Will of Man - Part Three

by William Scanlan

  That was hard to accept. That was the first race he ever quit. He said he hated the feeling of quitting and that it bothered him for a long time. He never quit a race after that.

  But today’s sensation is different. I’m scared for my health. There is something wrong with me and I don’t know why. I have been drinking plenty of purified water and don’t consider myself dehydrated. The rule is, that if my urine is clear in color, than I am well hydrated. If it is yellow in color, then I need to drink more.

  I’ve been getting better at trapping and catching and finding food. So I’m eating the best I’ve ever eaten since I started this journey.

  Did I eat something I shouldn’t have? Do I have some kind of poison in me from a berry I should not have eaten? Did I get bitten by a poisonous spider or snake and not realize it? What’s going on with me? I think I will rest here for the next couple days till I feel better.

  Tyler's Journal Entry: 373

  Date: June 16

  Day: Monday

  Weather: Sunny and warm

  Miles to go: 635

  I had a hard time sleeping last night. The pulling sensation has not let up and it seems to be getting stronger. The THIRST, as I call it, is worse too. Everything in my body is saying “Go east!”

  Except for my heart, which is telling me “Go north! That’s where you’re family is.”

  Did I crack my head while sleep walking? What is wrong with me? It all started with that tremendous “surge” I felt in my chest.

  I don’t think I’m going to get better sitting here. I will continue on with my trek north once night falls. Nothing will stop me. I will push on.

  Tyler's Journal Entry: 374

  Date: June 18

  Day: Wednesday

  Weather: Warm and windy

  Miles to go: 641

  I pushed hard the past two days trying to forget about this pulling sensation. It’s not going away and the farther I push to the north the stronger the pull is to the east. The THIRST for whatever is in the east is overriding my hunger for food and water. It is the only craving I feel.

  I feel helpless. I feel sick, and I’m getting weaker with each step. The only time I feel “right” is when I’m heading east. This can’t be a mental or physical thing. The pull is always to the east. SOMETHING is pulling me to it. SOMETHING will not give up till I find it in the east.

  I can’t fight it anymore, I must head east to whatever is calling me to come to it. Does this have something to do with the LAST DAY? Are there others experiencing this? I don’t know. But I do know, that I can’t push north anymore. I have to go east and find what’s there.

  Tomorrow, with great sadness, I head east.

  Tyler's Journal Entry: 376

  Date: June 20

  Day: Friday

  Weather: Sunny and warm

  Miles to go: 651

  Since I’ve given into the PULL, my health has improved and I’m feeling better. My mind is clearer and the THIRST is lessoning, but still there.

  I can’t help but wonder how far I will have to travel east till I find what is waiting for me. Will I be on an endless journey for the rest of my life?

  I haven’t seen or spoke to a person for over a month. Am I going insane from solitude? I’ve caught myself talking out loud to myself. This breaks my rule of remaining stealthy. I’m almost to the point where I don’t care anymore.

  If this is how life is going to be, then I don’t know if living is worth it. When I had the goal of reaching my family, I had something to live for. Now I’m just heading in the wrong direction with no end in sight. There is no Mom, Dad, or Tanner waiting for me. I may find myself walking forever, never finding anything or anyone.

  How long can I do this?

  Tyler's Journal Entry: 377

  I killed someone today. He was a boy the same age as me. I am so sorry. What have I become?

  Tyler's Journal Entry: 378

  Date: July 15

  Day: Tuesday

  Weather: Sunny and hot

  Miles to go: 645

  I haven’t written for a while in this journal. After my encounter with boy, I had a hard time doing anything. After a long time of thinking, asking for forgiveness, and trying to accept what happened, I’m now ready to write about what happened.

  It was a Tuesday when I had found what I was looking for. The THIRST was the boy. He was what I was being pulled to and him to me. We met on a grassy knoll surrounded by tall oak trees.

  As I neared him, I could sense his presence and that he was the very thing I was seeking for so many days. When our eyes met, he looked at me the same way I looked at him. Not in a welcoming way, or a threatening way, more in a curious way. We were attracted to each other like two powerful magnets.

  Then after a brief moment of studying each other, our mostly calm meeting turned viscously violent and we charged each other like two rabid dogs. Then all went blank.

  I blacked out.

  I awoke to find myself lying in a shallow stream. My clothes were ripped, my face was scratched, and I had bruises all over my face and neck like I had been punched and strangled.

  I pulled myself out of the stream and sat beside a birch tree pondering what happened to me. I kept looking around for the boy. I cautiously walked back to the grassy knoll in the middle of the tall oaks. There I found the lifeless body of the boy I had been pulled to.

  I collapsed to my knees and examined him. He was dead from what looked like a blow to the head. There was a rock lying next to him with a small amount of blood on it. He wasn’t bruised or scratched up as much as me, but obviously lost the fight between the two of us.

  I didn’t cry at first. I was confused and in shock. I just kept repeating the word “Why” over and over.

  Tyler's Journal Entry: 384

  Date: July 25

  Day: Friday

  Weather: Sunny and hot

  Miles to go: 635

  I’m finally making progress again since my encounter with the boy. I backtracked to where I left off and am now heading north again.

