Only Yours

by Susan Mallery

  Montana shrugged. She figured that was pretty unlikely. “It’s not that I don’t hurt, I do. But I can’t find anyone to blame. Neither of us did anything wrong.”

  “Are you pregnant?” Nevada asked. “If you were, he might want to stay.”

  “There’s a happy way to start a relationship,” Montana told her. “I’m not pregnant, and I’m not interested in a man who would only stay for the sake of a child.”

  “You’re so calm,” Pia told her.

  “That’s because I’m at the crying-on-the-inside stage.” Montana swallowed. “I do love him and I don’t want him to go, but there’s nothing I can say to change his mind.” She glared at them. “I don’t want any of you saying anything, either.”

  “Would we do that?” Nevada asked.

  “In a heartbeat. I want you to promise.”

  They all swore they wouldn’t say a word.

  “Good.”

  Montana continued to cuddle the baby. She was pleased she sounded so in control and that she’d managed to fool three people who loved her. The truth was she felt shattered by what had happened. She wanted to say she would do anything to get Simon to return her feelings, even a little.

  Except that wasn’t true. Her heart might hurt with every beat, but she’d managed to do the right thing. To accept what had happened and believe in her ability to heal.

  It had taken her a long time, but she’d finally grown up. Eventually, she would learn to move on. To forget about Simon. To fall in love with someone else.

  “There’s always hope,” she whispered to the baby in her arms. “You need to remember that.”

  SIMON SPENT THE NEXT several days waiting for someone to attack him. He was sure that it was only a matter of time until he was confronted by a mob, all of them demanding he do the right thing where Montana was concerned.

  Instead, people were just as friendly as they had always been. They smiled, they asked about his patients, they suggested things for him to do on the weekend. As if nothing had changed.

  The only thing he could figure out was that Montana hadn’t told anybody. But why would she keep that information to herself? She must hate him. A scorned woman and all that.

  He finished his rounds early on Saturday and found himself at loose ends. There was yet another festival in town, something to do with crafts. He walked through the crowd, grabbing a quick lunch at one of the food stands, then stood there with nothing to do and no one to see. Finally he decided he would go to the bookstore and get something to read.

  As he turned in that direction, he caught sight of a familiar shape. A woman with blond hair. Several people stepped between them and he couldn’t see her anymore, so he hurried in her direction. His heart quickened as need filled him.

  He raced toward her, only to stop by a woman selling glass bead earrings. What the hell was he doing? He couldn’t go after Montana. He’d ended things. Worse, he’d hurt her.

  He reminded himself that this was what he wanted. To be alone. It was the way things were. But still, he ached for her. Not just her body next to his, but her smile, her laugh, the things she said. He’d never wanted anyone as much as he wanted Montana and he’d never missed anyone as much.

  The blond woman moved to her left and he saw her then, the shape of her face and her much shorter hair, and knew it wasn’t Montana. It was one of her sisters. She’d never been there at all.

  He made his way to Morgan’s Books. The store was large, with lots of windows and natural light. There was a display of mysteries written by Montana’s sister-in-law. He flipped through Liz’s latest and decided to pick it up.

  With the book tucked under his arm, he wandered the store. Everyone who saw him was friendly and he suddenly realized he’d been waiting to be punished. He wanted someone to tell him he was wrong, that he’d been the lowest form of bastard. Because with the blame and anger might come defensiveness—a gut reaction that might convince him he’d been right to cut off their relationship.

  He rounded a corner and nearly ran into Denise Hendrix.

  He came to a stop, knowing at last he had found the one person who would want to bring him to his knees. Mothers like Denise protected their children ferociously.

  “Simon!” Denise smiled at him. “I haven’t seen you in a while. How are you?”

  She was too friendly. “Have you talked to Montana recently?”

  “Not in a couple of days. Why?”

  At last, he thought almost gleefully. She would hate what he had done.

  “We broke up.”

