Still Water

by A. M. Johnson

  "I was told you were quite inappropriate when it came to talking about man parts." I couldn't help but laugh.

  "Damn straight! Dick, penis, wiener, coc—"

  "Stop right there!" I squealed. He waggled his eyebrows. "You're disgusting." I was laughing so hard I had to hold my belly to keep from doubling over.

  "He is a total sleazeball. Go take a break, Lily." Tiffany smirked and snapped Jace's firm butt with a towel.

  "I call sexual harassment," Jace hollered teasingly.

  "What? No such thing, you work in a bar." Tiffany's tone was incredulous.

  My smile couldn't have been any bigger as I stepped through the swinging door toward the back offices and the small kitchen. Blue Bar was huge inside and offered a full-service bar. It was almost exactly like the club I worked at back home in Tampa, except this place was older and had more charm. The exposed brick, glass shelving, and can lights created a modern feel, but the dark wood was old and somewhat dingy, giving it away that the place had been there for ages. You could still slightly smell the lingering odor of cigarettes from when they used to allow smoking inside. I loved it because it felt like… home.

  I walked through to the break room, made a quick cup of coffee, and plopped down onto the sofa. I almost didn't want my skin to touch the fabric. The couch looked well-used. The floral pattern was stained and brown in places. I cringed to think what had happened on this couch. The back wall of the room was covered in pictures of bands, parties, co-workers, and families. Without thinking, I stood and took in all the photos. I wonder? My eyes rapidly started scanning the pictures. The photos on the left were obviously older. Wouldn't you know it? My mom and Frank sitting on that same stage out front holding my sister. She must have been six?

  "Eve," her name whispered from my lips. She looked so little. My chest felt tight and my breathing was shallow. I started absentmindedly, rubbing my chest while struggling to breathe. The sound of the break room door clicking behind me snapped me out of my memories as I turned just in time to watch Todd as he took a large swig of beer from the bottle he was carrying.

  "Drinking on the job?" I looked at him appraisingly, my eyes wide.

  "I'm the boss; I'll do what the fuck I want, Red." His boyish grin was at war with his severe tone.

  "Lily is my name. Lily Spring."

  He chuckled. "Lily Spring? You sound like a stripper."

  I was immediately angry. "You sound like a prick." I turned on my heel and tried to move past the jerk.

  "Simmer down, sweetheart." His tone was softer, but it did nothing to help my irritation.

  "Let's get this straight. My name's Lily…" I said like I was talking to a third grader. "…not sweetheart, princess, sugar bottom, darling, or Red. Got it!" I tried again, unsuccessfully, to get past him. He stepped in front of me. I was toe to toe with him, my furious heaving chest almost touching his. The atmosphere changed, and the crackle in the air between us could almost be heard. The pull was ridiculous, and the silence was deafening. "I need to get back to work." My voice sounded smaller than it should have. He stepped out of the way just enough for me to inch past him toward the door. My breast grazed his arm, and I about died of embarrassment. I was sure my face was at least ten shades of red.

  I heard him laugh lightly as the door shut behind me. My annoyance boiled. He was trouble all right.

  THE NIGHT SEEMED TO drag after my encounter with Todd in the break room. His intense amber eyes only left me once when he had to throw out another couple of rowdy customers. The way we watched each other in a silent dance of wills left my skin feeling scorched. It was almost two in the morning when the night was finally over; I was beat. As Jace shut and locked the doors, the biting outside air rushed in and cooled my heated skin as the last stragglers finally left. Spring in Utah was a fickle bitch. It could be warm one day and snow the next. A storm was coming in, and the warm weather shorts I had on had been a bad choice. I rolled my eyes. Oh well, there was nothing to do about it now.

  The side work checklist was sitting next to the register. I grabbed it and started working on stocking the beer fridge when Jace came back behind the bar to help.

  "Shit, let me get that." He grabbed the crate of bottles from my hands. "How about you start washing those glasses." He threw me that nice guy smile again.

  "Thanks."

  "So you tended bar in Tampa?" He started back with the questions. All night, I felt like I was being quizzed. I knew he wanted to get to know me, but give a girl a break.

