed his cheek. “I want to get to know you better, too.”
I had no idea how long we would be in Tennessee. If things went my way, I’d probably spend most of my time off with my sister. Otherwise, we’d probably be back here in a week. Regardless of how long the vacation was, I wanted to spend it with him.
Let the fun begin, I thought as we hit the interstate.
I’d spent so much time traveling over the past year that being in
a car didn’t even faze me. When we’d toured the summer before last, I’d been climbing the walls of the bus to get out. At least, I had been in my head. I never let the guys know when something was bothering me. Being the only chick in the band, I always felt like I had to make sure that I fit in. That was stupid because I’d been with the guys for years, but a part of me—a teeny-tiny part—was afraid that they’d decide they were better off with all guys, and then they’d leave me behind.
Now, traveling was my norm. Where I should have felt confined by the small interior of Logan’s car, I felt only comfort and security instead. Despite just waking up and trying my hardest to keep my eyes open, I slipped into a peaceful oblivion less than an hour after we’d left the house.
I awoke when the car door slammed. I opened my eyes to see Logan pumping gas. I frowned when I realized that he’d paid for the gas. From the very beginning, I’d told him that I would pay for everything on this trip, and I’d meant it. I didn’t want him to waste his hard-earned money on stuff for me even if it was only gas.
Logan finished filling the car and climbed back in. He smiled when he noticed that I was awake. Before he could say anything, I grabbed the gas receipt out of his hand.
“Hey!”
“I told you I didn’t want you to pay for anything on this trip. It’s because of me that we’re doing this, and I won’t let you waste your money on me,” I said as I shoved the receipt into my pocket.
He rolled his eyes. “It’s just gas, Jade.”
“I don’t care. I’ll pay you back when I can get to an ATM.”
While I knew Logan wouldn’t be hanging out at the local homeless shelter anytime soon, I also knew that he was barely making enough to cover bills and food. I’d been in the same situation before I moved to L.A. I didn’t want him to waste a dime on me.
“Where are we?” I finally asked.
He pulled out of the gas station’s parking lot. “Just south of Princeton, West Virginia. We’ll be in Virginia soon.”
“Dang, how long did I sleep?”
“Only a couple of hours. You can go back to sleep if you want. I know you’re tired.”
I shook my head. “I’m fine now. I feel wide awake.”
“Okay. Mind if I turn on some music?” he asked.
“Sure.”
He reached over and turned on the radio. We heard static for a split second before he pushed the CD button. I winced when I heard the beginning of a country song. I’d forgotten that he liked country music.
“Bleh,” I muttered as the song filled the car.
He laughed. “What? You don’t like ‘Country Boy’?”
“You know I hate country. My ears are already bleeding,” I joked.
“Oh, come on. It’s better than that screaming shit Amber, Chloe, and you seem to like.”
I rolled my eyes. “It’s not screaming shit. It’s rock. So, I take it you don’t like my band’s music?”
He shook his head. “I like your songs. Drake doesn’t scream like an idiot when he sings them.”
I frowned. Logan would hate the new album we were working on. There was more than one song that had Drake screaming. We’d tried a few of them on the bus to make sure that Drake could get the vocals right, and he had. I was excited to start working on them. The guitars were faster, but the drums carried those songs. To perfect the songs we’d created, I’d be playing harder than I ever had.
“What’s wrong? If the music is that bad, I’ll turn it off.”
“It’s not that. I’m just realizing how different we are. I live and breathe the music you hate.”
“I don’t hate all of it. Pick a few of your favorite songs, and play them on your phone. I’ll tell you what I think.”
I nodded as I tried to think of a few songs that had stuck with me. I knew my favorite—The Amity Affliction’s “Open Letter”—wouldn’t go over well with him, so I decided not to play it. Once I figured out what I wanted him to hear, I pulled up one of the songs on my phone.
“Okay, listen to this one,” I said as I pushed play.
We were both silent as we listened to Chevelle’s “The Red.” This song meant more to me than he realized. It was an older song, one that I’d heard when I was still living at home. The bullying, the anger—it all played out in this song, like it was the anthem to my life then. I hoped that he could understand why I’d played this song.
When it ended, I didn’t say a word. Instead, I clicked play on Stone Sour’s “Tired.” It was a newer song, but I’d fallen under its spell after the first time I heard it on the radio. Again, I let the lyrics speak for me. I wanted them to tell Logan everything that I couldn’t. I wasn’t good with my feelings. I never had been, but with him, I wanted to be. I wanted him to be the one who kept me safe.
When the final verse ended, Logan was gripping the steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles were white.
“Logan?” I questioned.
