Lover Reborn: A Novel of the Black Dagger Brotherhood

by J. R. Ward

  Blinking hard, she bent down and kissed him slowly, thoroughly. Words didn’t mean shit. He’d been right about that. But this male, who’d been all about brick walls and obstacles in the spring, was clearing the way for her big-time now.

  “Thank you,” she whispered against his mouth, rolling everything she was feeling up into those two simple words.

  John beamed at her. I love you, too.

  After she kissed him once more, she stepped off from him, threw on a fresh set of pants, and grabbed her muscle shirt. Pulling it over her head, she—

  At first she thought the hot flash that went through her was because she was standing directly under a heat vent in the ceiling. But as she moved and it stuck with her, she looked down at her body.

  Glancing over at John, she watched him stiffen and glance into his lap.

  “Fuck,” she whispered. “Who the hell’s in her needing now?”

  John went to check his phone, and then shrugged his shoulders.

  “I should probably get out of here.” Symphaths could generally control their fertility at will, and she’d always had luck with that. As a half-breed, however, she wasn’t willing to take a chance on it with someone actually having their time next door. “You’re sure my mother was over it when you went down to see Layla— Shit, I’ll bet it’s her. I’ll bet it’s the Chosen—”

  A groan bled through the walls from over on the right. Where Qhuinn’s room was.

  The muffled thumping that followed could only mean one thing.

  “Holy shit, is Qhuinn…” Except she knew the answer to that. Training her senses next door, she picked up on their grids. No romantic love between them—more like resolution on both sides.

  They were doing what they were with a purpose she could only guess at. But why would they want a young? That shit was crazy town—especially given the Chosen’s station… and his.

  As another surge from the needing threatened to overtake her, Xhex lunged for her jacket and her weapons. “I really should go. I don’t want to get exposed, just in case.”

  John nodded and went to the door.

  “I’m going to go check in on my mother now. Layla’s going to be busy for a while—but afterward, I’ll talk to her and let you know how it goes.”

  I’ll be here. Waiting to hear from you.

  She kissed him once, twice… a third time. And then he opened the door and she left—

  The instant she got out into the hall, the hormones hit her hard, knocking her off balance.

  “Oh, hell no,” she muttered, taking off for the stairs and then dematerializing down to the hidden door under the staircase.

  The farther away she went, the more like herself she felt. But she was worried about her mother. Thank God they had drugs to soften the edges of that crucible.

  Tohr couldn’t possibly have serviced her. No way.

  Emerging from the tunnel into the office, she strode out into the training center’s long corridor. There was nothing peculiar in the air, and that was a relief. The fertility period was violent, but the good news was, when it was over, it got out of Dodge fairly quickly—although the female generally required a day or so to recover fully.

  Putting her head into the main examination room, she found no one. Same with the two recovery rooms. But her mother was here—she could sense her.

  “Autumn?” she called out with a frown. “Hello? Where are you?”

  The reply came from somewhere much farther down, where the lectures used to be given to the trainees.

  Striding toward the sound, she pushed her way into the primary classroom and found her mother seated at one of the tables that faced the blackboard. The lights were on overhead, and there was no one else in there with her.

  Not good. Wherever the female was in her mind… was a not-good situation.

  “Mahmen?” Xhex said as she let the door ease shut behind her. “How’re you doing?”

  Time to tread carefully. Her mother was as motionless as a statue, and just as put together, everything all arranged from her tightly braided hair to her carefully matched clothes.

  That totally-put-together was false, however, nothing but external trappings of composure that just made her appear even more brittle.

  “I’m not well.” Autumn shook her head. “Not well. Not well at all.”

  Xhex walked over to the instructor desk and put down her weapons and her jacket. “At least you’re honest.”

  “Can’t you tell what is on my mind?”

  “Your grid’s shut down. So you’re hard to read.”

  Autumn nodded. “Shut down… yes, that would cover it.” Long pause, after which her mother looked around. “Do you know why I came in here? I thought the residue of the teaching would rub off on me. Not working, I’m afraid.”

  Xhex eased her ass down on the desktop. “Did Doc Jane check you out?”

  “Yes. I am fine. And before you ask, no, I wasn’t serviced. I did not want to be.”

  Xhex exhaled in relief. Aside from her mother’s mental health, the physical risks of pregnancy and birth were not anything they needed to face right now—although maybe that was selfish.

  Come on, though, she’d just found the female; she didn’t want to lose her so soon.

  As Autumn’s eyes shifted over, there was a frankness in them that was new. “I need a place to stay. Away from here. I have no money, no job, and no prospects, but—”

  “You can move in with me. For however long you want.”

  “Thank you.” Those eyes moved away and lingered on the blackboard. “I shall endeavor to be a good guest.”

  “You’re my mother. You’re not a guest. Listen, what’s happened?”

  The other female stood up. “May we go now?”

  Man, that grid was totally closed off. Battened down. Draped in self-protection. As if she’d been attacked, somehow.

  Now was clearly not the time to push.

  “Ah, yeah. Sure. We can go.” Xhex shoved herself off the desk. “Do you want to check in with Tohr before you leave?”

