Guardian Angel: Callaghan Brothers, Book 5

by Abbie Zanders

  “You’re not just anyone,” he responded casually, offering a rare half-smile of his own.

  Her cheeks grew rosier. Was that from the warmth of the cabin or was she blushing?

  “That is true,” she agreed with mock confidence. “And to answer your question, I think it’s almost perfect.”

  “Almost?” he asked, arching a brow.

  “Mmm-hmm.”

  “Tell me, then. How would you improve upon my humble abode?”

  “I’d put in a hot tub,” she said without hesitation, chopping up vegetables with consummate skill. “On the far side of the porch, just outside your bedroom, where you could take a nice long soak and look up at the stars at night, or watch the dawn breaking over the ridge first thing in the morning.”

  “Would you now?” he asked, amused that she seemed to have given it so much thought.

  “Absolutely. I’d go with a hardwood deck and sink in the tub to make it blend in with the natural setting. I have to imagine it would help your rehab as well.”

  “I’ll take it under advisement,” he said. The truth was, he loved the idea. What he liked even better? The image of Rebecca in the hot tub with him.

  After a delicious dinner of steak and salad – Kane grilled the steaks, Rebecca made the salad – they settled comfortably into the living room area. Rebecca sat in the oversized chair near the fire. Her legs were tucked beneath her, a fleecy zippered hoodie around her shoulders.

  Kane caught his breath. She looked so right there, snuggled by the flames, cheeks pink from the heat of the hearth, a big, thick book in her hands, the flames dancing in her golden eyes. He stilled, letting the image sink into him while fighting it with everything he had. She did not belong here.

  Except that she did. It was so easy to picture her here with him every night. Though instead of being several feet away from him she’d be beneath him on the fur in front of the hearth, his body warming hers instead of those soft fabrics...

  He blinked, forcing himself to dispel the image. Rebecca was the closest thing to purity he’d ever encountered. Her naivete, her innocence, her selfless kindness. She was light. And him, he was darkness. He could never allow himself to forget that, no matter how much he wanted her. He could protect her, ensure that she was safe and happy, but nothing more. To take her as his own would be to taint her, and no physical pleasure was worth that price.

  As if sensing his torment, she looked up at him then. Her exotic eyes, so big and golden in the firelight, regarded him serenely; her mouth curved ever so slightly, soothing him instantly. It was purely unintentional, a natural reaction she seemed to have whenever she looked at him. He wondered if she even realized she was doing it.

  Prayed she never stopped.

  “You are only the second female ever to step foot in my sanctuary,” Kane told her, because she seemed to expect him to say something.

  Rebecca dropped her eyes and she inclined her head slightly. With another woman the gesture might have appeared mocking, but with Rebecca, he took it for what it was – a subtle acknowledgement. No doubt she’d picked up the custom overseas. The pure submissiveness of it sent bolts of fire through his chest and right down into his cock.

  “I’m honored,” she said in that soft voice of hers.

  One of the things Kane liked most about Rebecca was that she just seemed to accept everything he said, as he said it. No more, no less. She didn’t ask who else had been here, or when. Nor did she ask why he didn’t bring women here. It wasn’t that she gave the impression that she didn’t care, either. No, Rebecca, unlike pretty much everyone else, seemed to understand not only what he was saying, but more importantly, what he wasn’t. She accepted his admission for what it was – a gift of sorts – and her appreciation was clear.

  And maybe for precisely that reason – because she hadn’t asked - Kane wanted her to know more. “Taryn was the first. You know, Jake’s wife?”

  “Yes. I like her very much. She makes me laugh.” He watched carefully, but there was no accusation, no presumption, no shock, no morbid curiosity. She just looked at him with those big, soft brown eyes, without judgment or supposition.

  “She was in trouble, needed a place to crash until we could figure out how to fix things.”

  Rebecca smiled knowingly. “And you helped her.”

  “Yeah, I guess.” He probably should tell her that he had been very much against the idea at first.

  “You are a kind man.”

