The Midwife's New Year Wish

by Jennifer Taylor

  ‘I’ll go and have a word with Larry,’ he told her, striding to the door. ‘He must be anxious for news of Becks.’

  ‘Fine. You carry on. I’m off duty now.’

  Nick sighed when he heard the hurt in Katie’s voice. She obviously thought he was being deliberately evasive but it wasn’t that simple. He left Theatre and went to the waiting-room where Larry was in danger of wearing a hole in the carpet from pacing up and down.

  ‘Becks is fine,’ Nick assured him as soon as he went in. ‘I had to remove her Fallopian tube because it was too badly damaged to save it, but the main thing is that she’s OK. She’s in Recovery at the moment and you can see her as soon as you like.’

  ‘Thank heavens!’ Larry abruptly sat down on a chair as his legs suddenly gave way. ‘I never realised before what it’s like when you’re waiting for news. My mind’s been running riot here!’

  ‘Too much knowledge can be a dangerous thing,’ Nick said lightly, wanting to lift the mood for his sake as well as his friend’s. He hated feeling as though he was being dishonest with Katie when all he wanted to do was protect her.

  ‘Too right. Ignorance is definitely bliss in a case like this.’ Larry ran a trembling hand over his face then held out both his hands and stared at them in amazement. ‘Just look at me! I’m shaking like a leaf. Good job I wasn’t the one operating tonight.’

  ‘You’re bound to be upset because you love Becks and want what’s best for her,’ Nick assured him.

  ‘That’s true.’ Larry grimaced. ‘I used to be such a selfish bastard but all that was knocked out of me when I met Becks. I’d lay down my life for that woman, and she knows it, too, unfortunately.’

  Nick laughed although he couldn’t deny how envious he felt of Larry because his friend could be open about his feelings, whereas he had to hide his. ‘I’m sure she feels exactly the same way about you.’

  ‘Oh, she does—although wild horses wouldn’t drag that confession out of her. Becks likes to keep my feet firmly on the ground and never lets me get above myself. Still, it’s all part and parcel of being in love and I, for one, wouldn’t change a thing.’

  Larry slapped him on the shoulder and left, but Nick stayed where he was, thinking about what the other man had said. It must be wonderful to have that kind of relationship, one based on love and mutual support. It was what he could have with Katie so what was stopping him? Guilt and the fear that he didn’t deserve that much happiness? But would Mike have wanted him to live this way, or would he have wanted him to get on with his life?

  Nick didn’t need to think about the answer to that question because he already knew what it was. Mike had loved life and loved people and he’d have been desolate if he’d thought that he’d been responsible in any way, shape or form for hurting someone else. It was all so clear that Nick was amazed that he hadn’t realised it before but he’d been so wrapped up in self-recrimination that he’d lost sight of what really mattered. And what really mattered was Katie and the life they could have together.

  He left the waiting-room and ran to the stairs, groaning when his pager started buzzing like a demented wasp. He checked the display as he hurried to the nearest phone, frowning when he saw that it was A and E paging him. He phoned them back and was passed straight over to Julie who was in a panic because the woman injured in the RTA was haemorrhaging badly and the young registrar wasn’t sure what to do.

  Nick assured her that he’d be straight there and hung up. Even though he was desperate to sort things out with Katie, work had to come first. Anyway, a couple more hours wouldn’t make a difference when they had the rest of their lives to be together, and it was the most wonderful feeling of all, to know that he had a future to look forward to.

  Katie had put herself down for an extra shift to cover Abbey’s absence and consequently was feeling rather jaded after the quick turn-about from lates to earlies when she went into work the following day. She’d hoped that Nick would knock on her door after he’d finished work the previous night but there’d been no sign of him and she had to admit that she was a little concerned in case she’d pushed him too hard about his brother. She wanted only what was best for him so she would make sure that he understood that she didn’t intend to press him for any more details until he was ready to talk about what had happened. She was just wondering how to get him on his own when she turned the corner and saw all the staff gathered by the desk, poring over a copy of that day’s newspaper.

