After the Before

by Gomez, Jessica

  “Your breathing changed.” How long has he been awake listening to me breathe?

  Suddenly, becoming very aware of how close we are and the little amount of clothes that separate us, I begin to become self-conscious. Had last night only happened because we’d been drinking? Did he want me to leave, but wanted to avoid being rude? Feeling all kinds of emotion, I try to pull away from him.

  He tightens his grip, preventing me from moving. “Don’t.” He whispers in my ear. “Stay with me.”

  “You really want me here?” I want him to say it again, to make sure I heard him right the first time.

  “Si. I want you here. In fact, Andrew moved out for the rest of the week. Why don’t you move in?” I look at him, thinking about his offer. “You don’t have to sleep with me. We can get housekeeping to put new sheets on that bed.” He strokes my hair, looking over at Andrew’s old bed. “I would much rather you choose to sleep with me though, ‘cause I am really liking this.”

  Tilting my head, I offer him my lips. I want him to make the first move, since my confidence left my system, just like the alcohol. Liquid courage… HA! More like liquid stupid.

  He seems to understand what I’m offering and leans down to press his lips to mine. His kiss is even better now that the numbness is absent from my lips. His hands stay in one place, seeming worried to travel my body. Giving him approval, I trace my fingers over his side and dip the tips of my fingers in his waistband. He’s excellent on picking up my signals and slips his hand under my borrowed tank. His fingers are warm against my body, tracing slow searing patterns along my ribs. His tongue glides over the part in my lips, enticing me to open them. I protest and tease for a moment before meeting my tongue with his. When they touch, softly and slippery, a soft sigh escapes me, encouraging him to pull me closer to his hard muscular body, a place that I very much enjoy. If I died right now, the After wouldn’t seem so bad.

  Right then, a flash of Margret smothering my father flashes before my eyes, causing me to pull away from Alex and gasp.

  “Alex. I can’t do this.” I’m shaking my head, on the verge of crying again.

  “Si, we can.” He nestles me to him, tight against his body. I don’t struggle against him. When he touches me, I turn to jello.

  “What if she finds out?” Saying her name hurts too much, but he knows who I mean.

  “A couple of my guys are the only ones who know I helped you home. Nobody even knows you’re in my room right now.” His smile is mischievous. “No one needs to know. We can be a secret if you want, at least until we figure out what to do about your mother.” He growls the word out.

  My mind is spinning. If I stayed in Alex’s room the entire week, Molly will surely blab. She has no idea where I am, but she could also tell one of the chaperones I’ve been missing and they would check into it. If they called Margret and told her about it, my father would be doomed.

  “Jas, you’re overthinking things.” he speaks into my ear, reading the worry on my face. I can’t believe he’s not taking this as serious as I am.

  Before I think about my words, they’re out into the air. “You’d be overthinking it too if it was your dad being threatened to be killed!”

  My mouth drops open, and instantly, I’m ashamed of my words. That was not how I meant that to sound.

  He moves me off his chest to turn away from me and sit up on the side of the bed. One of my hands is still touching his back. I scoot to him and straddle his back, as if we were on a motorcycle together. I wrap my arms around him and place my cheek between his shoulder blades. I can hear the way his breathing has changed from slow and even to quick and agitated.

  “Alex… I’m so sorry. I cannot believe I just said that. You have to know that is not how I meant it. She is threatening to smother my dad to death to get back at me. Please understand what I mean?” My words grow thick and uneven. “Please, Alex. I’m just so scared.”

  He turns to me, picking me up somehow and placing me on his lap, my legs wrapping around him. I place my face into the crook of his neck, breathing him in, wondering if he’s going to kick me out now.

  I feel a tear escape my eye and run down his chest like a raindrop. He pushes me up so he can see my eyes. “It’s alright. You’re safe now. We’ll figure something out together about Margret.”

  “Are you mad at me… for what I said?” Searching his face, I see no anger or animosity. All I see is desire, lust, and maybe something else that neither one of us is ready to admit. On that thought, flashes of last night begin to bombard me, and I suck in a shocked breath. Did I really tell Alex that I loved him? I think I also might have told him I was a virgin. OH. MY. GOD. I am an idiot.