  I am coming to terms with what happened. I feel horrible, but I know it wasn’t by my choice. I am not a killer. I do not get joy out of hurting people. What happened to that boy and me was not our choosing. There must be a higher power controlling what is happening. The blackouts, the LAST DAY, the THIRST, and the PULL are all connected.

  Will I be pulled again? Will I have to kill again? Will I be killed next time? When I compare my wounds to the boy I had to fight, mine were by far the worse. He was getting the best of me before I got lucky and whacked him with a stone. What if that stone would have not been within my grasp? Would I have lost? Maybe I would be dead now and my family would have never known what happened to me.

  I’m not a violent person. I’ve never enjoyed watching people fight. How can I defend myself, or be aggressive enough to kill someone.

  Can I train myself to kill? Do I even want to? Am I sinning, even though I have no memory of what I did? So many questions, so few answers.

  As I walk along these dark roads, I am thinking nonstop about what I should do in the event I have another PULL. One thing I have going for me, is that I am very good at preparing for competition. If I get PULLED again, I know I will not be able to resist it. I know I will have to fight someone again and I am almost certain it will be to the death. It makes my stomach hurt and I want to throw up.

  If I want to survive this, I will have to prepare and approach it like I do a race. I will have to prepare myself through disciplined training and mental preparation.

  I will exercise when I can, I will begin doing my core exercises, along with pushups and cardio training. I will do my best to make myself strong and fast.

  But as far as training to fight, I have no clue where to start.

  Tyler's Journal Entry: 386

  Date: July 27

  Day: Saturday

  Weather: Rainy and hot

  Miles to go: 629

  Last night I walke
d through a thunderstorm. It was windy, with hard pounding rain, and lots of thunder and lightning. I know I should have taken shelter because of the lightning, but last night, I was motivated and felt strong.

  Part of my training when I was preparing for a long race was to prepare my mind. I forced myself through tough situations, I pushed on when I wanted to give up, I ignored the pain when my mind told me to quit. I guess walking through that storm, was me starting to train my mind.

  What if I’m PULLED during a storm? I may not be able to run for shelter. I may have to do battle in a tornado for all I know. Who knows, maybe I’ll never be PULLED again, and all this preparation is a waste of time. Hopefully that is the case. But preparing myself does keep my mind busy and it’s best to be prepared than not.

  The thunderstorm lasted into the morning when I usually stop walking and start looking for shelter. I found a huge culvert to rest in for the day. Since it was raining, and I didn’t expect anyone to be walking around, I started a fire with some dry wood I found inside the culvert. I hung my clothes to dry and fell asleep near the fire I made.

  I had been asleep for a long time when I finally woke up. I expected the fire to be out, but found it still going with a fresh pile of wood on it. Someone added wood to my fire while I was sleeping. I jumped back and grabbed for my machete, but it was not where I left it.

  Instead, there was a man holding it, sitting across from me, staring at the fire. He didn’t react, he just calmly said that he wasn’t there to hurt me and that I could relax.

  I’m not one to spaz out, so I calmly sat up and stared at him waiting for him to make a move. But he didn’t. He had a rabbit cooking over the fire and asked that I didn’t mind him sharing my fire. He offered me some of his rabbit and we ate in an uncomfortable silence.

  The rain was coming down hard, and I could tell he had no intentions of leaving my warm fire for a cold shower.

  After a while, we began talking. He asked my name and gave me his. I had a sense he was a good person, but I wasn’t letting my guard down.

  He told me his name was Balow (I’m guessing his last name. He didn’t specify) and that he was a Navy Reservist stationed in Biloxi, Mississippi when the LAST DAY happened. He was there doing his annual two-week training. Otherwise, he was a technician for the post office and a high school wrestling coach.

  He went on to describe his family of four. He said he had a wife and two kids - one boy and one girl. I could tell he loves his family much by the twinkle in his eye when he talks about them.

  He chuckled as he told me stories about his kids and the fun they had together as a family.

  He looks like a running back for some NFL football team. His hair is long and dark, his skin is weathered - probably from being on the move for so long.

  He has unique eyes; they are light blue and almost appear silver. His silver-blue eyes light up when he speaks of his children. I can tell he misses them very much.

  As we spoke, we realized we were both heading in the same direction. He said he is heading to northern Michigan to meet with his family who live near Mackinaw City near the Mackinaw Bridge.

  We agreed that maybe our paths crossed since my family and I go near Mackinaw on family trips. We talked about the different places near Mackinaw, like fort Michilimackinac, the Mill Creek campground, and the Mackinaw Bridge.

  He said he use to do the annual walk across the bridge with his family and that they often would ferry to the island to explore. It was nice talking to someone who had similar memories as me. It made me feel closer to home.

  Balow suggested we stick together. He is good at traveling the land and I have an atlas to guide us. Maps are actually hard to find anymore since almost everyone was using GPS.

