That Was Then...

by Melody Carlson

“I am going to look into your God, Kim. And your Jesus.”

  “Really?”

  She nodded firmly. “Yes. I can see He has done a much better job with you than I did with my life when I was your age.”

  I didn’t say anything.

  “But I wouldn’t change it.” She smiled now. “Because then you wouldn’t be here, would you?”

  “God really does bring good things out of bad.”

  “I think you are right.” She turned to the door. “Now how do you open this?”

  So I hopped out, went around, and opened her door. “Like this.”

  She laughed. “You are very talented.”

  “May I hug you?” I asked her now, unsure as to what she’d think of this request.

  “Oh, please. Please do!”

  And so we hugged. And when we let go, we were both crying.

  “I am so glad to know you,” she told me. “But I do not know how to be a mother, Kim.”

  I nodded. “I already had a mother. And to be honest, you don’t seem old enough to be my mother. I think I’d rather think of you like a sister.” I smiled at her. “I never had a sister.”

  “Oh, that is perfect!” She clapped her hands. “And now you must promise to come to Puson sometime. You must come and see where your roots were first planted. Before your shoot was carried over to this country.”

  “I would love that.”

  Then we hugged again.

  And now I’m thinking that I really would like to go to Korea. I’d like to see where Jin lives and works and who her friends are. Oh, I don’t think it’ll happen anytime soon. But maybe someday. In the meantime, I will continue getting to know Jin—not as a mother, but as a sister. I can deal with that.

  Dear Jamie,

  My sister is driving me crazy. She’s a freshman and I’m a junior, and it’s like she never lets up. Everything I have, she wants. She borrows stuff all the time without asking. She says things to get me in trouble with my parents. She flirts with my boyfriend. And then she wants me to give her and her friends rides everywhere. She is making my life perfectly miserable. Short of killing her, what do you think I should do?

  Sister Hater

  Dear SH,

  I don’t think you really hate your younger sister. But I do think she’s getting to you. Maybe you need to set some boundaries. Let her know what’s okay and what’s not. If she steps over the line, like taking your stuff, then ask your parents to get involved. I suspect that she just admires you, wants to be like you, and is trying to get your attention. Maybe if you let her know that you actually like her, she’ll let up a little.

  Just Jamie

  Eighteen

  Monday, April 2

  Today was the first day back at school after spring break. Spring break was pretty uneventful, but I didn’t really care. It was kind of nice to just hang out. Nat and I hung around town and did some pretty ordinary things, and as a result, I’m feeling kind of relaxed and refreshed and ready to hit the books again.

  Jin and I have been keeping up a fairly steady e-mail correspondence. As promised, I sent her some copies of my column, and she was impressed. She has a friend who’s an editor at a newspaper and is actually going to ask him about syndicating it. That would be my first foreign syndication. And I’m pretty sure it’s a long shot. But it’s fun to think about anyway.

  I’ve had several disturbing e-mails from my cousin Maya during the past couple of weeks. It sounds like her mom is really going off the deep end. Maya says that sometimes Shannon leaves home for several days at a time, then she comes back like nothing’s wrong. But the e-mail I got today was really unsettling. So much so that I’m asking Dad to take action. Maya needs help.

  hi kim. sorry to bug you so much, but i don’t know what to do. don’t know who to talk to. shannon’s been awol 5 days this time, i know she’s probably ok, but sometimes i think maybe she’s dead, our bills r not paid, people keep calling asking where is she? and when money is coming? finally i took phone off hook, can’t take it. if you call me, it will just ring and ring, not that you’d call, i do appreciate your emails, i have to email from my friend’s house now since our internet is cut off. if i knew how to reach my dad, i would ask him to help, my friend says i should go to authorities, but that’s scary, who knows where i’d end up? some people don’t think 16 is old enough to take care of yourself, unfortunately i know better, i think i’ll get a job so at least I have money for food, but that means no more school, ha—school is a joke anyway, thanks for listening, your cuz, maya.

  Dad frowns as he reads the e-mail I printed out for him.

