On Broken Wings

by Chanel Cleeton

  DANI

  I sat next to Becca in the back of the boat, nursing a beer, admiring the view. And not the one provided by the blue water or the clear sky.

  Maybe it was the cool beer sliding through me, or the sheer perfection of the day around me, but I didn’t even have it in me to feel guilty, because there was no fucking way any woman could have the view before Becca and me and not appreciate the man candy.

  Thor looked like Prince Harry with more muscles, and Easy . . .

  Easy looked like he should be in an underwear ad.

  He wore a pair of navy swim trunks slung low on his hips, a pair of aviators, and a smile. Hell, if I had a body like that, I’d walk around without a shirt all the time. He’d put on suntan lotion before we got on the boat, his body golden and gleaming, muscles rippling . . . Dear God, I was overheating and I couldn’t even blame it on the sun.

  Becca snuck a glance at me and grinned. “No one should be allowed to actually be that hot. I mean, really? Does he have any flaws? Any body fat?”

  Not from where I sat.

  I laughed, taking another sip of my drink. “He definitely won the gene lottery; plus he’s actually a really good guy. Some people have all the luck.”

  I couldn’t figure out why he didn’t have a girlfriend, why he wasn’t married with three little Easy kids running around. I’d seen him with Noah’s daughter, the ginormous bear he’d bought for her—pink and fluffy—and I’d been on the receiving end of Easy’s kindness—he’d be an amazing dad someday.

  I’d always told Michael that I wanted to set Easy up with someone, but I’d never come up with anyone who was good enough for him. I was protective of Easy, much more so than anyone else. He was special and he deserved someone equally special in his life.

  “Hey, Easy?” Becca called out.

  He got up and walked toward us, and I lost myself a little in the V framing his magnificent abs. I was just tipsy enough to not bother hiding my admiration.

  “Do you have any brothers?” Becca asked, a smile on her face.

  He gave her a wolfish grin that I’d seen him share with countless girls, but never with me. It was too smooth, too practiced, too easy, and it was another piece of the facade rather than genuine, but my knees still felt a tinge weaker. Yeah, that smile was a deadly tool in his arsenal.

  For a moment, my mind drifted and I wondered what it would be like to be the object of Easy’s interest. Hot. And fun. From what I’d seen of his relationships, he didn’t stick around for long, but I didn’t doubt the women had the time of their lives for as long as it lasted.

  “Sorry to disappoint. It’s just me.” He jerked his head toward where Thor stood driving the boat. “You ready to get rid of this guy and run away with me?” he teased.

  “We’re getting married in six months,” Thor complained, a mock-frown on his face as he turned back to face us.

  He leaned forward and jabbed an elbow into Easy’s pecs. Nary a ripple.

  Becca laughed. “Sorry, but he needs me.”

  “That’s right, I do. Don’t be fooled by princess over here.”

  I snorted. The guys were forever coming up with nicknames for Easy and it was pretty much a miracle that he hadn’t ended up with a less flattering call sign. I had a feeling he’d had many nights drinking off bad call signs at namings.

  “Actually, I thought he looked more like Malibu Barbie,” I confessed.

  Thor cracked up and I felt a slight twinge of guilt at the gleam in his eye.

  Easy groaned. “Fuck me. You know better than to give them ammunition. Do you know how much shit I’m going to get at the next naming?”

  I grinned at the boyish expression on his face. “I do. I’m sorry. You know we’re just jealous, right?” I gestured in the general direction of his abs. “That’s a pretty impressive arsenal you have going on.”

  He laughed, the sound warm and full, and slightly smug. “True.”

  I stepped forward, wrapping my arms around his waist and giving him a quick hug, my lips brushing the top of his pecs. He stiffened for a moment and then his whole body relaxed, his arm hooking around my side, leaning into the embrace.

  “Sorry in advance for the next naming,” I murmured.