  I sighed deeply. "Yup. I lived down south with my dad. He raised me."

  "Where's your mom?"

  I tried to tamp down my aggravation. I opened myself up for that question.

  "She lives here. So does my sister. We have different dads. I'm actually staying with my sister and her family."

  "Yeah? That's cool, you get along?" Jace was busy putting away the bottles of beer. He didn't notice the pause. Sure my sister and I got along. Enough. She was super religious and thought all of us lived "crazy reckless" lives. The fact that I depended on her for a place to live made it worse. I moved out here less than three weeks ago, and I already felt like I owed her my life. She was good at holding things over your head.

  "Sure." I lowered my head and started scrubbing the glasses again.

  "That's cool. You and your mom? You close?" He stood and shut the beer fridge and started filling a red bucket with hot water from the other sink. He opened a packet and dumped the powder into the water. The smell of bleach swirled under my nose.

  "No, we haven't spoken in years."

  "Really, why?" Jace walked over to the other side of the bar and started cleaning the tabletops. He looked at me now with a frown.

  I knew everyone here would eventually figure out my mom was Frank's ex-wife. They had been divorced for five years. My mom abandoned me, left me to go start another life. I wasn't even sure where she lived. I just knew I didn't give a shit. Maybe I should just put it out there. Let everyone know. Why not, right? "You know—"

  Before I had a chance to speak, the sound system in the bar blasted on. "All I Do Is Win" by DJ Khaled pounded out of the speakers. The bass hit me in my chest, and I automatically started swaying my hips just enough to feel the beat as I finished my work. I laughed as Jace started rapping while he wiped down the tabletops.

  He stopped rapping when he saw me laughing so hard my head was thrown back. "This is our nightly tradition. We jam out to one song before we finish up. We share turns who gets to pick."

  "Whose turn was it tonight?" The thought that anyone here liked rap made me giggle.

  "Todd."

  Just then Tiffany and Todd busted through the back hall door startling me. I almost dropped a pint glass. I was shocked — at first by the sudden appearance, but then at the spectacle they were making. Tiffany and Todd were dancing like idiots. Todd started singing and throwing his hands in the air like he'd just won something. He was mimicking the lyrics of the song. Even though I didn't want to, I laughed as I watched these three people grind on each other. The stoic, sexy ass from earlier was gone, and now a happy-go-lucky Todd was present. This guy's moods were giving me whiplash.

  Todd's eyes found mine, and his full smile about killed me. He had two — yes two — huge dimples on either cheek. A light sheen of sweat covered his forehead as he danced, actually quite nicely, to the beat.

  "Red, get your fine ass out here." Todd's voice was sweet. That's another personality trait to add to the ever-growing list that proved Todd was a moody bastard.

  "No way." I giggled.

  He stopped dancing and furrowed his brow. The look of disappointment that flashed across his dark eyes didn't escape my notice. Still, not happening.

  He stalked toward me and headed behind the bar. Jace and Tiffany were too busy dancing like fools to care about me. I ducked my head down and started vigorously washing the glass, figuring if I ignored him he'd go away. I was wrong. I felt his presence before his touch. The crackle from before sta
rted whipping up again. He was right behind me, the heat of his body was humid from dancing and it filled the small space between us. I dropped the glass in the sink when his lips touched my ear. "All I Do Is Win" the title of the song ringing in my ear. The lyrics rang true. A guy like Todd could never lose.

  "Come dance with me." His breath was peppermint again, and, as he closed the distance behind us and trailed his hands down my arms, I realized I was strangling the dishrag. He moved his fingertips into the water and lightly back up my hands before removing the towel from my death grip. I exhaled, effectively breaking the spell I was under. "Come on, Lily. I don't bite." I felt his torso move as he laughed.

  I was being stupid. Jace and Tiffany were totally in the moment and having fun. Why the hell not?

  "Show me what you got," I said as I turned to face him, becoming completely caged between his arms and making an extra effort to stand tall. I was so tiny compared to him. He had to be at least six feet tall. I was just barely five-foot-three. It was intimidating, but I refused to show it. Todd's pupils dilated, the close proximity was affecting him too. I gained confidence from that. "I thought we were dancing?"