  “Sorry to dump on you,” I say quickly. “And as soon as you get home from work. But I’m worried about Maya.”

  He nods and sits down at his desk. “You should be.”

  “She sounds so desperate. So hopeless.”

  “This would break your mother’s heart, Kim.”

  “I know, Dad. Is there some way we can help her?”

  “She seems to be asking for help…”

  “In her own way, I think she’s screaming for help. You remember how strong and independent she was when they were here? Could you imagine that girl asking anyone to help her?”

  He shakes his head as he studies the e-mail. “I think you’re right about your aunt, Kim.”

  “You mean the drug thing?”

  He nods.

  “Mayas the one who told me that. I guess I wasn’t so sure at first. I mean, it just seemed weird. You think about kids doing drugs…not grown-ups, not parents.”

  “Grown-ups can be just as messed up as kids.”

  “I’m amazed that Maya’s not more messed up.”

  “But for how long?” He slides the e-mail back to me. “What do you want to do, Kim?”

  “Why are you asking me?”

  “Because if you’re thinking what I’m thinking, it’ll be mostly up to you.”

  “Are you thinking about asking Maya to come here?”

  “Are you?”

  I nod. “You’d be willing to take her in?”

  “Would you?”

  I think hard about this. “I know she can be a pain, Dad. But if we established some rules, right from the start, maybe it could work.”

  “You’d be the one stuck with her for the most part, Kim. Of course, we have no idea how long she’d be here. She might get sick of us after two days.”

  I look at her e-mail again. “It does seem like a real cry for help.”

  “Well, it looks like you can’t call her. Why don’t you e-mail her back and see how she feels about coming out for a visit. She may say to forget it.”

  “Yeah. I guess that wouldn’t surprise me much.”

  “Tell her we’ll buy her a ticket,” he says as he turns on his computer.

  “Thanks, Dad!” I hug him, then go back to my room and immediately e-mail her.

  Dear Maya,

  It sounds like Shannon is really having some big problems. My dad and I discussed this whole thing, and we both agree that it might be good to have you come out and stay with us for a while. Just for a break, you know. It might give you time to figure some things out. You are our family, Maya, and we care about you. My dad will buy your plane ticket. Just let us know if you’re interested, and he will set it all up.

  Take care,

  Kim

  Friday, April 6

  Today was a long day I went to the Paradiso right after school and worked until closing. And, okay, it’s a fun place to work. But by the time I got home, I was exhausted. Even so, I decided to check e-mail. I’ve been checking regularly, desperately hoping to hear back from Maya. I’ve been worried that no news might be bad news. And finally, tonight, there is an e-mail!

  hi kim, i meant to email you sooner, but things got crazy, just when i thought i cud breathe again, because shannon came home late monday night, with money and acting like everything was groovy again, then suddenly life fell totally apart, let me explain, shannon was all sorry for being gone so
long, she said it was “business.” yeah, right, but since she had money, i thought maybe we were going to be ok. then yesterday afternoon, the police show up. ok, i got so scared that i just hid. there’s a spot in the attic no one knows about but me. I could hear lots of noise and i know they were doing a big search in our house, for drugs, i’m sure, i could hear shannon screaming at the cops, but i cudn’t go down there, i knew they would take me too. finally it got quiet, shannon was gone, i think she was arrested, probably a possession charge, or maybe dealing, i always knew this wud happen, but now that it’s here, i am freaking, if your dad really means it i wud like to come stay with you. maybe just until i know what to do, or maybe get hold of my dad. i’m hiding out at home and a friend’s house, our phone is off now. here’s my friend’s phone number (1-612-555-7912) her name is campbell. she will take my messages, i want out of here, the sooner the better, thanks, maya

  My dad was awake when I got home, but I’m not so sure now. I tiptoe past his bedroom and see a slat of light beneath the door. I tap lightly. “Dad?”

  “Come in.”

  I see him sitting up in bed, with a reading light on. He’s got a mystery propped up in front of him. Such a cozy scene.