  Denise looked surprised. “Oh. I’m sorry to hear that.”

  “It wasn’t her, in case you’re wondering. It was me. I have to leave soon and I didn’t think we should pursue a relationship. She didn’t agree. She’s in love with me.”

  Denise was carrying a book. Maybe she would hit him with it. Maybe they would all stand around him, yelling at him. Telling him why he was wrong.

  Instead she sighed. “That makes you a very lucky man.”

  He stared at her, unable to believe what she was saying. “Lucky?”

  “Having someone love you is an amazing gift. Especially if it’s someone like Montana.” She straightened and squared her shoulders, an action that reminded him so much of her daughter. “So, yes, if she loves you, you are very lucky. And if she loves you, you must be a good man.”

  He didn’t know what to say to that.

  “It’s taken Montana a while to find her way,” Denise continued. “She was never quite sure what she wanted to do with her life. But she never stopped searching and now she’s found where she belongs. I’m so proud of her.”

  He didn’t understand. Where was the screaming? Where were the accusations?

  “I don’t love her.”

  Denise stared at him for a long time, then leaned in and wrapped her arms around him. “I’m so sorry, Simon. I don’t know very much about you, but what I’ve been told is sad. It must be difficult for you to trust in something you’ve never seen. Being loved must be one of the most terrifying things of all.”

  She stepped back and gave him a caring smile. “I hope you can have a little faith. If not in Montana, then at least in yourself.”

  With that, she turned and walked away. He was left staring after her, more confused than ever and still without a chance at redemption.

  SIMON POINTED TO THE SMALL red X on the illustration. “We’re going to start on the right side of your face,” he said.

  Kalinda nodded. “Because it’s the bad side, right?”

  “I don’t like to think of this in terms of good or bad. The right side has more damage, and will need more attention.”

  Kalinda rolled her eyes at him. “Now you sound like my mom.”

  Her mother sat on the other side of the girl’s bed. “Why did you say it like that?” she asked, but she was grinning as she spoke.

  Ever since the night of Kalinda’s crisis, the little girl had been getting better. Simon didn’t have to look at her chart to see the truth. She was awake most of the day, energetic, talkative and interested in what was going on around her. At this rate, he could squeeze in two, maybe three surgeries before he left.

  Kalinda pointed to the picture. It was a simple drawing of a face. He used it a lot when he was working with children. Showing someone what would be happening often made more sense than trying to talk about it. Plus, he’d been told he could get too technical and graphic. The last thing he wanted to do was to scare her.

  “When you do that are you gonna cover my whole face? Will I look like a mummy?”

  “Probably half a mummy.”

  “Then I can walk down the halls at night with my arms straight in front of me and frighten the nurses.” Kalinda sounded delighted at the thought. “You need to make sure I’m a full mummy for Halloween.”

  Fay looked at her daughter. “You know Dr. Bradley won’t be here for Halloween.”

  “Yes, he will.” She looked at him. “You promised. You pinkie promised. Yo
u have to stay.”

  He could see the righteous anger in her blue eyes. At last someone was going to yell at him. Unfortunately, it wasn’t anyone he wanted to be mad at him.

  “Kalinda,” he began.

  “Uh-uh. You promised. You were promising when my heart stopped. You can’t go back on that now.”

  Fay stood. “I’ll walk you out,” she told Simon and led him into the hallway.

  When they were standing facing each other, she smiled an apology. “I’m sorry about that. Kalinda can be very stubborn. You probably find it annoying, but I’m so happy to see that she’s herself again.”

  “I see the improvement as well.”

  He wanted to protest that he hadn’t promised, but knew the girl was right. He had been promising. But soon he was leaving anyway.

  Going back on his word to a kid? How screwed up was that?

  Once again he found himself missing Montana—her emotional sanity had become something he depended upon. Without her he was adrift in a world where he didn’t belong.

  Fay touched his arm. “I want to thank you for all you’ve done. We wouldn’t have gotten through this without you.”

