Operation_Bug Spray

by Isaac Hooke

  And then the roof collapsed.

  Rade was sent flying backward as something hard struck him. He hit a wall and the wind was knocked out of him. Debris landed on him a moment later, pinning him.

  The Titan towered above him.

  Rade couldn’t move his legs, which were buried by pieces of the roof. He reached for his blaster, but it was buried in more debris.

  The Titan pointed its cobra laser at him…

  two

  Rade gazed into that deadly barrel, comforted by the fact that at least his death would be quick.

  Goodbye, Shaw.

  “No!” the Sino-Korean Artificial said, standing to address the Titan. Purple droplets momentarily swished over the sclera of its eyes. “Not that one. He dies last.”

  The cockpit hatch dropped open and the Artificial pulled itself aboard. Before the hatch sealed, the Artificial mocked Rade one last time.

  “Until we meet again, little flea.” The Artificial blew him a kiss and the steel door shut with a loud clang.

  The mech leaped through the hole in the roof. Its jumpjets activated and the Titan quickly vanished from view.

  Algorithm and Formaldehyde rushed inside.

  “Took you long enough,” Rade told the combat robots as they began to free him from the debris.

  “Sorry,” Algorithm said. “But you could have waited for our arrival.”

  “Death waits for no one,” Rade said.

  “Is that what you are, now?” Formaldehyde asked.

  “When I want to be.” Rade stood as the last piece was cleared from him.

  “The proper quote is ‘time waits for no one,’ by the way,” Harlequin said over the comm.

  “There we go,” Bender said. “The AI starts to lecture us on semantics once again. ‘I’m so smart, I’m a goddamn AI!’ I got news for you, Harley bitch, we all knew the proper quote. The boss was simply making a play on words. You moron!”

  “Ah, wordplay, I understand now,” Harlequin said. “It is interesting that—”

  “Boss,” Fret spoke right over him. “I’m tracking the Titan. It’s leaping from rooftop to rooftop, heading east. I’m shadowing it.”

  “As am I,” Bender said. “Anytime y’all want to join us feel free... unless of course you’re too busy jacking off with Manic and Harley Boy.”

  Rade exchanged a glance with the two combat robots at his side, and then activated his jetpack. He emerged roof-side and began leaping from building to building, heading toward the blue dots that marked the locations of Bender and Fret on the overhead map, and the red dot they tracked. He swapped out the stun rifle for the laser rifle.

  Tahoe joined him momentarily.

  “Thought you said, ‘we got this,’ your words…” Rade told Tahoe as the big Navajo came to his side.

  “Er, yeah,” Tahoe said. “Kind of ran into a few problems. Lui was supposed to cut the Titan’s jumpjet lines.”

  “Oh of course,” Lui said, falling into step with Manic on the rooftops across the street. “It was my fault, right? Look, I tried, but the lines were too damn shielded in that particular model.”

  “You little bitches should have left the bug squashing to someone who knows what they’re doing,” Bender said. “Me!”

  “Hey Bender, you’re my bitch,” Manic said.

  “Shut it!” Bender said.

  “No really, you are,” Manic said. “So sweet, so soft, so scrumptious...”

  “When we’re through here,” Bender said. “You and I are having an intimate talk, you sideways-crawling slimy sickly little maggoty stuffed pumpkin licker!”

  “I’m a maggoty stuffed pumpkin licker!” Manic said. “You hear that everyone? Bender, you really need to work on your insult game. We’re ex-MOTHs here. You gotta bring your A game. Pumpkin licker! Ha. Fret, do you mind if I lick your pumpkin?”

  “Please do,” Fret said. “My pumpkin wants you real bad, Manic.”

  “You moron,” Bender said. “You think you’re making fun of me? You just made me think of a new name for you. A better name. Best name yet. Everyone, meet Man Lick.”

  “The target appears to be heading toward a shipyard,” Shaw said.

  “Don’t suppose you can open fire with the Vipers without alerting the authorities?” Rade asked.

