Beautiful to Me

by E. L. Tenenbaum

  “I think about it every day,” I confessed in a much softer tone. “I cannot hear the waves without thinking of how they’ll bring me back home one day.”

  Still, I received nothing but a demeaning smile from Sienna.

  “Go home, Princess,” I pleaded. “Before he floods the palace, before he tries to drown the prince! Please, just go home!”

  I couldn’t take it any longer, couldn’t take the disregard, the avoidances, the blatant conviction that she would succeed in being something she was not. Something significantly less than what she was. I needed to know she was still in there, I needed to get something out of her.

  “The prince asked me to marry him,” I finally blurted out. “He spoke to his parents after dinner tonight.”

  That caught her attention. Even so, she turned toward me with an amused look, as if she knew I was playing with her because such a thing could not possibly be true. I returned her gaze until she was forced to see the truth in my eyes and all merriment left her face. Abruptly, she turned her back on me.

  “Please say something, Princess,” I begged her. “Tatiana said she would nullify your agreement if you agreed to return before your time is up!”

  She turned sharply back toward me and angrily opened her mouth to unnecessarily remind me that she had no tongue with which to form words.

  I shook my head at her. “You should know that you don’t need words to speak.”

  Sienna didn’t reply. The silence returned, angrier, more resentful than before. Having failed in all other attempts to bring her back home and wholly unsure of what else there was for me to do, I started humming a lullaby, something Bestaymor would sing to guide the princesses into blissful sleep at night.

  At first, Sienna relaxed beside me, and I was sure I’d finally found the way into her stubborn soul. I raised my voice a little and started singing the words, fully expecting her to join in however she could. Hadn’t my singing once drawn out the full extent of her beauty for this human court? Hadn’t she once responded to the music of the sea, which unlike magic, would never truly leave her veins?

  I sang with more feeling, channeling a heart that burned with ferocious love for the world that had raised me, calling to a world with wonders that would never cease and forever remain hidden from human eyes. I gave voice to sheltering coral and two-toned sting rays, yellow tangs bright as the sun and parrot fish painted with more color than a rainbow, cresting waves and-

  Sienna fiercely smacked the water, splashing us both with its salty spray, breaking the spell cast by her grandmother’s song. She stood quickly and didn’t once look back as she stalked away from me, back toward the human palace.

  I watched her with a sinking sensation.

  I knew with absolute certainty that she was lost to both worlds for good.

  Our wedding was celebrated one month later, just days after my sixteenth birthday. King Heinrich and Queen Cordelia returned, and I still smile when I think of the way she embraced me, despite her enlarged stomach, and called me “sister.” That was by far the second-best thing about marrying Arlando, as he had to repeatedly insist I call him once the engagement was official.

  I also think it was Cordelia’s absolute acceptance of me that helped encourage her parents to welcome me as their new daughter. King Earwyn and Queen Edlyn trusted Cordelia’s judgement implicitly, and if she insisted I would do right by their son and kingdom, then they could reserve judgement long enough to give me a chance.

  I had wanted to tell Callan and Cigny my news and ask them to share it with my parents, but I didn’t manage it then. I was also unsure of how either would react to my decision to marry a human and live my life above water. I couldn’t imagine they would be in favor it, especially considering how they’d all taken the news of Sienna, who had taken to completely ignoring me once more. I do not know, nor have I ever heard, of her trying to make any attempts to win over the prince after she found out that she’d lost him to me, so I suppose there is something to be said in her favor about that. Still, it didn’t lessen the guilt that gnawed at my gut knowing I had not only failed her, and in a way all of Merdom, by not convincing her to return home, but I’d also stolen away her one chance at the life she’d always wanted.

  Although it should be remembered that she’d had time with the prince before I arrived on the scene. I can’t take full blame for a decision he made on his own, and most certainly without my encouragement.

  In truth, I didn’t have the time for a late night row anyway. There was so much work that needed to be done to prepare me for the wedding and my future life as princess and one-day queen that I rarely had time to spare for myself, let alone the prince. Because of that, he would often stand by the door to my new suite of rooms, smiling at me over the bustling chaos of seamstresses, jewelers, shoemakers, hairdressers, and tutors.

  More than once I was tempted to stand on a chair in the middle of it all and announce that everyone could poke and prod me to their hearts’ content, I would stay in my spot all day, if it meant they would leave me alone thereafter. Yet, for the first time in my life, I was also experiencing a most pervading sense of happiness and confidence, so I managed to take it all in stride.

  “Isn’t there somewhere important you need to be, Highness?” I’d ask each time, absolutely flustered by the flurry of activity surrounding me.

  “No,” the prince would reply with an endearingly cheeky grin, allowing everyone and everything to know just how happy he was, “and it’s Arlando to you.”

  I had little response to that, aside from my own matching grin.

  My wedding dress was made of a most wonderful layering of silks that very successfully hid the unflattering shape of my body and made me look and feel ethereal. The material was soft and silky, colored in the same greens and blues as my beloved sea. Tiny pearls subtly traced the pattern of the waves on my skirts and delicate jewelry made of perfectly intact seashells adorned my arms and ears. I dared glance in the mirror only once after I had been dressed, and unlike any other time before that day, I was pleased with what I saw.

