Toxic: Logan's Story

by K. A. Robinson

  “Don’t worry. Our home is just a normal house. The label owns this car and the plane. That’s why it looks so expensive,” Chloe assured me.

  It was taking forever to get to Drake and Chloe’s house. The traffic in L.A. was like nothing I’d ever seen before. I couldn’t imagine trying to drive in it daily. Nope, I’d stick to West Virginia’s two-lane roads and four-lane interstates. This was a nightmare. We finally managed to escape the bumper-to-bumper cars when we hit another interstate. It was still packed, but at least the traffic was flowing here.

  When we pulled up to their house twenty minutes later, I was surprised. Chloe hadn’t been kidding. While the house was large, it was simple. There was nothing flashy about it. It looked like every other house on this street. It was a two-story white house with a black roof. It had a small front porch with a high privacy fence extending all the way around the house. The only hint that someone famous lived here was the keypad on the gate and the huge privacy fence.

  “Home, sweet home,” Drake said before climbing out of the car. He walked over to the gate. After punching a combination into the keypad, he swung the gate open.

  The driver and the rest of us each grabbed a few bags and carried them up to the house. Drake unlocked the door, disabled the alarm, and continued inside. We followed and sat all the luggage next to the door.

  I smirked at Chloe as I watched her separate her blue bags from Drake’s. “And you said you didn’t have that much luggage.”

  “Oh, bite me, asshole. We were gone for months!”

  I laughed as I grabbed a few of her bags and carried them up the stairs. I followed her into the first bedroom on the second floor. I glanced around the room before putting her bags down and walking down the steps to carry more up for her. I passed Drake on the stairs as he carried two of his own bags up. He only had two left by the door while Chloe still had four. Yeah, she definitely hadn’t packed light. Once all of her bags were in her room, I grabbed my bag and followed Chloe down the second-floor hallway to one of the guest rooms.

  “Is this one okay?” she asked as she opened the door.

  We walked into the room. It was much larger than the one I had back in West Virginia. The walls and carpet were a cream color. A queen-sized bed sat against the far wall. Other than that and a closet, the room was completely empty.

  “Yeah, it’s fine. Thank you for letting me stay with you. I shouldn’t be here for more than a few days.”

  “You’re welcome to stay as long as you want.”

  “I also owe you and Drake for convincing me to come out here, especially after I said all those things to you and after hitting Drake.”

  “Don’t apologize for what you said to me. I deserved it. And you felt better after you got everything out, didn’t you?”

  “Yeah, I guess. I still shouldn’t have said what I did though.”

  She shook her head. “Logan, you and Amber have always been my best friends. We’ve been through the good, the bad, and the horrible together. You’ve never kept things from me, and I don’t expect you to now. No matter what happens, we’ll always be friends.”

  “Even if I join the circus and Amber runs off to be a hooker in Las Vegas?” I joked.

  “Even then. Besides, if you joined the circus, I’d come to watch you perform. And we both know we’d go after Amber if she followed her hooker dreams.”

  “True.” I grinned at her. “Can I ask you something?”

  “Sure.”

  “Are you really happy with Drake? I mean, is being with him everything you thought it would be?”

  She gave me a hesitant smile. “It really is. He’s everything I’ve ever hoped for. I can’t even begin to explain how he makes me feel. It’s like my whole world became clear once we finally found each other again. Because of everything Drake and I have been through, I now believe in fate. I mean, there’s no way we would have ended up together if it wasn’t for fate. There were just too many things in our way.”

  I pulled her to me and hugged her tightly. “I love you, Chloe, and I’m truly happy for you. You deserve some happiness after everything you’ve had to endure.”

  “I love you, too. And, Logan?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Like I said, I believe in fate. I think you and Jade found each other for a reason. Don’t let obstacles get in your way if you really love her. If it’s meant to be, it will happen.”

  I released her and stepped back. “I hope you’re right. The way I felt when Jade and I were together…Jade is special, just like you are.”