  “You’re funny,” Shaw said. “Already the orbital defense platform personnel are harassing me. They’ve picked up encrypted communications from the Argonaut directed toward your location. I’m trying to convince them that I’ve been talking to a relative in the area, but they won’t buy it if I stay on the line. I’m going to have to go radio silent. You’re on your own for a little while. Good luck. “

  “I don’t—” Rade began.

  “Believe in luck, yes yes,” Shaw said. “Poor choice of words. Love ya. Shaw out.”

  “Is it too late to ask her to send down the Hoplites?” Fret asked.

  “And make it obvious to the orbital defense platforms that the Argonaut is involved in this?” Tahoe answered. “They’d blow her out of the sky.”

  “Whoa, shit!” Bender said over the comm.

  “What happened?” Rade asked. He glanced at the overhead map. The red dot of the Titan had changed directions, and appeared to be behind Bender and Fret now.

  “The Titan suddenly turned around!” Bender said. “Bitch arced right over us!”

  “That’s because the police mechs are dead ahead,” Fret said.

  “Now we get to see who’s a man and who’s a pussy!” Bender said.

  “Pussy here,” Fret said. “Have fun!”

  “What!” Bender said. “Damn it! You hightailin’, backstabbin’, buddy screwin’ son of an ass-whooped cocker spaniel!” The overhead map showed Fret heading away from several incoming red dots that could only be the police mechs. Meanwhile Bender had remained stationary, but with Fret abandoning him, he turned around.

  “Cocker spaniel,” TJ said. “That’s a new one.”

  “Like I said, he has to work on his insult game,” Manic said. “Then again, maybe he wants a cocker spaniel for a pet. You know, for the cocker part.”

  “Oh ho!” Bender said. “My fist is eager to have that post-mission talk with you little maggot bitches! More than eager.”

  “Your fist to my steel reinforced boots,” Manic said.

  “Ha, I ain’t afraid of your little sissy boots,” Bender said. “If I recall, last time you tried to kick something you broke your toe!”

  “Er, how was I supposed to know the alien had a hard head...” Manic said.

  “Just like yourself, huh fool?” Bender said. “The universe has no pity for the stupid. Just ask Darwin. He’s got an award for people like you.”

  Rade occasionally had to activate his jetpack as he leaped from rooftop to rooftop to help cover the distance. When he was jetting across one particular street he spotted the fleeing Titan up ahead. It was proceeding perpendicular to his current direction.

  A missile proximity alarm sounded in his helmet.

  Rade was about halfway to the rooftop on the other side of the street; he immediately applied downward thrust and plunged instead to the cobblestone below. The missile tore past above him and smashed into the building behind him.

  Tahoe landed at Rade’s side, along with Algorithm and Formaldehyde.

  “Close one,” Tahoe said.

  “It’s turning its cobra and zodiac toward us!” Lui said. “Drop people!”

  Rade checked the map, and understood that Lui was referring to those Argonauts yet deployed on the rooftops.

  “Better yet, keep to the streets!” Rade said. He obeyed his own advice and continued forward, staying on the streets, wanting to remain out of the Titan’s line of fire. The HS3 scouts deployed overhead constantly updated him with the target’s position, now that Shaw had gone radio silent.

  He rounded a bend only to find himself face to face with three bipedal police mechs the HS3s had missed.

  Shit.

  The armless robots swiveled
their weapon turrets toward him.

  One of the robots spoke something in Italian.

  “Drop your weapons,” Rade’s Implant translated.

  Rade leaped backward, firing his jetpack at the same time, and dodged back behind the building.

  Chips broke away from the edge as the robots opened fire with their lasers.

  “Back back back!” Rade said.

  Tahoe jetted upward instead.

  “Good idea!” Rade followed him to the rooftop and joined up with the two combat robots.

  On the rooftop across the street, Surus, Lui, Manic, TJ, and Harlequin had similarly jetted up and taken cover.

  Rade aimed past the edge of the rooftop and toward the robots. One of them must have spotted him in that moment because they all swiveled their weapons up toward him and he was forced to duck from view.

  Across the street the other four Argonauts opened fire.

  “Three police mechs down,” Manic said. Nice. That showed how well-armored the Titan was in comparison. Police mechs in most cities weren’t military grade—the citizens wouldn’t stand it.

