The Fraternity Files

by Stephanie Joeline Kerfoot

  Kevin had so far been a silent witness to both these traumatizing speeches. Now, as the tongue lashing finally came to an end, he hugged his knees hard, trying to keep his eyes away from his distraught older brothers. He was feeling helplessly stunned. Never had he heard his big brothers scolded so sharply before, by Steve or by anyone, and never had he seen them melt so completely, especially Ryan. Despite his own distress the

  night of The Meeting, he remembered how undone Danny had become, and he and Danny had shared some moments of private tears, but Ryan? Ryan had always been the backbone of their little trio, the picture of composure in Kevin’s mind, the support he and Danny both relied on. To see him like this

  was startling, mind numbing, even a little scary. It was hard to know what to do. He chewed his lip and snuck a timid glance at Matt and Steve. Steve was still busy fighting with his own emotions, but Matt met the eyes of his youngest brother full on. Kevin didn’t flinch and Matt watched with curiosity as his youngest brother raised himself from the floor to the bed, sliding in close to Ryan, before glancing hesitantly once more in his oldest brother’s direction. A lump rose in Matt’s throat, but he nodded encouragingly, and a surge of pride welled up inside him as Kevin tentatively slipped his arm around the shoulders of his big brother. Ryan turned his face into Kevin’s shoulder and clung to him as Kevin offered whatever quiet words of comfort he could think of, and Matt continued to look on in amazement. ‘Well I’ll be damned,’ he thought to himself. ‘That kid really is something else.’ He got up from the corner of the bed where he was sitting, made his way, as casually as possible, over to Steve, and placed his hand on his little brother’s shoulder, prompting him to look up.

  Steve looked at him, swiping somewhat futilely at his cheeks, and Matt directed his gaze to the bed. Steve laughed a little despite himself and then covered his face. “He just loves Danny and Ryan,” he choked under his breath.

  Matt squeezed Steve’s shoulder as his little brother leant against him. “Come with me for a moment,” he coaxed, and Steve nodded, unable now to rely on his voice. Matt placed a hand under his elbow and hauled him to his feet, supporting him almost entirely. Absently, Steve allowed himself to be guided as he concentrated all his efforts now on maintaining his composure. Having no place else to go, Matt opened the door located just to the left of the bed and pushed his little brother into the house’s most collectively dreaded room. Steve collapsed into sobs a moment later, and with a last anxious glance in their little brothers’ direction, Matt stepped quickly in after him and pulled the door shut behind him. For several long minutes the sounds of heartbreak could be heard on either side of the door, followed by the soothing tones that came from the oldest and youngest of the president’s brothers.

  File Eleven

  Danny’s Penance

  "I would rather walk with a friend in the dark, than alone in the light."

  -Helen Keller

  "The difficulty we have in accepting responsibility for our behavior lies in the desire to avoid the pain of the consequences of that behavior.”

  -M. Scott Peck

  “Come on, Bro,” Matt encouraged, “we’ve just got to do this and get it over with. This kind of melt down isn’t helping anybody, especially not you.”

  “I know!” Steve sobbed. “But I don’t think I can do it, Matt!”

  “Yes you can,” Matt encouraged.

  “No I can’t! Did you see the way Ryan looked at me?”

  “I know, Bud,” Matt acknowledged softly. “I know this is hard on you.” Steve buried his face in his hands, and Matt folded him in his arms. “You should never have been put in this position, having to punish your little brother this way,” he acknowledged as Steve pressed his face into his chest. “Nobody should ever be put in that position . . . except maybe me, right?” he teased, giving Steve’s bottom an affectionate squeeze.