  It had been difficult for me to think of getting married without my family there, and not just my father and mother, but my entire family of life in the sea. Though I did suggest to Arlando that we hold the ceremony on the water and he, ever the romantic, loved the idea enough to agree. After the ceremony and the feast to follow, our ship would raise anchor and sail out to sea for a while. I was looking forward to being surrounded by water once more.

  Thank Heaven Cordelia found me before the ceremony began. I was shaking from nerves and last minute self-doubt, but she firmly tucked my hand through her arm and sent my fears away. My new sister led me out of the palace, past the gardens, down to the royal docks, and up the gangplank of the awaiting ship. I clutched her hand a little too tightly the whole way there, refilling my confidence from her unwavering grip.

  The prince awaited me on deck, dressed in a handsome suit of royal green with gold ribbon down the side of each pant leg. Gold buttons shaped like seashells held his jacket closed across his chest and his gold-gloved hands reached for me even before I’d finished stepping off the ramp and onto the deck. Had I eyes then for anyone but him, I would have sought out Sienna to see if she was on board, to see if she was still human, but I was too preoccupied with reminding myself how to breathe to have any mind for it. Still, I am certain from the prickling I vaguely felt at the back of my neck that she was somewhere among the packed guests, stabbing me with daggers from her eyes.

  The ceremony went beautifully, the feasting and celebration to follow more than anything even a mermaid from a magical underwater kingdom could have asked for. And, of course, there were fireworks that night. I watched them light up the night sky right beside my new husband, my hand finding his on the railing before he had a chance to seek out mine.

  Later that night, when all was quiet and all were asleep, I slipped out of bed and went to the deck for some fresh ocean air. Nothing felt real until the mome
nt I stood there and saw the moonlight reflecting off the wedding ring on my finger and the two feet that still held me up. Too excited to sleep, I snuck onto a lifeboat and lowered myself into the water, softly clicking to the waves and the friends I hoped would hear my call.

  To my surprise, it wasn’t long before two familiar fins cut the surface and I had to clamp my hands over my mouth to silence my delighted cry when Callan and Cigny popped out of the water soon after.

  “I’m so glad to see you!” I started, but my excitement quickly waned when I saw their expressions.

  I don’t know how it’s possible for happy-faced dolphins to look like they’re frowning, but they certainly were. “What is it? What’s going on?” I asked, long-dormant anxiety rapidly bubbling up in my stomach.

  “We’re really happy for you—” Callan started, but Cigny cut him off.

  “No time for pleasantries,” she snapped. “Ariel, you must get back to the ship.”

  “What are you talking about?” I was too stunned by her unexpected urgency to move.

  “After you agreed to marry the prince—” Cigny hurriedly began to explain.

  “—For which we offer our sincerest congratulations—” Callan interjected.

  “—Sienna’s fate was sealed,” Cigny forcefully pushed back in. “However, Tatiana, sea witch that she is, sent her little squids to seek out the other princesses and offer them one last chance to redeem Sienna.”

  Everything suddenly came into sharp focus, the excitement of just a few moments before gone. Tatiana and her squids had surprised me by being far more pleasant and hospitable than I thought possible for creatures of their kind. But, for all her manners and good graces, Tatiana was the sea witch after all, though I still can’t blame her considering what she tried to do for Sienna.

  “What did she offer?” I asked, my voice a strained whisper, my heart thudding in terror.

  “In exchange for the princesses’ long, beautiful hair, she gave them a knife with which Sienna is supposed to kill the prince then step into his blood,” Callan finished. “Before dawn.”

  I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t breathe. My mind tried to deny it, but it couldn’t hear their words as anything but the truth.

  “When did they give her the knife?” I was so afraid to ask the question, I wasn’t sure the words had come out at all.

  The dolphins glanced at each other. “A few hours ago,” Callan figured.

  I shot up so quickly, I almost fell out of the boat. I grabbed for the pulley and struggled to raise myself back up fast enough to save my prince. Already grasping the rope, I turned to my two oldest and most loyal friends. “Thank you,” I said, with all the sincerity those words could hold. “Thank you so much.”

  “Thank us if he’s still alive,” I heard Cigny mutter somewhere beyond my frantic gasping and the impending thunder of doom reverberating through my mind.

  I barely spared the time to secure the boat when I reached the top. I leaped onto deck and ran for our quarters without breaking stride, my bare feet slapping against the wood in strong, fierce strides to match the heavy beating of my heart.

  I burst into our cabin from the main door and rushed to the bedroom, stopping just inside when I saw Sienna already there, standing over the prince, the distinctive glint of metal in the sliver of light proof of the knife in her hands.

  She just stood there looking down at him, probably caressing him with her eyes, surely aware of the indentation in the bed made from the wife who had been beside him, who would now always be beside him. The wife who wasn’t her. Her ever-graceful frame was still except in the subtle way it mimicked the gentle rocking of the waves beneath the ship. To me, that was proof enough that above all her denials deep inside she still was, and always would be, a mermaid.

