by Melody Anne
Grabbing a robe from the back of the door, she wrapped herself in it, ashamed as she stepped back into the bedroom. She really had no other choice but to put on the same clothes from the day before. Luckily, though, she’d spotted a hair dryer in the bathroom, so she grabbed her strewn clothes from the floor and slipped back inside before Kian could return to the bedroom.
She cleaned her panties and dried them off before dressing in her wrinkled clothes. Roxie had never before had to do a walk of shame from a man’s house, but it appeared as if she was going to experience many firsts in her life with Kian. Why change things now?
Though she had no idea what his address was, she decided she’d figure it out and sneak from his place as quietly as possible and call a cab or Uber driver. She didn’t think she could bear to be in a vehicle with him with his eyes raking over her. There was too much up in the air, and for now, she wanted to do what she did best—run away.
When she stepped from the bedroom and caught the scent of freshly brewed coffee, her mouth watered. But in order for her to get some, she’d certainly have to face Kian again. She was torn. As she began moving through his massive house, she decided escape was more important than caffeine.
Her cell phone was dead, and she needed to find a phone. She was sure there was one in the kitchen, but she couldn’t remember where that was. He had to have an office somewhere with a phone. Hopefully, on the side of the house opposite from where he was. She didn’t mind running right now. It seemed to be her best option.
As she turned another corner, the smells of coffee and bacon made her stomach rumble so loudly, it was as if thunder was crackling. Embarrassment made her cheeks flush as she came face-to-face with a tiny woman, who smiled at her.
“Good thing I’ve made a large breakfast,” the older woman said with a laugh as she pointed to the table. “Grab a cup of coffee and sit down. I’ll dish you up.”
“I can’t stay for food. I have to . . .” Roxie began before her words faded. She wasn’t sure what she was going to do now.
The woman tsked at her while she began piling food on a plate. Roxie knew she could ignore the woman and run from the room, but she’d always had a difficult time hurting anyone’s feelings. She assured herself her desire to stay had nothing to do with the fact that she was starving, and the woman’s cooking smelled fantastic.
“I need to make a phone call and collect my niece,” she said, attempting to leave the room again.
“Lily has already eaten, and she’s lying in the living room watching a cartoon,” the woman said.
“Oh.” She was already failing as a parent. Someone else was taking care of Lily’s basic needs. That wasn’t a good thing.
“She’s a beautiful little girl,” the woman told her. “Get your coffee.”
She decided to quit arguing. Lily was safe, and Roxie really didn’t know what she was going to do next, anyway. She just really wanted to avoid Kian after her pathetic night of begging him to love her. Not exactly the homecoming she’d been expecting or wanting.
By the time she was done making her coffee, the woman had dished up enough food to feed three people. With the workout she’d gotten the night before, sadly, she could probably eat that amount.
“Thank you,” Roxie told her quietly, wondering how many times this woman had fed Kian’s mistresses. The thought was enough to ruin her appetite. The lady didn’t seem at all surprised to find a woman in the house. Forcing herself to push that thought right out of her mind, Roxie ate, barely tasting the delicious meal.
The woman continued moving around the kitchen as she cleaned up the dishes she’d used to cook and keep the food warm on the stove. There was no sign of Kian anywhere, and Roxie assured herself that was a good thing. She finished her meal before realizing how rude she’d been.
“I should have introduced myself. I’m Roxie,” she told the lady with a sheepish smile.
“I know about you,” the woman said, and for some reason the way she said it made Roxie’s cheeks heat again as she looked down at the table. She in no way wanted to ask the woman for an explanation of that statement. “I’m Tilly.”
“It’s great to meet you, Tilly. Can you tell me where the nearest telephone is?” Roxie asked.
Tilly picked up her plate before Roxie could grab it and began moving toward the sink. Roxie didn’t try to stop her.
“Take the hallway to the left, and there’s one in the third door on the right,” Tilly said, already distracted with her cleanup.
“Thank you again,” Roxie said. It was time for her to step back out of this fake world she’d been brought into the night before.
When Roxie stepped into the large room, she immediately spotted the phone on a desk. She began moving toward it when Kian’s deep voice stopped her in her tracks.
“What do you need a phone for?” he asked.
She whipped around and found him sitting back in a comfortable chair, his laptop resting on his thighs, a cup of coffee in his hand.
“I need a cab,” she told him, defiance dripping from her tongue. She turned away from him and grabbed the phone, hoping to make the call quickly and be on her way.
She’d barely begun dialing information when Kian’s hand reached out, disconnecting the call and grabbing her arm. She was instantly angry with him.
“I need to figure out what Lily and I are going to do next,” she snapped.
“That’s for both of us to decide,” he told her, his voice equally firm.
“I’m not ready for this discussion,” she said. She backed away.
“Whether you’re ready or not, it’s something that has to happen.”
He was right. She knew he was right, but that didn’t make any of this any easier. All she was thinking of right now was escape.
He sighed after a few moments, and she waited to see what would come next.
