by J. L. Berg
“Who’s that, Mommy?” I heard Maddie say as she came to stand between Logan and me, her favorite spot nowadays.
“This is Logan’s Mom, Cece,” I said.
“Hi Cece. I like your name,” Maddie said, taking a step toward the woman. There wasn’t a shy bone in that kid.
Cece bent down so she was at the same level as Maddie, her eyes full of excitement as she looked at my daughter.
“Well I like yours too, pumpkin. I love your shirt, do you dance?” she asked, admiring Maddie’s pink shirt with ballerina frog on it that Logan had bought her.
“Yep. Mommy takes me to lessons. She says I’m a natural,” Maddie answered proudly, puffing out her chest to show off her shirt.
“Well, I was just in the gift shop downstairs, and saw the cutest ballerina necklace. If you’re Mommy says it’s okay, do you want me to show you?”
“Can I Mommy, please?” Maddie begged, bouncing up and down. Logan gave me a look that said the decision was all mine.
“Of course, baby. But, best manners okay? Cece’s in charge,” I instructed.
“Okay Mommy!”
“I’ll bring her right back. Just thought you two might enjoy a few minutes alone,” Cece said before scooping Maddie up in her arms and heading out the door. I could hear them chatting down the hallway and I found myself thinking Cece would make a wonderful Grandmother, which was odd considering the type of mother I knew she was.
“You okay?” I asked Logan as he stared out the picture window down at the busy street below, his body tight and rigid. He was so deep in thought, I could practically see them coming off of him in waves.
“That was not my Mother,” his voice was distant, as if he was still processing the last few minutes.
Closing the distance between us, I wrapped my arms around him, resting my head against his broad back, breathing in his unique scent.
“Talk to me Logan. I need to understand.”
“That woman you just met was warm and inviting. She was everything I wanted in a mother as a child, but never had. The mother I know is obsessed with material possessions and making sure she has someone around to buy them for her. She would have never allowed anyone to call her Cece. She was always Cecile. She gave up parental rights to my father when they divorced and I barely saw her after that. My sister and mother were just people I visited once a year when my father had nowhere else to send me,” he snarled.
“Something’s obviously changed. She’s different. Maybe she’s trying to make amends,” I offered as an explanation.
“I don’t know, but I have a hard time trusting this new version of her. So many years of neglect, how do I forgive that?” he said quietly, all the energy draining out of him.
“Just take it one breath at a time, Logan. That’s all you can do.”
The rehearsal dinner was lovely, and after being introduced, I was quickly becoming a fan of Cece’s fiancé, Robert. He was a banker, but although he was very well to do by most standards, he was by no means wealthy. He was, however, very handsome. He had dark features and piercing green eyes; he was the perfect example of what age did to good-looking men. It made them even finer, like a well-aged wine. It gave me a little thrill, thinking of Logan, and what he would look like in ten, twenty or even thirty years. Robert seemed very down to earth. He carried himself well, giving the impression that he was well educated, but he was very easy to talk to and made everyone in the room feel at ease.
The wedding was scheduled for tomorrow afternoon in the hotel’s ballroom. The guest list was small, only family and a few friends would be in attendance. The venue was beautiful, something I would have chosen actually, but it was peanuts in comparison to Cece’s previous nuptials.
After the food was cleared, the few guest mingled about, everyone stopping to congratulate the happy couple. And they did look truly happy. As I sat at the table solo, while Logan took Maddie on a walk around the lobby, his mother sat next to me.
“Hello, dear. Are you having a good time?” she asked, trying to making small talk.
“Oh yes, thank you. Everything is lovely,” I answered politely.
“I wanted to thank you for getting him here. I know he wouldn't have come otherwise.”
I didn’t know what to say. Luckily I didn’t get the chance to, because she continued.
“I’ve been a terrible mother. Actually I’ve been a terrible human being. I don’t know if he’ll ever forgive me for all the sins I’ve committed against him, and I likely don’t deserve it. But I’m going to spend the rest of the life I have left trying to make up for it,” she confessed.