  “Then, don’t let her get away, no matter what.”

  “After I talk to her, I’m hoping that things will work out for us.”

  “When do you plan to talk to her?” Chloe asked.

  “As soon as I can. Classes are starting soon, so I can’t stay long. I want things resolved before I go back to West Virginia.”

  She frowned. “Why are you so determined to go back to West Virginia?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, it’s not like you have anything to keep you there. You could transfer schools and stay here. Your job isn’t a big deal. There are plenty of places that would hire you here.”

  “I can’t just leave everything and move.”

  “I did.” Chloe grinned at me.

  “Yeah, but it’s just Amber and me on the rent now. I can’t just abandon her.”

  She laughed. “I told you earlier. Her parents will help her. Don’t let trivial things hold you back if you really want to be here with Jade.”

  “Amber is trivial?” I asked, surprised that Chloe would refer to Amber that way.

  “No, that’s not what I meant. What I’m trying to say is that you keep finding insignificant things, like rent, to hold you back. If you want to stay with Jade, then stay. Things have a way of working themselves out.”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know what I’ll do. We’ll have to wait and see.”

  “You’ll make the right choice. Of that, I have no doubt. I’ll leave you alone, so you can get settled in. I’m going to order something for dinner. Does Chinese sound good?”

  “Yeah, just order what I normally get.”

  “All right. I’ll come find you when it gets here,” Chloe said as she walked to the door.

  I sat down on my bed and stared out the window. I couldn’t help but wonder what tomorrow would bring.

  I pulled my phone out of my pocket and unlocked it. I dialed Jade’s number, but I couldn’t bring myself to press Call. I groaned at how idiotic I was being. I’d come all this way to talk to her, yet I couldn’t bring myself to even call her. I wasn’t sure why this was so hard for me. All I had to do was pick up the fucking phone and call her, tell her I want to meet, and then go meet her. It wasn’t that hard. I was acting like a thirteen-year-old girl.

  Pull your head out of your ass and call her. I hit the Call button before I could really think about what I was doing. It rang three times, just long enough for me to think she wasn’t going to pick up, before she finally answered.

  “Logan?” she asked, surprise flooding her voice.

  The sound of her voice was like a punch in the gut. Goddamn, I’d missed hearing her more than I thought.

  “Yeah, it’s me,” I finally said after several seconds of silence.

  “I…I didn’t expect to hear from you.”

  “I didn’t think I’d call you either. Listen, I think we need to talk.”

  “Yeah, I do, too.”

  “Can we meet somewhere?” I asked, forgetting the fact that she didn’t know I was in L.A.

  “Um…I don’t know. I don’t really think I can leave L.A. for a while. We’re starting on the new album later today.”

  “Oh, yeah. No, I’m actually in L.A. right now.”

  “What? Why are you here?” she asked, sounding shocked.

  “I came out with Chloe and Drake. I wanted to talk with you face-to-face. I didn’t want to talk about everything over the phone.”


  “Shit, yeah, I definitely want to talk with you. I’m at my apartment right now, but I can come over to Drake’s place if you want.”

  “Why don’t I come to you? I don’t really want an audience while we sort everything out.”

  “Good point. I can pick you up if you want,” she said nervously.

  “Nah, I’ll take a cab or have Chloe drop me off.”

  “Okay. So, I’ll see you in a few?”

  “Yeah,” I said, “I’ll be there soon.”

  I started to hang up, but she called my name, “Logan?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I’m glad you’re here.”

  “Thanks for driving me here, Chloe,” I said an hour later as we pulled up in front of Jade’s apartment.

  “No problem. Her building is locked. You’ll need a code to get in.” She grabbed an old receipt and a pen out of the car console and wrote down five numbers. “Just put this code in at the door, and it’ll unlock. She’s on the sixth floor, apartment 603.”

  I opened the car door and stepped out. “Thanks.”

  “Do you want me to hang around for a bit?”