  The corner’s of Steve’s mouth tilted a little despite himself, and he pushed his wet face harder into Matt’s chest as Matt brushed his hot, sweaty hair away from his face and forehead. “The bond you and Ryan have is special, bro, and it will hold,” Matt assured. “We knew this was going to be hard, right? That’s why I’m here,” he soothed. “I’ll help you. The hardest part is over. You said what you needed to say. Now, we just have to get this over with for everyone’s sake, especially yours, ok?” Steve didn’t answer and after a minute Matt went on. “I’ll help you with Ryan, all right? Just get through this ordeal with Danny, and I will help you with Ryan. All you need to do now is be there for him. Just be his big brother the way you always have been, ok?” Steve nodded and swallowed hard, though he did not look up. “You ready?” Steve clung to Matt for another minute, but then finally, he looked up at him and nodded, and Matt brought his fingers up to gently wipe away the remaining tears.

  When Matt and Steve finally opened the door leading back into Steve’s bedroom, they found their younger brothers still huddled together on Steve’s bed. They too had grown calmer by now and Steve sighed as he looked at them. “Dan,” he called huskily, “come on, Bud, let’s go.” Matt was standing behind him and he placed a hand on his shoulder as all three of their little brothers looked over at them. “Ryan,” Steve continued hoarsely, “let’s go, bud.”

  Steve’s red eyes along with his gravelly tone gave his prior distress away, but outwardly he was the same calm, reassuring Steve they were used to seeing and Ryan and Danny responded automatically to his quiet authority. They too just wanted to get this over with, now. Even Kevin sensed that arguing could do no good, and though he covered his face with his hands, he made no verbal protest as Danny and Ryan rose from the bed; he just let them go.

  Ryan and Danny stopped in front of their big brothers and Danny looked pleadingly at Steve one more time, to no avail. Matt just glared reprovingly at him, and Steve swung the door to the Correction Room (as it was formally known) wider and stepped back, giving Danny and Ryan room to pass in before him. “Go on,” he whispered firmly. Danny bit his lip and hung his head. Ryan brought his hand to his shoulder, and with one final anxious glance in the direction of the bed where his little brother was still hunched with his face in his hands, Danny preceded his big brother into the room. Steve followed them and closed the door softly behind him.

  The Correction Room was stark and white (all white). It was, in itself, a forbidding place. Upon entering, one just knew nothing good could happen here. The only piece of furniture in the room was the long table that stretched from one end of the small room to the other. It was lined on either side with hard, wooden, straight-backed chairs that, if they belonged in any room, belonged in this one. Here, the president would occasionally meet

  with his council when making particularly difficult decisions. The members of that council were bound to secrecy; nobody even knew who they were. The president’s younger brothers were, of course, not eligible to be his advisors, and freshmen were also barred. Other than that, no particular stipulations determined who the president chose, and rumor ran rampant.

  The council did not meet over every decision. They met only when the infraction was serious and (or) the president’s sole judgment was likely to be called into question. On this particular matter, Steve had sought the general advice of the council early on. Because of its delicate nature, however, it had been necessary to exclude certain council members even from the earliest proceedings. Then, once the consequences had been irrevocably determined, the details had been left up to the president, and he had turned to his two best friends and his big brother as those he trusted most in the world.

  On the wall, in the direct center of the room, was a blown up copy of The Code in an austere wooden frame. It was flanked on either side by the ominous fraternity paddle and a leather strap that had, on occasion, been used to make a particularly potent point. Below it, hung the newest addition to the family of implements, a headmaster’s senior cane that Matt had purchased not two weeks ago. Danny and Ryan both went a deathly shade of pale as
their eyes fell upon it.

  Steve followed their gaze, and the bile rose in his throat. ‘Don’t think about it,’ he cautioned himself. ‘Just don’t think about it.’ He reached up to take the paddle from the wall and then turned back to face his brothers, steeling himself as best as he could for what he had to do. Danny was fighting back tears again as he stood in front of Ryan, and his big brother’s reassuring hands were on his shoulders. Ryan looked positively sick, but Steve was determined now as he slipped almost automatically into his presidential role. It was tradition and ritual that would get him through this. He could not stop for a moment to think about what he was doing or he would surely fall a part.

