“Please go.”
Time seems to pass slowly as he steps forward, continuing to walk until he’s out the door and standing with his hands in his pockets on the other side, the emptiness I feel inside reflecting right back at me in the deadness of his now tearstained blue eyes.
“I’ll go, but Emery, I’m not giving up. This isn’t over.”
Shoving the door forward and hearing as it clicks in place, I lean against it before letting go completely and collapsing to the floor, sucking in a breath as again, for the hundredth time in the last few days, the tears take over and begin falling down my face.
Closing my eyes, breathing in and out in an attempt to regain control of my emotions, I’m taken off guard a few seconds later when I hear him speak again. His words chilling, but expected with everything that just took place.
“We will never be over.”
Christian
I’ll see you at the wedding, big brother.
If my heart wasn’t already torn apart over everything that’s happened, this text would for sure seal the deal.
No matter what this text says or what she believes, we are not brother and sister and not even marriage between our parents is going to change it.
I meant what I said to her before she kicked me completely out of her house and her life for the second time in as many weeks. We will never be over. Our story isn’t done, even if from this moment on she’s going to go out of her way to ensure that it is.
You can’t just move on from a girl like Emery. It’s impossible and even though I hated even attempting it, I really did try for those first couple of weeks after she broke up with me.
Going out with Jonah, staying after practice and going over plays to be ready for the games on the weekend, taking extra shifts at the Laundromat, I did it all. I kept my schedule so tight that I wouldn’t have any extra moments to spare, which for me means thinking about her.
Problem is, I could have been busy from sun up to sundown and she still would have snuck her way past. She was a part of everything I did. Cheering me on during practice and at games, playing in the music room, doing work together in our other classes and of course, watching over the counter at work.
Emery was a part of everything. No, see. That’s not right. She is a part of everything because she’s the very best part of me.
“Ya know, when I said that the two of you made me sick, I was kidding.”
Jonah, with as close as he is, doesn’t know much. I’m having a hard time dealing with everything that’s happened over the last few weeks, so I haven’t even bothered trying to explain it to him. I don’t have the energy. He knows that things between us are over—her not coming around giving that away pretty quick—but the reason why and whether it can be fixed or if we’re even still friends, he’s clueless about.
Hence the joking.
“What gives, man? This isn’t like you.”
“What’s not like me?”
“Sitting in the hall all morose and shit.”
He kind of has a point. I met him right after Emery on my first day here and between the two of them, I wasn’t left with much time to be anything other than happy. What he doesn’t know, and that I don’t exactly go out of my way to talk about, is that this was how I acted every day when we lived in Port Hope.
I was barely functioning at all.
“Nothing’s going on. I’m just not feeling being here today.”
“Is this because of Emery?”
Real astute there, Jonah. I never would have guessed that I’m acting like this because of her.
“Are you ever gonna tell me what happened there? I mean, you can keep giving me excuses or blowing me off like you have been, but ever since she stopped coming around, you’ve been like this. It might help to get that shit out.”
“You signing up to be my therapist?”
“If that’s what it takes to get you out of this funk, sure.”
“Her mom and my dad are dating.” I blurt out, sucking in a breath once it’s out and watching for his reaction as the dust settles on my bombshell.
“Are you serious?”
“No, Jo, I’m joking.” I snap. “Do you really think I’d make something like this up?”
“How long have you known?”
“I’ve known since January. She found out a few days after Valentine’s Day.”
“Wait.” He says throwing his hand in the air. “You both didn’t find out at the same time?”
Shaking my head, my stomach turns over at what Jonah is now realizing. My mistake. Finding out early and not saying a word. In about two seconds I’m going to have another person hating on me just like Johnny did for not saying something sooner.
Great.
“Dude, that’s messed up.”
Yeah, no shit. “Tell me something I don’t know.”
“Is that why you two broke up?”
“Yeah. Her mom’s not exactly a fan of us staying together considering she’s marrying my dad in the summer.”
“Wait! Hold the freaking phone!” He jumps up from his spot yelling. “They’re getting married too?”
“Yeah and before you ask, I sort of knew about that before her too, but it wasn’t for sure until we all had dinner together after.”
“Damn, dude. I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, I’m sure you’re real sorry.”
“Actually, Mr. Sarcastic, I am. You guys were perfection and you don’t deserve to be dealing with shit like this.”
“Tell that to Emery.”
“If I could find the girl, I would. So what are you gonna do?”
“There’s nothing I can do. I found out about our parents and lied to her. Then I played dumb with her for weeks until the truth came out. She can’t forgive me and I don’t blame her. It also doesn’t help that she’s giving in to what her mom wants. I mean, what kind of fight can I mount against the woman that gave birth to her? I’m screwed.”