  “Nah, I’ll call you if I need a ride.”

  “Okay. And Logan? Good luck.”

  I gave her one last smile before walking over to the door of Jade’s apartment building. After punching in the code Chloe had given me, I opened the door and stepped inside. Two elevators sat to the left. I walked over to them and pressed the button to go up. A second later, the door of one slid open, and I stepped into it. I took a deep breath as I pressed the button for the sixth floor. It seemed like the ride up to Jade’s floor was taking forever.

  Once the doors opened, I stepped out of the elevator and started down the hallway. Her door was the second on the right. I knocked softly and waited. I glanced around the hallway. The building had looked simple enough on the outside, but I could tell from the hallway alone that I would never be able to afford an apartment in this building. While it didn’t scream money, it definitely wasn’t a dump or even close to it.

  The apartment door opened, and I tensed, preparing myself to see her again. Finally, I looked up. Jade and I stared at each other, neither of us moving or speaking. She was still as beautiful as always, but she looked tired. Dark circles were under her eyes, and I felt guilty because I knew I had probably caused them.

  “Hey,” she finally said quietly.

  “Hey.”

  Neither of us spoke again, and I couldn’t help but grin. “This is awkward as hell.”

  She laughed. “Yeah, it kind of is. Do you want to come in?”

  “Sure,” I said.

  She stepped aside, and I walked by her and into the apartment.

  I glanced around, taking in her home. It was totally her. The living room had dark gray walls with a hardwood floor. The couch and chair were both black leather. A glass coffee table and two glass side tables were in front of the couch. A flat-screen television was mounted on the wall across from the couch. To my right was a kitchen. The floor was black-and-white linoleum. The walls were the same dark gray color as the living room.

  “Would you like something to drink?” she asked.

  “No thanks, I’m good.” I motioned toward the couch. “Why don’t we sit down and talk? I think we need to get this over with.”

  She nodded and walked over to the couch. I followed behind her and sat down on the opposite side from her.

  “Do you want me to start? Or do you want to?” she asked. “I’m sure you have a lot to say.”

  “I do. When I saw you with Mikey, I lost it. It was like I was back in Chloe’s dorm room, listening to her tell me how she cheated on me repeatedly with Drake. Only this time, I saw it for myself. I couldn’t believe that I’d trusted another woman, only to be lied to and cheated on again. I was angry. No, I was furious, but I was also hurt, too. You didn’t seem like the type of person who would do something like that to me, but I saw it with my own eyes. So, I took off without giving you a chance to explain. I shouldn’t have, but I wasn’t thinking clearly. All I wanted to do was get the hell away from you and hope that I never had to see you again.”

  “I understand why you left the way you did. I probably would have done the same thing. You’ve had to deal with a lot of bullshit over the past few years, Logan. I just want you to know that nothing happened with Mikey. I feel absolutely nothing, except revulsion, for him. What you saw was him trying to convince me to bring him here, so I could introduce him to our label. He thought I was his ticket to making it big, and when I turned him down, he got pissed and kissed me. I was trying to get him off of me when you walked in.”

  I looked at her, trying to judge whether or not she was being completely honest with me. She didn’t look away, and her expression was open and humbled. I believed her, and that made me want to kick myself for running in the first place. If I’d just stayed and listened, things would be completely different with us right now.

  “I’m sorry for leaving you and for not answering your calls. I really fucked up, Jade.”

  “It’s okay. Like I said, I understand why you did what you did.”

  “So, where does that leave us?” I asked. Honestly, I wasn’t sure what would happen from here.

  “That’s entirely up to you. I was hurt that you’d assumed the worst of me, but I’m not mad. I still care about you, Logan. Nothing will change that.”

  “This summer was incredible. For once, I wasn’t wallowing in pity or wondering what could have been if Chloe had never met Drake. I was living again. But we both know that a couple of months aren’t enough to solidify a relationship, not really. If it were, I wouldn’t have run the way I did. I’m not like the guys you usually hang out with, Jade. I’m not the bad boy or the rocker. I’m not wild or crazy. I’m the normal guy who’s insecure. I’m just…average. You have to know that.”