  “No.”

  Xhex waited for some kind of explanation after that, but none came. Which told her plenty.

  “What did he do, Mahmen?”

  Autumn lifted her chin, her dignity making her more beautiful than ever. “He told me what he thought of me. Quite succinctly. So at this point, I do believe he and I have nothing more to say to each other.”

  Xhex narrowed her eyes, anger curling up in her gut.

  “Shall we?” her mother said.

  “Yeah… sure…”

  But she was going to find out what the fuck had gone down; that was for certain.

  SIXTY-THREE

  After the shutters rose from their sills, and night whisked away all the light from the sky, Blay left the billiards room, intending to check in with Saxton in the library and then go up to shower for First Meal.

  He didn’t make it much farther than the trunk of the mosaic apple tree in the foyer.

  Stopping dead, he glanced down at his hips. A pounding erection had punched out of him, the arousal as unexpected as it was demanding.

  What the… looking upward, he wondered who else had gone into her needing. It was the only explanation.

  “You may not want the answer to that.”

  Glancing over, he found Saxton standing in the archway of the library. “Who.”

  But he knew. He fucking knew it.

  Saxton swept his elegant hand behind himself. “Won’t you come and have a drink with me in my office?”

  The male was aroused as well, the slacks of his fine herringbone suit pulled out of shape at the fly—except his face didn’t match the erection. He was grim.

  “Come,” he repeated, motioning with his hand again. “Please.”

  Blay’s feet went to work, taking him into the chaotic mess that the library had been in since Sax had been given his “assignment.” Whatever it was.

  As Blay stepped inside, he heard the double doors click into place
behind him, and searched his mind for something to say.

  Nothing. He had… nothing. Especially as up above his head, on the ornate ceiling with its plaster molding, a muffled thumping started to sound out.

  Even the crystals on the chandelier twinkled, as if the force of the sex was being transmitted through the floor joists.

  Layla was in her needing. Qhuinn was servicing her—

  “Here, drink this.”

  Blay took whatever was offered and threw it back like his gut was on fire and the shit was water. The effect was the opposite of any extinguishing, though. The brandy burned its way down and landed in a ball of heat.

  “Refill?” Saxton said.

  When he nodded, the snifter disappeared and came back much heavier. After he sucked back number two, he said, “I’m surprised…”

  At how awful this felt. He’d thought all the ties between him and Qhuinn had been severed. Ha. He should have known better.

  He refused to finish the thought out loud, however.

  “… that you can handle this disorder,” he tacked on.

  Saxton went over to the bar and poured himself his own tipple. “The detritus is necessary, I’m afraid.”

  As Blay walked over to the desk, he circled his brandy in his palm to warm it, and tried to talk in a sensible way. “I’m surprised you’re not doing this more on the computers.”

  Saxton discreetly covered his work with yet another leather-bound volume. “The inefficiency of taking notes by hand gives me time to think.”

  “I’m surprised you need it—your first instinct is always right.”

  “You’re surprised about a lot of things right now.”

  Only one, really. “Just making conversation.”

  “But of course.”

  Eventually, he looked over at his lover. Saxton had settled on a silk couch across the way, his legs crossed at the knee, his red silk socks peeking from beneath his precisely pressed cuffs, his Ferragamo loafers gleaming from regular polishing. He was every bit as refined and expensive as the antique he was perched on, a perfectly elegant male from a perfectly appointed bloodline with perfect taste and style.

  He was everything anyone could want—

  As that fucking chandelier twinkled overhead, Blay said roughly, “I’m still in love with him.”

  Saxton dropped his eyes and brushed at the top of his thigh, as if there might have been a tiny piece of lint there. “I know. You thought you weren’t?”

  As if that were rather stupid of him.

  “I’m so fucking tired of it. I really am.”

  “That I believe.”

  “I’m so fucking…” God, those sounds, that muted pounding, that audible confirmation of what he had been ignoring for the past year—

  On a sudden wave of violence, he pitched the brandy snifter at the marble fireplace, shattering the thing.

  “Fuck! Fuck!” If he’d been able to, he’d have jumped up and torn that goddamn cocksucking light fixture off the goddamn cocksucking ceiling.

  Wheeling around, he went blindly for the doors, tripping over books, messing up the piles, nearly knocking himself over on the coffee table.

  Saxton got there first, blocking the way out with his body.

  Blay’s eyes locked onto the male’s face. “Get out of my way. Right now. You don’t want to be around me.”

  “Is that not for me to decide.”

  Blay shifted his focus to those lips he knew so well. “Don’t push me.”

  “Or. What.”

  As his chest started to pump, Blay realized the guy knew precisely what he was courting. Or at least thought he did. But something had come unhinged; maybe it was the needing, maybe it was… Shit, he didn’t know, and he really didn’t care.

  “If you don’t get the fuck out of my way, I’m going to bend you over that desk of yours—”

  “Prove it.”

  Wrong thing to say. In the wrong tone. At the wrong time.

  Blay let out a roar that rattled the diamond-paned windows. Then he grabbed his lover by the back of the head and all but threw Saxton across the room. As the male caught himself on that desk, papers went flying, the confetti of yellow legal pads and computer printouts falling like snow.