  He almost laughed at that. “Kind” was not a word he often heard. Hard. Implacable. Cold, yes. But kind? Never. There was a reason they called him the Iceman. Yet he couldn’t bring himself to laugh at her, because – son of a bitch – she really believed it.

  “No, I’m not.”

  Rebecca just smiled back at him, a knowing, serene smile that said she thought he was a good guy and nothing he said would change her mind.

  “I mean, it’s not like we were involved or anything.” God, why was he babbling like an idiot? “Taryn and Jake are soul mates, have been since they first laid eyes on each other.”

  “You believe in soul mates, then?” She sat up slightly in interest and laid the book in her lap, giving him her full attention.

  It took him a while to answer. “If you had asked me that a few years ago, I would have laughed in your face and called you a sucker. But now...”

  “What has changed?”

  “How much time do you have?”

  Rebecca smiled. “For another cup of your magical hot chocolate, as much as you want.”

  A short while later, mug in hand, Rebecca snuggled into the far end of the oversized sofa, her legs piked at the knee beneath an old quilt. She sipped at the heavenly mix of chocolate and “secret” ingredients, letting her eyes roll back in her head with delight.

  “This is amazing,” she said. “What’s in it, exactly?” she asked.

  Kane sat at the opposite end, soaking in her pleasure like he needed it to survive. Given Rebecca’s penchant for chocolate and sweets, he’d had the foresight to bring along a few bottles of chocolate liquor and Bailey’s Irish Crème from the bar, along with a family-sized box of Swiss Miss packets.

  He smiled. “I could tell you,” he said softly, “but then I’d have to kill you.”

  She laughed and kicked playfully at his leg with her toes. “Fine,” she said. “Don’t tell me. But don’t blame me when I’m following you around, hounding you for another fix. I can tell you, it won’t be pretty.”

  Kane laughed, too, but the idea of creating something that bound her to him sent a powerful bolt of want through him to do just that. And as for her ever being anything less than beautiful in his eyes? It was impossible.

  He forced those thoughts aside, and began to tell her the story of how Taryn showed up at the Pub one rainy night. Rebecca listened with rapt attention. Little by little, she drew closer until she was sitting next to him. He made sure he did absolutely nothing to dissuade her.

  “I remember that case,” Rebecca said thoughtfully. “It was big news right around the time I joined the Red Cross and was heading out. So Taryn is really the long lost daughter of the Senator?”

  “Yep, one and the same.”

  “That sounds like an exciting suspense novel,” Rebecca commented. “It’s easy to imagine the hand of fate in there somewhere.”

  “That’s just the beginning. A few months later, a good friend of the family passed, and Lexi ended up on the same Greyhound with Ian...” he said, moving on to their story.

  “... so Lexi passed the medical tests with flying colors and they began to plan the wedding. Of course there had to be a bachelor party for Ian, and Maggie was one of the dancers - ”

  “Not Maggie!”

  Kane chuckled. “Yes, Maggie. The girl originally scheduled to dance broke her leg and Maggie’s friend talked her into it. Then Maggie had a little accident that put her right in line with Michael...”

  By the time Kane finished the third tale, Rebecca was hanging on
every word. “And what about Sean and Nicki?” And so Kane proceeded to tell her of the sad and heartrending circumstances that had brought the two of them together.

  Kane couldn’t remember when he’d ever talked so much. If he added up every conversation he’d had over the last ten years it still wouldn’t amount to the amount he’d spoken to Rebecca that night.

  “Well, I can certainly see what you mean. Tell me, Kane, do you think there is someone destined for each of us? Dare we hope for a perfect mate?”

  For as much as he had spoken, he suddenly couldn’t think of a single thing to say. He knew what he was thinking - that he had a pretty good idea of who his perfect mate would be - but there was no way he was going to spew that little revelation, not when she was so warm and close, looking at him with those big brown eyes, smelling like chocolate and liquor and warm, fragrant woman. He’d have to shoot himself afterwards, and he really didn’t want her to have to clean up the mess.