  She frowned. “I don’t expect you to be like my friends. I’ve been around my bandmates for a long time, and I’ve never felt anything more than friendship for any of them, even Eric, who’s been there for me through a lot of tough situations. I like the fact that you’re sensitive and sweet and normal. If you were arrogant and cocky, I wouldn’t want to be around you at all. What I’m trying to say is that I want to be with you, if you still think we have a chance. Besides what happened with Mikey, I think we were both really happy being together this summer.”

  I nodded. “I was happy with you. You’re a great person, Jade. The thing is, we never really talked about what would happen once you went back to L.A. and I went back to West Virginia. I’m not sure if it’s because neither of us expected anything after the summer or what.”

  “I wanted to talk to you about it, but I didn’t want to ruin what we had. You have a life in West Virginia, and I have a life here. I would never ask you to give up everything, and I know you wouldn’t ask that of me either.”

  “No, I wouldn’t.”

  I reached up and cupped her face, preparing myself for what I was about to say. It could break us. I knew that, but it didn’t change my decision.

  “I’ve spent the last three years of my life loving someone I couldn’t have. I haven’t really lived a life of my own. Instead, I let my feelings control me. I think what I need right now is to live my life. I have a year left of college. That’s it. I need to go out, enjoy myself, and stop letting relationships control me. You’re really good for me, Jade, but you’re also really bad for me. When I went back to West Virginia, I wasn’t living. Instead, I was right back where I’d started when I found out what Chloe had done to me. I need to figure out how to be happy on my own. Once I figure out how to do that, I’ll be ready to try to have a relationship. I’m not asking you to wait around for me until I figure things out. I would never expect you to do that. I just…I can’t be with you right now. If we start this up again before I’m ready, we’ll end up right back where we are right now. That isn’t fair to either of us.”

  She gave me a weak grin. “Logan, you’re th
e first guy I’ve cared about in years. Do you really think I’m going to just forget you and find someone else? I’ll wait for you. It doesn’t matter how long I have to wait. When you’re ready, find me, and we’ll make this work. I faced my demons this summer, and now it’s time for you to face yours.”

  “You’re kind of awesome. You know that, right?” I said as I finally let my hand fall away from her face.

  She laughed. “Yeah, I know. If it’s okay with you, I’d like to keep in touch while we’re apart—as friends, of course.”

  “I’d like that. Just give me this last year of college to sort everything out, and then we’ll see what happens. I don’t want to lose you, but I need this.”

  “Logan, you won’t lose me. I’ll always be yours.”

  I walked back into Chloe and Drake’s house almost an hour later. Chloe was sitting on the couch, but when she saw me, she jumped up and followed me up the stairs.

  “How did it go?” she asked when we reached my room.

  “I believe her about what happened with Mikey. I think I believed it as soon as Drake told me what had happened,” I said as I sat down on the bed.

  “So, you two worked everything out?” She sat down next to me.

  “Yeah, we did.”

  Chloe grinned. “I’m so happy for you, Logan! You and Jade are going to be really happy together. Are you going to move in with her or try to find a place of your own? Oh! And as for school, I can show you the online college that I enrolled in. They’re awesome, and it’s completely online. That was great while we were touring. It would have been hard to attend classes while I was in Europe with the band.”

  “I’m going home, Chloe,” I said.

  Her eyes widened in surprise. “Wait, what? Why? I thought you said you two worked things out?”

  “We did, but seeing how I was after the Mikey situation made me realize that I’m not ready to have a relationship right now. I’ve spent the last few years not really living. Instead, I moped around after I lost you. Then, I did the same with Jade. I just want to focus on school and try to get my life in order right now. After I graduate, we’ll see how things stand between Jade and me. If we’re both willing to give it another shot, we will.”