  ‘Don’t tell me we’re in the news again!’ she exclaimed.

  ‘Just wait till you read it.’ Rosie frowned. ‘I’d never have believed it of him. He seems so nice. It just goes to show that you can’t tell what people are really like, doesn’t it?’

  ‘Who do you mean?’ Katie asked.

  ‘Nick Lawson, of course! Here, read it for yourself.’

  Rosie handed her the newspaper and Katie felt the blood drain from her head when she saw the photograph of Nick splashed across the front page. Her hands were shaking so hard that she could barely hold the paper steady while she read the accompanying article which stated that Dr Nicholas Lawson, a specialist registrar working for Dalverston’s troubled maternity unit, had been prosecuted ten years previously for drunk driving following an accident in which his younger brother had been killed. There was a lot more on the inside pages about the wisdom of hiring someone like Nick to work at the hospital, but Katie had stopped reading by that point because she couldn’t take in anything else. Nick had driven while he’d been over the limit and killed his own brother?

  She handed the paper back and went to her office, needing time on her own to think about what she’d read. She didn’t want to believe what the paper had printed but it could explain why Nick seemed so haunted by his brother’d death. Had she been mistaken about him? Wasn’t he the person she’d thought him to be? After all, she could hardly claim to be a good judge of character after the mistake she’d made over David…

  She pulled herself up short because she wasn’t going to fall into the trap of condemning Nick on such flimsy evidence. Only when Nick told her it was true was she going to believe it.

  Nick had spent the night in Theatre. Amazingly, the baby—a little girl—had still been alive and he’d been able to deliver her by Caesarean section. However, the mother was so badly injured that not even the team of surgeons who’d worked on her had been able to save her. Nick had stayed on to help long after his part had finished and Morgan Gray, the chief of surgery, made a point of thanking him afterwards.

  ‘I appreciate what you did, Dr Lawson. It’s a crying shame we couldn’t save the mother but at least your efforts paid off.’ Morgan patted him on the back. ‘That was a fine bit of surgery and if you ever feel like a change from Obs and Gynae work just give me a call.’

  ‘Thank you.’ Nick summoned a smile but he’d have felt better if they’d managed to save the mother as well as the child. Morgan was going to inform the relatives of the sad news so he showered and changed then left Theatre. It was just gone seven and although he wasn’t on duty until eleven he didn’t feel like going to bed when he was so wired after what had happened during the night. Katie had mentioned that she was working an extra shift and suddenly the thought of seeing her was too tempting to resist. He could do with a large dollop of Katie’s TLC at the moment!

  He went straight to the maternity unit, hoping that she wouldn’t be too busy to stop and have coffee with him. There was the usual air of bustle about the place but Nick couldn’t help noticing how everyone stopped talking when he passed. He frowned when Alison Webster cut him dead when he wished her good morning. He was getting the distinct impression that he was persona non grata and he had no idea why until he spotted the morning newspaper lying on the desk.

  His heart sank when he saw his photograph and the accompanying headline. Someone—probably that reporter who’d been talking to Hutchins—must have dug up the story about his brother, and Nick could imagine what everyone must be thinking now. He kn
ew that he had to find Katie and tell her the truth, but would she believe him? Even people he’d known for years had shunned him after the accident so why should Katie accept that he was telling her the truth? Maybe if he’d told her last night she would have believed his version of events, but it would be much more difficult to convince her this morning.

  That wasn’t the only thing he had to take into account either. Other people were bound to believe what the papers had printed so did he really want to put Katie in the unenviable position of having to defend him to her colleagues? He knew to his cost how true that old saying was about mud sticking so did he want her name being linked with his and run the risk of her becoming a social outcast as well?