He shook his head as he pulled the car off the interstate, ignoring the signs that said to pull off in an emergency only.
“Logan, what are you doing?” I asked as the car came to a stop.
He leaned across the console and grabbed my face with both hands. He stared straight into my eyes. “Is that what you want?”
“What?”
“You want me close? You want me to make you feel safe?”
I tried to look away, but his hands kept me from moving.
“I’m not…I don’t…” he growled. “Damn it, this isn’t coming out right at all!”
I expected him to pull away, but instead, he pulled my face to his, and he kissed me. It wasn’t safe or sweet. It was hungry and angry. He never gave me a chance to stop him before his tongue plunged into my mouth. A small moan escaped me as he explored. Fire shot through my veins as I kissed him back. This was all I’d wanted. Being with him like this made me feel alive. Feeling his hands on me made me feel safe.
He finally pulled away from me and grinned. His grin turned into a full-blown laugh as we caught the lyrics of another song playing. “I guess the song is right. It does feel good when I lose control.”
I glanced down and pushed pause, cutting off “Temper Temper” mid-song. “What was that kiss for?”
He tilted my chin up, so I was looking at him again. “Because I suck with words, and I’ve wanted to kiss you since you walked out of the airport yesterday.”
“Really?” I asked, my heart thumping wildly in my chest. Maybe this wasn’t all one-sided. Maybe, just maybe, I had a chance with him.
I shouldn’t want that though. After all, I’d done fine on my own for the past few years. What was it about Logan that made me want to go and fuck up my perfectly put-together new life?
“Really. And now that I’ve started kissing you, I don’t want to stop. Look, I’m not good with words or relationships. I thought I was, but I’m not. I’m not saying that I want us to suddenly jump into something serious, but I’ve waited almost a year for you to come back to me. The things from before still get to me from time to time, but I want to try to take this somewhere with you. Is that what you want? Or am I making a fool of myself?”
I stared at him in shock. He wanted an us? “I don’t know what to say. No, that’s a lie. I totally know what to say. I’ve wanted to be with you from the moment I saw you.”
“Is that a yes then?” he asked as he grinned.
I nodded. “It’s a yes. I have baggage, lots of it, and you do, too. The good thing is that we both know what happened to the other. We’ll figure things out together. How does that sound?”
“Sounds like a plan.” He leaned over and kissed me softly. “I’m going to kiss you a lot. I hope that’s okay.”
I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer. “It’s more than okay.”
We kissed on the side of the interstate until both of us were gasping for breath. When we finally separated, he pulled the car back onto the interstate.
For the next few hours, he held my hand wi
thout a word.
The ride home was so different from the one I’d taken with Eric when I was running away. While I was nervous about seeing everyone again, I wasn’t terrified like I had been when I left. I wasn’t sure if it was because of Logan or because I was in control of the situation this time. Regardless of the reason, I no longer feared the future.
Back then, Eric had picked me up on I-40 just outside of Knoxville. I’d been stupidly trying to hitchhike my way to New York City at the time. I’d been desperate enough to get in the car with him when he said he’d take me to northern West Virginia even though I didn’t know him. Back then, I had been terrified of what life would throw at me. I had been afraid that my stepdad would try to find me and force me to come back home.
Even then, Eric’s presence had calmed me. We’d talked casually as he drove me closer and closer to his home. He’d told me he was visiting his real dad in Tennessee, but he lived with his adoptive parents. He’d never mentioned his mom, and I hadn’t pried. I’d told him about my stepdad, my mom, and Mikey. When I’d told him I could play drums, he’d said he played guitar. Once we’d started talking about music, we’d never shut up. By the time we’d arrived at his house, I’d agreed to hang out for a few days and jam with him as long as his parents were okay with it.
By the end of that first week, his parents had offered to let me stay with them until I got back on my feet. They had been so kind to me, and I’d kept waiting for them to change and start screaming at me. They never had. Instead, I’d stayed with them until Eric and I were able to get a place of our own. For the past six years, Eric had been my best friend, and he still was. He knew more about me than anyone, even Logan, and Logan knew a hell of a lot.
It’d been hard to hide things from Eric when I would wake up screaming and crying in the middle of the night. The day I’d told him how my stepdad had blackened one of my eyes because I got a D on a report for school, I’d thought he was going to drive back to Tennessee and kick his ass.
I hadn’t been the only one who had nightmares though. Eric had had his fair share, and he’d finally come clean to me about what happened to him and the things he witnessed. I couldn’t even process it. Eric was always so calm and put together on the outside, but on the inside, he was broken beyond repair.
Toxic: Logan's Story Page 9