  “I hate to disturb you.”

  “You’re not disturbing me, Kim. What is it?”

  So I tell him about Maya, spilling her story in one great long run-on sentence.

  “Oh dear.” He sits up straighter

  “Do you know what to do? I mean, to handle this? Do we have to let anyone know or anything?”

  He frowns. “I’m not sure. But I can find out in the morning. Do you think she’ll be okay for the night?”

  “I think so. She just sounds extremely scared.”

  “Well, I’ll be on it first thing in the morning, Kim. Don’t worry. We’ll figure this out.”

  “Thanks, Dad. I hope it’s not a mistake.”

  He smiles. “All we can do is what we think is best.”

  “Let God take care of the rest?”

  “You sound like your mother, Kim.”

  “Good.”

  “Good night,” he says. “Don’t let worries about Maya keep you awake, sweetheart.”

  “I’m going to pray my worries away, Dad.”

  He nods. “Yep, just like your mom.”

  Sunday, April 8

  Dad, true to his word, figured out a way to safely and legally get Maya out here. She arrived this afternoon and, to our surprise and relief, acted like a completely different person. Okay, she’s pretty gloomy. But at least she’s not picking fights with anyone. Not yet anyway.

  “Part of the agreement,” my dad informed her on the way home from the airport, “is to get you enrolled in school.” He cleared his throat. “Will that be a problem for you, Maya?”

  “No.”

  “Kim has offered to take you with her tomorrow. She’ll show you what to do and who to talk to.”

  “Okay.”

  “Even though the year’s mostly over,” I said, “if you decide to stay here longer, like next year, well, it would be good to get started this year.”

  “Next year?” Her dark brows arched now.

  “Oh, we don’t really know about that,” my dad said quickly. “I think this will be a one-day-at-a-time sort of thing.”

  “Oh…” Maya seemed to relax a bit. And I decided I better not push things with this girl.

  We showed Maya her room, the same one that Nat used last year. And she seemed to think it would be okay.

  “You didn’t bring much,” I mentioned when I realized she only had two bags.

  “I travel light.”

  “Well, if you need anything…I mean, if you forgot something, just ask.”

  “Thanks.”

  I noticed the dark circles beneath her eyes now. “You look tired, Maya. Feel free to rest or whatever.”

  “I am tired. I haven’t really slept too well, you know, lately.”

  I nodded. “I understand.”

  So she slept most of the afternoon. But I stuck around the house just in case she woke up and wanted to talk. Then we ordered pizza for dinner, eating it in front of the TV since there was an action movie Dad wanted to see. But it seemed a good way to just chill with Maya. Let her adjust to us.

  Then before she went to bed, she thanked me again. “I really don’t know where I’d be…” she sighed, “if you guys hadn’t helped me. I do appreciate it.”

  I wanted to hug her, but I sensed that would be stepping over some invisible line. “I’m glad you came,” I said instead. “I’d like to get to know you better.” Then I told her what time we’d be leaving for school, and I could tell she was a little shocked. But she didn’t say anything negative. It gives me hope.

  Friday, April 13

  Okay, I can’t say this has been the easiest week of my life. But I guess it could’ve gone worse. On the upside, Maya has decided she likes some of my friends. Particularly Marissa. It figures. And Maya likes the Paradiso. I think she also likes Chloe, Allie, and Laura who are here for a few days for a brief break from their tour. Maybe it’s because, like her dad, they are musicians. But Maya didn’t want me to tell anyone who her dad is. Not that too many of my friends would know or care, but some would.

  “Why not?” I asked her.

  “I don’t want people to like me because of my dad.”

  I nodded. “Yeah, that makes sense.”

  “If someone doesn’t like me, I want to know up front. I don’t want them pretending, you know.”

  Now the downside of this first week with Maya is just Maya. Although I’m sure she’s trying to be nice, she has this very edgy side to her. Since she’s a vegan, she gets down on anyone who eats meat or any animal byproduct, even milk or cheese. She and Nat got into it over this yesterday. Although, I have to give Nat credit, she’s being a lot more patient than she might’ve been a year ago. Mostly she was just trying to make Maya look at the bigger picture.