  “Daniel Jordan Lockheart,” he began in his most authoritative tone. “You have committed a serious infraction against The Code,” he indicated the document on the wall, “by attacking a senior member of this fraternity. As you are well aware, fighting at any time is unacceptable, and, as an underclassman, your actions are all the more reprehensible. You are required, at all times, to give older members of this fraternity your allegiance and your respect. Regardless of the circumstances,” he added as he saw the look of protest on both his little brothers’ faces. “In addition, your status on the team and in the house as a member of the president’s line makes it incumbent on you to conduct yourself in such a manner becoming to that status; people will follow the example you set. All of these circumstances have been duly taken into consideration, and it is the consequent determination of the council that you shall receive fifteen licks of the fraternity paddle, to be delivered on the bare, as punishment for your rash behavior.”

  “So many?” Ryan gasped as the sentence was pronounced, and his little brother shrank against him.

  Steve, however, pressed on. For his own sake emotionally, he could not afford to stop. “Take your pants down, Danny,” he directed gently, “and your shorts.”

  Danny covered his face with his hands, and Ryan squeezed his shoulders. Steve, meanwhile, busied himself pulling the chair away from the head of the table, in an effort to alleviate some of his little brother’s embarrassment. “It’s ok, Bud,” Ryan whispered. “We’re going to get through this. Take your pants down.” The words stuck in his throat as he did his best to hold himself together for Danny’s sake.

  It took Danny another couple of moments to gather his courage, but his older brothers waited patiently, and finally he took a deep breath and did what he had been asked to do. With trembling fingers, he undid the button on his jeans, unzipped them, and shakily lowered them along with his boxers to his ankles. Steve silently indicated the end of the table, and, with Ryan’s help, Danny positioned himself. Grasping the edges hard, he pressed his cheek against the cool, flat surface, and closed his eyes. Ryan wordlessly adjusted his t-shirt, raising it higher, and revealing the taught muscular bottom already reddened from the earlier punishment. Danny took a deep shuddering breath, and bit his lip as he felt his big brother’s arm encircle his waist.

  “Count the strokes, please, Dan,” Steve commanded as he drew his arm back. Danny’s nod was nearly imperceptible as his grip on the sides of the table tightened.

  “Breathe, Bro,” Ryan advised anxiously as he saw his little brother’s bottom clench and his knuckles turn white, but it was no use.

  WHACK! The paddle smacked down hard for the first time, and Danny grimaced, squeezing his eyes shut tight as he fought to hold back the tears. “One,” he croaked finally.

  WHACK! “AHHH! God!” His fingers curled and his face contorted. “Two,” he uttered through gritted teeth.

  WHACK! Steve drove the paddle once more into Danny’s bottom, already deepening in color, and this time there was a long pause before, “Three,” Danny finally managed in a small voice. Ryan stole a glance at his little brother’s tortured face and his stomach lurched as he realized Danny was trying not to cry.

  “You’re ok, Dan,” he comforted softly as tears welled in his own eyes. “Breathe, Bud. It will be better if you breathe.” Danny took a breath in his best effort to follow his brother’s advice, but when he let it go, it came out more as a mewling sob and he hid his face in shame. Ryan bit his lip as he gently placed his hand on the back of his little brother’s head.

  Steve also sensed Danny’s struggle, and tears glistened in his eyes too as he waited for Danny to collect himself. Their little brother was always trying to prove himself to them. Academically, he had been on the straight and narrow ever since the meeting the previous fall. He lived to impress Ryan, and Steve knew deep down, though he didn’t always acknowledge it, that the kid was constantly seeking his approval as well. He tried to force down the lump in his throat. To be summoned and punished in the presence of one of your big brothers was, no doubt, just as mortifying in some ways as it was comforting in others. To have both your big brothers present was devastating, Steve knew, especially when the chastisement was coming from one of them. No one but the presidents’ brothers was expected to endure such conditions, and Danny and Ryan had now been required to face these

  circumstances twice. “You ready, Bud?” Steve asked quietly at last and his voice, thankfully, remained steady.

