That Was Then...

by Melody Carlson

  Sincerely,

  Kim

  I’m almost ready to go to bed now. I’m concerned that I may have offended Jin with my last e-mail. I guess I just wanted to be honest. Hopefully she won’t misread it and think that I’m blowing her off.

  Dear Kim,

  I am so sorry that your mother has passed on. She sounds like she was a wonderful woman. I am so very thankful to hear that you have been in a good home. I did worry about you, but I also kept myself very busy with my studies and my work. I do not think I mentioned in my previous correspondence that you are a very beautiful girl. I am looking at your photograph with amazement. You look very much like my mother’s picture when she was young. I will bring some family photographs and other things with me when I come to see you. You may be interested to know what your birth roots look like. I so look forward to meeting you in person.

  Sincerely,

  Jin

  Maybe it’s the comment about my photograph reminding me of her mother, but even though I am determined to go to bed since it’s nearly midnight now, I decide to write one last note.

  Dear Jin,

  It’s very late here. Almost midnight. But thank you for your kind words. I would love to see photos of your relatives. And I look forward to seeing you in person too.

  Good night,

  Kim

  Sixteen

  Sunday, February 25

  I am eighteen today! To celebrate, Dad took Nat and me to a new French restaurant that opened last month. Really swanky. Nat and I both got dressed up, and Dad even put on a tie and sports coat for the occasion.

  “We make a pretty impressive trio,” I told him as he escorted us into the restaurant, a girl on each arm.

  He glanced around, looking slightly uncomfortable. “Goodness, I hope people don’t think you beautiful girls are actually my dates.”

  “Why not?” I teased.

  “Because all the men will be pea green with envy, and the women will think that I’m robbing the cradle.”

  Nat and I laughed at his joke, and soon we were seated at a very choice table. Then in honor of my birthday, my dad ordered a bottle of sparkling cider. “With champagne glasses,” he instructed the waiter. “Since we“re celebrating my daughters eighteenth birthday.”

  The waiter seemed to get into the festivities and treated me like I was a celebrity. So much so that another party at a nearby table kept looking at us like they were trying to figure out who we were. Pretty cool. Not to mention that the food was awesome.

  “Do you think we should bring Jin here when she comes?” I asked Dad as we were having dessert—some amazing chocolate confection with a name I can’t even begin to pronounce, let alone spell. Maybe I should’ve taken French instead of Spanish.

  “I wonder what she’d think of it,” he said. “Being Korean and all. It might not appeal to her.”

  “She sounds pretty well traveled to me. I’m guessing she’s had French food before.”

  “Then, by all means,” he said. “Let’s bring her here.”

  Nat frowned. “I hope I get to meet her. Is she really only going to be here a couple of days?”

  “Sounds like it,” I told her. “But I’ll try to make sure you at least get to meet her once. Maybe if we like her, we’ll invite her over to the house.”

  Dad laughed. “And if we don’t like her?”

  “We’ll tell her that we moved.”

  Of course, I’m sure that won’t be the case. In fact, in just the past couple of weeks of correspondence, I’ve started to think that I actually do like her. Okay, I don’t really know her that well, and her writing tends to be a bit formal at times, but then she“ll show a glimpse of who she really is, or how she feels about something, and then she comes across as fairly human and actually pretty nice.

  I still have a lot of questions. And I’m actually starting to compile a list, although the list keeps changing. But I figure by the time Jin gets here, I’ll have it mostly figured out. I mean, I don’t want to assault her with everything at once. And I realize I can still ask her questions through e-mail later on. But at least I’ll have something to say if the conversation stalls at all.

  She sent me a birthday card and a gift that came just a couple of days before my birthday. I could tell by the box that it was jewelry, but I was surprised at the quality of the necklace, a very large oval-shaped pearl, set in what looked like really nice gold. I showed it to Dad, and he let out a low whistle. “That must’ve been expensive.”

  “I hope it didn’t set her back too much,” I told him. “I mean, I get the feeling she’s comfortable and everything, but she does work pretty hard too.”

  “I wouldn’t worry about it. She gave this to you because she wanted to, Kim. Even if it did set her back…well, you just never know, it might be a good thing for her.”

  So I’m not going to worry about it. But I did send her a thank-you through e-mail. I figured she’d want to know that I’d received it. And then I wore it for my birthday dinner tonight, and I must say I felt like a million bucks. Although I did worry that I might lose it. That would be sad.

  Saturday, March 10

  I know that Jin was supposed to arrive in town today. But she explained that her flight would get in fairly late and that she’d just settle into her downtown hotel and then meet us for dinner the following evening. And here’s what’s funny—I was the one who was all worried about her coming, and whether or not I even wanted to see her—and now I’m feeling all impatient, like I can’t believe she’s in the same town and I don’t even get to see her until tomorrow night. I’m halfway tempted to go over to her hotel tomorrow, but I won’t do that. I will respect her privacy and wait. Even if the anticipation is killing me!

  Sunday, March 11

  “You’d think this was a big date or something,” I say to Nat, who has come over to lend me her moral support as well as fashion expertise.