  He notices the sudden change, and looks at me curiously, “What’s wrong? You look startled.”

  “Do you remember last night?” I ask almost bashfully.

  “Si. Do you?” His eyes are playful and he’s smiling.

  What else did we do? I know we kissed, a lot. I know we touched, a lot, but what else am I missing?

  “Not all of it.” My voice is embarrassed. “Can you fill me in?” I look at him, and he seems to understand.

  “We didn’t have sex, if that’s what you’re worried about. I would never do that to you… at least not while you’re drunk.” His smile is ear to ear, and I think I catch a bit of pink on his tan face.

  “That’s part of it.” I put my face in my hands, the warmth already consuming my features. “I’m such an idiot.” I shake my head back and forth.

  He laughs, pulling my hands down at the same time. I’m glad he finds this so amusing. It’s not like I drink, as in, ever. The last time alcohol touched my lips, Jace told me it would be fun. I ended up throwing up all night.

  “Don’t hide from me, mamacita. You don’t have to be embarrassed about anything with me.”

  I study him, and I know he means it. His face is serious. “What did I tell you?” There’s more than one meaning in that question.

  He laughs again. “Would you like a recap of the night?”

  I nod, hiding my face against his neck again. “Yes, please.” I laugh softly. “I remember Andrew, walking on the beach, running into someone and trying to get around him. From there, it’s only glimpses, most of them have you in them.”

  “Alright, I’ll start from when I kicked Mario’s ass for messing with you.”

  “You did what?” I remembered some of it. Some guy trying to… I’m actually not sure what he was trying to do.

  “I warned him and everyone else not to touch you again… Ever. He failed to listen to an order, and that’s how we take care of business.” He’s waiting for me to protest, but I know nothing about his world, so I stay quiet, waiting for him to finish. “Well, after I took care of him, you went over and slapped the shit out of the girl I was with.”

  I couldn’t help it. I start laughing hysterically. “I can’t believe I actually did that. You know, I’ve always wanted to do that to someone.”

  He’s laughing with me, jostling me around on his lap. “Yeah, I’m surprised you didn’t yell out, ‘I’m Rick James bitch!’ and then slap her.”

  My laughing slows as I think about Alex with another girl. I’m definitely jealous. The girl from last night is the same one from the bathing suit store, the one that was talking about him, sexually.

  “Alex, can I ask you something?”

  “You know you can.”

  “Did you have sex with her, the girl at the fire?” I explain before he starts to answer. “When I went to get my new suit, she was there at the store. She was talking to her friends, telling them about what you two had accomplished, I guess you can say. I just…” I just, what? I have no control over him. He can do and be with whoever he wants.

  “No, muneca. I didn’t sleep with her.” He pauses and looks directly into my eyes. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you.” He traces his pointer finger from the bottom of my ear, down my jaw, and softly traces my lower lip.

  I breathe out a s
igh of relief. I may have been holding my breath, I’m not sure at this point. “Okay.” Is all I can think of to say.

  “So, after you slapped her silly, we went for a swim.” My eyes grow wide. “Hey, you’re very strong willed. I tried to talk some sense into you, but you went in anyway.” I look at him with a warning glare. “Don’t worry, I went in after you. I mean, you did strip your shirt off and tell me to come and save you.”

  “Oh, no! Can last night get any lamer at this point? I’m so sorry… for all of it.” I feel like a total dumbass.

  Alex leans back and lifts my chin. “Don’t be shy with me.” His smile reveals more than his words ever could, and then he has to ruin it. “I mean, who would have thought the first time I’d see you topless would be while you were wasted and in the ocean swimming.”

  I slap his chest. “Stop teasing.”

  He laughs, “Let’s see… where did I leave off at? Oh, yeah, you topless in the water.” He smiles again. “We stood in the water for a while, then…” His smile falls fast remembering something from the night before.

  “That bad?” I ask.

  He pulls me close and absent-mindedly rubs my arms protectively. “Then I saw your bruises. Looking at you like that…”

  Tears begin to well up in my eyes. I look down, ashamed. “I’m sorry.” I whisper.

  “Jasmine, look at me.” I meet his eyes without hesitation. “This is in no way your fault.”

