Disarm (Iron Heretics MC Book 2)

by Michelle Frost

  “Much better.” He leaned his head back. “How is Eben? And Pax?”

  I sat down on the edge of the bed facing him. “They’re both okay. The shot hit Eben high in the shoulder, and Doc thinks he’ll make a full recovery. And Pax is upstairs with Mace as far as I know. He’s fine.”

  “And Dustin? What happened to him?”

  My eyes hardened. “You won’t have to worry about him ever again.”

  Watching him examine my face and seeing the exact moment when understanding dawned was hard. I didn’t want him to think of me that way. As a killer. As the kind of man who settled his affairs with violence. Even though that’s exactly what I was. I’d never had reservations like I did with Leith. Never worried about how a potential lover saw me. Even though it hadn’t been me that killed Dustin…I wished it had. I knew my brothers made the only call they could for the situation they were in, but a quick roadside death was so much better than that monster had deserved.

  “That’s…good,” Leith finally said on a long exhale. “He was…he was horrible.”

  “Was he what you were dreaming about?”

  He nodded. “He talked to me the whole time he was hurting me. It wasn’t—” Leith cut himself off and looked down at his lap. “It wasn’t the first time I’d been with him. I met him through a hook-up app, and we’d gotten together on a couple of different occasions.”

  We’d gathered as much from his Uber history when we’d found his phone after his abduction, but hearing him confirm it—knowing that he’d willingly given himself to that asshole was like a kick to the balls. “Is that why you met him outside your apartment Sunday night?”

  Leith flinched, and I felt like an asshole. Maybe I should have someone else sit with him. With everything that happened, it felt like the fucking fantastic day we’d had together was a half-forgotten dream.

  “He was supposed to have taken me hiking that morning, and then we were going to have a scene after.” His face got almost as red as his hair, and his eyes darted to mine. “But he didn’t show. That’s why Pax asked if I could ride with you. Then that night, he messaged me an apology and asked if we could talk.”

  “So you went downstairs to meet him.”

  “Yes. Then I woke up in that bathroom.”

  “Leith—”

  “I’m sorry.” He wouldn’t meet my eyes. “I wished I’d asked you to stay. I wanted to ask you to stay.”

  That buoyed my wounded ego some—even though any thought about my ego felt unbelievably selfish on my part—but I still had so many questions. Important questions too, but what came out of my mouth was, “What kind of scene?”

  Leith rolled his one good eye at me, although the other was considerably less swollen than it had been twenty-four hours ago. “Like you don’t know.”

  Fuck, was I happy to see some of his sass shining through, and, true, I had my suspicions about what his kink might be, but I’d let him tell me when he was ready. “I don’t know what you mean. I’ll have you know, it’s strictly vanilla around here.” He snorted, and I stood from the bed and offered him my hand. “Think you’re up for a walk to the kitchen? It’s just down the hall.” Licking his lips, he nodded and eased his legs over the side. The swelling in his knees had gone down as well. “I think Pax and Arden might be in there. They’ve been asking to see you—”

  My words died in my throat at how pale Leith had gotten.

  “Um, I don’t think I’m ready for that. Could you maybe just bring me something in here?”

  My forehead furrowed. What had brought that sudden switch? “Of course. Want me to help you to the bathroom before I go?”

  He shook his head and slowly got to his feet. “No, I’ve got it, I think. Thank you.”

  “Ok, I’ll be back in a minute.” I’d pulled the door open when he spoke again.

  “Axel…I’m just not ready to see anyone. Not yet.”

  “Then you won’t have to, okay?”

  His shoulders sagged, and he gave me a little nod before he shuffled into the bathroom and closed the door.

  When I got to the kitchen, I was surprised to find only Cleave. He was sitting off to one side at the big table where several of us often took meals together or spread out to clean our guns. Like most homes, this room and the big common room with its couches and TV’s were where we tended to congregate.

