It's A Shame

by Hansen, C. E.

  She smiled gleefully. The pained look on my face apparently making her giddy. It angered me that I had let my guard down, and my physical uneasiness didn’t get by her scrutinizing gaze.

  “Uhumm.” I cleared my throat, the sound breaking the silence. “Miss Buckley, you seem to have me at a disadvantage as I was not expecting company and hadn’t finished dressing,” I said trying to reclaim my composure. “And rest assured, I will be speaking with security. They should have called me to announce your arrival.”

  “They did. Several times, but there was no answer…” she trailed off.

  Not wanting an argument, I tried to steady my rapidly beating heart, which was near impossible considering the beauty of the stunning woman standing in front of me, impeccably dressed in a costly custom tailored suit. Who just happened to have been engaged to marry the man I am in love with. My chest constricted.

  She shifted her weight to the other foot, maintaining her dominating presence. Her long silky, almost black, hair cascaded over her shoulders and halfway down her back. She had stunning almond-shaped eyes, that were an intense gold-color, framed by thick dark lashes eyes. The pictures I saw of her on the Internet most definitely did not do her justice. She was even more beautiful than I remembered her being. It was easy to see what attracted Cole to this woman. She was gorgeous, and I had the same physical response now as I did when I first saw her beauty on my monitor; my green monster gut punched me, and a rush of pent up air escaped my lungs in a whoosh.

  She continued staring at me silently, and under her probing eyes, I subconsciously pulled the belt of my robe tighter.

  “I don’t have the pleasure of knowing your name…” she broke the silence, her voice smooth, her gaze unwavering.

  “Grace. Grace Preston,” I answered, my voice shook and for a moment I could see she was a bit taken back…did she know who I was?

  It was clear I was uncomfortable. I was unable to focus. My mind ran off in ten different directions. Did Cole know she was in town? If he did why wouldn’t he mention it to me? Why was she here? Why was she HERE?

  “Well, Grace…” she hesitated for a moment, then continued, “would you be so kind to let Cole know I called on him, and make sure you tell him it’s urgent I speak with him as soon as possible.” She lowered her eyes, her defiance gone, “I’m in New York for a few days, and I’m staying at the Waldorf.”

  Her honey-coated voice was beginning to really irritate me. That, coupled with her casual use of my name, aggravated me enough to light a spark in me. Bathrobe or not, I would not let this woman feel she had the upper hand. Cole was my man and I’d be damned if I’ll let her anywhere near him.

  She reached into her purse and pulled out a business card with her contact information on it.

  “If you would just make sure that he gets this,” she said dismissively as she handed me the card. “I tried him at the Asbury and they told me he intermittently stayed here.”

  Her implication that I was merely a woman he slept with on occasion infuriated me.

  “I will be sure to give him your message, as well as your card,” I told her as I lifted the card in my hand.

  Cutting her short, I stepped back, edging the door open with my backside.

  “If that’s all, I need to get ready for a lunch appointment.”

  I glared at her, my anger barely contained while her air of self-confidence never faltered, and I have to say, it pissed me off to no end.

  “Yes. It was, um, a pleasure meeting you,” she smiled. Her overly sweet voice had a hint of haughtiness. I wanted to rake her beautiful face with my nails until the fake smile peeled off. She backed away, and with one last critical glance at me turned and walked towards the elevator.

  Bitch!

  I closed the door and leaned against it as I tried to steady my racing heart. I was surprised to find that I was shaking…must be the adrenaline. Did she still love him? He told me she was out of his life forever, that she meant nothing to him. That he never loved her, but here she is in New York.

  She followed him all the way to New York. Why?

  I paced the length of my apartment, my whole body trembling. I kept dialing Cole’s cell and immediately hanging up. I needed to speak with him but I knew he had a series of important meetings and appointments until six tonight, and he had enough on his plate. So I did what any self-respecting woman caught off guard by her boyfriends ex-fiancée would do, I called my over-protective, feisty best friend…I mean, who better to see things from my perspective.

