Dangerous Desire

by Sebastian Ex

  “Thank you, I am.” I walk over to Matthew and Nathan. “She was pregnant,” I say to the three of them. “She lost the baby.”

  Ella clasps a hand to her mouth and starts crying. Matthew’s shoulders slump as he mutters a curse, and Nathan just stares at me.

  “Oh no,” Ella says as the tears run down her face and she wraps her arms around Matthew. Matthew pulls her closer and kisses her forehead.

  I watch the interaction between them. It’s spontaneous, extremely sincere. It’s intensely protective and absolutely perfect.

  And I make my mind up right now. Penny’s never leaving my side again.

  EIGHT

  It took just short of four hours before the nurse came out to tell me the operation was over and Doctor Chambers would come to talk to me as soon as she’d settled Penny in recovery.

  I received a text from Matthew telling me Jackson’s operation went well. I knew she was going to be alright, but the sickening feeling of her having been at the hands of an abuser for two weeks kept my blood boiling. I paced, I sat, I drank God-awful coffee and I plotted.

  To find the so-called-man who touched her is my second priority. The need to destroy him, reduce him to rubble and make him suffer, is in the front of my mind.

  Matthew, Nathan and I have the same values. Women – more specifically our women – are to be nurtured, encouraged, and worshipped. When inside the bedroom, they’re to be dominated and fucked. They’re designed to be treated beautifully, to have us fall at their feet, utterly devoted to them. To take them, use them, break down the barriers their minds put up, and to rebuild them until they’re the women they should be. But most of all, we cherish and love them.

  “Mr. Edwards?”

  I turn to see a lady, mid to late fifties, dressed in hospital scrubs.

  “Yes.”

  “I’m Doctor Chambers, I was the doctor who operated on Penny.” She indicates for me to sit and she sits beside me. “She woke just before we were going to put her under, and she asked for you as soon as her eyes opened. We explained to her the course of events as we knew them, and told her we were taking her into surgery and the procedures we are going to do. She was relieved when she knew you had given the go-ahead for the surgery. Now, about the surgery. It all went well, we had no complications. She’s in recovery now, and as soon as she’s a little less groggy, a nurse will come to get you so you can see her,” Doctor Chambers says as she stands.

  “Thank you,” I say exhaling a breath of relief. I extend my hand, and she takes it as I thank her once more.

  Once Doctor Chambers has gone, I go over to Matthew, Ella and Nathan. “How did it go?” Matthew asks.

  “It all went well, she woke just before they put her under and they explained to her all about what they needed to do. A nurse will come get me when I can see her.” I take a deep breath and just let the shit of today wash over me. “Look,” I start saying, “I’m going to go and make arrangements for her hospital stay and I’ll wait for her in her room. You guys take off. Thanks for being here with me.” I shake Nathan’s hand, and then Matthew’s. Ella doesn’t wait, she throws her arms around me and hugs me.

  “If you need anything, just let me know,” Nathan says as he starts walking out.

  “Don’t worry about the club. Ella knows what she needs to do. We’ll take care of it,” Matthew says as he claps a hand to my back and begins to walk away. “She’ll be alright, go look after your girl.”

  Sitting outside her assigned room is not doing anything for my nerves. I need to see her and make sure she’s okay. But mostly, I need to know what the hell happened. Was there a mechanical issue with her car? It was just recently serviced by Mario, and he’s never missed anything which could cause an accident. Besides, Penny’s car is only two years old. I bought it for her shortly after we became serious.

  But mostly, I need to know who gave her those bruises. Was it her new Dom? If so, were they intentional? But I really don’t care if she wanted them or not, she’s mine to protect. These past thirteen days without Penny has made me see exactly what she means to me.

  I’ll have to do some research and take the next step to give Penny what she desperately needs, what she’s willingly walked away for. If pain is what she needs, she’s not going to get it from some fucking wanna-be Dom on a power trip who doesn’t know what he’s doing.

  The minutes burn, the hours passing in a blur. It’s early evening before the nurse comes and taps me on the shoulder.

  “Sir, we’ll be bringing Ms. Thompson back to her room now,” she says with a gentle smile.

  “Thank you,” I reply as I stand and wait for Penny to come to me.

  A moment turns into ten. Then I see a bed coming toward me, being pushed by a male in scrubs.

  I stand to the side while he manoeuvers Penny’s bed into her room.

  One eye is swollen completely shut, but she looks peaceful as she lies sleeping in the bed.