God, I hope this woman was being truthful. I wanted so badly to believe her.
“If you don’t mind me asking, what changed?” I asked, hoping she wasn’t offended by my boldness.
“You can ask me anything Clare. I may not know my son well, but I can see the love he has for you and your daughter. I want to be part of your lives, and I’m hoping you can help with that. As for the reason for my drastic life change? Well, it’s the reason we do many things in life. Love,” she answered simply.
“Robert?” I asked.
“Yes,” she said with a smile, “I met Robert after my divorce to Mr. Carrington had just been finalized. I was at a charity event doing my normal thing, showing off my latest designer gown, and flashing the many layers of jewelry I had on display for the evening. All those things I had to have, it was like a disease,” she shook her head in obvious disgust.
“While at the bar refilling my drink, I met a man. Robert. He was ridiculously handsome, and I thought I’d have him eating out of the palm of my hand by the end of the evening. But he didn’t fall for any of my usual tricks. Instead, he handed me a business card and said if I wanted to go on a date with him, I’d have to agree to get dirty. And then he walked away. Our first date was a hike. I was miserable the entire way, but I’d never done anything like it. When we returned the car, I was covered in bruises and dried dirt, but I felt amazing. I accomplished something and it didn’t require anything but me.”
“He changed you,” I said, when she paused.
“Well, I’d like to say I changed myself. He just helped. He taught me there was more to life, more to marriage than a bank account and a walk-in closet. When we moved in together, I sold almost everything I owned, and then donated the money to charity. It was the most selfless thing I’d ever done.”
She really had changed.
“Wow, Cece...that’s amazing.”
“Don’t give me too much credit,” she laughed, “I still buy designer jeans and I’m not planning on going to Africa to live in a hut, but I’m learning to live with less and look beyond myself. And for the first time since Logan’s father, I’m marrying for love.”
“Love has a way of completely altering your life, doesn’t it?” I said, watching as Logan held Maddie on his shoulders and they walked back into the dining room.
“Yes it does, my dear. Yes, it does.”
~Logan~
I had to admit, she looked beautiful tonight. I had never been to any of my mother’s other weddings, always finding excuses for why I couldn’t be there. She’d never been there for me, so why should I put forth the effort? But seeing her tonight on the dance floor with her new husband I felt the last of my icy layers beginning to melt.
When the three of us had returned to our suite last night, I asked Clare what she and my mother had been talking about for so long. She smiled wistfully and simply said, “Love.” She then proceeded to tell me about a woman I didn’t know, a completely different mother, and I found myself listening to every word. Could a person really change that much? I looked at Clare, remembering the man I was mere months earlier, and thought yes.
Love could do anything.
“They look happy, don’t they?” Clare said, sliding down in the seat next to me, a second slice of cake in hand.
“You know, I think they have a one slice per guest max on the cake,” I teased.
; “Well then you should have given me yours,” she fired back. Realizing she left with Maddie, and came back alone, I asked “Where’s princess?”
“She met Robert’s mother at the dessert table and the woman fell victim to Maddie’s charm. They’re over there,” she pointed to the corner of the dance floor where Maddie was twirling around in her pink sparkly dress while Mrs. Erikson clapped from the sidelines. It was an adorable sight, and reaffirmed my belief that Maddie’s joy was the most infectious thing in the world.
As I was admiring Maddie’s performance, I saw Robert, my new father-in-law, approach our table.
“Logan, would you mind if I stole your lady for a dance?” he asked, holding out his hand to Clare. She looked over at me, batting her eyelashes with a sly grin, waiting for my answer.
Chuckling, I said, “I don’t know, Robert. Can I trust you?”
“I’ll be the epitome of a gentleman, I assure you,” he promised before taking Clare’s hand and escorting her to the dance floor. She graciously followed, her coral gown swishing behind her as she took his lead, looking beautiful and elegant.