  He wanted to tell her that of course she would have, but he accepted her words with a smile. That’s what Montana would have told him to do.

  Back in his office, he updated his charts, then leaned back in his chair. He stared at his cell phone, knowing how easy it would be to call. But then what? Nothing had changed. It was better for both of them if he didn’t make promises he couldn’t keep.

  “I SAW THE MOVIES a bunch of times, but this is better,” Daniel told Montana as he sat in one of the small conference rooms at the library. “My mom already bought me the whole set. They’re kind of hard, but it’s fun, too.” His nose wrinkled. “Don’t tell anyone I said that.”

  Montana held in a smile. “Because reading isn’t cool?”

  “No. I don’t want to be one of those smart kids.”

  Peer pressure started early, she thought.

  “I’m glad you’re enjoying the Harry Potter books. They’re some of my favorites, too.” She watched Daniel pet Buddy, who sat patiently at his side.

  “Is a million dollars a lot of money?” she asked casually.

  Daniel stared at her. “Yeah.” His tone made it clear he thought she was an idiot for asking.

  “I think so, too. Do you know that according to some studies, people who go to college earn a million dollars more in their lifetime than people who don’t?”

  There were plenty of exceptions, but she wasn’t going to get into that with Daniel.

  “A million dollars more?”

  “Uh-huh. Sometimes being smart is kind of a good thing.” She leaned toward him. “I don’t know why you had trouble reading, but that’s all gone. You’ve jumped two grades in your reading ability just in the past few weeks. It’s like your brain was getting ready and getting ready and suddenly it is ready.”

  He gave her a shy smile. “I’m sorry I didn’t want to try before. It was hard.”

  “I know, but you tried anyway. Buddy likes that in a guy.”

  He hugged the dog. “Buddy’s really smart, too.”

  “He is. But here’s the thing. They’re going to reassess your reading abilities when you go back to school, and you’re going to get moved to a different group of students.”

  “With the really smart kids?” He sounded concerned.

  “It depends on how you do. I know you’re worried that your friends won’t be happy if you change. But that’s what growing up is about. Changing. Trying new things. Do you want to play sports in high school?”

  He nodded vigorously.

  “You need good grades to stay on the team. The same in college.”

  “I’d love to play college ball. Do you think I could?”

  “I’ve seen how you’ve worked on your reading, even when it was hard. I think you can do anything.”

  “That’s what my mom says, but I thought it was because she had to.” He shrugged. “She loves me.”

  The words were spoken with perfect certainty. Montana thought of Simon and wished his childhood had been filled with that kind of affection and support.

  “I think knowing you can do anything is a little more about you than her.”

  Daniel rose and walked around the table. He hugged her, squeezing hard. “Thank you.” He straightened. “I’m going to college so I can earn that million dollars.”

  “I’m glad.”

  He left the room.

  She bent over and stroked Buddy. “You did it, big guy. You were exactly what Daniel needed. Everyone is pretty happy. Daniel’s mother sent a letter to the school principal and everything. The program is going to be expanded.”

  His doggie eyebrows drew together, as if he were worried about keeping up with it all.

  She laughed and kissed the top of his head. “Relax. You can handle it and I’ll be right there with you.”

  KALINDA’S SURGERY took over ten hours. The work was detailed, every tiny adjustment, every cut, every stitch would determine how she looked for the rest of her life. Simon felt the weight of responsibility—wanting to get everything right.

  Perfect was a bitch, but as he pulled off his gloves, he knew he’d gotten damn close.

  After checking in with Fay and her husband, telling them that everything had gone well and that their daughter would be in recovery for a couple of hours, he headed back to his office.

  His body ached. Standing for that long always took a toll, as did being hunched over and doing such meticulous work. He grabbed a cup of coffee from one of the nurses’ stations and took the stairs up two flights. He should eat something, he thought. Before he started on his rounds. Keep his energy up.

  He entered his office and was greeted by a soft yip.