  The guy does what he has to do, closing the door behind him as he leaves. I drag a chair over to the side of the bed, and untuck the hospital blanket to get to her hand. Her skin feels cold and clammy as I stroke the soft top of her hand.

  I sit and watch my girl, the contact calming me, and I observe her for any sign of discomfort. But she merely sleeps, calm for now.

  Laying my head on the bed, exhaustion finally takes over and I close my eyes.

  “Brandon,” Penny’s croaking voice murmurs.

  I open my eyes and sit up, slightly disorientated from the measly few moments of shut-eye. “Hey,” I say as I take her hand in both of mine.

  “You’re here,” she says with difficulty through her swollen lips.

  “I wouldn’t be anywhere else.” I stand and lean over to kiss her forehead.

  “I’m sorry,” she starts to sob. “I’m so sorry for everything.”

  “Shhh, as long as your safe. That’s all I want for you.”

  “I’m sorry, Brandon. I walked out on you and thought I wanted more. But…”

  “I have to respect what you want, Penny. But I also need something else from you.”

  “What?” she asks through her tears rolling down her bruised and bandaged face.

  “The bruises, who caused them?”

  She closes her one good eye and purses her swollen lips. “I was an idiot, Brandon. A stupid, fucking idiot. I shouldn’t have left.”

  “You’re right there, you shouldn’t have left. But that’s not what I’m asking.”

  “It doesn’t matter anymore.”

  “Clearly it does or I wouldn’t be asking.” She shakes her head and her eyes are still firmly closed. “Was it the guy from the Velvet Room?” She’s still shaking her head. “Penny,” I drop my tone. My voice is one she’s heard many times before. Every single time she’s been disobedient and taken being a brat too far.

  Penny stops shaking her head, her crying graduating to sobs. “My head’s spinning around, Brandon. I just need to rest.”

  “Petal,” I use her play name.

  “Yes, Sir,” she automatically responds.

  “Who caused the bruises?”

  “Sir…” she pauses, breathing heavy for the longest of times. “Red,” she whispers with visible mental agony.

  The most extreme of the simple traffic light system of safewords we used falls from her lips. I can see just by how her body reacts, she’s struggling with saying the one color which stops everything. Just like the other handful of times she’s called ‘red’, she fights doing so. But that’s why safewords have been established in our lifestyle. Not for the submissive to struggle and be unsure of herself for using it, but for the Dom to know her limits have been reached to the point where she no longer feels safe. Pushing her past this point, especially right now, will have an absolutely detrimental effect on our relationship and in the confidence she has in herself. Which I’m sure has already ruptured considerably.

  “Okay,” I say, standing to give her another kiss on the forehead.

&
nbsp; A Dom may choose to push, or may even choose to be angry at this point. And if that’s the case, they aren’t a true Dom. They’re an abuser.

  NINE

  The first twenty-four hours have been hell, for both Penny and me. She’s in significant pain, and I’m useless at this point in her recovery for anything other than moral support. I hold her hand, brush the hair away from her sweaty forehead and just wait it out with her. The nurses have orders from the doctors, and they give her as much pain medication as they’ve been instructed to give her.

  And when the painkillers kick in, she breathes a deep sigh and closes her eyes.

  She finally finds relief, which means my blood pressure falls and I begin to relax. That is, until her pained moans start up again.

  The following evening, Penny sips on the clear broth I’m feeding her. She’s still in pain, and will be for a while, but she also needs to eat to build her strength up.

  “I’m sorry,” Penny says as she opens her mouth to take some broth.

  “For what?” I ask.

  “For getting myself into this situation. I never wanted this to happen. I didn’t want you to have to worry about me or have to be here taking care of me. I’m so ashamed.”

  I can tell the sadness is beginning to set in for her, the reality of the situation hitting her hard.

  “Sometimes we need to take steps to discover ourselves.” There’s not much I can say at such a raw point, so soon after her accident and miscarriage. “You were doing what you thought you needed to do.”

  “I’m so selfish, and truthfully, I’m amazed you’re here with me,” she whispers in her soft, broken voice.

  My mind clouds with the response I want to give her. She’s vulnerable, she’s hurt, and she needs my reassurance. Just as I lift the spoon to feed her, there’s a knock on her door and I’m interrupted before I can say anything else to Penny.

  “Come in,” I call, expecting it to be Ella or Bianca coming to visit her.

  The door opens and Daisy comes in. “Hi, um, I’m sorry to interrupt you,” she says as her eyes go to Penny, then back to me.

