To Protect and Cherish

by Karen Rose Smith

  She didn’t know if she needed it, but she wanted it. Too much.

  “I’ll be able to handle everything. Don’t worry.”

  At the edge of the bed, he glanced at her over his shoulder. “You know, it’s okay to put your pride and independence aside once in a while.”

  “I’ve set my pride and independence aside a lot with you. I don’t know if I like the idea of being protected and rescued, and you’ve done both.”

  “You don’t believe in the fairy tale?”

  “I’ve had reason not to. Besides, in those fairy tales, the women were too passive. I want to believe I control my own destiny.”

  He shook his head. “You are one tough lady.”

  “You aren’t one tough man?” she tossed back.

  “Okay,” he sighed, “it’s a draw. Go back to sleep and I’ll get out of your hair.”

  Go back to sleep—after being curled in his arms…after having that conversation…after wishing things were different between them. Sure, she wanted the dreams and the future that went with a fairy tale. But love and commitment had to be part of that.

  After Tate left the room, she showered and dressed. Going down the hall to Marie’s room, she was about to push open the door when Ruth came out of the guest bedroom and saw her. Anita automatically smiled, bracing herself for whatever came next.

  “I have a question for you,” Ruth said brightly, “before you wake up that beautiful little girl.”

  “She might be awake already.”

  “This will only take a minute. Not that I was snooping or anything, but when I opened the closet, I found your clothes in it. I thought that was kind of odd that you’re living in this big house and still have clothes in the guest room closet.”

  Grateful she’d remembered to sweep her cosmetics from the sink and anything personal from the medicine cabinet, as well as her clothes from the dresser drawers, she told herself to stay calm. “It’s not so odd, really. Tate bought me a new wardrobe after we were married.” She flitted her hand against the beautiful royal-blue, raw-silk sweater and slacks that she was wearing this morning. “This is one of the outfits. He found a personal shopper to help him and she did a wonderful job, don’t you think?”

  Ruth had almost been gleeful when she’d asked the question, as if she’d caught Anita in something she shouldn’t have. Now she just looked totally defeated. “Yes, she did do a wonderful job. And Tate must be a very thoughtful man to do that for you. Tell me something. Did you marry him for his money as well as to protect your right to your children?”

  Anita’s cheeks blazed as a bunch of turbulent emotions swirled inside of her. Finally, the answer came easily. “I don’t care what you and your husband think, but I love Tate Pardell, and that’s why I married him.”

  All of a sudden, Ruth’s righteousness slipped from her shoulders. “You really mean that, don’t you?”

  “Yes, I do. And my children are growing to love him, too.”

  “In a way they never loved Larry?” Ruth guessed.

  “Your son was…”

  When she paused, Ruth jumped in. “My son was selfish. I know that. He couldn’t see beyond what he wanted from moment to moment. That’s why he was a handful. That’s why he got into trouble. He never seemed to look ahead to the consequences. But he was still my son, and I loved him. I wanted to search for him the whole time he was gone, but Warren said we had to remain firm. He believed that when Larry made a success of his life, he’d contact us or come home, and he really didn’t want to hear from Larry otherwise. It just about broke my heart. Now, since we learned about Larry’s death, Warren is a different man. He actually broke down and cried when we heard. I’ve never seen him cry as long as we’ve been married.”

  “I’m so sorry this turned out the way it did,” Anita said, meaning it.

  Ruth let out a huge breath. “I think Warren and I have handled this all wrong. We just felt so guilty about Larry, we wanted to give Corey, Jared and Marie absolutely everything we can.”

  “I know you do. But most important of all is your time, love and attention. I know that’s going to be hard with you in Houston and us living here. But we can make it happen. I know how important you can be to the children. I won’t try to cut you out of our lives….”

  “Unless we do you harm. I understand that.”