  “Mmm hmm.” He pressed a kiss to the top of my—his—hat and released me. “You’re forgiven, although I might call on you for hangover food if I have to drink off Malibu Barbie.”

  I grinned. “Deal.”

  The sound of hoots and catcalls filled the air, and I turned in time to see Merlin and some of the newer—and younger—members of the squadron—guys who’d recently graduated from the F-16 Basic course and were going through their first Viper assignment, gearing up for their first deployment—speed by in their boat. They’d picked up some girls along the way, and by the shit-eating grins on their faces, I could tell they were in the mood to push it up.

  Thor and Easy exchanged looks I knew all too well, proving it didn’t matter how long you’d been flying or how old you were—being a fighter pilot meant living on the edge constantly and loving it. They shouted for us to hold on, and then we were tearing across the lake after them.

  I grabbed the hat, my braid flapping around me, my body jerking as we hit the waves with a series of hard bumps. Easy turned and glanced back at me, shooting me a thumbs-up sign, and I had no doubt that if I didn’t return it, he’d tell Thor to slow down.

  But I didn’t want to slow down.

  I’d spent so much of my life playing it safe, not taking risks, and right now I wanted to recapture being young and free, to not worry about anything and let go.

  I sent him a thumbs-up back, and he gave me a gorgeous smile before turning toward the front and yelling something to Thor.

  “Are they always like this?” Becca shouted over the loud roar of the engine.

  She and Thor had only been back together a few months, and since she lived in South Carolina, she didn’t spend a lot of time hanging out with the squadron. I remembered what it had been like in the beginning, how intimidated and overwhelmed I’d been when Michael had first brought me around the guys. Oh, how times had changed . . .

  “Honestly? This is tame.” I made a face, my gaze settling on the other boat, wincing as one of the guys appeared to be seriously contemplating doing a flip off the edge of the boat while it was moving. “I hope no one gets injured today. Or arrested. Especially with the deployment coming up.”

  “Seriously?”

  The lawyer in her sounded vaguely appalled.

  I couldn’t resist. “Hey, Easy,” I called out, my voice playful. “Becca can’t believe anyone in the squadron has ever been arrested. Would you have anything to add to that?”

  “Not funny,” he grumbled, walking to the back of the boat and sitting down next to me, unfolding his long legs until he slouched in the seat. “If anything, it was all Noah’s fault. I just got roped into it. And for the record, I still have no idea where the pig came from.”

  I laughed. “I’m pretty sure that’s his line, except the roles were reversed.”

  “What happened?” Becca asked.

  I grinned, reaching out and rumpling Easy’s hair while he made a face next to me. “Public intoxication in Florida. There might have been a loose farm animal involved. Michael had to go pick them up from jail.”

  “Was he pissed?” Becca asked, her voice scandalized.

  Easy shook his head. “Nah. He was more relieved he didn’t get arrested, too. It was that kind of night.”

  I laughed. “Somehow he left that out.”

  Michael had always been good about hanging with his guys, wanting to make sure they saw him as part of the squadron, as someone they could trust, someone who had their best interests at heart. He’d had enough leaders in his career who he’d seen walk all over their subordinates to get ahead, and I’d always respected how much he cared a
bout being a good commander.

  Easy nudged me, mock-hurt in his eyes. “Why you gotta hate on me and bring that up?”

  I grinned. “Poor baby.”

  He made a face, this new playful side of Easy tugging at my heartstrings.

  “I am a poor baby,” he teased.

  He sprawled out on the bench of seats next to me, laying his head in my lap, his hair brushing against my skin, his lips close to my raised knees. I could feel Becca’s gaze on us, a funny sensation rolling around in my stomach, but I ignored it, concentrating on Easy.

  He reached up, sliding my sunglasses off my face, his fingers grazing my temples, his touch warm and soothing. He stayed there, looking up at me, his gaze obscured by his dark-tinted aviators. But even though I couldn’t see his eyes, I still felt the heat of his stare on me. I wanted to look away, wondered how I looked through his eyes, worried what he saw was somehow cracked and tarnished. He was so bright, so full of life, even now, even after everything he’d been through, and I was faded and pale in comparison.