  Danny nodded into his arm, shifting slightly in an effort to brace himself as Steve drew back his arm, and Ryan again gripped his waist. WHACK! The paddle smacked down once more. “Four!” came the choked and muffled response. WHACK! “OWW!” Danny yelped, finally forgetting his dignity, as the fire in his bottom became too much for him. “Five,” he sobbed. WHACK! “AHHH!” Danny threw his head back as the next stroke landed. “Six!” he hissed through clenched teeth. “It hurts, Ryan! It hurts so bad!”

  “I know, Bro,” Ryan’s voice cracked. “I know it does. Just hang in there!”

  WHACK! Danny’s face contorted once more and it was a moment before he could get the breath to whimper, “Seven.”

  “It’s ok, Bud,” Ryan reassured.

  “It hurts!” Danny sobbed. “It hurts so God Damn much!”

  “You don’t have to be brave, Bro,” his big brother choked. “Just stop trying to be so brave!”

  WHACK! The eighth smack caught Danny just below his bottom. “OWWW!” he shrieked. “God! Eight! Please, Steve! Please!”

  “You’re doing fine, Dan,” Steve soothed.

  “Easy for you to say!” Danny sobbed.

  “Let Ryan help you, Bro.” Steve’s voice too betrayed some emotion now. This was so hard. He had been trying to pretend to himself that this was like any other punishment, and for a while it had been working, more or less, but now, the more agitated both Danny and Ryan became, the harder it was to pretend. ‘It’s not going to get easier,’ he thought. ‘I just have to get it over with.’ He took a deep breath as he drew the paddle back and WHACK! He drove it hard once more into his little brother’s bottom.

  “OWWW!” Danny keened. “Jesus Christ, Oww! That’s nine! Please, Steve! Please!”

  He tried to reach back, but Ryan intercepted his hand. “Not yet, Bro,” he directed as firmly as he could. “Not yet.”

  “Oh God, it hurts! It fucking hurts!” Danny wept as his big brother pinned his hand to his side. WHACK! “AHHH!” Danny tried to jump up, but Ryan held him firmly down. “Ten!” Danny wailed. “OWW! GOD! OWW!”

  “Hang in there, Bro, just hang in there!” Ryan finally lost it completely as he looked at his little brother’s red, inflamed bottom. It looked so painful, and they still had five more strokes to go. “Just hang in there!” he sobbed again. Steve bit his lip, but he knew the best thing he could do was get on with it, so he once again drew back his arm as Ryan held Danny as still as he possibly could and both his little brothers sobbed out all their pain, guilt, and misery.

  File Twelve

  The Revelation

  “A friend is one to whom one may pour out the contents of one’s heart, chaff and grain together, knowing that gentle hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away.”
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  -George Eliot

  The door closed behind his big brothers, and Kevin buried his face in the comforter on Steve’s bed, pulling the pillows hard down over his ears. Matt looked over with just a trace of affectionate amusement and sighed as he made his way over to the bed. This was a whole lot of drama as far as he was concerned over what was a perfectly well deserved punishment. “Come on, Bro,” he soothed as he sat down next to his youngest brother, “it’s all right. They’ll be all right.” “It’s not fair!” came the mostly smothered reply.

  “How do you figure?” Matt asked patiently, trying to bite back the tiny smirk that pushed its way forward. The kid reminded him so much of Danny.

  “Because!” Kevin huffed. “Mcarthy’s an A-hole!”

  “Watch your language,” Matt admonished softly.

  “Sorry!” came the muted sob. “But he is! And all he ever does is run around and cause trouble for other people! He deserved whatever he got, and I still don’t even know what Danny and Ryan did!” he griped. Matt was silent. This was tricky territory they were about to enter. Danny and Ryan had obviously not wanted their little brother to know about the fight at all, let alone the circumstances behind it. He didn’t really feel it was his place to tell now.