  "Lead the way." He smirked.

  And that's what we did… we danced. We were having a good time, and I wasn't going to feel guilty about letting my guard down and enjoying myself for once. Tiffany and Jace were cracking up watching me shake my ass. Todd came up behind me and moved with me to the bass. Jace catcalled and Tiffany whistled. I dropped down almost to the floor before slowly bringing myself up, teasing Todd with a show.

  "Holy shit, bro!" Jace's fist shot up to his mouth as he smiled. "Damn girl, you got moves."

  My lips curled into a smile. Music was everything to me: my body reacted to it, my mind created to it, and my hands played to it. I was a musician through and through.

  "What I wouldn't do to an ass like that, I could—"

  "Don't finish that sentence, Jace." Tiffany grimaced. My laugh died on the air.

  I looked behind me and saw Todd had stilled. His jaw strained, and his hands balled into fists.

  "Yeah, Jace, you need to learn when to shut your damn mouth." Todd's eyes constricted as he glared at me.

  "What the hell did I do?" I didn't appreciate the way Todd was looking at me. Unconsciously, I started twirling my dad's ring.

  "Let's get this shit hole cleaned up, shall we?" Tiffany grabbed the red bucket from the tabletop and started wiping down the table and chairs.

  "Why don't you head out, Lily? You had a long day. We got this." Jace's smile was small but broke the tension between Todd and me immediately.

  "I don't want you working overtime. You were clocked in earlier?" I nodded. "Then get going. Be here tomorrow at five, yeah?" Todd's mouth turned slightly into a frown. Almost like he was hoping I'd say no.

  "Yup." I walked behind the bar and grabbed my purse and keys.

  "I'll walk you out to your car." I didn't have a chance to protest as I felt the palm of his hand on the small of my back.

  The chilled air hit my bare legs, and I groaned. Stupid shorts.

  "Maybe wear pants tomorrow? This isn't Florida." He chuckled.

  "I know… Wait… how did you know?"

  "I know who you are. I figured it out after going over your application. Lily Spring, daughter of Danny Spring, lead singer of the very same band that Frank used to play drums for. Frank flew out to Florida for Danny's funeral last month. It's not a secret." His flippant tone as he spoke about my father's funeral pissed me off. Angry tears threatened to overflow the wall I'd been holding up all night.

  "Don't talk about my father like you know something about me." My voice felt stiff. The lump in my throat burned. I didn't cry very often and certainly not in front of this jerk.

  "I'm sorry… that was… I was… I didn't mean anything by it." Todd reached toward my cheek in a tender gesture. My legs reacted and took two small steps backward avoiding the touch.

  "Forget it. I know it's not a secret. Frank just doesn't know I'm here yet. Let me tell him, okay?"

  "I'm sorry. I feel like a dick." Well, you are!

  "Frank's going to be here tomorrow, right? I'll talk to him then." I turned and unlocked the door to my car, sat in the driver's seat, and started the engine. I quickly turned up the heater and was about to close the door when I noticed Todd's massive frame, his exquisitely inked arm was holding the door open.

  "Go away, I'm safe now. It's cold, and I want to shut the door." I pulled on the handle, but his strong arm was unrelenting. He looked down at me, his coffee-colored eyes soaking through my skin. The energy from before sparked between us. My hair blew across my face as the breeze, announcing the oncoming storm, swirled into my car through the open door. I felt his warm fingers before I saw them. He pushed my untamed copper hair behind my ear.

  "Drive safely." He pulled his eyes away from mine before he shut my door, leaving me breathless.

  CHAPTER THREE

  Lily

  THE RAIN HIT THE WINDOWS WITH such force I thought for sure I was back in Florida during a tropical storm. The temperature dropped significantly overnight, and the rain had gradually turned to sleet as the day progressed. I wasn't looking forward to working tonight, and the weather seemed to reflect my mood. I was afraid Frank would be pissed that I didn't come to him directly for the job. Frank and my dad had had such a strained relationship for my entire life; I wasn't sure how he'd react to me.