  “Hey, man,” Cleave said, straightening up from the sandwich in front of him. “How’s Leith?” Outside of my brother, Stone, Cleave was the Heretic I was closest to, despite him being a decade younger than me. I remembered when he patched in—quiet and eager for a place to belong. He had that place now. He was by far one of the best men I knew and a damn good enforcer. Our bulk, and being unbothered by getting our hands dirty, often saw us side-by-side with Mace or Lex in the thick of jobs that weren’t always easy to stomach.

  “Hey.” Walking over, I settled in the chair across from him and propped my elbows on the table before running a hand over the scratchy stubble on my head. I needed to shave. “He’s…doing okay. All things considered.” I shrugged. “He just had a nightmare, but he shook it off quick. I can’t decide if he’s still in shock or just really good at hiding things.”

  “Could be keeping it all in. If some fucker had chained me up in a bathroom and cut on me, I’m not sure how I’d be reacting right now either.”

  I blew out a big breath. “Yeah.” It was hard to reconcile that it was only last night I’d carried Leith out of that apartment. “Resilient little shit.”

  Cleave arched one dark brow at me. “You like him.”

  “Yeah.”

  He chuckled. “Is that going to be your answer for everything today?” His blue eyes narrowed in concern. “Have you gotten any sleep? I could sit with him—”

  “No.” It came out with more force than I intended, and Cleave’s eyes got big. “Sorry. Yes, I’ve slept some, thank you. And, no. You’re one of few I’d trust with him, but he doesn’t want to see anyone else. Just me and Doc.”

  “So, I know you two looked cozy as hell on the ride Sunday, and I was serious when I said you like him, but…”

  “Yeah. I liked him on Sunday, and I like him today…and maybe it was seeing him like that, but he’s got me all wrapped up.”

  “I can see that. You’re like full-on Daddy Bear.” Cleave smirked.

  “Oh, fuck you.” I chuckled, glad for the lighter turn in our conversation. “Speaking of wrapped up”—I raised an eyebrow at the dark red mark I could see peeking out at the collar of Cleave’s t-shirt—“how’s JJ?”

  It was amazing how his face softened at the mention of his man.

  “He’s good. We got into it last night about me asking him to come here for lockdown, but after what happened to Leith and Pax…he understands.”

  “When are you going to move in with him?” I knew a million people had asked him that question, but I hadn’t. Before, I’d figured he’d tell me when he was ready, but I was feeling more and more like maybe we all should be seizing the moment when we could. If I had seized my moment Sunday night, Leith might not be laying in a hospital bed down the hall.

  Cleave sighed. “Soon. We talked about it last night or this morning really, after I got in. I was only trying to keep some distance for his protection. To put some space between him and the club, but now…I want to be wherever he is.”

  A smile spread across my face. “Good. I’m happy for you.”

  “Thanks.” He smiled too, but it faded quickly. “I’m sorry about the way things went down with that asshole. I know he should have been yours.”

  I nodded as the anger that hadn’t dissipated from the night before churned and boiled in my gut. My brothers had been on the side of the road with only their bikes and the cops coming. Their only options had been to leave the bastard that had hurt Leith and taken Pax for the police or to put an end to him right there. As much as I burned to have been the one to do the deed, they made the right call. “Appreciate that, but it’s done, and that’s
really all that matters.” Rising from the table, I held out my hand for Cleave to clasp. Instead, he stood and walked to me, pulling me into a crushing hug.

  “Take care of your boy. I’m here if you need me.”

  “Thanks, man. Let me know if you need help moving your shit to JJ’s.”

  He laughed. “Will do.”

  Chapter Four

  Leith

  Two days after Axel had carried me into one of the infirmary rooms at the Heretics’ clubhouse, he carried me back out of it and up the stairs to his personal room. Well, it was more like a small apartment than just a room. There was a sitting area with a big, comfy leather couch and a giant flatscreen mounted on the wall in front of it, a kitchenette, a desk with an iMac and an expensive-looking swivel chair, and a big bed over in one corner half-hidden from the rest of the room with a shoji screen.

  “This is nice,” I said as he set me on my feet. Everything was so tidy I was half-afraid to touch, but Axel gently nudged me farther into his space as he shut the door behind us.