  So he went with his ace answer: “I don’t know.”

  “Yeah,” she said so softly he barely heard her. “Me, neither.”

  She pushed away the quilt and stood up, taking her mug to the sink and rinsing it out. When she returned, much to his disappointment, she went back to sitting in the chair by the hearth.

  She hadn’t turned a page in ages. Kane watched her from beneath half-lidded eyes. God, he could look at her forever and never tire of it. Rebecca was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. With her big brown eyes, honey blonde hair, and perpetual look of calm and serenity she was a soothing balm to his very soul. And her beauty was so much more than skin deep. She was also the most thoughtful, gentle, kind, compassionate woman he’d ever met. For a jaded man like him, her heart was the most incredible thing about her.

  “What are you thinking?” he asked finally. The need to know what could capture her attention so fully had been building for quite some time. What was it that could put such a look of reluctant longing on that lovely face?

  Without turning away from the flames, she spoke. “Aidan thought you were bringing me up here to seduce me.” Her lips curved into a gentle smile.

  Kane couldn’t think of a single reasonable response to that statement. He certainly wasn’t about to admit that the thought had crossed his mind so often that it never really quite left him anymore, tucked away and kept tightly under lock and key where it would not hurt her.

  Had she noticed the near constant erection he had in her presence, the one he had tried to conceal with his consistently untucked flannel shirt? Christ, he’d never had any trouble with his self-control, yet here he was, thirty-six years old, reacting to her like she was his first naked centerfold. Except he was way past puberty and she was about as far away from naked as she could get, tucked under nearly half a dozen layers of flannel and fluff. It was downright embarrassing.

  As much as he might want her, though, it didn’t matter. Rebecca was not the sort of woman he could seduce once. She was a forever woman, and forever was something he couldn’t give her. So he remained quiet, letting the crackle of the fire fill the space now saturated with her presence.

  * * *

  If only Aidan could see her now, she mused. Tucked beneath a blanket, snuggled into an oversized chair by the fire with a book, it was about as far away from planned seduction as it could get. The hot chocolate had left her pleasantly warm and sedate. She was sure Kane added something to it, but she wasn’t complaining. She felt completely relaxed, and she was certain Kane would never allow anything bad to happen to her.

  His lack of response to her last statement didn’t bother her at all. There was no good reply, she realized, the statement being akin to the infamous question ‘does this outfit make me look fat?’. If he admitted to wanting to seduce her, it could make their current situation awkward. If he denied Aidan’s accusation, then he ran the risk of insulting her or hurting her feelings. The issue of whether or not she wanted to be seduced was totally irrelevant. Kane was nothing if not an extremely intelligent man, and would not allow himself to fall into such a trap, however unwittingly set.

  So Rebecca decided to go a different route. “What is it like?” she asked in that quiet, curious way of hers.

  “What is what like?”

  “Being with someone.” At his puzzled expression, she added carefully, “Intimately, I mean. Sex.”

  He coughed, looking extremely uncomfortable. It was not a look she’d seen on him before. “You’ve never, uh, - ”

  “No,” she smiled, slightly embarrassed herself. “They frowned upon that sort of thing at the convent.”

  “Yeah, I guess so.” Kane’s hand ran through his hair before he caught himself. “I thought maybe before...”

  “No,” she shook her head. As the daughter of such a wealthy man her activities had been closely monitored, a precaution against those who would seek to use her against her father. Rebecca Harrison’s virtue had been as closely guarded as the rest of the family’s considerable assets.

  Kane shook his head. “I’m really not the right person to be asking about this.”

  “Who should I ask?” Rebecca countered with a wry grin. “Should I call up the convent and ask the sisters? Or maybe my brother? Because that wouldn’t be weird at all.”

  Kane shifted uncomfortably. “I don’t know. Maybe Taryn – no, not Taryn. Definitely not Nicki. Lexi, maybe. Or Maggie. Yeah, Maggie’d be a good one to talk to about ... that.”

