by John Douglas
She wanted to stay with her grandmother and the grandmother was doing the best she could to make it work so she could keep the girl. Is this a bad person? Is this someone who enjoys inflicting pain on children? Of course not. She was working sixteen hours a day and basically punished the girl out of frustration. She didn’t know any other way to deal with the situation. Authorities arranged for the girl to be tutored so school wasn’t a problem anymore and got the grandmother some help, to try to build a better home and a healthier relationship for both of them. And they did well over time with intervention and counseling. But this never would have happened if the neighbor hadn’t gotten involved and stayed on the police when it looked like nothing was being done. Had she not, the child could have ended up as another statistic and certainly would not be as well-prepared to face adulthood. As Peter Banks says, if there’s a lesson to be learned from that case, it is: don’t be satisfied. If you think something bad is happening, keep calling and calling—or call other agencies until you’re convinced that someone is helping the child. And if you’re not sure you should, think again of Valerie Smelser, who was horribly mistreated, then murdered by her own mother, Wanda, and Wanda’s live-in boyfriend.
Or think of a little girl so special she overcame being born homeless and addicted to the crack cocaine her mother used all through her pregnancy. Little Elisa Izquierdo’s story is a tragedy of extremes: the love and protection of her doting, dying father, mixed with periods of brutal, hideous abuse at the hands of her disturbed mother and her mother’s vicious husband.
When Elisa was born at Woodhull Hospital in New York City in February of 1989, social workers there contacted the Child Welfare Administration to report the baby’s drugaddicted state. Her father, a cook at the homeless shelter where Elisa’s mother lived on and off, was immediately granted custody of the baby. Although he hadn’t necessarily planned to be a father at that point, Gustavo Izquierdo seemed to relish the role and took his responsibility very seriously. He enrolled in parenting classes at the YWCA and took Elisa to the Montessori preschool at the Y from the time she turned a year old. He fixed his daughter’s hair every day, ironed dresses for her to wear, and even rented a banquet hall to celebrate when she was baptized. But Izquierdo had cancer, and after a while it was too difficult to make the payments for her schooling. Elisa was such an exceptional student that her teachers and principal stepped in, introducing her to Prince Michael of Greece, who was a patron of the school. He was so enchanted by the intelligent, lively, and beautiful little girl that he promised to pay for Elisa’s private schooling at the Brooklyn Friends School all the way through twelfth grade.
But in addition to this charmed aspect of her life, Elisa had a dark side to face. Her mother, now married and with more children by her husband, maintenance worker Carlos Lopez, fought for, and won, visitation rights. In 1990, social workers vouched for Awilda Lopez, saying she’d turned her life around: given up drugs, settled down with a good provider. Both Lopezes offered to take random drug tests. Elisa began unsupervised visits with them the next year.
From that point on, concerned adults in Elisa’s life grew worried as they saw warning signals: the girl complained to adults at school that her mother hit her and locked her in a closet; her father told a neighbor Elisa had begun having nightmares and accidents as though no longer toilet-trained; and she had cuts and bruises on her vagina, making him worry that she’d been sexually assaulted. Elisa’s principal at Montessori reported to Time magazine that she notified the Brooklyn Bureau of Community Services and called a hotline to report her suspicions. Elisa’s father petitioned family court to remove her mother’s visitation rights. By 1993, Gustavo Izquierdo had purchased plane tickets to his native Cuba—perhaps in a desperate effort to get his daughter away from those he was afraid would hurt her. Before he was able to make that trip, though, his cancer caught up with him. He died in May 1993.
Elisa’s mother filed for, and was granted, permanent custody of the girl following Izquierdo’s death. His cousin, Elsa Canizares, along with teachers and the principal at Montessori—even Prince Michael—fought to prevent it, but Elisa’s mother had some strong allies. Child Welfare recommended she get custody, saying it had been keeping track of the family for over a year. Lopez’s lawyer from the Legal Aid Society had their caseworkers’ assertion that they’d visited the home and thought Elisa and her siblings would be happy living together with their mother. And Lopez had won over officials at Project Chance, a parenting program funded by the federal government to help the poor. Although she’d had setbacks, occasionally returning to drugs, Lopez also attended parenting classes and seemed to be committed to working things out.
Either because no one had the time to really check, or the Lopezes did a great job of convincing experts they were working hard to be a model family, Elisa was forced to return to an environment that was questionable at best In addition to the problems her mother had in the past her stepfather, Carlos Lopez, had a documented history of domestic violence. In early 1992, one month after Awilda Lopez gave birth to the couple’s second child, he pulled out his pocketknife and stabbed his wife seventeen times allegedly in front of Elisa during one of the child’s weekend visits. Elisa’s mother spent three days in the hospital and he served two months in prison.
Now, with five other children already in the household, resources (including patience) were already stretched to the limit. Who knows what was going on in the mind of the lonely little girl who was still trying to make sense of her heroic daddy’s death? It’s agonizing to think of how frightened she must have been to lose him and to learn that now she had to live with adults she so feared that short visits gave her nightmares.