  He was impressed with how prepared my dad was for the LAST DAY. Balow said he’s been traveling for almost two years and has seen and heard many things. Many people did not make it through the first year after the LAST DAY. Those that did, did so because they were prepared or had help from someone who was. And then there was those who turned bad and just took what they wanted.

  Balow told me of a few close calls he had with bad people. He showed me his “weapons of choice” as he called them. They were two hatchets, more like tomahawks. He let me hold them, but warned me they were razor sharp. He said that if I want, he will show me how to use them. They looked pretty cool and I was excited to learn.

  Balow is easy to talk to. He reminds me of my dad. I can tell he was a good coach, like my dad was a good teacher. Good coaches/teachers are interested in showing things to others, even when they don’t have to.

  My dad was always involving me in the things he did around the house. He had me helping him change brake pads on his old truck when I was only five years old.

  Whenever Dad thought he had a teachable moment, he’d call Tanner and me over to show us how to do something. If we could handle it, he’d have us do it. He’d often say, Tyler you’re old enough now; I think it’s time you start doing (fill in the blank).

  Balow and I planned our route on the atlas and talked about the different areas we should avoid. He said he was heading to the Cumberland River and that he thinks he can get us passage on a steam boat. I’ve never traveled on a steam boat before. I remember reading Mark Twain and thinking how cool it would be to travel on a steam boat back in the old days.

  I know I am letting my guard down, but having Balow in my camp allowed me to sleep a little easier that night.

  Tyler's Journal Entry: 387

  Date: July 28

  Day: Sunday

  Weather: Sunny and hot

  Miles to go: 623

  Balow talked me into traveling during the day in order to get to the Cumberland River on time. He said the steam boat departed at noon and we would have to travel by day to get there in time.

  Traveling seemed to go by faster with Balow walking with me. He was impressed with the pace I was able to maintain. I told him about my triathlon racing and he thought that was cool.

  As we walked, Balow filled me in on what he has learned about the PULL and the THIRST as I call it. I don’t know if what he says is true, but it does explain a lot.

  He said the world is being divided into two “types.” Not necessarily good and evil, but in his words, the GIVERS and the TAKERS.

  Balow went on to explain that there are two types of people - ones who give themselves to others and those who think only of themselves.

  He gave an example, “Two men come to a door at the same time, one man stops and opens the door for the other, the other man walks through without saying anything.”

  Balow went on to say, “The one who walks through the door without thinking of the other, expects to be the first one and will make sure he is the first to walk through. He takes from the world and takes advantage of situations to benefit himself. The other, who opened the door, will always put others in front of himself and gives to the world around him.

  “Which are you Tyler?” Balow asked.

  “I guess I’m a giver.” I answered.

  “I know you are Tyler.” I just wanted to hear you say it. You will find a bond with those on…” Balow paused as he placed his hand on my shoulder and then said, “…Our team.”

  Balow went on to explain that the world is now made up of two types of people. I will know who is and who is not on my side. I will feel comfortable with certain people, like Balow, and sense a common bond with those on our side.

  The other side will seem foreign to me and I will be disgusted by their presence. They will feel the same towards me. Balow said it is pointless trying to bond or come to a common ground with the other side.

  The other side is who we are PULLED to and ultimately will have to fight against. They did not start this, and neither did our side. Balow does not know why this is happening, but knows that the world is fighting over something, and the war will not end until the other side is wiped from existence.

  I asked how we will know who is winning. He sai
d we can tell by the moon. If the moon is more dark than light, then the other side is winning. If there is more light than dark, then we are winning.

  Balow said to not worry when the moon is darker on some nights. He’s been observing the moon for a long time and has noticed it going back and forth for quite some time. Right now the moon is in two equal halves. I guess no one is winning - or losing.

  Balow asked me to raise my sleeve to expose my forearm. He showed me a mark on my arm I dismissed earlier as a scratch. He explained that the scratch was actually a tally mark to show how many times I’d been PULLED. He showed me his. He has six.

  We exchange stories of our PULLS, and they seemed the same every time. Balow said when someone is PULLED; they feel the SURGE in their chest, and then comes the PULL, followed by the THIRST. It is useless to resist.

  The PULL can span over a hundred miles, or last just a couple miles. As each person is PULLED and gets closer to the other, the THIRST increases until each opponent finally meets. Then there is a brief moment when the two meet where all PULL and THIRST ceases.

  From there, no one knows what happens since everyone at that point blacks out. There is never a witness to the fight and only one person survives.

  However, sometimes the fight is so fierce; the victor dies on his way from the fight. That’s why Balow always carries a first aid kit to mend himself after a PULL. He said he came close to death twice now after his six PULLS.

  I had forgotten about my PULL for a while until we started to talk about it more. That pukey feeling was returning to my stomach again.

  I asked him how he knew so much about what was going on. He said there is a third “type,” and they are neither on our side or the others‘. They are the people who are considered to be on the autistic spectrum. For some reason, they seem to have all the answers to what’s going on. They speak to us when asked and warn us that we must win this battle if we wish for our kind to exist in the future.

  The autistic ones are called the GIFTED. People from all over, come to them for advice and knowledge. Both sides have their GIFTED ones.