First We Take Manhattan

by Colette Caddle

  ‘I can’t see your face now,’ Sheila complained. But he was so close she could reach out and touch the thick black hair tinged with grey. She was taken aback at how much she wanted to.

  ‘That’s the idea,’ he muttered. ‘You’re not the only one who finds it hard to open up.’

  She moved her cushion to the edge of the sofa and lay on her side so she could at least see his profile. ‘Go on, then, I’m listening.’

  He shrugged. ‘I honestly don’t have any other than patient-related ones. My life is simple and uncomplicated.’

  She studied him in silence for a moment. ‘Will you tell me about your wife?’ Karl had told her the little he knew, but, although Sheila had spent many evenings in his company, Zach had never mentioned her.

  He let out a long sigh before speaking. ‘Nancy was beautiful and clever and funny and I looked at her every day and wondered, how the hell did I get to be so lucky? We met at med school and we studied together and slept together – and I mean slept, the hours were gruelling. We were pretty much inseparable. As soon as we qualified we got married and moved into this tiny apartment in an ancient building that was practically falling down around us.’ He chuckled. ‘It was such a dive but we were happy.’

  Sheila sighed, envious of a young couple so much in love that they didn’t care where they lived once they were together. ‘Go on,’ she prompted.

  ‘We both got residency in the ER of the same hospital, which we were delighted about, but our shifts often overlapped and we saw more of each other at work than at home. We were tired all the time.’ He shook his head. ‘I fell asleep everywhere. On the underground, over dinner, it was exhausting. It’s pure luck that I didn’t kill a patient, but I sure made plenty of mistakes. Nancy had a tougher time. She suffered from anaemia and if she hadn’t eaten or had her period she sometimes fainted. One night she was finishing her shift and I was just starting. She was so pale and tired I wanted her to get some coffee and have something to eat before she went home, but she just wanted to sleep. And so I kissed her goodnight.’ He paused. ‘That was the last time that I saw her alive.’

  Sheila gasped and put a hand on his shoulder. ‘I’m so sorry.’

  ‘She’d walked out in front of a car. The first I knew about it was when the ambulance arrived. I was on duty and went to meet it, but suddenly everyone was pushing me back and I knew from their faces it was her. I didn’t trust anyone else to treat her, I wanted to do it. I wanted to look after her, to make it better, but then I realised that no one was rushing and some of the team were crying and I knew it was too late. She was already gone.’

  Seeing his cheeks were wet, Sheila swung her legs round, slid down on the floor beside him and took his hand.

  He looked down at it in surprise and then turned his head to look at her. ‘This is not how it’s supposed to work. I’m supposed to be helping you.’

  She smiled. ‘No, you’re supposed to be behaving like a friend and you are. I’m sorry I asked about Nancy. I didn’t mean to upset you.’

  He wiped his face with his hand. ‘It’s just a natural reaction to reliving the moment and, trust me, I don’t need you to make me do that. It’s a regular occurrence.’

  ‘How long has it been?’ she asked. He was a lot older than she was and he’d said it happened shortly after they qualified.

  ‘Fifteen years.’

  ‘Fifteen and you’re still single?’ she blurted out.

  He turned his head, grinning. ‘Yeah, I couldn’t find anyone else crazy enough to take me on.’

  She stared into his eyes and became acutely conscious of the feel of her hand in his.

  ‘Your turn,’ he said.

  ‘Okay, but I think I need some wine.’ She pulled her hand from his and scrambled to her feet.

  ‘Can you join me or are you on duty?’

  ‘It’s my day off. Wine would be nice.’

  She padded out to the kitchen and returned with a bottle of red and two glasses. She poured the wine, handed him a glass and sat down on the floor again, but this time she rested her back against the armchair so she was sitting at right angles to him and wouldn’t be tempted to hold his hand or touch his hair but could look into his eyes. They were lovely eyes. ‘Sorry Karl dragged you over here. There really was no need.’

  He looked at her, amused. ‘I’m here now, I have wine and we had a deal. It’s your turn.’

  Sheila shook her head as she thought of the length and complexity of her story. ‘How many days do you have?’ she joked.

  He held her gaze. ‘As many as you need.’

  ‘I don’t even know where to begin.’