  “What?” I asked.

  He shook his head, a smile playing at his lips. I stared down at his mouth, fighting the ridiculous urge to reach out and trace the curves with my fingers.

  You can look, but you can’t touch.

  “It’s good to see you like this,” Easy answered. “You seem happy.” He leaned up and tugged on the edge of my braid, running my hair through his fingers and then releasing me. A shiver slid down my spine.

  I swallowed, surprised by my answer and the strange sensation in my body. “I am.”

  His smile deepened, and then I had to look away, because something about that gesture sent my insides tumbling around, my heart bouncing and jerking in my chest like a Ping-Pong ball. A familiar pull settled low in my belly.

  I looked out over the water, at the boats beyond. What was happening to me? In my periphery, I watched Becca get up and go sit next to Thor, leaving Easy and me in the back.

  Was it weird that we were sprawled out together? Was it wrong for this to feel as good as it did? Were Becca and Thor judging us? Had we made them uncomfortable? Should I be uncomfortable? And if so, why wasn’t I? I didn’t know where the lines were, what was appropriate and what wasn’t. I wasn’t married anymore and we were close friends, but if I were married, if Michael were still alive, I definitely wouldn’t have been this affectionate with Easy. Did that make it wrong? I considered not saying anything, but it was Easy, so I found myself telling him anyway. I didn’t know how to hold back with him.

  “This is okay, right?” I asked.

  His body tensed. “What?”

  My cheeks heated, the curse of pale skin and freckles.

  “How physically affectionate we are with each other. It’s just . . .” I struggled for the right words, a difficult task when I didn’t even know how I felt. “I’m really comfortable with you, and we’re close, and I don’t want anyone getting the wrong idea.”

  And I didn’t want to make him uncomfortable, either. At the same time, he’d come back here and laid down in my lap, so I figured he was as comfortable with it as I was, but I still worried.

  He tensed beneath me. “It’s fine.”

  Was it, really? Did he say that to make me comfortable or did he really think it?

  “Shh,” he whispered, raising a finger to my lips before letting his hand fall back to his side.

  I sucked in a breath. “I didn’t say anything.”

  He smiled. “You were worrying. I can hear you worrying all the way down here. We’re friends. Don’t overthink it.”

  It was silly, but hearing him say it deflated the tension in my chest.

  “Yeah?”

  His answer was a husky whisper. “Yeah.”

  My fingers found their way to his forehead, stroking the skin there, gliding through the strands of hair. He let out a happy sigh, and a few minutes later I heard the softest snore, watching as his chest rose and fell.

  There was something about him sleeping in my lap, something that made me want to protect him, something that sent a sharp barb of terror to my heart when I remembered where he’d be in a few weeks, that we wouldn’t see each other for months, the danger he’d face.

  The possibility he wouldn’t come home.

  EIGHT

  DANI

  I didn’t see much of Easy in the lead-up to the deployment. He was busy making sure his life was in order, getting the squadron ready, but we texted throughout the week, and on Friday night he picked me up to take me to the Wild Aces’ farewell party at Charley’s.

  He opened the door for me and I slid into the passenger seat, waiting while he came around to the driver’s side and got into the car. He leaned across the armrest and kissed my cheek, the scent of his cologne filling my nostrils, his clean-shaven cheek brushing my skin.

  “You look beautiful tonight.”

  I hadn’t realized how much I cared what he thought until he said those words. “Thanks. You look pretty great yourself.”

  He’d dressed casually in pair of nice jeans and a T-shirt, but he could have worn anything and rocked it.

  “How was your week?” he asked, pulling out of my driveway.

  “Good. Quiet. The Realtor showed the house a few times, but nothing came of it.”