“How does your old man feel?”
“He’s the complete opposite of Rose. He wants us to be together. Do whatever makes us happy, but being that way, it’s causing shit to happen between them too.”
“Enough to end it?”
A valid question and one I’ve been asking myself repeatedly after listening to them fight day in and day out when they’re both at the apartment. This is such a huge deal that it could have the power to split them. If he can’t get her to change her position and they continue to fight, then there might not be a wedding at all.
I’m not sure whether to be ecstatic over that or feel worse.
“Not sure, but it’s safe to say it’s causing a strain. She hasn’t even been over for the last few days.”
“Well, if they did break up it would set things straight with you and Ems, right?”
“Nope. Did you miss the part where I lied to her?”
“No, I got that part, but Emery’s not like other chicks, right? I’m pretty sure the way she’s acting right now is more about making her mom happy than what you did, which now that you mention it, was the stupidest move ever, bro.”
“No kidding, but thanks for the reminder. I hadn’t thought about it for the last twenty minutes or so.”
“Anytime.” He says, grinning when he catches my scowl.
“You know what the worst part is? She moved out. She’s living across town with her aunt now. She’s still at school, but she made some kind of deal with her teachers to have her work sent up to the remedial room so she didn’t have to be in class with me.”
“Jesus.” He whistles. “She really is avoiding you.”
“She’s avoiding everything.” I admit, tossing him my phone, motioning to the screen when he questions what the hell I’m doing. “Read that message. She sent it to me this morning.”
“Damn, that’s cold.” He says before handing the phone back. “What are you gonna do?”
“What the hell can I do? She won’t take my calls or respond to my texts. Her mom, after the last time I was o
ver before she left, won’t give me her address. I’m out of options.”
“Doesn’t seem like the Cool Whip I know.”
“You mind?”
“Sorry, but with the way you were together, I can’t believe you’re just giving up like this. You said your dad is cool with it, right? Then get to her through him.”
“He can’t help me find her.”
“Chris, I know that you’re going through some shit and your mind is a mess, but your dad is a cop. He can find anyone. If he really is cool with the two of you being together, use it to your advantage.”
“And the fact that she wants nothing to do with me? Is avoiding me here and every other chance she gets? Should I just overlook that and push her into something she doesn’t want?”
“No, but something tells me that she doesn’t really want the distance. She wants to be with you. She just needs time and a little push…or you know, maybe a pretty hard shove.”
“I don’t know…but now that you know everything, you mind if I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“If our parents end up getting married in the summer, and by some miracle, we’re back together, would it be weird to you?”
“Now I know your joking because that entire question is bullshit.”
“How so?”
He’s got my attention. I’m not seeing how a pretty serious question is bullshit, but with Jonah it shouldn’t surprise me. I never know what’s going on in his head. He’s a lot like Johnny, which is actually kind of funny considering they can’t stand each other.
“It would be weird if the two of you kept doing what you’re doing now. You’re both my friends. It’s strange having her dodge and turn away because of my allegiance to you. You’d be making my life a hell of a lot easier if you’d just get back together already.”
“You don’t think it’s weird since we’re gonna be step-siblings?”
“Nah, bro. She’s not your sister by birth. You two met before you knew what was going on with your parents, and even better, you’re good for each other. It’s only weird if you let it be.”
Not the answer I’d been expecting to hear, but the one I most definitely needed to. If Johnny and Jonah can be okay with the two of us being together, it shouldn’t matter what anyone else thinks.
Except it’s not just anyone else she’s worried about. It’s her mom. The one person that no matter where she goes in her life, will always mean the most to her. No one knows that better than me. I’ve gone the last four years without mine and not a day goes by that I don’t wish she was here.
“Bro, I gotta get to class, but just suck it up already. Go to your dad, get his help, and get your girl back.”
Holding out my fist as he bumps it and stands, he slaps me on the shoulder before heading off down the hall, his parting words playing in a loop in my head.
If I’m going to do what he said, then it’s not only my dad that I’ve got to go to. I’ve gotta go to Rose too, and not give up until I change her mind.
My future with the girl I love depends on it.
Chapter Thirty-Two
April 2015
Rose
I’m not quite sure when my life seemed to skid off the tracks, but the exact moment it happened, I’d very much like to go back to and take a different course before it has the chance to turn into what it is now.
An argument could be made that it all turned bad when I found out for sure that the Christian dating my Emery was indeed Nicholas’s son. Another could be made that the shambles my life seems to be spiraling into has more to do with my reaction to that news, and if I could only concede; give everyone what they seem to want, everything could go back to normal.
I just don’t believe I can do that, and while I never thought something of this nature could possibly be a deal breaker in my relationship with Nicholas, it appears as though it is.