  “Guess who just paid me a visit?” I threw at her before she could finish saying hello.

  I was dressed and waiting when Michelle rang my bell. I tentatively opened the door, not at all in the mood for another surprise visitor. She took one look at me and frowned.

  “So tell me what happened?”

  I felt the tears flood my eyes but refused to let them fall. She squinted as she searched my face for a clue on how to react.

  “Lauren Buckley is what happened.”

  “The ex-fiancée? You’re kidding me.” I watched as anger replaced concern on her face. “Holy shit. That’s fucked in more ways that I can think of. Did you call Cole and tell him?”

  “No. He told me he would be in and out of meetings all day. I didn’t want to call him to have him worry when he already has so much to worry about as it is. I’ll talk to him when he gets in.” I grabbed my purse and grabbed her elbow. “Lets get the hell out of here, I need a drink.”

  “Holy shit.” She trailed off.

  “You said that already.” I pulled her along.

  “Yeah…but holy shit again!” She shook her head in disbelief.

  We rode the elevator in silence to the lobby. When the door opened, I strode purposefully up to the large console where the building security team sat facing a multitude of monitors, displaying varying degrees of camera angles throughout the building.

  “Miss Preston, Miss Maloney.” Gretchen, the head of security for the building looked up as we approached. “Looks beautiful out there, enjoy your day Ladies,” she smiled and slowly turned away. Gretchen Laurents is an extremely pretty blonde, who was over the top smart and, more than tough enough to run the security department for five of New York’s most desirable luxury apartment complexes.

  “Gretchen…Who was working the door this morning?” I asked her. She immediately looked up at us, her eyes searching.

  “That would be Pat, is everything okay?” I could tell the concern in her voice was genuine.

  “Well…I had an unannounced visitor this morning. I opened my door thinking it was Michelle.” I turned my head to look at Michelle and she nodded.

  “I’m sorry Miss Preston, that is totally unacceptable. Please wait here one moment.” She stood up and walked into the office behind the console.

  I looked again at Michelle who was rolling her eyes. A few minutes later Gretchen returned to where we stood, clipboard in hand.

  “Miss Preston, I know that there is no excuse for it…EVER. Pat is new, an employee in training. He’s not been updated on your...um...situation with the murders and all. We felt it better to…well, with Tony still out on leave…”

  “How is he? I keep meaning to ask again,” I cut her off smiling weakly.

  “Well, we are hoping to have him back here with us in August. He is recovering, albeit slowly. The heart attack scared the heck out of all of us, and obviously him. It was touch and go there for a while, we thought we were going to lose him.” She looked between Michelle and me. “They still don’t know what brought it on, he had just had a physical, and the doctor told him he was healthy as a horse.” She stared at us both shaking her head, “I went to see him two nights ago and he seemed to be in good spirits and getting around well.”

  “Gretchen, I’m sorry to add to your worries, it’s just that since the whole…Jonathan incident…I…we haven’t been ourselves.” I pointed to Michelle and myself. “I..”

  “No need to explain anything. It was an
inexcusable lapse of security on our part and I will personally see that it does not happen again. I know it is not acceptable, and…” She turned to Michelle, “I’m sorry Miss Maloney, I truly apologize. I will make a report and will have it ready for your signatures later today, then forward it to the building supervisor for further review.”

  “Thank you Gretchen. I appreciate that.” I looked at Michelle.

  “Thank you ladies. Thank you for your time and, again, please accept my apology. Enjoy your day.” Gretchen pulled out a form and clipping to the clipboard she held, started to fill it out. We turned and walked out the door held open by Pat, who had the good sense to avoid looking directly at us.

  No harm no foul I guess.

  As we sat down in at our table at 21 Club, Michelle turned to me.