“I called in some favors, and your sister’s place is clean and ready for you to go there,” he told her.
“With Lily,” she said. It wasn’t a question. If she kept her resolve firm, then maybe he would leave her alone.
He glared at her, but then his shoulders drooped. “For now,” he told her.
She didn’t want to ask for any further explanations. She felt as if he had way too much power as long as they were in his house. If she got away from him, then maybe he’d forget he was a father. Okay, that was a ridiculous thought, but still . . . she could hope for that, at least. She reached for the phone.
“What in the hell are you doing?” he snapped.
“I need a cab,” she said as if he were stupid.
“Anywhere you’re going, I’ll take you,” he insisted, his eyes narrowing in that way she remembered so well. When Kian made up his mind, the chances of changing it were slim to none. But she’d changed a lot as well since she’d last been with him, and he couldn’t so easily run over her and get his way.
“No,” she said, deciding she didn’t need to explain herself.
He raised an eyebrow, the corner of his lip turning up just the slightest bit in a way that made his face entirely too appealing. She forced her warm feelings for him down as she glared even harder.
“You can stop pretending you didn’t enjoy our time together last night and act like a mature adult, or you can continue to sulk and glare,” he said with too much mockery in his tone. “But either way, I will be taking you and my daughter to the house.”
The steel in his tone was something she didn’t remember, but she could see how he’d changed with those words more than anything else she’d witnessed from him in the past ten hours or so. Her entire being wanted to submit to him. Because of that, her spine stiffened even more.
“Screw you,” she told him, before swinging around and walking away from him. Hell with it, she’d collect Lily and walk to the house, even if she didn’t know how far away it was or in what direction.
A low growl from behind her was her only warning before Kian grabbed her, spinning her around so quickly she
almost lost her balance. There was no chance of her falling, though, because he tugged her against him, locking her in his tight embrace.
“Damn you,” he said. He didn’t give her a chance to reply before his head descended and his lips locked onto her, taking away her breath and her anger as she instantly was lost in the familiarity of his touch.
His body was hard, and she realized she couldn’t fight him. He was too much for her, consumed her so easily, it made her lose all concept of reality. It was just as it had been before she’d run off. Only that thought made her able to pull away from him.
He allowed her to go. She had no doubt it wasn’t her strength that had gotten her away. They were both breathing heavily as she took a few unsteady steps. She couldn’t look him in the eyes now.
Finally, she heard him sigh as he moved over to his desk and pulled keys out.
“Let’s get your things together,” he said. There wasn’t any emotion in his tone now to tell her what he was thinking or feeling. Suddenly she was incredibly sad. This wasn’t what she wanted. The problem, though, was she didn’t know what she did want.
She decided to quit fighting him. It just wasn’t worth it. Some battles could be won, and others were lost before they’d even begun. She had a feeling this was the latter.
The next hour was emotional as she gathered Lily, trying to explain why they were leaving this luxurious place to go back to a house that held haunted memories for the child. Was she truly so selfish she’d risk Lily’s happiness over her own? Roxie didn’t know. She just knew that she had to think, and she couldn’t do that as long as Kian was in a room with her.
By the time they left the house, Kian had stopped trying to speak to her, and they drove in silence. For this moment, Roxie couldn’t even begin to think about the fact that Lily was Kian’s daughter. It was too much of a reality she didn’t want to explore.
That would be saved in her brain until later, until she could properly process what all of that meant. For now, she wanted nothing more than to figure out what she and Lily were going to do now that the immediate danger was over.
She could keep telling herself that tomorrow would be a new day, and important decisions could be made then. As long as she did that, she could choose her own reality. It was working for her . . . for now.
Chapter Eight
It was always a surreal moment when you found yourself standing beneath a hastily set-up tent with rain coming down on the other side of it and people beside you whispering words of comfort you aren’t able to process in your fuzzy brain.
Roxie wasn’t focusing on the closed box in front of her. No. That wasn’t her sister inside there. It was just a body, an empty vessel that had once held the spirit of her sister, a woman Roxie had been too selfish to get to know.
The preacher spoke words of praise of Pamela as a strong woman who loved her daughter, who’d overcome great odds to be a person others were proud of. Roxie didn’t look away from the drops of water falling on the other side of the preacher’s head.
When she squinted just right, she could slow down the motion and watch individual drops drip from the canvas and hit the ground. If only the preacher would shut up, she might be able to hear the splash.
Why wouldn’t people just be quiet? Enough had been said already.
“Are you okay?” Kian asked.
She heard his words, but even those wouldn’t process in her brain. She held Lily in her arms, clutching her tightly as she continued staring at the drops of rain. She could feel Kian’s presence, knew his hand was touching her, but she felt so disconnected. This was a dream, wasn’t it? It had to be. There was no possibility that she was at a funeral for her sister—for her beautiful niece’s mother. No. It wasn’t even in the realm of possibility.