For the both of us.
The problem is, I seem to be the only one thinking about the overall impact of our children being together. The long term effects on the both of them should what they share together right now go south later down the road. A fact that Nicholas, with everything he has experienced in his years as a police officer, doesn’t seem to want to face.
Contrary to popular belief, I’m not delusional. I do realize that Emery and Christian are in no way related and that should they choose to want to be with one another, it has no long term biological effects. I get that argument loud and clear, especially with the way it’s been thrown at me by all three of them at one point or another over the course of the last couple of months.
What I am able to see that it appears as though none of them can, though, is what it means in the long term.
Let’s pretend for a second that Emery and Christian are a forever and always couple. That they have every intention of staying together and being the high school sweethearts that stand the test of time, or rather, real life.
What happens ten or twenty years from now, when they realize they jumped into this way too soon and eventually split?
I’ll tell you what’s going to happen.
Emotional chaos, that’s what.
I know this because I lived it.
Once upon a time, in a land not so far, far away, I was my daughter. I was that same doe eyed seventeen year old girl that met a boy in high school and proceeded to fall. Hard. Giving all of myself to him until there was nothing left and being left behind a couple of years later with nothing but a baby to show for it.
A baby that I love more than anything and will go to my grave protecting.
The only difference between my situation and the example above being, that for me it happened far sooner. We didn’t even make it five years, much less ten or twenty.
I don’t want that for Emery. She shouldn’t have to repeat my mistakes. And when—not if—Christian pulls the same thing and they break up, that is exactly what’s going to happen, which is where my resistance comes in. Think what you will about my mental state, but I refuse to watch my daughter live through everything I did, not when she deserves so much more than that.
Enough about me. Let’s go back to my original example. Let’s say they split up. What will it mean for Nicholas and me?
Both of them, brokenhearted, will reach out to us, and when they do, it will take Nicholas in one direction while I go down another, our loyalties to our children winning out over the bonds formed by marriage. Sure, it might be selfish, thinking about us in this scenario when the emphasis should be on our kids, but when faced with the very real possibility of these things happening based on the way relationships that start in high school seem to evolve and change over time, it’s hard not to go there.
The family dynamic that Emery has spent the better part of her life wishing for, handed to her on a silver platter, but with a breakup, stripped away and broken down until the rubble extends to not only her and Christian, but us as well.
Bringing all of this to Nicholas’s attention, voicing my very real concerns, has only earned me a rebuff. He can’t seem to see past the here and now to what lies next and if the way he stormed from here earlier is any indication, it’s as I said before and we’ve reached what quite possibly could be the end of us because this is something neither of us wants to bend on.
Our one deal breaker.
*****
“You accuse me of focusing too much on their happiness in the moment, yet you stand here doing the same thing for their future.”
We’ve been trapped in this battle of wills for what feels like hours when the reality is, it’s only been about twenty minutes and the night originally started out calm.
If we could just go back to our quiet dinner, everything would be perfect, but of course, just like every other night this week, we’re talking about Emery and Christian even though they’re no longer together.
“As I recall, it was you that made mention of my ability to think long term. You called it an asset.”
“And I stick by
my original statement. Your ability to see things and put them into perspective in a long term way is fantastic, but I just don’t see this instance being the place for it. Planning trips, budgeting, saving for the future or investing in a company. In all of those ways, among quite a few others I haven’t mentioned, the way you think is definitely an asset, but not here. Not where our children are concerned.”
“That’s where we differ, because I think this is the best possible place for it.”
“Rose, whether you like it or not, they’re adults. Christian is eighteen and Emery is going to be soon. As much as we’d like to continue having them abiding by our rules and doing things the way we believe is right for them, they’re going to graduate, move out and have to make their own choices. One of the biggest being who they want to spend the rest of their lives with.”
“Is this the point where you blame me, yet again, for them not being together?”
“Now you’re just putting words in my mouth. I never said that you were the reason for their breakup.”
“No, you just implied it.”
“I did nothing of the sort, but since you have no problem accusing me of it, maybe it’s time that I did. Might as well stop making a liar out of you.”
Having heard more than enough of his holier than thou attitude, I give in and let him have it. If it’s a fight he’s after tonight then he’s going to get one.
“By all means, let me have it, but while you’re taking my inventory, you might want to also take your own.”
“Excuse me?” he snaps. “Just what the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“It means that while you’re telling me how to feel about my daughter dating your son, especially with us getting married in less than four months, you’re completely ignoring your own place in this. What you did that got us to this point.”
“And what exactly is it you think I did?”
“If you had spent more time with Christian after losing Emily, maybe he wouldn’t have sought out my daughter and made her his entire world.”
The Space In Between Page 31