  “Thanks. Vivian sent a bag of your things over. I, uh, set it on the end of the bed. The bathroom is through that door. There’s towels and things under the cabinet if you want to shower, and I put a box of Saran Wrap on the counter to wrap your stitches with.”

  Could the man be any more thoughtful? For a moment, I felt bad about encroaching on his space. The truth was, I could have gone home. I was still healing, and I hurt a lot, but I could have looked after myself. I just didn’t want to, didn’t want to be alone, so when Axel asked if I’d rather stay with him for a few days…it had been impossible to say no.

  “Oh, and this.” Axel pulled my phone out of his pocket and handed it to me. “In all the commotion of the last few days, I forgot we still had it.”

  I felt like I hadn’t seen it in years and turned it over in my hands. The glittery case I’d put on it sparkling as it caught the overhead light. “Thanks.” The truth was, I hadn’t even thought about it. Hadn’t missed it. And how crazy was that? Normally, I lived on my phone—checking social media and watching make-up tutorials or playing my games. “I didn’t know what happened to it.”

  Axel moved into the kitchenette and pulled a couple bottles of water from the under-the-counter fridge. “It was in the shrubs out in front of Spritz Villa.”

  Ah. That moment, when Dustin had jabbed the needle into my neck, flashed behind my eyes, making me dizzy for a second as adrenaline flooded my veins. I breathed through it—the same fight or flight response I hadn’t gotten to really feel that night because the drugs that asshole pumped into me knocked me on my ass. The next thing I’d known, I was waking up naked and collared on the floor of that shitty bathroom. Before that, I’d thought moments like that were behind me; moments of absolute fear and the gut-wrenching despair that comes with it; moments when I realized that this really might be the end for me. How sad was it that this last round of moments weren’t even the worst I’d endured?

  “Leith?”

  Warm, gentle hands settled on my shoulders. Axel’s hands. I gripped his wrists, so strong and thick I couldn’t completely encircle them, and dragged my fingers through the dark hair covering his forearms. “I’m okay. Just…still coming to terms, I guess.”

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  I shot him a tight-lipped smile. “Nope. What I want is a nap. I know you did all the heavy lifting, but I’m already worn out.”

  He smirked, letting me get away with changing the subject, but his eyes still shined with concern. “You might be a lot of things but heavy isn’t one of them.”

  I laughed, pushing down all the dark swirly thoughts and feelings that wanted to pull me under. For now, I was safe here. “Maybe to you, Mr. Muscles,” I said, poking at the bulge of his bicep.

  "And you can have your nap, as soon as you eat some lunch," Axel said. Using the hand still resting on my shoulders, he turned me toward the couch. "Go sit, and I'll bring it over to you."

  Letting out a sigh, I did as he asked, walking toward the couch and easing myself down on the far end of it. As Axel moved toward kitchenette, I swore I heard him chuckle and the word brat escape his lips. With a triumphant little smirk on my face, I pulled my phone from my pocket and turned it over in my hand. I wasn't surprised when the screen stayed black as I attempted to power it on. What was surprising was the lack of disappointment and the absence of an immediate desire to find a charger. Nibbling at the inside of my cheek, I decided not to overthink it and set the phone down on the coffee table.

  Settling back against the cushions, I winced as the movement pulled at the cuts on my legs, but the couch was comfortable—deep and plush—and I had no trouble letting my eyes slip closed while I waited on Axel to feed me.

  A little smile pulled at my mouth. In moments like these, it was hard to remember that he wasn't my Daddy. And if I was being honest with myself, I didn't want to remember. It was much nicer to slip into a little fantasy where this was my actual life—being Axel's boy and enjoying all the love and care that came with it. I could pretend that I’d been in some silly accident and my wonderful man, overprotective as he was, wouldn't let me lift a finger for myself. That wouldn’t be our everyday life, though…because as much as I longed to be cherished by a Daddy, I wanted to help take care of them too.

  "I thought I said lunch before nap."

  I couldn't help it—I smiled and opened my eyes to find Axel standing in front of me—a plate in one hand and a glass of water in the other—with a look of mock seriousness on his face. If I was his real boy, oh, how I would take advantage of that. Pressing his buttons just enough that he would give me what we both wanted. Instead, I sat up and accepted the plate he'd made for me.