  His eyes were shrewd. ‘I think you probably do but you’re not sure yet whether you’re ready to talk about it. You’ve been keeping secrets for a long time and it’s a hard habit to break.’

  She tried to hide her shock at the baldness of his statement and its accuracy. She felt exposed and suddenly she didn’t want him here.

  ‘You know what? I love walking in the park in the cold. There aren’t many people about and it’s easier to think.’

  She was thrown by the change of topic. ‘I like that, too.’

  ‘So how about we continue this conversation in the morning as we walk? That way you won’t have to look at me.’

  She met his eyes and then shook her head smiling. This guy was dangerous.

  ‘Oh, come on. At the very least you get some exercise and if you’re good I’ll take you to my favourite deli. Deal?’

  She looked at the challenge in his eyes and after only a moment’s hesitation nodded. ‘Deal. So what do we do now?’

  He shrugged. ‘Got any good movies?’

  Chapter Nineteen

  Sheila’s eyes flew open. What the hell had she been thinking of? What had she done? She swallowed back the wave of panic threatening to engulf her. There was no need for it, she reassured herself. It wasn’t as if she had done anything illegal – had she? And Zach was a good man. She couldn’t imagine him betraying her trust. Somehow, none of these thoughts made her feel any better. She glanced over at the alarm clock. It was eight fifteen. Karl would already have left for work and Zach would be calling for her at nine. Time she got up and took a shower.

  As the punishingly hot water flooded down over her body, she closed her eyes and turned her face up into the stream. Why was she worrying so much? She didn’t have to tell him everything. She didn’t have to tell him anything. All she had to do was leave him feeling that he could go back to Karl and reassure him that she was fine. Yes, that was it, simple. And she could pull it off. She could fool him. Hell, she was an expert. She’d been fooling people for years. She massaged shampoo fiercely into her scalp, then turned the water to cool and gasped at the change in temperature. She tolerated it for a minute and then jumped out feeling refreshed and in control. Everything would be fine.

  Zach stared at her when she emerged from the lift. She looked down at herself. ‘What?’

  ‘Er, nothing, just I thought we were going for a walk in the park, not a trek up the Andes.’

  Sheila flushed under her Barbour hunting hat and scarf. The only parts of her body on show were her eyes and nose. ‘I feel the cold,’ she said, self-conscious under his scrutiny.

  ‘No kidding?’ His eyes twinkled. He was looking even more handsome than usual in a padded black jacket worn over a blue turtleneck sweater and jeans and a black beanie pulled down low on his forehead, making his eyes seem even darker than usual.

  ‘I’m not used to New York winters,’ she pointed out as they emerged onto the street and she pulled on her gloves.

  ‘Who is? I thought Boston was cold until I got here.’

  They crossed the street so they could be warmed by the winter sunshine.

  ‘You’re from Boston? I thought you were a New Yorker.’

  ‘With this accent?’ He laughed. ‘And you? Did you always live in Dublin?’

  She nodded. ‘Yeah, very boring.’

  ‘I don’t think so.
If you’ve got all you need, why would you leave it?’

  She said nothing and they walked on in silence, but when he went to turn up Park Avenue she put a hand on his arm to stop him. ‘Let’s avoid the shoppers and take seventh.’

  ‘Sure.’ He tucked her hand through his arm and held it there as they crossed the road.

  Sheila was glad he didn’t release it when they reached the other side. ‘Have you brothers or sisters?’

  ‘Are you trying to distract me?’ He shot her an amused look.

  She lowered her eyes from his shrewd ones. ‘I was just interested.’

  ‘I have two brothers and I’ll happily tell you all about them, but right now we’re supposed to be talking about you.’

  She didn’t reply and he didn’t push her, and they walked on arm in arm in silence. It was cold but the most beautiful morning, and Sheila started to feel the tension leave her body. It was good to have company on her morning walk, especially such attractive company. As they approached the park he paused by a street vendor. ‘Coffee?’

  She shook her head. ‘Not on an empty stomach.’

  ‘You haven’t had breakfast?’

  ‘I woke late.’

  He shook his head, sighed and turned her round. ‘Okay, breakfast first and then a walk,’ he said, and propelled her towards Broadway.

  She stopped. ‘I’m really not hungry—’

  ‘You’re going to eat,’ he said and dragged her on.