  I change my outfit about six times before we finally decide on a simple black skirt and a pale gray turtleneck sweater.

  “It’s simple but sophisticated,” Nat assures me.

  “Not boring but blah?” I ask as she latches my pearl necklace around my neck.

  “Cashmere is not boring, Kim.” She runs her hand down the sleeve. “Your dad sure has good taste for an old dude.”

  I laugh as I check out my image in the mirror again. “And this necklace actually looks pretty good against the gray.”

  “I wish I could be a mouse in your pocket,” Natalie says as I tug on a tall black boot. Nat insisted that this was a boot outfit.

  “I don’t have any pockets,” I point out.

  “You know what I mean.”

  “I promise to tell you everything,” I say as I pull on the other boot. “How’s that?”

  “Very glamorous.” She nods with approval.

  I check myself out one more time and decide she’s right. “Sometimes simple really is better.”

  “Told you so.”

  “Here.” She hands me my trench coat. “It’s coming down in buckets out there. And you might want an umbrella too.”

  “Dad always has one in his car.”

  Then Nat hugs me. “Well, have a good time, okay? And call me as soon as you get home.”

  I nod. “And if I really like Jin, I’ll invite her to come to the house tomorrow. If she’s not already going home, that is.”

  Nat crosses her fingers. “Let’s hope not.”

  “And Dad’s taking the camera. At the very least we’ll have some pics to show you.”

  I’m a bundle of nerves as Dad drives us downtown. It does feel like a date. Like what if she doesn’t like me? What if I don’t like her? What if we can’t think of anything to say? What if I spill soup in my lap or talk all night with spinach in my teeth?

  “Just relax,” Dad says as I fidget with the belt of my coat. “This is going to be fun, Kim. Just take it easy and remember to breathe.”

  “Breathe…” I say, taking in a slow deep breath. �
�Yes, that’s good.”

  He laughs. “If it makes you feel any better, I’ll bet that Jin is even more nervous than you right now.”

  “Why aren’t you nervous?”

  He shrugs. “Me? Why, I’m just an old newspaperman, Kim. It takes a lot to get me nervous.”

  Because it’s still pouring outside, my dad actually splurges for valet parking, and we dash in under the awning to avoid getting drenched. A man takes our dripping coats, and Dad gives our names to the hostess. We wait for a minute or so, until we’re led to a table that’s in a quiet corner on the far side of the restaurant. The table is set for three, but Jin isn’t here yet.

  “We’re a couple minutes early.” Dad reaches for the menu. “I’m sure she’ll be here soon.”

  But nearly fifteen minutes pass, and I’m getting worried. “What if I told her the wrong place?” I glance at my watch for like the hundredth time.

  “Didn’t you give her your cell phone number?”

  “What if I gave her the wrong number?”

  Dad just laughs now. “Yes, that sounds so much like you, Kim. Getting your numbers all mixed up.” Then he nods toward the entrance. “Do you think that’s her?”

  I see a petite Asian woman talking to the hostess, and now she’s being led toward us. I start to stand up, but realize it’s too soon, as she’s still just walking across the room. She’s very stylish—I can see that even from a distance. She walks with confidence and grace. She has on a pale blue suit with a belted jacket and a scarf tucked loosely around her neck. Her shiny black hair is cut in chic layers and goes just below her shoulders, swaying as she walks. As she gets closer, I can see that everything about her is absolute perfection. And I feel like I’m going to faint.

  “Breathe,” my dad says under his breath.

  And then we are standing, introducing ourselves, and I can tell right away that I like her. She seems a little shy and unsure of herself. And yet her eyes sparkle with intelligence, and her English is actually quite good. Almost more natural sounding than the way she writes.

  “It is so good to finally meet you, Kim,” she tells me as she continues to clasp my hand. “You are even more beautiful than your photograph.”

  “Thanks. So are you.”

  She smiles. “For an old woman, you mean?”

  “You don’t look that old.”

  She nods. “Oh, you know how we modern women are. We like to stay young for as long as we can.”

  We all laugh and sit down. Dad asks about her flight and the hotel, and she says that everything is fine. Then she turns to me. “I just want to keep looking at you. You are really so beautiful, Kim.”

  Okay, as much as I love compliments, this attention is making me a little uncomfortable. “I’m wearing the necklace you sent.” I hold it up as if she can’t see.

  “It is perfect on you.”

  “I really love it.”

  “It was my mother’s,” she says. “It’s not very old. I think it was given to her in the 1930s.”

  “A family piece?”

  She smiles. “Yes…”

  Now I’m remembering some of my questions. I do have them with me, neatly printed out and in my purse, but I don’t want to look like I’m doing a newspaper interview.

  “Are your parents still alive?”

  “No. They have both passed.”

  “Do you have brothers and sisters?”

  She nods. “Yes. I have two brothers. One sister. I am the baby.”

  “Do you see them much?”

  She shakes her head sadly. “Oh, no…we are not close. Not anymore.”

  So I decide not to ask about nieces and nephews. “I studied the South Korean map. It looks like your hometown isn’t too far from Puson.”

  “Yes. That’s right.”