  With an idea forming, Anita smiled. “Tate and I were supposed to go to a dinner-dance tonight at the country club. After you spend the day with the kids, do you think you and Warren would like to go? We can change our plans and stay home, but if you’d like, I’m sure Tate can arrange for two more tickets. It will give us all a chance to get to know each other better.”

  “I’ll talk to Warren about it. But in the meantime, can I help you get Marie up?”

  Feeling happy inside, Anita knew she could be generous to this couple who wanted grandchildren to love. “Sure. Maybe she’ll even let you dress her.”

  Ruth’s face suddenly filled with joy and Anita felt good that she could give her that. If she and the Suttons could become friends rather than adversaries, the children would be better off.

  With the threat of the Suttons taking custody gone, would Tate really want to adopt Corey, Jared and Marie and become a real father?

  Only time would tell.

  That night, when Tate took Anita into his arms on the country club’s dance floor, he felt like a teenager with hormones he didn’t know how to control. Apparently, last night in his sleep, he’d enfolded Anita in his arms. When he’d awakened, surprised and fully aroused, he’d gotten out of that bedroom fast. He’d never expected that patience would kill him, but he was beginning to think it would. Now admiring his wife in a beautiful new gown—her shoulders bare, her hair a mound of curls on top of her head—he drew her closer, unsure he could handle another night in the same bed with her without a steel divider between them.

  “You look beautiful,” he murmured into her ear.

  When she turned her face toward his, her lips almost grazed his jaw. “You look pretty good yourself.”

  He’d worn the suit he’d used for their wedding.

  Before he kissed Anita and dragged her out on the terrace to make love to her, he asked, “How’d it go with Ruth this afternoon?” That afternoon, Ruth and Anita had gone shopping and Ruth had found a dress appropriate for the occasion, too.

  Anita glanced over at Ruth and Warren Sutton, who were also dancing. “She’s hurting. She has been for years, ever since Larry left them. But I think the children are helping. How about you and Warren? Did you get a chance to talk while you kept the twins and Marie occupied?”

  “A little. He didn’t say too much. Just that he knew he was lax with Larry when he was growing up. He thinks we’re doing a good job with the kids.”

  “I hope so,” she breathed. Her gaze going to the Suttons again, she commented, “Do you think Warren looks all right tonight? His complexion is a little gray.”

  “His spirits seemed good enough. I saw him taking some of that stomach medication this afternoon. Being a banker and all, maybe he has an ulcer.”

  “Houston is far away,” she said with a sigh. “If we want to visit them, what will you do about the horses? If they’re a problem, I could always drive down myself for a weekend.”

  “The horses won’t be a problem,” he responded gruffly, wondering if she’d rather go alone. “I have enough people who can come in and take care of them.” Then he had to put his concern into words. “Maybe you’d rather go yourself. After all, Corey, Jared and Marie were Larry’s kids, not mine.”

  Her gaze on his, she answered, “I’d like you to come along. I was just making sure you wanted to.”

  “I know you put them first, and I’m going to do that, too.”

  Her smile was beaming as she laid her head against his shoulder and he wrapped his arms around her. Dancing could be the next best thing to making love.

  After they got home that evening, Anita bid the Suttons good-night as Tate dro
ve Inez home. She moved around the bedroom, hanging up a pair of Tate’s jeans he’d left over a chair, noticing her new wardrobe on one side of the walk-in closet while his clothes hung on the other side. They were melding their lives together. Tonight, as she’d danced in his arms, she’d been almost dizzy with desire for him.

  So why was she holding back?

  Because she was afraid to take the leap. Because she’d been hurt before. Because she didn’t want to be betrayed again.

  But could she ever have the real marriage she wanted without sharing the one act that could unite them into man and wife?

  Tate was obviously a patient man, but she didn’t know how long he could remain patient. She didn’t know how long it would be until resentment crept in.

  Tonight, she had to take the biggest risk of her life.

  Although she’d showered earlier in the evening, she quickly did so again and donned the pretty blue negligee set he’d bought her. It skimmed her skin like gossamer. She was belting the robe when the bedroom door opened and Tate came inside. When he saw her, he stood stock still.