  “No Alex, I could have stayed away. I could have avoided talking to you.” I’m a whimpering mess.

  “No. I don’t think you could have.” A small sad smile lifts up the corner of his lips.

  I know he’s right. Something pulls me to him; I have no self-control over myself when he’s near me. “So, what else happened?”

  He thinks for a moment before continuing. “I gave you my shirt and had Carlos kick Andrew out for the rest of the week.”

  “I remember that.”

  “When we finally made it back, I gave you the clothes you’re wearing now and tucked you into bed. I was going to offer to sleep on the floor, but you didn’t want me that far away from you.” He pauses. “We enjoyed each other’s company for a while before I stopped it because I knew we were too drunk. Then, you told me you loved me, and that you’re a virgin.”

  My face is beet red. I am so going to die. At least that’s what it feels like. I can see the headlines now, GIRL DIES FROM EMBARRASSMENT! So dumb. “I’m sorry you had to deal with me last night. I don’t drink.”

  “You think?” He teases and laughs. “Even though there were a lot of people getting beat up and slapped around,” He smirks. “I wouldn’t have changed it for the world. I’m glad we ended up here.” The look on his face proves to me that he means it.

  “Do you really mean that?” I’m insecure, and I hate feeling as if someone else has control over any part of me. Alex has control over more than I would like.

  “Si.” His voice is low, seductive. He leans me back, slipping me off his lap and pressing his body to mine as he kisses me.

  I close my eyes, wanting to live in this moment forever. The warm tingling that’s filling my body, makes me feel like I’m floating. When he pulls away, it’s too soon. Any time he pulls away will always be too soon.

  “So, what time is it?”

  He rolls to the side of me and flips a pillow out of his way. “Wow. Its 1:42 pm.”

  “Oh, no.” I sit up.

  “What? You have somewhere you need to be?”

  It’s hard for me to think, staring at his bare, tan, muscular chest. “No. No place but here.” I run my fingers down his chest suggestively, leaving a fiery trail of goose bumps behind. I’m only satisfied when I elicit a shiver from him.

  “I was hoping you’d say that.” Flipping my hair off my shoulder, he examines my still lightly swollen ear. He kisses my cheek softly, and then my jaw, and right after his smooth lips kiss my wounded ear he whispers, “I will always protect you. No one will ever hurt you again.”

  A small whimper leaves my lips. I’m caving already. “I do love you, Alex. I’m tired of fighting it and I don’t want to hide it. To me, life is too short to waste by not being honest with the people in your life, so I love you, and I’m glad you came back into my life.”

  His chocolate eyes are melting my insides like lava. I can see it in his eyes that he feels the same way, but refuses to speak the words. In his life, he hasn’t reached that point of acceptance, the point that I, myself, hadn’t found until he returned to my life. It’s hard to trust anyone, to let them beat your game. The game only works when you shut everyone out, and push everyone away. It was easy for me, except with Grandma and Dad, now Alex has infiltrated my shell of resistance. A more proper word would be shattered. He’s shattered my walls. I have not felt this free since Jace was alive and my dad was healthy and whole.

  When his lips trace mine, pulling every emotion I’ve ever tried to hide to the surface, I realize I’m scared.

  “What is it?” He asks, sensing my distress.

  “What if something happens to you? I couldn’t handle losing you too.”

  “Nothing will happen to me. I will always come back to you.” He kisses me again, but this time, with more urgency, as if he may lose me too, at any moment. I guess that’s how real life works. You can lose anyone at any time… we know that more than most.

  I kiss him with the same aggressive desire. We take turns flipping each other over, kissing, and tracing our fingers over each other’s bare skin. Every time he touches me, I’m on a cloud, without a care in the world. After touching and teasing for a while, we lay back, holding one another, tethering ourselves together as if we’ll float away.

  “Are you hungry?” Alex asks. At the mention of food, my tummy grumbles, and we both laugh. “I guess that answers my question.”

  “I have to go back to my room and grab some clothes.” I toss the covers aside and climb out of bed. An extremely unfeasible thing to accomplish when I am so warm and comfortable against Alex’s body.

  “I can get them.” He moves to stand.