  Frank had come all the way to Tampa for my father's funeral. To say he was distraught would be an injustice to the emotion in general — Frank was destroyed. He couldn't even look at me, let alone speak to me. Regret – it eats you alive and I would know, it was all I had at the moment. My father's ring felt heavy in my hand. The silver had dulled since last month. My chest tightened as I remembered the final goodbye.

  The sun was shining and the humid heat pooled and dripped down my back. The black sundress I wore was a bad idea. I didn't even recognize half of the people here. The bass player from my dad's old band was speaking now, leading us in prayer, and I had to stifle a smile. My dad would have hated this prayer. Gabe finally finished his attempt at being spiritual and looked at the coffin with fear in his eyes. My heart split open again. It was like an abrasion on the knee — every time you bent it, it broke open again. Every time someone mentioned how great my dad was, how they were sorry for my loss, how much he would be missed, it ripped the scab, and I bled out over and over again. Gabe came over to where I was standing and put his arm around me.

  "You got anything you want to say?"

  I shook my head. In my mind, I thought of the things I would have said, "I love you. Why are you gone? What am I supposed to do now? I didn't get to say goodbye. I was being stupid when I said I hated you. I don't hate you. You were perfect. I miss your smell, I miss that stupid Old Spice smell, and I miss your laugh and your smile."

  "Danny you were a good man, a great father, and one hell of a singer. Tell the angels to save a spot for me." Gabe's voice choked as he threw a Calla Lily on the coffin. Everyone started to leave, but I couldn't move.

  "You coming?" Gabe looked at me with such sadness it was suffocating. I couldn't be with anyone right then.

  "No, I'm going to head out soon." I kept my eyes on the casket. Everyone dropped their lilies as they left, making the dark wood of the casket look as if it was surrounded by a pale halo. It was beautiful.

  "Okay… just… he knows you loved him no matter how it all ended. He loved you, and you loved him. It is what it is."

  "It is what it is." Those words could not be truer. I allowed my tears to fall this one time. I put the necklace on and brought my fingertips to my lips and blew a small kiss up to heaven. My dad would be with the angels all right. Gabe knew. I knew. He died too soon. The good people always do. The bad ones always get to linger. What does that make me?

  "SEE YOU TOMORROW, EVE," I hollered to my sister as I bounded up the basement stairs. I was living in the spare room in the basement
of my sister's house until I could find a place.

  "Please be quiet when you come home. We have to be at church in the morning." Eve's voice sounded annoyed. I stopped before I opened the front door. I was always quiet, what the hell? Instead of leaving I walked toward the kitchen where she was feeding my nephew, Christopher.

  "I'm always quiet." I frowned.

  "I know, but Christopher hasn't been sleeping well, and I don't want him to cry during church. I hate not getting to listen to Pastor Phillips. I only go to Saturday service for him." She appraised me with tired eyes. "You're going to work dressed like that?"

  "Like what?" I looked down at my jeans and black V-neck sweater.

  "You don't think that's a little too low cut?" She clicked her tongue and shook her head slightly. Christopher cried out impatiently as she dangled the spoon of what looked like pureed carrots in front of his face. "Oh sorry, baby." She quickly pushed the spoon full of goop into his tiny little mouth. I rolled my eyes. I hate how she treated me like I was the younger sister. I was, after all, three years older than her.

  "Eve, geez, it's not that low cut. Maybe you should get out more. When was the last time you went out with Holden, huh? Church doesn't count." I smirked.

  Eve's blue eyes squinted resentfully. "Don't Lil. Holden and I are just fine. Don't try and tell me that working at a bar, playing music for pennies, and dressing like a slut makes you an expert on everything." I gasped at the word 'slut.'

  "Wow… nice… very Christian of you, sis. Don't worry. I'll be outta here soon." I grabbed my coat from the hook next to the fridge and turned on my heel to leave. I wanted to scream at her. Who the hell does she think she is? Self-righteous bit — my thought was cut off as she yelled to me from the kitchen. I was half out the door.

  "Lil, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that."

  I slammed the door and ran to my car trying to avoid the rain. Eve believed her words. She only felt guilty because she knew she shouldn't mean it.