  Nick’s head was whirling as questions bombarded him from all sides. He knew that he needed to think everything through so left the maternity unit and went back to his room. He lay down on the bed, feeling sick and shaken by what had happened. He could end up losing Katie because of this and that was the worst thing of all, far worse than the thought of people gossiping about him, even worse than the thought of Niall asking him to resign because of the unsavoury publicity he’d brought on the department. Tears suddenly burned his eyes because if he lost Katie then he’d have nothing of any value left.

  Katie was a bundle of nerves as she waited for Nick to return. Alison had told her that she’d seen him that morning but there’d been no sign of him since. She clung to the thought that he couldn’t possibly have done the awful things he’d been accused of, but each hour that passed made it harder to remain steadfast to that thought. When Niall called her into his office in the middle of the morning and told her tersely that Dr Lawson had requested a leave of absence, she could hardly contain her dismay.

  ‘But why on earth has he done that? Doesn’t he realise that people will assume now that what the papers are saying is true?’

  ‘I did try to talk him out of it but he’d made up his mind. He told me that he’d decided to go back to London because he wanted to save the hospital any further embarrassment.’ Niall sighed. ‘Maybe it was the right decision, too, because Martin Hopkins has been on the phone and he’s none too happy about what’s happened. This story, coming on top of everything else, won’t do the hospital’s reputation any good.’

  ‘But there’s no proof that it’s true!’ Katie protested.

  ‘No, there isn’t. However, I doubt if that paper would have printed it unless they’d checked their facts beforehand.’ Niall sounded troubled. ‘I’m not saying that I think Nick is guilty but he’s the only one who knows what really happened, and if he isn’t prepared to talk about it then there isn’t a lot we can say in his defence.’

  ‘Well, I certainly won’t believe that Nick is guilty until he tells me that himself!’

  Niall nodded but she could see the sympathy in his eyes. ‘Then I hope for your sake, Katie, that he gets in touch with you soon. In the meantime, I think it would be best if you told the staff that Dr Lawson is taking some time off.’

  ‘If that’s what you want. Did Nick say when he’d be back?’

  ‘No. I’m sorry, he didn’t.’

  Katie bit her lip because she could tell from Niall’s tone that he didn’t think that Nick would return to Dalverston only he was too kind to tell her that. She went back to the maternity unit and explained to the others that Nick would be taking some time off until it all blew over. Naturally, that started everyone speculating and her heart ached as she listened to them theorising about whether or not Nick had done what the papers had said he had. She desperately wanted to defend him but how could she when she knew no more than they did? That was what hurt most of all, the fact that Nick hadn’t even bothered to see her and explain before he’d left. Did she really mean so little to him that he could just cut her out of his life without a second thought?

  The following few weeks were a blur. Nick spent his days wandering the streets of London. He had no idea where he’d been when he got back to the poky little bedsit he’d rented close to Euston station. Faces and places all merged into a meaningless nothing because there was just one face he longed to see, one place he wanted to be. He wanted to be in Dalverston with Katie but how could he go back there and ruin her life?

  In the end, he decided that he had to do something so phoned the Worlds Together office and told them that he was available if they needed anyone at short notice. They promised to get back to him and, true to their word, he received a phone call the very next day to ask if he would be willing to fly out to Ethiopia to help set up a new hospital that was being built there.

  Nick agreed immediately and was told that he’d receive the necessary paperwork in the post. He hung up then sat for a moment, staring at the phone. Before he could go to Ethiopia, he would need to terminate his contract at Dalverston. He didn’t think there would be a problem about the hospital releasing him in the circumstances, but there were certain formalities that needed to be completed. Once that was done, he’d be free to go wherever he chose…apart from the one place he longed to be, of course.

  His hand shook as he dialled the hospital’s number because it wasn’t just a contract he would be breaking but his heart. He really didn’t know how he was going to bear being parted from Katie.