  “I want to make our marriage a real one,” she said in a breathless voice. “Do you?”

  She waited, her heart racing so fast she could hardly breathe….

  Chapter Nine

  Tate was absolutely speechless. Then he didn’t know what to do, which was ludicrous. He always knew what to do with a woman.

  But this was Anita, and he’d never been married before.

  “Are you sure?” He couldn’t believe he wasn’t just grabbing her and throwing her on the bed. But something was making him hesitate. Something was making him take his time.

  “I’m sure.”

  Her words lit so many fires inside of him, he didn’t know if he’d ever get them all under control again.

  As he walked toward her, he braced himself against feeling too much. After all, she could turn tail and run.

  But she didn’t. She just stood there, looking at him with those incredible green eyes.

  He shrugged out of his suit coat and tossed it onto a chair, then loosened his bolo tie and threw it on the dresser, where it landed with a plunk. Next, he opened a few top buttons of his shirt. She didn’t move or say anything.

  “What prompted this, Anita?” he asked, attempting to stay logical and trying to keep his voice even.

  “Sleeping with you last night and waking up with you this morning. If you want our marriage to be more than words on paper, this is part of it.”

  This was certainly part of it, a part he’d wanted since he’d set eyes on her. However, now it was about to become real, with consequences, and he couldn’t just throw caution to the wind.

  “If I’m wrong and you don’t want me…” she said, with her voice catching.

  “I want you.” As gritty as the words were, they were true. A few more steps and he stood before her, towering over her. “You’ve been in my dreams since the day I interviewed you,” he confided.

  “You’ve been in mine, too.”

  She obviously wasn’t going to make the first move—the first physical move. She was leaving that up to him. He liked that. He liked a woman who was a little shy, who wasn’t all sure of herself.

  When his hands went to her shoulders, he could feel her tremble. “Are you scared?” he asked, not expecting that.

  Giving him a small smile, she responded, “Excited. Scared. Unsure. I’ve only ever been with Larry. And I know you’ve probably been…”

  “Just so you know, I’m careful. I’ve never put myself at risk. And I got tested last year.” This wasn’t the time to think about having more kids, either. He’d be careful tonight, too.

  When his hands slowly slid up her neck and his thumbs caressed her cheek, holding back became a thing of the past. His lips sealed to hers. His tongue slid into her mouth and coherent thought had no place in the midst of his desire. Seconds later, his hands were on the satiny tie to her robe. Hers were unbuttoning the rest of his shirt. Quicker than he could say his name, he had her naked. Looking at her fueled his arousal, and he knew he had to get his boots off fast.

  Scooping her into his arms, he carried her to the bed and laid her down, then made quick work of the rest of his clothes. Before he slid into bed, though, he reached into the nightstand, pulled out a few packets and laid them by the alarm clock.

  She was watching him intently, and something passed across her face when she saw the condoms. Did she want kids to tie them together more securely? To make sure he had a financial responsibility toward her? They hadn’t spelled out anything about their offspring in the prenuptial.

  But he didn’t stop to analyze any more of it. He couldn’t. He was on fire with need for her. Tonight, he intended to satisfy that need.

  They came together in the middle of the big bed, just as they had last night. But there were no thoughts of sleep as he reached for her, ran his large hands down her satiny skin, caressed her breasts in a way that made her moan and kissed her with a ferocity he didn’t know he possessed.

  She was more than ready when he entered her. His heart practically stopped with the sensation of it, then his breath came raggedly.

  With monumental effort, he held on to his control until she called his name. But then the expression on her face, the flush on her cheeks, her hands on his body pushed him over the edge. Even so, he was aware that she climaxed again, and he felt proud and satisfied about that as he let the ecstasy of joining overtake him and turn his world upside down.