By September of 1994, Elisa’s last place of refuge was taken from her: her mother removed her from Montessori and enrolled her in a public school. Soon, officials there reported to the deputy director of CWA in Manhattan that Elisa frequently came to school bruised and appeared to walk with difficulty. They were reportedly told there was insufficient evidence for the agency to act on the complaints Eventually, even Lopez’s allies at Project Chance feared the worst. According to Time, Bart O’Connor, who runs Project Chance, contacted Elisa’s CWA caseworker and was told he was “too busy” to go check it out. But over time, O’Connor, too, lost contact with the family, who avoided him and anyone else who would try to take the child away.
The day before Thanksgiving—November 22, 1995— Awilda delivered her last, fatal beating to the child. The New York Times quoted Elisa’s aunt, who had a terrible phone conversation with Awilda that night. Lopez told her sister the girl wasn’t eating or drinking, hadn’t gone to the bathroom, and was “like retarded on the bed.” The next day, Lopez called a neighbor for help, who discovered the child was dead. Even then, her mother’s behavior was erratic: at first she refused to call police, then ran to the roof of the apartment, threatening to jump.
One NYPD lieutenant called Elisa’s death the worst child abuse case he’d ever seen. Her mother confessed to slamming the child into a concrete wall, forcing her to eat her own excrement, mopping the floor with the girl’s head. Police investigators reported there was no part of Elisa’s body not beaten, bruised, or otherwise injured. She had been sexually violated repeatedly with a hairbrush and toothbrush. Neighbors, many of whom say they tried to contact child protection authorities, confirmed that Elisa’s mother had gone back to drugs, once trying to sell a tricycle to raise money for more crack. They said they could hear the little girl pleading for her mother to stop, but her mother believed the child’s father had put a spell on the girl that she had to beat out of her.
Child Welfare Administration files in New York City are confidential, so there’s no way of knowing how many times people tried to save Elisa, or just how or where the system broke down, though God knows it did. In many ways, however, the bureaucracy is an easy target. Investigating child abuse can be a thankless, depressing, and often dangerous job. While the number of reported child abus
e cases is rising—twenty-five percent in the five-year period between 1988 and 1993 according to reliable figures—budget cuts keep bringing down the number of caseworkers to watch over those kids.
Children need all our protection more than ever. If you suspect a child is living in a situation that is abusive, negligent, or dangerous to the welfare of that child, call someone. And keep calling until you find one who’s ready to help. If anything ever happened to your child and you couldn’t be there, you’d want someone else to make the call. If you’re afraid of personal repercussions, call any one of the anonymous tip lines available to report suspected abuse.
In one way or another, we’ve got to fight back.
In an article written for Parade magazine, Prince Michael sadly observed that in little Elisa’s case, as fearful as they were of her mother, he and others trusted the laws to protect the girl. Many times, they can, if someone alerts authorities that a law’s been broken.
There is a lot of information on these subjects, as well as tips on how to safeguard your children when they’re on the Internet, how to protect them from family abduction, and just about every other area of child protection from crime and/or victimization, all available from the NCMEC. Much is also available on the Internet at: http://www.missingkids.org, or you can contact them using the toll-free number: 1-800-THE-LOST.
The good people at the NCMEC keep the pictures on the wall, and keep circulating computer-enhanced photos by mail and Internet and any other means available, to remind all children that if anything ever happens to them, someone wilt look for them. They care enough to let innocent little strangers know that they’ll look forever if that’s how long it takes to find them and make them safe.
The children in your life should know how important it is to you that they be safe and happy, too. As simplistic as it may sound, the words “I love you” and “I’m proud of you” can help insulate your children from a host of evils—from child molesters to peers who might offer them drugs or alcohol. Their confidence and self-esteem, together with our involvement and commitment, can go a long way toward fighting back.
Through the courtesy of the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children and the Adam Walsh Children’s Fund, we are reprinting several key guides to child safety. We should all be very grateful to the people who devoted the time and energy to develop them and try to protect all our children.
MY 8 RULES FOR SAFETY
Before I go anywhere, I always CHECK FIRST with my parents or the person in charge. I tell them where I am going, how I will get there, who will be going with me, and when I’ll be back.
I CHECK FIRST for permission from my parents before getting into a car or leaving with anyone—even someone I know. I CHECK FIRST before accepting money, gifts, or drugs without my parents’ knowledge.
It is safer for me to be with other people when going places or playing outside. I always use the BUDDY SYSTEM.
I say NO if someone tries to touch me in ways that make me feel frightened, or uncomfortable, or confused. Then I GO and TELL a grown-up I trust what happened.
I know it is NOT MY FAULT if someone touches me in a way that is not OK. I don’t have to keep secrets about those touches.
I trust my feelings and talk to grown-ups about problems that are too big for me to handle on my own. A lot of people care about me and will listen and believe me. I am not alone.
It is never too late to ask for help. I can keep asking until I get the help I need.
I am a SPECIAL PERSON, and I deserve to feel safe. My rules are to:
CHECK FIRST.
USE THE BUDDY SYSTEM.
SAY NO, THEN GO AND TELL.