  Katie had some time owing to her after working over Christmas so took a few days off. She was glad to get away because the strain of pretending that everything was fine was starting to tell on her. There’d still been no word from Nick and each day that had passed seemed to drive another nail through her heart. Mel had recovered from her bout of flu so they spent a day in Manchester but it was less of a break than Katie had hoped it would be. Mel made several references to Nick during the day and Katie had to bite her tongue to stop herself snapping at her friend.

  She was glad when they went home and she could be on her own, but once she was back in her room, all she could think about was the time she’d spent there with Nick. In the end, she went to the common room and watched television because it was better than thinking about those few days they’d had together. If it had meant anything to Nick he wouldn’t have left her, and she had to face that fact, difficult though it was going to be. However, it was when she went into work on the Friday and found a message on her desk, informing her that Dr Lawson had resigned, that everything came to a head. She couldn’t believe that Nick had left and that she wouldn’t see him again. It didn’t seem right and it didn’t seem fair. He owed her an explanation after what had happened between them!

  Picking up the phone, Katie got straight on to the admin department and asked if they had a forwarding address for him. She jotted it down then checked the roster. She was off duty again on Monday so she’d travel down to London then and see Nick. And this time she would make him tell her the truth.

  Nick spent the weekend packing so by the time Monday arrived he was all ready to leave. He only had to get himself to the airport but as his flight didn’t leave until eight in the evening, he had time to kill first.

  He went for a walk and ended up in Regents Park where he had coffee in the café at the zoo. It was a bitterly cold day and he couldn’t help thinking about the day he and Katie had spent on Dalverston moor, when they’d stood at the top of that waterfall together. It had been such a magical time that the memory brought a lump to his throat. He realised then that he couldn’t leave without telling Katie the truth. Maybe she wouldn’t believe him, but he had to try and set the record straight for his own sake at least. He couldn’t bear to imagine that Katie thought badly of him.

  He went back to the bedsit and settled down to write her a letter, sighing when there was a knock on the door. He really didn’t feel like being sociable if one of the other tenants had called round for a chat so he’d get rid of them as fast as possible. He flung open the door and felt all the blood drain from his head when he saw Katie standing outside in the hall.

  ‘Hello, Nick. I’m sorry to barge in like this but I need to talk to you.’

  ‘I…I have to
go out,’ Nick muttered, so shocked by her arrival that he could barely cobble a sentence together. ‘I’ve a plane to catch and I need to leave for the airport shortly.’

  ‘I’d better keep it brief, then.’

  She stalked past him into the room and, short of physically ejecting her, Nick couldn’t think of a way to make her leave. He closed the door, desperately trying to curb the overwhelming urge he felt to haul her into his arms as he turned to face her. He couldn’t do that because Katie deserved so much more than to have her name linked with a man whose reputation was in tatters.

  ‘I won’t beat about the bush, Nick. The reason I’ve come here today is because I want you to tell me if there was any truth in that story the paper printed.’ She looked defiantly at him but he could see the tremor that passed through her body and his heart ached because he knew that he was responsible for causing her all this distress. ‘I think you owe me that much, don’t you?’

  Katie could feel her nerves humming with tension so that it was all she could do to stand there and face him. She’d spent the whole of the train journey working out what she was going to say when she saw Nick and she’d been word-perfect by the time she’d reached London. However, it was one thing to rehearse what she wanted to say and another thing entirely to put it into practice.

  ‘I really can’t see the point of this—’ he began.

  ‘Well, I can!’ She rounded on him as all the pent-up emotions she’d held in check suddenly surfaced. ‘How dare you walk out on me like that? Maybe you don’t give a damn about me, Nick, but at the very least you could have told me you were leaving!’

  ‘Of course I care about you! Why do you think I left?’ He took a couple of quick strides so that, suddenly, he was standing in front of her. ‘I didn’t want you getting hurt, Katie. That’s why I left. I didn’t want your name being linked with mine because I know the damage it could have caused for you both professionally and personally!’