  “Okay. You need to tell me now…”

  “Shelle, I opened the door in my bathrobe…my bathrobe! With my hair wrapped in a friggin’ towel. I must have looked like a total rube.”

  “Funny…I love the image,” she smirked. “And you could never look like a rube.”

  “She was stunning. I mean really beautiful,” I groaned.

  “Grace, don’t make me smack you upside your pretty little head.” She leaned in. “There’s a reason he left her and there’s a reason he’s with you,” she interjected.

  “I know all that, but why wouldn’t he tell me she was in town.”

  “Because he doesn’t talk to her, so he most likely doesn’t even know she is here,” she explained. “He did break it off with her right?”

  “Hey, whose side are you on?” I inquired.

  “I didn’t think I had to take sides, but yours, always yours. You know that.” She looked up as our waiter came over.

  “Good afternoon, how are we today? My name is Nick, I’ll be taking care of you, may I get you water for the table?”

  “Yes, bottled still please,” I asked.

  “Very well, and would you like to start with something from the bar?”

  “I would love a glass of Pinot Noir, Nick. So if you could bring me the wine list that would be awesome,” Michelle said looking at me.

  “I’ll have a Mint Julep, Nick, thank you.”

  “Right away.”

  As he walked away Michelle turned her head to look at me.

  “Well, what are you going to say to him?” She ran her fingers through her hair slipping it behind her ear.

  “What can I say? ‘Hi darling, your ex-fiancée came to visit and she would just love to get together with you and re-spark the romance. Oh, by the way, here’s her number so feel free to have incredible sex, oh, and if I haven’t already told you, I’m jealous as all hell, and would love to smash her face in,” I said facetiously.

  “Smart ass,” she retorted.

  Nick returned and poured two glasses of water then set the bottle on top of the pewter coaster, and handed Michelle the wine list. After taking all of two seconds she looked up.

  “I’ll have a glass of the Belle Glos Pinot Noir, please.”

  “Very well.” He turned to leave.

  “So what do you think?” I asked her, when he was out of hearing range.

  “You really want to know? I’m not going to blow smoke…” she tipped her head to the side.

  “Yes. Tell me what you really think for a change.” I said sarcastically interrupting her. I braced myself. Michelle was a ‘no holes barred’ kinda girl and I was half afraid of what she would say.

  “I think you both rushed into living together,” she said. Seeing the distraught expression on my face, she quickly continued, “I know you love each other, but you really don’t know each other…yet. It feels, to me, like you’re moving too fast, Gracie. You both needed time to get over what happened…to us all.” She looked directly into my eyes. “You know I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t think it.”

  Her words cut into me. I could feel the tears building, threatening to spill down my face. I lowered my head searching for a tissue in my purse.

  “Gracie…please…don’t.” She took hold of my hand. “You know I love you like a sister…no actually more than that.” She squeezed my hand, “ Just listen...”

  I swiped at my eyes with the torn, crumbled tissue I found. I knew in my heart she was right, but the words cut deep nonetheless.

  “Shelle…”

  “Let me finish what I have to say,” she interrupted me. “You’ve known each other for such a short time. Love is great, you two are great, but you need to grow into yourselves before you can share with each other. The Jonathan thing…was painful to deal with, both emotionally and psychologically. He really fucked us up, made us all ‘head-jobs’. You both just need to take some time, step back and take a look at what you really want from your relationship.

  “I truly believe in my heart you will both end up together. Really, I have no doubts, but right now you both have so much to learn about the other. You are both damaged, in your own way. Fuck, we’re all damaged. You need time to heal.

  “Then when you come together there won’t be anymore doubts, no more questions…and no more surprises.” She smiled wryly. “I’m just saying, take your time and get to know each another. It’s not like he’s gonna take off running towards the hills. Relax.”

  I know she was only thinking about me, but what she said left me feeling empty inside.