  Saxton’s torso curled around as he looked behind at what was coming at him.

  “Too late to run,” Blay growled as he ripped open his button fly.

  Falling upon the male, he was rough with his hands, tearing through the layers that kept him from what he was going to take. When there were no more barriers, he bared his fangs and bit down on Saxton’s shoulder through his clothes, locking the male beneath him even as he grabbed those wrists and all but nailed them to the leather blotter.

  And then he pushed in hard and let out everything he had, his body taking over… even as his heart stayed far, far away.

  The cabin, as Xhex called it, was a very modest accommodation.

  As Autumn walked around its interior, there was not much to get in the way of her path. The galley kitchen was nothing but cabinets and countertops. The living space offered little more than a view of the river, with only two chairs and a little table for furnishings. There were only two bedrooms, one with a pair of mattresses, another with a larger, singular sleeping platform. And the bathroom was cramped but clean, with a single towel hanging from the shower rod.

  “Like I told you,” Xhex said from the main room, “it’s not much. There’s also an underground facility for you during the daytime, but we have to access it from the garage.”

  Autumn came back out from the loo. “I think it’s beautiful.”

  “Tha’s okay, you can be honest.”

  “I mean what I say. You are a highly functional female. You like things to work well, and you don’t like to waste time. This is a beautiful space for you.” She cast her eyes around once more. “All the fixtures that carry water in and out are new. So are the radiators for the heat. The kitchen has plenty of space to cook on, with a stove that has six burners, not four—and is gas powered, so you don’t have to worry about electricity. The roof is slate and thus enduring, and the floors don’t squeak—so I assume the undercarriage is as cared for as everything else.” She pivoted from one corner to the next. “From every angle there is a window to look out of, so you will never be caught unaware, and I see that there are copper locks everywhere. Perfect.”

  Xhex took her jacket off. “That’s, ah… very perceptive of you.”

  “Not really. It’s obvious to anyone who knows you.”

  “I’m… I’m really glad you do.”

  “Myself as well.”

  Autumn went over to the windows that faced the water. Outside, the moon cast a bright light down upon the snowy landscape, the refracted illumination reading blue to her eyes.

  You’re in love with me. Don’t bother denying it—you tell me in your sleep every day.… And you know damn well the only reason I’m with you is to get Wellsie out of the In Between. So don’t I just fit your pattern to a T.

  “Mahmen?”

  Autumn focused on her daughter’s reflection in the glass. “I’m sorry, what?”

  “Do you want to tell me what happened between you and Tohr?”

  Xhex had yet to take off her weapons, and as she stood there, she was so powerful, secure, strong… She would bow before no male and no one, and wasn’t that wonderful. Wasn’t that a blessing beyond measure.

  “I am so proud of you,” Autumn said, turning around to face the female. “I want you to know that I am so very, very proud of you.”

  Xhex’s eyes dropped to the floor, and she brushed a hand through her hair as if she didn’t know how to handle the praise.

  “Thank you for taking me in,” Autumn continued. “I shall endeavor to earn my keep for the duration I am here, and contribute in some small way.”

  Xhex shook her head. “I keep telling you, you’re not a guest.”

  “Be that as it may, I shan’t be a burden.”

  “Are you going t
o tell me about Tohr.”

  Autumn regarded the weapons that as yet hung from those leather holsters, and thought the gleam of the gunmetal was very much like the light in her daughter’s eyes: a promise of violence.

  “You are not to be angry with him,” she heard herself say. “What transpired between us was consensual, and it ended for… a proper reason. He did nothing wrong.”

  As she spoke, she wasn’t sure what she really thought about it all, but she was clear on one thing: She was not going to create a situation where Xhex went after the male with all guns blazing—literally.

  “Do you hear me, daughter mine.” Not a question, a command—the first she had ever made that sounded as a parent to a young. “You are not to find cause with him, or speak of this to him.”

  “Give me a reason why.”

  “You know the emotions of others, correct?”

  “Yeah.”

  “When was the last time you met someone who had made themselves fall in love with somebody else. Who had willed their feelings in a given direction, when in their natural state, their heart cleaved unto someone else.”

  Xhex cursed a little. “Never. It’s a recipe for disaster—but you can still be respectful of the way you phrase things.”

  “Gift wrapping one’s words does not change the nature of truth.” Autumn looked back out to the snowy landscape and the river that was partially frozen. “And I would rather know what is real than live a lie.”

  There was silence for a while between them. “Is that enough of a ‘why,’ daughter mine.”

  Another curse. But then Xhex said, “I don’t like it… but yeah, it is.”

  SIXTY-FOUR

  Tohr sat in that parking lot for God only knew how long. Had to be at least a night and a day and then maybe another night or two? He didn’t know, and didn’t really care.

  It was rather like being back in the womb, he supposed. Except his ass was numb and his nose ran from the cold.

  As his epic anger faded and his emotions smoothed out, his thoughts became as a band of travelers, passing through sections of his life, wandering around the landscapes of different eras, doubling back for the reexamination of peaks and valleys.