  He flipped on the light and saw Cece stepping out of her crate and stretching.

  “You’re a surprise,” he told the happy dog. “Did Montana bring you by so you could be with Kalinda later today?”

  The dog’s fluffy tail wagged. She danced around him, obviously thrilled they were together at last.

  He set down his coffee, then picked her up. She gave him happy kisses, then settled into his arms with a contented sigh. He checked that she had food and water, then walked over to his desk and sat down.

  “Want to play?” he asked, opening his bottom desk drawer and pulling out a couple of toys he’d bought for her.

  There was a tiny cat with a squeaker in the middle and a Ping-Pong-size tennis ball. Cece quivered with excitement, then scrambled to get out of his arms. She raced to the end of his small office and barked expectantly, as if urging him to get on with it.

  He threw the cat toy. She caught it in midair, then held it, squeaking happily. The high-pitched noise made him grin.

  “You’re pretty proud of yourself, aren’t you? Have you seen a real cat? I’m not sure you’d win the fight.”

  Cece dashed toward him and leapt into his lap. It was something she’d done a dozen times before, maybe more. But this time the partially open bottom desk drawer was in the way.

  Simon saw what was going to happen a microsecond before it did. He reached for her but couldn’t get there fast enough. Her back left leg clipped the drawer, the impact loud enough for him to hear.

  She dropped the toy and cried out, then fell to the ground, yipping loudly. He shoved the drawer back in place and dropped to his knees, beside the writhing dog.

  “It’s okay,” he said, feeling stupid. He didn’t know what was wrong, so he couldn’t commit to an outcome. Still, the words were instinctive, and he murmured them over and over again.

  He reached out and gently stroked her. She quieted, her dark gaze locking on his, as if begging him to make it stop hurting.

  He touched her leg and she yelped again. He swore. Was it broken?

  “Okay, okay. I’m going to get you help,” he told Cece, even as he fought against a nearly overwhelming fear. Fear for her, an
d with it, guilt that he was responsible for this sweet, loving little dog getting hurt.

  He reached over his head to the desk and fumbled until his fingers closed around his cell phone. He pulled it to him and hit the number for Montana’s cell.

  “Hello?”

  “It’s Simon. Cece hit her leg on a desk drawer while she was jumping into my lap. She’s in pain. I think it might be broken. Tell me what to do.”

  Montana didn’t hesitate. “Take her to the vet. His name is Cameron McKenzie. He just took over for Mavis Rivera, who retired. Which you don’t need to know. Sorry. Okay, here’s the address. It’s going to be just as fast to walk.”

  She gave him quick directions on how to get there from the hospital.

  “I’ll call and tell them you’re coming.”

  “Thanks.”

  He hung up and reached for Cece. Although she moaned when he picked her up, she didn’t flinch and settled trustingly in his arms.

  As he raced through the hospital and out onto the street, she stared at him, her gaze telling him she knew he was going to make it better.

  “Stop believing in me,” he told her as he hurried toward the vet. “Chances are, I’m going to screw this up, too.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  DR. MCKENZIE’S veterinary practice was in an old building that had once been a private home. There were big trees, a kennel area in back and the reception desk sat in the middle of what Simon would guess had once been the living room.

  “Montana Hendrix called,” he said as he rushed in. “I have Cece with me.”

  Two women sat with a carrier in the waiting area. He ignored them, along with the kid holding a bowl with a fish, and rushed toward the older woman in a blue scrub shirt.

  “Yes, Dr. Bradley. We were told you were coming.” She picked up the phone. “Cece is here.” She put down the phone and smiled. “Carina will be right up to get her.”

  He nodded, but what he really wanted to do was start yelling. Right up? What did that mean? Why wasn’t this Carina person waiting to take Cece immediately? Although the dog continued to stare at him with love, he knew she was in pain. Her breathing came in pants and she moaned softly. He also didn’t like the angle of her leg. If it was broken, he would never forgive himself.