“She’s lovely, Logan,” my mother said, taking the empty seat Clare had just vacated.
“I know,” I answered curtly, cursing myself for my rudeness. I knew she was trying, but a lifetime of hurt was a difficult thing to get over. Growing up with my father was hell, and I spent numerous nights staring out the window as a child wondering what I did wrong to make her leave, and how I could fix it.
“I’m sorry, I know you’re trying,” I said as an apology.
“You have nothing to apologize for, Logan. I have no right to ask you to forgive me. It doesn’t mean I’m not going to try. I want to be in your life, in their lives,” she said, motioning to Clare and Maddie.
I nodded, unsure of what to say.
“You really love her, don’t you?” she asked, looking at me as I watched Clare dance with Robert.
“With everything I am,” I answered with conviction.
She smiled, fiddling with the new ring on her left hand, twisting and twirling it around her finger.
“When are you going to ask her?”
“As soon as we get home. I’ve had the ring for weeks, carrying it around in my pocket, waiting for the right moment,” I confessed.
I hadn’t told anyone about the ring, not even Colin.
Clare and I had been out shopping one afternoon and stopped at an upscale antique store. We roamed around, looking at furniture, picture frames and artwork. I loved watching Clare in her element. She loved touching and connecting with anything historic and always ended up chatting with the store keeper about half a dozen pieces. While Clare looked at a nineteenth century armoire, I wandered over to the jewelry case below the register and that’s when I saw it. A flawless three carat oval cut diamond, surrounded by at least another dozen smaller glittery white stones, set in platinum. It was vintage, probably nearing a hundred years old and had recently been purchased from an estate sale. I knew it was Clare’s the moment I saw it. The second I dropped her off that night, I rushed back to the store, buying it on the spot.
“You’re nothing like your father,” my mother said gently, placing her hand on mine. I didn’t know if she was trying to convince me or herself.
“Is that why you left me with him?” I needed to know. I needed to know how a mother could give up her only son and never look back. It had haunted me my entire life, and I needed closure from this woman.
“Yes,” she said quietly, letting out a long breath, as if the confession has just released twenty-seven years of tension and guilt from her body.
“I loved your father. He was harsh and cold to the rest of the world, but never with me. I never knew why. I don’t know, maybe he saw me as some sort of exotic flower,” she laughed harshly. “I came from new money and he came from old. My parents were eccentric, and his were refined. I always thought our differences would keep our love new and alive, but in the end, it destroyed us.”
“You embarrassed his precious image,” I said plainly. I knew that much. Although I didn’t know why.
“Ah ,yes,” she said, “Something you’ve learned firsthand. I thought he’d stand by me, but no. He sent me away, like a discarded piece of trash.” The hurt was still evident on her face, even after nearly three decades.
“What happened?”
Taking a deep breath, she told me the story of her fall from grace.
“We were members of a country club. Very upscale, very affluent. Your father’s still a member if I’ve heard correctly.” I nodded. I knew the club she was talking about. It was a club for old money, a term used for people who came from wealth. My father had made his own money, but he had a head start from his own father, the grandson of an oil tycoon. Our family’s money went back generations.
“I was there for a charity meeting with all the other wives. I hated those meetings. In fact, I hated everything about that club. I was judged the minute I walked in just because I didn’t have the right last name. I excused myself to head to the ladies room, and was approached by one of the valets. He was around my age, working the club on his summer break from law school. He was very handsome, but I was not interested. Unlike many of the other women in the club, I was not helping myself to the staff,” she said defensively.
From what I had observed at the club, they still did. Apparently it could be a very lucrative career for the right person. I still remember Declan telling stories of the waiters being able to fund an entire year of tuition in one summer.
“He cornered me, saying I was a tease and a flirt. He pushed me up against a wall, pinning my hands so I couldn’t get free. Around that time, the women from my table walked by. They of course assumed the worse of me, and the rumors started. I tried to explain, but it was too late.”