And she didn’t even live in this town anymore. She lived in Portland. She’d left this place—left her sister, her friends, and her lover. So, Kian couldn’t be standing beside her, couldn’t be whispering words in her ear. She couldn’t be holding her niece. This was nothing more than a bad dream.
“Do you need to take a walk?” Kian asked.
Roxie tried to make her lips move, tried to figure out what it was he was saying, but she still couldn’t process it. In the back of her mind, she could hear voices. She even noticed that the preacher’s voice was no longer interrupting her focus on the water droplets, but still she couldn’t figure out what to do. It was so odd.
Her head turned the slightest bit to the side as the preacher moved, obstructing her view of the current raindrop she’d been tracking.
“Let me take Lily, sweetie,” someone said.
Everything seemed to be happening in slow motion. The man with the soft voice standing in front of her had kind eyes, she decided. But she had no idea who he was. She must have seemed confused because he gave her a gentle smile.
“I’m Sherman Armstrong, and I’ve known your family for a long time,” he told her. “I went to school with your grandpa. He was a good man.”
Her grandpa? A flash of white hair and a beard flashed through her mind, the smell of tobacco instantly invading her senses, making her bottom lip quiver. Her arms tightened, and Lily made a sound that snapped Roxie back to the present.
She shook her head and looked at Sherman, whose expression hadn’t changed. She turned and found Kian looking at her with worry. The rest of the people around them seemed nothing more than blurs. Tears finally stung her eyes as she felt her heart begin to thunder.
This wasn’t a dream. It was real. Her body began shaking.
“Can I take Lily so you can say goodbye?” Sherman asked again.
Lily looked at him and gave a shy smile while he held out his arms. Her niece leaned toward him, shocking Roxie. The traumatized little girl didn’t easily go to people, clinging instead to Roxie, which filled her heart with warmth.
Sherman pulled Lily close to him, and her niece snuggled against him as he rubbed her back in comforting strokes.
Her arms empty, Roxie turned to look at the oak box in front of her. Though she was aware this wasn’t a dream, it still didn’t feel real. She stepped forward, noting that Kian stayed by her side. His hand rested on her lower back, and though she knew she should push him away, she also realized he might be the only thing keeping her from collapsing into a heap on the wet ground.
He was lending her a quiet strength she desperately needed but was too prideful to admit she wanted. Warmth coated her cheeks before turning cold as tears descended. Kian reached up and wiped her face with a soft pressure of his fingers. That only made more tears fall.
“I’m sorry I didn’t check on her, sorry I didn’t take care of her,” Kian whispered.
Roxie realized in that moment that Kian was the reason her sister had turned her life around. Yes, there was some bitterness there, and yes, she was allowed to be mad about what had happened, but she could also appreciate that her sister had found love when she’d delivered Lily.
“You gave her Lily. You gave her purpose,” Roxie said. She meant the words.
She met Kian’s surprised gaze for only a moment before turning away from him and the casket. That wasn’t her sister, and there was no reason to stand there any longer. She cast her gaze over the small crowd of people who’d given her space to do what she needed to do.
That was when she found Sherman standing beneath a large oak tree, cradling Lily as the two of them spoke. Roxie knew for sure she’d fall over if it weren’t for Kian at her side. Later, much later, she might regret leaning so heavily on him in this moment, but for now, he was keeping her grounded.
Her thoughts stopped altogether as she listened to Sherman and Lily.
“Where’s Mommy?” Lily asked.
Sherman’s smile was so kind and full of love, Roxie couldn’t stop her tears or stop her heart from bursting. Lily was a lucky child indeed to have so many people care about her. Maybe the child hadn’t believed Kian and Roxie when they’d explained her mother was gone; maybe she needed to kee
p hearing it. As painful as it was for Roxie to say it over and over again, she would do whatever it took to help ease her niece’s pain. But for now, she was glad it was Sherman speaking with her.
“She wants to be here with you forever, but she’s been called to help millions of people,” Sherman told her.
“Was I bad?” Lily asked, tears falling down her sweet pink cheeks.
“Oh no, honey, you’ve never been bad,” Sherman assured her. “There are just times in our life we don’t get a choice on where we go or why.”
“I didn’t help, though, when she cried,” Lily said.
Roxie was about to completely lose control. Kian pulled her into his arms and held her as she shook uncontrollably, and he whispered that everything would be okay.
“You did help your mommy,” Sherman insisted. “You stayed safe, and you’ve been so strong. That’s what she needs and wants most.”
“I want a mommy snuggle,” Lily insisted.
“Every time you close your eyes and sleep, your mommy is holding you tight and keeping you safe,” Sherman told her.
“Why can’t she hold me when I’m awake?” Lily asked.
Sherman was quiet for a moment as he searched for the right words. Roxie was grateful Lily was asking him, because she didn’t have the answers and was afraid she’d traumatize Lily even more than she already was.
“If you are really missing your mommy, then all you have to do is close your eyes and picture her arms around you, and she will be right there with you,” Sherman finally said.
“When I open them, will she still be there?” Lily asked with a hope that was tragic.