  “If you really love animals,” Nat said on the way home from school yesterday, “I’d think you’d be worried about all the cows, pigs, chickens, and whatever that are being raised around the country.”

  “I am worried. That’s why I’m vegan.”

  “But think about it,” Nat continued. “What if everyone suddenly became a vegan?”

  “That’d be great.”

  “But what would happen to all the farm animals?”

  “They’d be happy.”

  “No.” Nat shook her head. “They’d be dead.”

  Maya didn’t say anything. But I got it.

  “That’s right,” I chimed in. “There would be no need for them anymore. And what farmer is going to pay good money to feed and care for animals that have no value?”

  “Yep,” said Nat. “It’s all about the bottom line. All those animals would probably be killed instantly. It would be a great big cow, pig, and chicken holocaust.”

  “Talk about sad.” I shook my head.

  Okay, Maya looked like she was fuming. And I did feel a little bad, like we were ganging up on her. But we were just being honest.

  “I can understand how you feel,” I finally said, the guilt getting to me. “I actually became a vegetarian once.”

  “Once?”

  “Well, it didn’t last more than a couple of weeks,” I admitted. “But I’d seen a TV news show about how beef is processed.” I made a face. “Eeeuw! It was so gross. And I felt so sorry for the cattle being slaughtered that I totally quit eating meat.”

  “Why’d you go back to it?”

  “I’m not sure… I guess I wasn’t convinced that my not eating it would do any good.”

  “Well, maybe it does me some good,” Maya said.

  “I can respect that,” I told her.

  “Me too,” said Nat.

  Of course, then Nat got into it with Maya again today. This time over leather. Nat had gotten a new purse that Maya pointed out was made of “dead cow.” Oh well.

  Dear Jamie,


  How old do you think is old enough to date? I know some girls who’ve been dating since middle school. Not that I think that’s so good. There are three girls in my family, and my parents said no dating until we’re eighteen. And they enforced this rule with my older sister, but then she went to college last fall, and I happen to know she’s been sleeping with half the guys she dates. I’m the middle daughter and I just turned sixteen, and I don’t think it’s fair to wait until I’m eighteen. What do you think?

  Ready to Date

  Dear Ready,

  I think you need to discuss this with your parents. But first of all, you might want to make a list of all the reasons why you think you’re old enough to date. Parents like that sort of thing. And in all fairness, you should list the reasons you think you might not be old enough as well. See how these lists weigh against each other. Then in a mature fashion, present your concerns to your parents. Try to discuss the pros and cons without turning it into a battlefield. Fighting will only show them how juvenile you are. Then hope for the best.

  Just Jamie

  Nineteen

  Thursday, April 26

  Okay, I guess I know how it feels to be a mother. Sort of. I’m sure I’ve mentioned before in my diary that Maya is a very beautiful girl. She’s biracial and very exotic looking. She has these intense brown eyes, bronze skin, and soft, dark curly hair that goes past her shoulders. And even though she’s an earth muffin who practically lives in overalls, tie-dye, and Birkenstocks, she’s managed to catch the eyes of a few males at our school.

  It figures that Spencer would be one of them. Now, I will give Spencer this much credit—I think he has quit using drugs. But he still drinks and smokes and picks on Christians. Although, for as much as he picks on Christians, he doesn’t mind hanging with them. Our theory is that he’s a Christian wannabe, but too afraid to lose his bad boy image. Anyway, Cesar and Jake refuse to give up on their old buddy, and I gotta admit that I think it’s kind of cool.

  But when Spencer invited Maya to prom? Well, I had to wonder what was up with that. Fortunately, Maya turned him down. She said she thought prom sounded juvenile. But then Spencer agreed, saying he only asked because she was new at school and he thought it was something she’d be into. And everything would’ve been just fine, but then Spencer asked her to go out with him. And she agreed!