  “So do you have family who still live there? In Po’hang?”

  “Yes. They all live there. It is a beautiful place by the Sea of Japan.”

  Okay, now I’m faced with a tough question. Jin seems to be estranged from her family, and I want to know why. But the waiter is here to tell us about this evening’s specials.

  “Oh,” says Jin, “that sounds lovely.” And then she actually translates some of it for us.

  “You speak French?” the waiter asks, impressed.

  “Oh, just a little.”

  Since we’ve already pretty much decided what we want, we place our order and he leaves.

  “I’m curious,” I begin, deciding to go ahead with my questions. “If your family lives so nearby…why don’t you see them?”

  She nods again slowly, as if she’s considering a response. “Yes, I knew you would want to know about my family, Kim. You see they are a family of influence, a family with considerable wealth. Do you understand?”

  I nod, thinking, Hey, she really is royalty.

  “And I was the baby of the family.” She smiles. “And I was, as I’ve heard Americans say in the movies, the apple of their eye. I was their precious little pearl. Their darling.” She glances at Dad. “I’m sure you must understand.”

  “Most definitely.”

  “But my family was very traditional. Very conservative. And I wanted to be a modern woman.” Now she holds her chin out firmly. “I did not want to marry the man they had chosen for me. I wanted to go to university, and my teachers were confident that I could easily get my degree. My brothers had gone to university. But not my sister. She was already married with children when I insisted on going to Puson National University. Everyone in our family was shocked when my father agreed. I was the first girl in the family to do this.”

  “Good for you,” my dad says.

  “Good and bad.” She frowns. “My mother was very angry with me. She told me and the whole family that it would not go well for me, that I would be ruined by this experience. And that if I brought shame to my family, I would not be welcome to come home.”

  Okay, I have a pretty good idea where this is going.

  “This might be hard for you to understand, Kim. You are still young and such a good girl. I could blame it on the influence of American films or my friends, but once I was out of the confining shelter of my home, free to do as I pleased at the university, I made some bad choices. I trusted the wrong people. And during my second year at university, I found myself with child.”

  We pause as our soup is served. And as usual, my dad bows his head and says a brief prayer.

  “I appreciate that you are Christian,” Jin says after he’s done. “I have read some about Jesus Christ, and I think He was a good man.”

  I smile at Dad.

  “We think so too,” he tells her.

  “And I don’t want to keep asking you uncomfortable questions,” I say quickly. “I don’t want to spoil this meal with—”

  “No, no.” She waves her hand. “I want to tell you the truth. Yes, it is humbling to me. But I want you to know everything.”

  “Okay.”

  “Yes, okay…” She pauses as if trying to remember where she was in her story. “Oh, yes. I tried to keep my pregnancy secret from my parents. But my mother had spies at the university.” She smiles. “Not actual spies, of course. Just friends. Her friends. Not mine. They told her about me.”

  “She must’ve been really upset,” I say.

  “Terribly.”

  So then I quickly tell her about Natalie and how angry her mother had been, but how she eventually forgave her daughter.

  “Not my mother.” She firmly shakes her head. “She took her anger to the grave with her.”

  “That’s too bad.”

  “The only one in my family who will still speak to me is my oldest brother. He is like you—a Christian—and he has forgiven me.”

  “Good for him.”

  “Yes. And good for me.”

  She tells about how she took time off from school, how the father of the baby gave her money but didn’t want to marry her. “I did not want to marry him either,” she says. “Except for my shame. But I gave
birth at the hospital and when I saw you—” she pauses to look at me again—“I thought you were the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. And I decided I would keep you.

  “But it was not so easy. My parents cut off funds. My boyfriend disappeared. I had a job, but to work and continue my studies and be a mother to an infant…it was just too much. I was overwhelmed, and then I got sick. And finally I remembered the baby home I had seen before. And I asked my friend to take you there for me.” She looks down at her untouched soup. “It was a very sad day.”

  Now Dad reaches over and pats her on the arm. “It was a joyous day for my wife and me. The happiest day of our lives was when we came over to Korea to pick Kim up. You gave us the most precious, wonderful gift, Jin. I can never thank you enough for letting us have her.”

  Jin nods with tears trickling down her cheeks. She reaches into her purse for a handkerchief and blots her nose. “Yes, yes, I believe you, Mr. Peterson. And I am equally thankful.”

  Then we all quietly eat our soup for a while. It’s good that it’s only soup and is easily swallowed. And fortunately it’s delicious, a creamy asparagus and chicken soup with a touch of rosemary.

  With the hard story out of the way, Jin tells us about how she got back into college. “My father began to secretly send me money through another friend—a real friend—this time. And although I wasn’t welcome in their home, my father saw to it that I completed my education. That meant a lot to me. After that I got a job with a corporation that is owned by a friend of my father’s. I never knew if my father helped with this or not. He died shortly after I began to work there. But it is a good place to work, and I have steadily advanced. I have the highest position for a woman.”

  “Congratulations,” I tell her, feeling actually proud.

  “Yes. It is a good accomplishment. But not without a price.”

  “What’s that?”