  I was beginning to wonder if our house would ever sell, torn between the desire to get rid of it so I could try to move on to the next chapter in my life, and terrified that one day it would sell and I’d lose another link to the life I’d had with Michael. My fingers went to the bands on my left hand instinctively, twisting them around my ring finger, the weight of them more comforting than any security blanket.

  “Did you get any useful feedback from the showings?” Easy asked.

  “Not really. One person hated the color of the granite in the kitchen. The other wished the backyard was bigger. Not exactly things I can change. I’m pretty sure the others were just curious neighbors.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Thanks. It’ll sell eventually. Hopefully. How about you? How was your week? Ready for the deployment?”

  The word tasted funny coming out of my mouth and evoked a sinking feeling in my stomach. The deployment was probably not more dangerous than any of their other regular training missions, but there was something about him being far away, about the uncertainty of it all, that filled me with worry.

  “Sort of,” he answered, his voice as calm as though we were discussing something mundane like the weather. I’d learned a long time ago that deployments weren’t something the guys stressed about. “It’s only a few days away, but it still seems far away. Too much to do before.”

  “Do you need help with anything with your house?”

  “Nah, one of my buddies in the eighty-ninth is going to check on it while I’m gone.”

  I looked out the window, watching as the traffic on Pennsylvania Avenue passed us by.

  “It’ll be weird when you’re gone.”

  My words sounded hollow to my ears, and I wondered if he could hear the sadness and worry there.

  I turned to look at him.

  He was silent for a beat, and all I could make out was his profile, the hard line of his jaw, a faint tightness around his lips.

  “Yeah, it will. I’m going to miss hanging out.”

  I nodded, the lump in my throat growing. “Me, too.”

  “If you need anything while I’m gone, you can always e-mail me. I’ll try to find out a phone number you can call. We haven’t heard much about the communication situation over there.”

  I’d heard a similar answer so many times before.

  “Okay.”

  “And if you need anything, Noah will be here for another week and then he’s back for good a couple months after that. And there are always the guys in the other squadrons. I can—”

 
My heart clenched. “Easy?”

  He jerked his head toward me. “Yeah?”

  I reached out and took his hand, linking my fingers with his and squeezing. “I appreciate you worrying about me, but you don’t have to. I’ll be fine. Worry about doing whatever you need to in order to come back safe. Please.”

  He didn’t answer me, but he squeezed back, his touch gentle, and something about the gesture had another lump rising in my throat.

  I stared out the window, the scenery blurring. I took a deep breath, rubbing my breastbone with the heel of my hand, trying to steady myself.

  “Let’s not talk about the deployment tonight, okay? I just want to have fun and not worry about stuff.”

  I wanted another day like the one he’d given me out on the lake, when all the sadness that had been dragging me down had disappeared for a few amazing hours. I wanted to spend time with him and feel the happiness he always evoked in me.

  “Okay,” he answered.

  EASY

  We walked into Charley’s and I felt an overwhelming urge to turn around and go home with Dani, to take her somewhere we could hang out together without the distraction of twenty-something fighter pilots and their significant others. I’d sensed the sadness coming off her in waves on the car ride over, and all I wanted to do was take her in my arms and tell her everything was going to be okay. Except I wasn’t sure I was in much of a position to tell anyone that considering the ache in my chest at the thought of being away from her and coming back to the possibility she’d be gone for good.

  I tried to tell myself we’d always keep in touch, always be friends, but I wasn’t sure I believed it. Eventually, she’d move on; her life couldn’t remain here forever. Hell, when I returned from Afghanistan I’d get another assignment and move somewhere else. And yeah, we were friends, but she’d meet other people along the way. One day she’d go on a date with a guy and it would be better than the one with Jordan’s doctor, and then what? What role would I have in her life? Maybe this was for the best. Maybe I needed to accept that the closeness we’d developed was a temporary thing, a reaction to her grief and loneliness, convenient, impermanent.