  In the diner she made for a booth at the back of the room and sat with her elbows on the table and her hands covering most of her face, surreptitiously checking out the other diners as he ordered for them both.

  ‘Even you can’t be cold in here,’ Zach said, removing his coat and hat.

  ‘I’m always cold.’ She shrank down further in the seat.

  ‘So you’re planning to eat breakfast like that? Are you wanted by the CIA or something?’ he joked.

  Reluctantly, she opened her coat and unwound the scarf. ‘Happy now?’

  He looked pointedly at her hat.

  ‘Oh, no, bad-hair day,’ she said with a brittle smile, her nerves shot as she resumed her examination of their fellow diners. Before she even realised what he was doing he’d pulled off her hat and dropped it on the table between them.

  ‘Looks good to me.’ His smile faded when he saw her horrified expression. ‘What is it, what’s wrong?’

  ‘I can’t do this.’ She stood up, jammed the hat back on her head and headed for the door.

  Zach shouted an apology to the waiter and ran after her. ‘Donna, hold up!’ He followed her outside and spun her to face him, sighing when he saw the tears in her eyes. ‘What is it?’

  ‘You’ll freeze,’ she pointed out.

  He put on his coat and hat and, taking her arm, he guided her back in the direction of Central Park, stopping at a stall to buy two large cups of chicken soup. ‘The cure for everything,’ he joked as he handed one to her.

  ‘In Ireland it’s tea. Everything can be sorted out over a cup of tea.’

  ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you,’ he said as they entered the park and turned left to walk up the west drive.

  ‘I’m sorry, too.’

  ‘What are you so frightened of?’ he asked.

  ‘Meeting someone I know or who knows me,’ she blurted out, then stopped, shocked by her honesty.

  ‘Why?’

  She smiled. Zach didn’t waste his words; she liked that. She felt more comfortable now that they were walking again. ‘I came to New York to start over,’ she said. ‘I don’t want any complications.’

  ‘You’re married.’

  It was a statement rather than a question. Sheila hesitated. She didn’t feel married, but technically she was still Philip’s wife. ‘Yes,’ she said.

  ‘You’re a grown woman, Donna. If you don’t want to be married any more then, however hard it is for everyone concerned, you don’t have to be. Have you children?’

  ‘Of course not. You think I would have left if I did?’ How could he think that of her? That said, was what she had done to her family any better?

  He shrugged. ‘People do all sorts of things that are completely out of character when they feel trapped.’

  ‘What makes you think I felt trapped?’ she said curiously.

  He stopped and looked down at her. ‘You may not be very forthcoming, Donna, but your eyes say quite a lot.’ He tucked a wisp of hair that had escaped back under her hat. ‘Am I wrong?’

  She gazed into his eyes, almost wishing that he could read her mind, that he could take away the pain and free her from the guilt that consumed her. ‘It’s more complicated than that,’ she said finally. ‘And, by the way, my name is Sheila, not Donna.’

  He smiled. ‘Sheila. That’s a lovely name, I like it. You know, there’s almost always a solution. It’s just a matter of finding it.’

  ‘I found the solution, I’m here.’

  ‘But you’re not happy.’

  ‘I was until . . .’ She shook her head. ‘I could go back and try and sort things with my family, but I’m afraid.’

  ‘There’s a good chance talking to them might help. It certainly can’t do any harm. You’re already hurting.’

  It sounded simple but she wasn’t convinced it would be that easy. She started walking again and he fell into step beside her.

  ‘What does Karl think?’

  She smiled. ‘Karl thinks life is too short to worry about what other people think, especially ones who hurt you. He thinks that I need to be myself and that isn’t possible in Dublin.’

  ‘Is he right?’

  She thought for a moment and then sighed. ‘Maybe. I have a habit of taking care of people and putting their needs before mine.’

  Zach looked at her. ‘So why did you leave?’

  She held his gaze. ‘I found out some stuff that turned my world on its head and I just –’ she shrugged – ‘ran.’

  ‘Aah.’ He nodded. ‘So, who hurt you?’

  ‘What difference does it make?’ She shivered.

  He stopped, put up his hand to hail a cab and took her hand. ‘You must be starving. Come on.’

  ‘Where are we going?’

  ‘Somewhere you won’t have to worry about being recognised.’