  “No. It’s all right. I can do it.” I turn to go, but he slides his fingers down my arm and to my wrist gently to stop me.

  “Jas. The clothes I gave you don’t cover your…” He trails off, unable to finish.

  I know what he’s trying to say, he just can’t bring himself to say the words aloud, each syllable physically painful.

  I turn to glance in the mirror. “Oh! Your right.” The armholes hang down, showing off most of the bruises on my ribs, not to mention the curve of my breasts. For once, I feel good about someone seeing my body, even if it does possess imperfections. I enjoy him looking at me. I only wish these hideous marks all over my body would disappear so he can see me, and not these marks.

  “Stay here, okay.” He slides his hand into mine, tangling our fingers for a moment before letting go. “I’ll grab all your stuff. Is it all in bags?”

  “No. I put some stuff in the dresser, but my bags are right next to it. You can just shove everything into them.” I reach down for my wet shorts and pull out my card key. “I’m surprised I still have this.” I hand it to him and he laughs.

  “Me too.” He kisses me briefly after dressing and walks to the door. He turns around to look at me before he leaves, like he wants to say something. “I’ll be right back.”

  That wasn’t it.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Alex

  Last night, sleeping with Jasmine in my arms was the best night of my life. My heart slams against my chest when I kiss her, touch her… but I have to face reality, this is only temporary. I can protect her, but it has to end there. My mother had warned me to stay away from her, that her mother was capable of anything, and she was right. I did that to Jasmine. I pushed her to see me, to talk to me. I need to keep her safe from her mother, and from my gang. If my rivals hear about her, how important she is to me, they will use her as bait, torture her for information, even though she kn
ows nothing about my gang, and they wouldn’t care. The only way I can protect her from these people at all times, is to stay away from her. If I stay away, no one would bother her; she could live a good life.

  But I’m being selfish. I want her to stay, I want to be around her, and I definitely couldn’t watch her date someone else. Mierda! I couldn’t be around when she touched another guy, because there’s no telling what I’d do.

  Shaking my head, I try to loosen up these crazy ideas of killing people if they touched Jasmine out of my mind. “Get a hold of yourself, Alex.”

  I hesitate at the door. Do I knock? Fuck no, I don’t knock! Gang bangers don’t knock. Everything I do is trouble. I insert the key and walk right in. By the sounds of it, no one hears me. Noises I’d much rather not hear are coming from the two forms on the bed. I can make out Molly because she’s riding whoever is underneath her. The guy is way too into it, moaning and groaning more than any man should.

  When I walk into the room and cough, drawing their attention to me, I finally see the person underneath her, and it’s Andrew.

  My eyes blaze, I’m so mad. “You.” I growl. I walk straight to the bed and throw Molly a little too hard off it to get to Andrew.

  He’s scrambling up the headboard, trying to get away from me. His eyes are wild, like a deer caught in headlights. His package instantly deflates, not that it’s anything to brag about to begin with… sad, really.

  “What did I do to you, man?” His arms are out in front of him, protecting his face, knowing my fist is about to make a connection.

  My voice is level, but deadly. “Not me, pendejo… Jasmine. Ring any bells?”

  Andrew’s eyes go wide, remembering the previous night’s events. “I didn’t… I mean…” Words evade him. “I was only playing with her.”

  His words command my fist to punch his face, twice, in rapid succession, bloodying his nose. I hear a high pitched yelp behind me and remember that Molly is still in the room. I glance between them, and see that they deserve each other; a perfect match.

  “You!” I point to Andrew, who is covering his face, trying unsuccessfully to stop the blood from hitting the bedding. “Stay the fuck away from Jasmine. You better not even look in her direction. If I hear that you do, this will be horseplay compared to what I will do to you next time.” I turn to look at Molly. “And you.” She flinches when I point to her, covering herself with a sheet. “You didn’t see any of this. Do you understand?” She’s nodding, visibly scared of me and what I might do. “Jasmine will not be staying here the rest of her visit. You are not permitted to stay with me the rest of your visit.” I tell Andrew. “It seems you two will make excellent roommates. Make sure no one finds out about this either. Do you understand?” I repeat. This time they both nod like bobble heads. “Good.” I say and then turn to begin packing Jasmine’s things.