  Anita was awake the following morning when Tate slid out of bed. He hadn’t held her through the night as he had the night before. After the first time, they’d dozed awhile and then made love all over again. At least, she had made love. She wasn’t sure about Tate. He’d made her body sing, and in return, she’d given him pleasures she hadn’t given a man before. But afterward, no tender words had come from him—no gentle, lingering caresses. Maybe she hadn’t pleased him at all. Maybe he’d been disappointed.

  As she looked up at him this morning and saw the grave expression on his face, she wondered if he was sorry he’d jumped into this whole situation.

  “I’ve let chores mount up in the barn,” he said. “I’ll come back in for breakfast to say goodbye to Ruth and Warren. But the rest of the day, I’ve got to catch up on tack cleaning, mucking out the stalls and building cupboards for gear.”

  “You don’t have someone who can do that for you?” she asked lightly, trying to fish out his real reason for not wanting to spend time with her and the kids.

  He gave her an odd look. “Some things I like to do myself. I’ll be back in an hour or so.”

  As the bedroom door closed, tears came to Anita’s eyes. This wasn’t at all what she’d expected. She’d expected they’d feel closer, not farther apart. She’d expected maybe to tell Tate how much she cared for him, and maybe he’d admit some of his feelings for her.

  “Grow up,” she told herself sternly as she got out of bed. “You know how men are. They take what they want and then they bail out.”

  Nevertheless, she had thought Tate was different. Maybe she was the problem. Maybe she wasn’t doing something right. After all, Larry had strayed early in their marriage and kept doing so. Obviously, there must have been a reason.

  Wiping away a few tears, she reminded herself she and Tate had both been under a lot of stress lately and he’d seen a lot of changes in his life—kids, marriage and in-laws. She needed to give them both a break.

  After she showered and dressed, she went to the mirror to brush her hair. It seemed funny having her possessions interspersed with Tate’s. When she picked up her brush, she saw his keys and wallet lying on a wooden valet. Then she spotted the money clip holding a wad of bills. It wasn’t the money that caught her attention, though.

  There was an engraving on the clip, and curiosity got the better of her. Picking it up, she read the inscription—All My Love, Donna.

  Who was Donna? What had she meant to Tate? If she was a former gi
rlfriend, why would he have kept the money clip? Did he still have feelings for her? Wasn’t their relationship over?

  Tate had slowly let his guard down with Anita, and last night she had felt a closeness between them. Then this morning, he’d been remote and his walls had been back—firmly in place. If she asked him about the money clip, what would happen?

  Wasn’t there enough tension between them? Even if the money clip was from a former girlfriend, wasn’t the past in the past? They seemed to have enough trouble dealing with the present.

  Setting down the clip, she prayed for the day when Tate could share his innermost thoughts with her. She prayed for the day when she wouldn’t be afraid to be vulnerable to him.

  It was midweek when Ruth Sutton called Anita. “I hope you don’t mind me checking in.”

  Normally, Anita wouldn’t mind at all. But today, Marie was crying. She had been fussing since morning and wouldn’t take a bottle. Her nose was running a little and Anita was worried. She was also frazzled. She hadn’t been sleeping well. Since the weekend, Tate had worked long hours, coming home after she was asleep. Or, at least, he thought she was asleep. This morning, he’d left a note that he was leaving tomorrow for a business trip to Dallas. She didn’t even know how long he’d be gone!

  “I don’t mind you checking in, but I don’t know if Marie’s going to cooperate. She has the sniffles. She got me up around six this morning and still won’t settle down for a nap.”

  “Maybe she’s teething.”

  New teeth were constantly popping through, and she knew Ruth could be right. “Maybe. She’s just not usually this cranky.”

  “Well, I won’t keep you. I just wondered if we could set up a visit in a couple of weeks. Maybe you could come down here. We have plenty of room. Warren just doesn’t seem like himself since we got back. I think he’s missing your brood.”

  “Is he feeling okay?”

  “He’s just dealing with that indigestion of his. Do you think Tate can get away for a weekend?”