  Minutes later they were in a taxi on their way to Zach’s apartment.

  ‘Don’t you ever actually work?’ she asked.

  He laughed. ‘Now and again.’

  ‘There are better ways to spend your spare time than counselling one seriously messed-up woman.’

  He looked straight into her eyes. ‘Is that what I’m doing? And I thought I was spending time with a friend.’

  She smiled, feeling a warm glow inside at his words and the look in his eyes. No, Sheila, she told herself, life is complicated enough. Anyway, he was just being kind. It was obvious that he was still madly in love with his wife. He wouldn’t be single fifteen years on otherwise.

  The taxi pulled up outside an old building and they took the elevator to the ninth floor. Zach threw open the door. ‘Please, make yourself at home.’ He led the way into a long, open-plan room, tossed his coat and hat across a chair and went to open the fridge.

  Sheila looked around in surprise. The room was full of colour and warmth with books on almost every surface and a small, old-fashioned, upright piano in the far corner. ‘This is not at all what I was expecting,’ she said pulling off her hat and unravelling the scarf from around her neck.

  ‘Yeah, it’s a far cry from Karl’s pad, huh?’ He laughed as he took out a range of vegetables and started to chop. ‘It’s certainly not as tidy!’

  ‘I love it,’ she assured him. ‘This couldn’t be the place that you lived in when you qualified?’

  ‘No, that was in Boston. I moved here after Nancy died but I’ve only lived in this building five years.’

  She wandered down to the piano, lifted the lid and played the first few notes of ‘Fur Elise’.

  ‘Yo
u play?’

  ‘It’s been years,’ she admitted. ‘There never seemed time.’

  ‘You must always make time for music, it’s the law.’

  She laughed and came back to join him. ‘Can I help?’

  ‘Nah, I’m just going to throw a stir-fry together.’ He looked up. ‘You like stir-fry, right?’

  ‘Sounds great.’ Her stomach rumbled as she sat up on a stool at the breakfast bar.

  ‘I’m guessing you’re a good cook,’ he said.

  ‘I’m not bad.’

  He heated a wok, added oil and garlic and then scraped the vegetables into the smoking pan.

  ‘You’ll have to make me Irish stew some time.’

  ‘Sure.’ She grinned, liking the idea of cooking for him. What was it about this man that made her feel so relaxed, so comfortable?

  He doused the pan with sauces and rice wine and then added noodles. ‘Plates are above your head and there’s wine in the fridge if you fancy some.’

  She reached up and took down two plates. ‘I think I’ll stick with water.’ He served up the food and she sniffed appreciatively. ‘This smells amazing. Thank you, Zach.’

  ‘Hey, it’s just a few vegetables.’

  ‘I wasn’t just talking about lunch.’ She looked up at him. ‘I’ve felt better last night and today with you than I have in a while. In fact I’ve hardly said a word in days.’ Sheila shook her head and sighed. ‘Poor Karl. I’m sure he’s regretting asking me to move in with him.’

  ‘Rubbish, the man adores you.’

  ‘This is delicious,’ Sheila said, pointing the fork at her plate. ‘Did you take lessons?’

  He looked at her, his eyes twinkling with amusement. ‘Relax, Sheila, I’m not going to get heavy or question you.’

  She looked up at him feeling torn. ‘I didn’t mean—’

  ‘Eat. If you want to talk, great. If you don’t, that’s okay, too.’

  God, this man was just perfect. ‘You know what? I think I would like that glass of wine.’

  He looked up and grinned. ‘Yeah?’

  She smiled and nodded. ‘Yeah.’

  The rest of the lunch passed without further reference to tears or secrets, although that night in bed Sheila couldn’t remember much of what they had actually talked about. All that stayed with her was how comfortable she had felt in his company. And how, when they had been sitting on the sofa finishing off the wine, she had reached out a hand in gratitude and he had held on to it, stroking it almost absently with his thumb as they talked. She had found it hard to concentrate. The simple feel of his touch on her skin was distracting. He had seemed oblivious, but when it was time to part he became conscious of her hand in his and seemed almost surprised to see it there. His eyes met hers and for a moment she’d seen something there, but it was gone before she could define it. She sighed at the memory and, turning on her side, closed her eyes and slept through the night for the first time in days.