LISTEN TO MY FEELINGS, AND TALK WITH GROWN-UPS I TRUST ABOUT MY PROBLEMS AND CONCERNS.
WHAT YOU CAN DO TO PREVENT CHILD ABDUCTION AND EXPLOITATION
Know where your children are at all times. Be familiar with their friends and daily activities.
Be sensitive to changes in your children’s behavior; they are a signal that you should sit down and talk to your children about what caused the changes.
Be alert to a teenager or adult who is paying an unusual amount of attention to your children or giving them inappropriate or expensive gifts.
Teach your children to trust their own feelings, and assure them that they have the right to say NO to what they sense is wrong.
Listen carefully to your children’s fears, and be supportive in all your discussions with them.
Teach your children that no one should approach them or touch them in a way that makes them feel uncomfortable. If someone does, they should tell you immediately.
Be careful about baby-sitters and any other individuals who have custody of your children.
DETECTING SEXUAL EXPLOITATION
Sexual exploitation should not be confused with physical contacts that are true expressions of affection. A warm and healthy relationship can exist if adults respect the child and place reasonable limits on their physical interaction.
Child molestation is often a repeat crime. Many kids are victimized a number of times. The reality of sexual exploitation is that often the child is very confused, uncomfortable, and unwilling to talk about the experience with parents, teachers, or anyone else. But they will talk if you have already established an atmosphere of trust and support in your home, where your child will feel free to talk without fear of accusation, blame, or guilt.
Parents should be alert to the indicators of sexual abuse:
Changes in behavior, extreme mood swings, withdrawal, fearfulness, or excessive crying.
Bed-wetting, nightmares, fear of going to bed, or other sleep disturbances.
Acting out inappropriate sexual activity or showing an unusual interest in sexual matters.
A sudden acting out of feelings or aggressive or rebellious behavior.
Regression to infantile behavior.
A fear of certain places, people, or activities, especially being alone with certain people. Children should not be forced to give affection to an adult or teenager if they do not want to. A desire to avoid this may indicate a problem.
Pain, itching, bleeding, fluid, or rawness in the private areas.
BASIC RULES OF SAFETY FOR CHILDREN
As soon as your children can articulate a sentence, they can begin the process of learning how to protect themselves against seduction and exploitation. Children should be taught:
If you are in a public place, and you get separated from your parents, don’t wander around looking for them. Go to a checkout counter, the security office, or the lost-and-found and quickly tell the person in charge that you have lost your mom and dad and need help in finding them.
You should not get into a car or go anywhere with any person unless your parents have told you that it is okay.
If someone follows you on foot or in a car, stay away from him or her. You don’t need to go near the car to talk to the people inside.
Grown-ups and other older people who need help should not be asking children for help; they should be asking older people.
No one should be asking you for directions or to look for a lost puppy or telling you that your mother or father is in trouble and that he will take you to them.
If someone tries to take you somewhere, quickly get away from him (or her) and yell or scream, “This man is trying to take me away!” or “This person is not my father (or mother)!”
You should try to use the Buddy System and never go places alone.
AGE-SKILL CHART
Grade Level K 1 2
Skill
Telephone Know 7-digit telephone number Review home telephone number
Know how and when to call the Operator Know how to get help in an emergency (parents’ work numbers, police, fire, neighbors, Operator)
Address Know name, hometown, and state Review home address Review home address
The Buddy System Know how and when to use the BUDDY SYSTEM Know how and when to use the BUDDY SYSTEM Know how and when to use th
e BUDDY SYSTEM
Check First Know when to CHECK FIRST Know when to CHECK FIRST Know when to CHECK FIRST
Types of Touching Recognize “private parts” of the body
Distinguish between “OKAY” and “NOT OKAY” touches Recognize “private parts” of the body
Distinguish between “OKAY” and “NOT OKAY” touches
Distinguish between “SWELL” secrets and “TELL” secrets Recognize “private parts” of the body
Distinguish between “OKAY” and “NOT OKAY” touches
Distinguish between “SWELL” secrets and “TELL” secrets
NO-GO-TELL Know how and when to use NO-GO-TELL Know how and when to use NO-GO-TELL Recognize common tricks
Know how to respond to unsolicited attention by someone older
Safety Strategies in various settings Know how to choose people who could help in an emergency Safety strategies in stores
Know how to choose people who could help in an emergency Safety strategies in unfamiliar neighborhoods
Know how to choose people who could help in an emergency
3 4 5 and 6 Grade Level
Know 11-digit telephone number
Know how to make long distance calls Know how to use a pay telephone to make local, long-distance, and emergency calls All safety strategies and skills taught in previous grades are reviewed and reinforced through a variety of projects and activities in grades 5 and 6 Skill Telephone
Identify home state and surrounding states on map Make ID card Address
Apply the BUDDY SYSTEM in a variety of situations Apply the BUDDY SYSTEM in a variety of situations The Buddy System
Apply CHECK FIRST in a variety of situations Apply CHECK FIRST in a variety of situations Check First
Review “private parts” of the body
Distinguish between “OKAY” and “NOT OKAY” touches
Distinguish between “SWELL” secrets and “TELL” secrets Review “private parts” of the body