  “Sorry, Axel.” His eyebrows went up, and I could tell he was trying to decide if I was being sassy or serious. I looked at the plate in my hand, finding a turkey sandwich on the wheat bread that I liked cut into quarters and fresh-cut strawberries and pineapple. My mouth watered.

  Only a couple days, and without even asking, this man quickly figured out my food preferences, and for some reason, that made tears well up in my eyes. I cleared my throat, willing them back, and looked at Axel with a little smile. "Thank you."

  He tilted his head and settled on the couch beside me. "You're welcome."

  Instead of sitting on the other end, he chose the seat in the middle, slightly turned toward me with his muscled arm stretching across the back behind my head. I didn't feel crowded, though. Truth was, I liked having him close. Picking up a sandwich quarter, I took a big bite and moaned in pleasure. The turkey tasted like he'd roasted it himself, even though he didn't have an oven. The lettuce was crisp, and there was just enough mayonnaise. Before I knew it, I had half the sandwich gone and was working my way through the sweet strawberries and tangy pineapple. As I lifted the third sandwich quarter, Axel spoke.

  "Why don't you want to see your friends, Leith?"

  My stomach dove and swooped, caught completely off guard, and it took all my effort not to scowl at him. He’d waited until I was distracted, thoroughly enraptured with my yummy lunch, probably hoping to startle me into giving him an answer. Like the petulant brat I was so good at being, I lowered my eyes to the plate in my lap and started tearing the crust off the bread. "I just don't."

  Axel hummed, no doubt giving me the chance to tell him the truth, and then one of his hands sealed over mine, stilling their nervous movement and making me turn to look at him. "I'm not trying to force you into seeing them before you're ready, and anything you say to me will always stay between us, but I would like to know the real reason you're asking me to turn them away."

  My heart was beating hard in my chest. I couldn't say that I blamed him. I knew it was strange, at least from an outside perspective, for me not to want to see the people who could offer me the most comfort—that I had the most in common with. I also knew beyond Axel wanting to know the truth—he was asking for my trust, something he absolutely deserved even though I
wasn’t ready to give it fully. I could share this one truth, though.

  “I’m ashamed,” I said, my voice sounding small.

  Axel flinched. "Leith what happened to you was not your fault—"

  "Not about what happened. Although, that is pretty fucking humiliating too. But about what I did…while it was happening." Appetite gone, I placed the plate on the coffee table and took a sip of water.

  “And what was that?” Axel asked, his big rumble of a voice the softest I’d ever heard it.

  I let out a big breath, only to pull another one in, but it didn't stop the burn building behind my eyes. “I told him everything. Answered every question he had. I know that I didn't know much of what he wanted because of how angry he kept getting with my responses, but I didn't even try to hold back. I just wanted him to stop hurting me.” Fresh tears welled in my eyes and spilled over.

  Axel's gentle hand settled on my shoulder. "Come here," he said, using that hand to guide me toward him. I went willingly. He pulled me onto his lap, and I buried my face against the side of his neck. One big arm wrapped completely around my waist, holding me secure while his other hand started a steady cadence running up and down my back.

  "Oh, sweet boy, I won't tell you how to feel, but I promise you there is no need to feel that shame. You didn't give him anything that he couldn't find out some other way, or that he didn't already know. From the looks of things, he'd been staking us out for a while, and my guess is hurting you was both about covering his bases to ensure he hadn't missed anything and just because he was a sick bastard who would have hurt you regardless. No one blames you. None of this was your fault."

  I nodded, my disheveled hair catching in his beard.

  “You sure no one blames me?”

  "I'm sure."

  Swallowing hard, I willed my tears to dry. It must have been my injuries and the stress of everything that happened that let me cry that hard in front of Axel. My old Daddy never minded if I cried while he was hurting me. I knew he liked it, but I’d always found the strength to hold back all my other tears until I was alone because crying like this—without physical wounds to warrant it—had been absolutely against the rules and would see me beaten instead of held the way Axel was holding me now. "And if I’m still not ready to see them?"