If I hadn’t already hated the man, I would now.
“So why did you leave me with him?” I asked.
“You were only five, but you were the exact replica of him. I could see you becoming him. You worshiped him, did everything he asked, always trying to make him proud. If I had been a better woman, I would have pulled you out of that home and never looked back. But I was weak, heartbroken and stupid. I saw a small version of the man who’d just broken me, and I ran,” she confessed.
I looked out onto the dance floor, Clare and Robert’s dance long since over. I think she was staying away on purpose, giving me some time with my mother. Time I needed to process everything I had just been told.
“But you took Eva. You left me and took Eva,” I emphasized, trying to understand why I was left to be raised by a heartless monster. That was something I never understood. I was the one she left behind. My sister was the chosen one, and I was the one forgotten.
Tears trailing down her cheeks, she said, “I know. She was so young, only two. And I figured if I could save one of you, maybe I’d be redeemed for leaving the other behind. Unfortunately, I was probably the worst type of person to raise a child. Eva is the exact replica of me, before Robert.”
It had been years since I had seen my sister. The last time was her college graduation. She’d barely made the grades for the diploma and blew every dime my father gave her less than a week after it hit her account. I doubted much had changed.
“I owe both of you so many apologies. But it warms my heart to see you happy finally. Don’t wait too long, Logan. You never know what life is going to throw at you. Ask that woman to marry you and start your life.”
I nodded, agreeing with her for maybe the first time in my life. I was not going to wait any longer. The second the plane touched down and we had a second alone, I was going to ask Clare to marry me. We had an entire life to plan, and I didn’t want to spend another second without her as my wife.
The evening wore on and Maddie’s energy level bombed, so we said our goodbyes and congratulations to my mother and Robert, knowing we wouldn’t see them again. They were leaving first thing in the morning for their honeymoon in Hawaii. I s
miled thinking of our vacation plans coming up in August. We were taking Maddie to St. Thomas for her birthday. She didn’t know and we weren’t going to tell her until the morning we left. I couldn't wait to see her face. I also couldn’t wait to spend an entire week with Clare on a secluded beach, seeing her beautiful body in a bikini…or not.
“Do you want me to take her?” I asked Clare as we headed for the elevator in the hotel lobby. Maddie was draped over her, arms wrapped tightly around her neck and completely asleep.
“No, it’s okay. I’ve got her. She was the life of the party, wasn’t she?” Clare said, laughing.
“Yeah, she was,” I chuckled, completely happy and contented.
Just then, I saw a familiar looking blonde headed our way, coming from one of the other larger ballrooms.
Fuck.
Maybe she wouldn’t see us.
“Logan!”
“Rachel,” I said calmly, turning to greet her, “So nice to see you.” I leaned into Clare, placing my hand on the small of her back, hoping Rachel got the hint to go the fuck away. She apparently didn’t, because she continued.
“You too. It’s been ages! I’ve missed you. Have you moved back?” she asked as her eyes inquisitively lingered over Clare and Maddie before returning back to me. She looked exactly the same as she did the last time I saw her. Same fake blonde hair, same fake smile.
“Uh no. Just visiting. My mother was married today, and we were just here for the wedding. This is my girlfriend Clare, and her daughter Maddie,” I said.
Dear God, can we please leave now?
“Clare, this is Rachel. She and I used to work together.” Clare gave a cursory nod and Rachel did the same, before saying with a wink, “Wow, didn’t take you for the monogamous type Logan.”
This woman was relentless. What had I seen in her? Oh right, nothing.
“Yes, well I am. Very. We need to get Maddie upstairs. It was nice seeing you.”
What I wanted to say was “Go the fuck away,” but I opted the high road, hoping for a quick exit.
“You too, Logan. The hospital’s not the same without you. If you ever want to come back, just let me know. You’ll always have a job ready and waiting for you,” she purred. I’d never heard a job offer dripping with so much sex before, and if it hadn’t been obvious that we’d slept together, it was now.