  “I want to know what you think,” she insisted, feeling a bit bolder than usual. She felt more in tune with Kane than she’d felt with anyone else. Like her, he seemed to be just a step off from everyone else. Like her, he’d seen the best and worst of humanity. And, like her, he seemed to give each day the importance it deserved as if he, too, fully recognized that it might be his last.

  She wanted his thoughts, because she felt they would most closely align with her own.

  If she was totally honest with herself, though, she would admit that it was perhaps more than mere curiosity. Maybe it was also a gentle nudge, a small test to see if there was any chance he was as interested in something more with her as she was with him.

  Rebecca had wanted to wait until she found the right man, until it was the right time. Being alone with Kane, isolated in the mountains, with him lounging like a perfect panther and staring at her with those penetrating blue eyes, it felt right on both accounts.

  She was falling in love with him. No, that wasn’t right. She had already fallen, hard and fast. It had happened without her knowledge, without her consent. She didn’t think he knew; she had done her best to keep things casual and light, conscientiously ensuring she never did anything to push him away. Rebecca could be content to keep things as they were. It wouldn’t be her first choice, but she could do it if she had to. If there was even the slightest chance, however, she would take it in a heartbeat.

  Kane shifted again. As was his way, he took a long time considering before he answered. “Sex can be beautiful, I think,” he finally said, his words slow and spoken with carefully measured tones, “with the right person. Otherwise, it is something fleeting and purely physical. Like scratching an itch. Instant relief, but nothing lingering.”

  She considered this, tucking her legs up a little farther beneath her. Her eyes were thoughtful as she gazed into the flames for several minutes. Finally she looked back to him. “Is it difficult to abstain?”

  He raised his eyebrows, obviously surprised by her question. “I would think you could answer that one yourself.”

  She gave a slight wave of dismissal. “I don’t count,” she countered. “You can’t miss what you’ve never had.” But you could crave it. You could dream of it. You could lie awake for hours at night, longing for it.

  Kane leaned forward slightly. “And what makes you think I abstain?”

  Rebecca dropped her gaze immediately. What the hell had she been thinking, asking him that? Her cheeks flamed hot, and she knew that if she looked into a mirror at that moment th
ey would be crimson.

  “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed...” Embarrassment rushed in, overwhelming her earlier boldness. She had assumed he was uninvolved, but maybe that was only because she wanted him to be. He didn’t have a steady girlfriend – she was sure of that – but maybe there was someone he went to, someone to satisfy his physical needs. To scratch his itch. He was a strong, potent man.

  She’d been a fool to hope he’d spend his nights romanticizing about her. And the fact that he had made absolutely no move to do anything non-platonic with her should have told her everything she needed to know.

  And once again, she’d pushed him too far, overstepped the heavily bolded, clearly defined line between them.

  Kane ran his hand through his hair again. “Jesus, I knew talking about this was a bad idea.”

  “I’m sorry.” She bit her lip and turned her eyes back to the fire.

  * * *

  Kane saw the brief flash in her eyes before her lids shuttered downward, abashed. For just a moment, her lips parted in surprise, and he knew she hadn’t guessed his ever increasing desire for her. Worse than that, he seemed to have offended her somehow.

  He had known better, and had gone ahead and opened his mouth anyway. He was not one to share his personal thoughts, not with anyone, even though he had broken that little golden rule at least a dozen times with her already. And she wasn’t asking him his opinion on safe topics like politics or religion. No, she wanted to know his thoughts on sex. It was certifiably insane, and absolutely, positively, most definitely against Kane’s Rules to discuss such matters.

  But when she looked at him with those big, soft, brown eyes, none of the usual rules applied.

  It was true. He hadn’t been with a woman in months, and certainly not since he came back from the last mission. At first it was because of his injury, but lately, it was because of a different reason entirely. He couldn’t bring himself to desire any woman except the one currently sitting across from him, managing to look adorable and sexy at the same time. He tried desperately to keep his thoughts to himself, but perhaps somewhere he had messed up and she had sensed his single-minded hunger for her and her alone.