  “Good job on the diversion, Boss,” TJ said.

  “Yep, that’s what I planned all along!” Rade scrambled to his feet. “Let’s go!” He jetted toward the fleeing Titan and landed on the street.

  “Looks like it’s taken some damage,” Tahoe said. “We might be able to cut it off before it reaches that intersection. You see it on the map?”

  “I see it,” Rade said. “I’m marking the intersection as a waypoint on the map. Bender, Fret, we’re going to come in from the south. I want you two to approach from the north.”

  “Classic pincer maneuver,” Fret said. “I love it.”

  Rade continued racing across the pavement, staying close to the buildings. Now that he was at street level, he spotted the occasional onlooker watching from the windows: concerned men and women who had seen the flashes of plasma fire, or heard the explosions of missiles. Whenever a citizen spotted him, he or she would draw back into the shadows, worried about attracting his attention.

  Rade reached the intersection seven seconds ahead of the Titan. He took cover behind a fat lamp pole and waited. The Argonauts with him dispersed, some flattening against the buildings, others dropping to the pavement. Bender and Fret were still coming in from the north and hadn’t arrived yet.

  Rade aimed past the lamp pole and into the street where the Titan was fast approaching, according to the HS3 scouts overhead.

  The ground shook as the Titan came into view at a run, its heavy feet digging craters into the asphalt.

  “Link your rifles to mine,” Rade said.

  In seconds the link indicator lit up on his HUD.

  With the help of the rifle’s AI, Rade centered his targeting reticle over the mech’s core area and squeezed the trigger. All nine rifles in the group shot at the same time, concentrating their fire on the armored AI core.

  The mech toppled in mid-stride. Momentum carried it forward, its metal body scraping across the asphalt until it ground to a halt a few meters in front of Rade.

  “Algorithm, check it!” Rade said. He unlinked their rifles and readied his stun weapon.

  The combat robot dashed forward, but apparently the mech had a backup core located elsewhere, because the Titan immediately scrambled to its feet. The mech aimed its electrolaser at Algorithm; the Centurion fired its jetpack, attempting to reach a nearby rooftop, but the weapon tracked it. An electrical bolt shot forth, ripping through the robot. The jetpack exploded and the remains of Algorithm rained down onto the street as hot slag.

  In the distance behind the Titan, more police mechs rounded the bend. Two armed drones also swooped down from above. The Titan drew all of their fire. The mech deployed its ballistic shield and swiveled around, slamming it into the asphalt and ducking behind it. The Titan slid its electrolaser over the top of the shield and returned fire.

  “Surus!” Rade said. “Can you get down there and take control of at least one of those police mechs?”

  “On it,” Surus said.

  “Covering fire, Argonauts!” Rade said.

  He took up his laser rifle again and targeted the drones, opening fire.

  As he and the other Argonauts forced those drones to dodge, Surus scrambled to her feet and fired her jetpack; she landed on the adjacent rooftop and vanished from view.

  The Titan was alternating its attention between the police drones and mechs. Meanwhile, Rade and his crew were still mostly ignored by the police. For the moment.

  “I need some guesses on where you could fit a backup AI core in a Titan,” Rade said as the mech continued to draw fire. It kept its ballistic shield firmly between itself and the police.

  “I have an idea,” TJ said. “Between the jumpjet intake regulator and the existing core there is a small gap that normally contains emergency supplies for the pilot. It could be removed, and it’s the only place big enough to fit another core without interfering with the cockpit actuators. It’s slightly offset to the left side of the mech, above the original AI core. I’m marking the location on the tango.”

  A small portion of the mech’s hull became highlighted on Rade’s augmented reality vision.

  “Link to my laser rifle again,” Rade ordered his team.

  He aimed the targeting reticle over the highlighted hull area. When the link indicator turned green, he squeezed the trigger.

  The Titan slumped against its shield. Obviously, the blow had rendered the mech inactive.

  Rade immediately slid down his stun rifle and scanned the bottom portion of the cockpit. He was expecting the Phant to emerge in liquid form from the hull, so he was surprised when the hatch fell open and the Artificial sped out in a blur.