  Chapter 9

  I couldn’t stop thinking about what Michelle said for the rest of the day. In my heart I knew she was right about one thing, there was so little I knew about Cole. I knew about the major things that shaped him into who he was today, but I still needed him to fill in between the lines. What happened with Lauren? Why did he end the engagement? I knew nothing of his family, other than how they died, and I had no clue if there were other family members other than an aunt he mentioned in passing once…his mother’s sister, I believe, and her family. I know he saw a psychiatrist for several years…but was it to help him get over the deaths of his family, or was there more to it than that?

  I was so involved with my own issues and problems that I never really paid much attention to his, and he was more than content to keep them to himself. Too afraid to rock the boat and upset the great thing I had going with Cole, I left well enough alone. Only now well enough, wasn’t good enough. I was literally uncomfortable saying anything, not wanting to seem too inquisitive. I didn’t want him to think I wanted to drag all the bad memories out of him to satisfy my own curiosity. I was obviously not riding high on self-confidence these days, not to mention I was trying to deal with too many issues of my own.

  Lack of self-assuredness was definitely at the top of my issue list. I had spent a good portion of my life using men and letting them use me. I was so unwilling to put my heart out there. There were many times I thought I didn’t have a heart anymore, since it was torn from my chest when Craig died…was murdered, which brings to mind another one of my issues, guilt.

  This was the first real relationship I had since that other lifetime so long ago, and there was nothing I wanted more in the world than to make it work. The thought of spending a night without Cole was too painful to think about let alone a lifetime. I was literally terrified of losing him. Just thinking about it now caused my stomach to roll violently.

  I changed into my terrycloth shorts and tee shirt and contemplated dinner. I wanted to make something simple. Quick and easy, something that would satisfy my carb-crave. I was expecting my period and craved pasta and bread in the worst way. Chicken Parmesan with linguini was my go to comfort food. My dad and I made it together all the time when I was young. It was one of my fondest memories with my dad. Which earned it the number one spot in my heart as my favorite comfort food. And right now, I definitely needed a little comfort.

  I took out my meat hammer and was pounding the chicken cutlets thin when I thought I heard the door open behind me. I turned my head but didn’t see anyone and the door was closed. That was weird. A cold chill settled in my gut. My senses automatical
ly shifted to hyper alert.

  I had the feeling someone standing behind me, and a chill coursed through my body as goose bumps rose on my arms. I spun around quickly, mallet in hand. When I saw Cole standing there I screamed…loud. Really loud.

  “Jesus Christ!” I shrieked. “What the fuck?” I said grabbing my chest.

  He must have seen the terror in my eyes because he took a step towards me his arms extended.

  “Grace, baby, I’m sorry. I thought you heard me come in.”

  “That was seriously fucked up Ace… seriously not funny. I looked at the door and no one was there!” I reprimanded, physically pushing him backwards. My breathing was ragged, and my heart felt like it was about to pound through the walls of my chest. “After all the shit that’s been going on, you didn’t think that was a total dick move?”

  He stepped closer and pulled me to his chest, holding me tight. I could feel the pounding of his heart. Apparently we were both rattled.

  “I’m sorry babe,” he repeated although I could hear the laughter in his words.

  “Yeah right,” I trailed off pushing against him again.

  “It feels good to hold you.” He rested his chin on my head. “It has been one shitty day. But this—having you in my arms—Ummm.” He kissed my forehead then reached down and lowered his hands until they rested on my ass and squeezed.

  “Damn,” I looked up at his face. Trying to shake it off. “I’m sorry for getting so freaked out.” I placed the meat hammer down on the countertop. “Ace, can you pick out a wine and decant it please? I’m making chicken Parmesan and, after that I could use a glass of wine.” I glanced towards the door and shook my head.

  “Sure. Italian…mmm, what do we have…?” he inquired. “How about a Barolo?”

  “Whatever you think. I made Fra diavlo sauce and garlic toast. So just open what you think goes best.”

  I turned my attention back to the pounding of the chicken as my heart rate slowly returned to normal.