  She hadn’t used the knife just yet, but I wasn’t taking any chances.

  “Sienna!” I called, lunging toward her, my hand reaching for the knife, blade, handle, whatever I could manage.

  The spell broken, she looked at me, really looked at me, perhaps seeing me then for the first time in sixteen years despite the darkened room and shadows. She glanced down once more at the prince, and, easily sidestepping me, dashed past me as she fled the cabin. I chased after her, even as I heard the prince stir and ask a bleary, “Ariel? Where are you?”

  I caught up to Sienna near the railing, where she defiantly awaited me, her back to the sea.

  “Sienna, please, Your Highness,” I begged.

  She didn’t acknowledge hearing me. Rather, she lifted the clutched knife toward me, and I was sure she was about to use it on me despite the sea witch’s instructions. Wielding it to keep me at bay, she slowly backed away from me, then eased herself up onto the railing, never once removing her gaze from mine. Once up there, she turned her body so her outstretched hand and the knife within it was held above the lapping waters and even then, she didn’t turn away.

  Slowly, one by one, her fingers unfurled from the blade and it dropped silently down, down, down into the dark depths of the sea. Then she smiled and opened her arms up wide to Heaven, in complete acceptance of whatever fate would come.

  A tearless sob tore out of me and I stumbled forward, but I couldn’t reach her in time. There was little to nothing I could have done anyway.

  Just as the sun began to rise in the sky behind her, I watched in horror as every particle of Sienna’s body slipped away, each one floating downward to join with the foam of the sea. I threw myself over the railing and vainly tried to catch her, but there was nothing for me to hold onto.

  “Sienna!” I screamed, splashing furiously in the lightening water she had already become a part of. “Sienna!”

  “Ariel!”

  Sure I heard her calling my name, I whipped around, but all was silent except for the bobbing waves. Still, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I had heard her, that by returning to the sea her tongue had been returned to her, and having been silent for so long, she was anxious to let out all she had been wanting to say. Her voice seemed to ring out all around me, in accusation, in sadness, in grief, in relief, but no words were distinct, as if all that was left of her was a distant echo without end.

  I couldn’t find her, of course. She’d made her bargain with the sea witch, and when she could not live her life on land, the sea had claimed its own. I only realized how badly I was shivering when the strong arms that would always be there for me pulled me out of the water and close to a chest that mirrored the rhythm of my own heart.

  “Ariel,” the prince whispered, soothing me in the way only he could make my name sound like a melody, his heart beating rapidly at my ear.

  Even after the rest of my body stopped trembling, I continued to shake my head against his chest. It was just too much for me to take in. I couldn’t believe it. No matter that I knew what would happen to her, I wasn’t prepared for it when it did.

  The prince and I bobbed together, aloft in a small lifeboat in the silent sea, all the while my head turned into my husband’s torso. I couldn’t look at the water, not now. For once, its music was hushed. For once, it had no tongue with which to speak. All its creatures were silent, all mourned the loss of their king’s favored daughter. But her voice could not be taken from her again, and it soon seemed as if it had begun to hum along with the gentle swell of the waves.

  The prince kept looking over my head, trying to figure out what it was that had sent me overboard.

  “What happened?” he asked gently.

  “Sienna went into the water and I was too late to save her.” The words were hollow in the emptiness she left behind.

  Thinking on it now, I recognize that what I gave him was a carefully worded version of the truth, which he accepted because it sounded right. There was no way for him to know that I was talking then about something much bigger than a lovely, carefree girl who’d fallen overboard and couldn’t tread water long enough to be saved. He couldn’t know that just moments before she stood over him with a knife, choosing, for re
asons I couldn’t quite yet fathom, not to take his life though it meant the end of hers. He couldn’t know that there was so much more to the girl he knew of only as his ever-present foundling.

  The prince held me tightly, only letting me go when I knew he felt strong enough to. Their feelings may not have been mutual, but she had been a constant in his life for over a year.

  “I was the one who found her,” he told me, the words coming without preamble because of his lingering shock. “She was standing there, on the steps of the terrace, tattered clothes dripping saltwater, and a dazzling smile that could melt the most stubborn of hearts.”

  I nodded. I hadn’t yet heard the story from him, but I had a general idea of how Sienna had come to the palace. As he spoke, I could easily imagine it, too.

  “The way she was just there,” the prince went on, “no raft, no boat, nothing to float on anywhere around.” He stopped and glanced down at me sheepishly.

  “What?” I gently prodded.

  He smiled, more at himself and his foolish notions. “I thought maybe she was a kind of mermaid, the way she appeared on my steps like a magical creature from the depths of the sea.”

  I leaned against him so he couldn’t see in my face that he spoke the truth. Better for him to think I was only listening, not believing every word he said because it was actually so.

  “I even thought,” he went on, “that if she was, then maybe she’d been the one to pull me from the ocean the night I almost drowned.” The prince paused for a deep, steeling breath. “I let her follow me around because it made her happy, the least I could do for her if she was really the one to save me.” Another pause, this time to carefully consider the words that came next. “I secretly hoped she was there to check on me, to make sure I was worthy of being saved, worthy of the life she returned to me.”