  Rade fired but the Artificial dodged, leaping down onto the street and dashing away.

  Rade tracked the robot with his stun rifle, spotting the characteristic purple droplets in the neck region. He smiled as he squeezed the trigger, and the Artificial dropped.

  “The Phant is in the bag!” Rade said.

  Unfortunately, with the threat from the mech now gone, the airborne drones turned their attention on the crouched Argonauts, pinning them. Rade could also hear the police mechs in the distance approaching, their heavy metal feet crunching loudly on the asphalt.

  “Surus, get control of one of those mechs!” Rade said.

  “Almost there,” Surus said.

  A laser shot melted a hole into the lamp post above Rade, and he ducked lower. He swiveled his body sideways, trying to present a smaller profile to the incoming attackers.

  “Tell me again why we had to do this under the nose of the police?” Lui said.

  “Because the Russians refused to grant us jurisdiction!” Rade said. “Let alone the Italians!”

  “That’s right, blame the Italians,” TJ said, sounding slightly miffed.

  Two seeker missiles erupted from a rooftop down the street and they rammed into the drones. The airborne craft exploded.

  “Who’s your daddy now, bitches?” Bender said.

  “Where did you get the missiles?” TJ said.

  “Ripped the launcher off of a police mech Fret and I manhandled back there,” Bender said.

  “Ooo, manhandled, huh?” Manic said.

  “That’s right,” Bender said. “A quick hack of the control interface, and viola, portable rocket launcher. Don’t you love it when you’re put to shame by the better man? Bask in the rays of my brilliant mind.”

  “If you’re brilliant, then I’m Einstein,” Manic said.

  “I got an Einstein quote for you,” Fret said. “He once said, ‘if at first you don’t succeed, add mayonnaise and try again.’”

  “Words of a true genius,” TJ said. “Everything tastes better with mayonnaise.”

  “You talkin’ from experience?” Manic said. “From eating out Bender?”

  “No, eating out you, my dear friend,” TJ said. “I’ll be having a special talk with you when this mission
is over as well, it seems.”

  In the distance, Bender and Fret leaped down from the buildings and ambushed the incoming police mechs they’d been shadowing. Fret tossed grenades, while Bender fired the repurposed missile launcher, and in seconds all three mechs were so much scrap metal.

  “Hey Surus, scratch the previous order,” Rade said.

  “Too bad, I’d just reached a good position.” She leaped down, joining Bender and Fret.

  “You snooze, Surus my girl, you lose,” Bender said.

  Meanwhile Rade hurried to the stunned Sino-Korean Artificial. He confirmed that the purple condensation remained on the back of the robot’s neck, and he shot it again with the stun rifle for good measure.

  “Harlequin, you get to be porter today,” Rade said.

  Harlequin dashed forward and threw the Sino-Korean over one shoulder.

  “Is that a good idea?” Fret said. “If the Phant flows out, it could take control of Harlequin.”

  “I’ll keep stunning our Sino-Korean friend, don’t you worry,” Rade said. “And you forget, Harlequin is wearing a Phant-repelling jumpsuit like the rest of us. Our prey isn’t going anywhere near his AI core.”

  “Good point,” Fret replied.

  Bender laughed over the comm. “Moron.”

  The Argonauts retreated, taking a route that led them away from the other incoming police robots, which were still converging on the area. Rade watched with some consternation as those dots veered toward the positions of him and his men.

  “We can’t shake them,” TJ said. “If you want to apply the camera hack, now is the time.”

  “Do it,” Rade said.

  TJ activated the Trojan he had installed in the city’s security grid, and security cameras city-wide shorted-out.

  “Hug the eastern sides of the buildings, people!” Rade said. The overhead satellites would still have telemetry data on the city. The trick was positioning themselves so that the buildings shielded them from the orbital telephoto lenses. He was relying on the positional data Shaw had last sent him regarding those satellites. He hoped their positions hadn’t changed since she went radio silent.

  It soon became obvious that the police had lost them, because on the overhead map the red dots separated and spread out in random directions.