  “Not at all, come in,” I say as I scoop some more of the clear broth up and bring it to Penny’s lips. Penny opens her mouth to take it, but her half-drugged eyes don’t leave Daisy.

  “Hi, I’m Daisy. I work for Brandon and Matthew at the Onyx Club,” she says, introducing herself to Penny as she takes a step closer to the bed.

  “Daisy, this is my girlfriend Penny. Penny, this is Daisy,” I say, introducing the two. I see Penny’s facial features soften slightly, however I notice her chin jut slightly forward, a tell she has when she’s angry or resents something I’ve said.

  “Hi,” Penny says, though now I know just by her reaction, she’s not entirely pleased with Daisy being here.

  “I just stopped by to say thank you, Brandon. Jackson had his operation, and they said his arm should heal well. They’re keeping him for a couple more nights to makes sure he’s okay. I called Matthew looking for you, he said you were here with your girl and he also told me to take the week off.” She pauses, taking a breath and letting her eyes fall to the floor. “Thank you,” she says and when she looks at me, she has tears in her eyes.

  For fuck sake, tears, again?

  They annoy me. Sometimes it’s fine and I don’t mind them because they can be cathartic for a woman, but all she’s saying is thank you. No need for the fucking water works.

  “You’re welcome,” I say as I continue feeding Penny.

  “It means so much to me, for everything you’ve done. I really can’t…”

  “Then don’t. What I want from you is simple, Daisy. Work hard for us, show us your appreciation by being the best you can be.”

  Her tears stop, and she looks at me. “Thank you,” she says again, her shoulders straightening.

  About time she realized her strength. Tears will get her nowhere. “You’re welcome,” I answer her.

  Daisy turns to leave, but I instantly sense her complete uncertainty in herself. She disappears out the door, and I know I can’t let her leave here like that. The confidence of straightening her shoulders was all an illusion to put me off what she’s actually feeling.

  However, I’m not an idiot. I’ve been reading people a long time, and women are simpler than they think they are. Their “I’m okay” actually means “I’m so far from okay I don’t even know how to deal with everything that’s going on”.

  “I’ll be back in a moment,” I say to Penny as I put the soup on the table and go to Daisy.

  “Yes, Sir,” she says through gritted teeth. Penny needs reassurance, too, and I’ll speak to her in a few moments.

  “Daisy,” I call to her.

  She’s only a few feet down the corridor. She stops, turns, and looks at me. I beckon for her to come back with my finger.

  “Is everything okay, Brandon?” she asks.

  “With me, yes. But clearly not with you.”

  “I don’t know what you mean,” she tries to say while looking over my shoulder to a spot behind me. Another tell-tale sign she’s avoiding the truth.

  “You don’t have to thank me, Daisy. And you don’t need to turn the tears on. You know why?” She shakes her head. “Because you have strength. Strength you haven’t honed in on yet. You’ve been through a fucked-up past and you still continue to do the best you can. The only gratitude you owe Matthew and me, is to do the best you can for us.”

  “I will, I promise.”

  “We know you will. But doing the best you can for us also means doing the best you can for your boy.” I point down the corridor, indicating her son. “Strength comes from within. We aren’t shown it; we aren’t taught it. Some of us seek it, some of us need it, but all of us have it. And it’s times like this that make you dig deep for your own strength.”

  “I know,” she says and wipes at a stray tear as it falls from her face.

  “You aren’t alone any longer. And neither is Jackson.” I pull her in to give her a hug. The most basic of human touches. Now this is something every woman needs.

  “Thank you, and you’re right. I am stronger than I give myself credit for. I’ll make you and Matthew proud of me, and glad you hired me.”

  “We already are. Now, go to your son. He needs you.”

  “Thank you, Brandon.” She gives me one last hug and steps back, looking at me, with no tears but a huge smile.

  “I’ll see you at work,” I say as I turn to leave.

  Before I go back to Penny, I call Michael, my real estate agent.

  “Brandon, are you calling to confirm your appointment for the house?”

  “No, I’m calling you to tell you to cancel it. I don’t want it.”

  “Um.”

  I can hear the disappointment in his voice, most likely because he’s going to lose the commission. “But I want you to look out for an apartment building. Close to the club, on the outskirts of town.”

  “Which side?”

  “East. And I want it by month’s end.”

  “Are you kidding me, that’s only…” he stops talking.

  “If you want the commission you’ll get me something to look at. If not, I have another agent who can.”

  “NO!” he screams into the phone. This will be worth a huge commission for him, I’m looking for the entire building, not one or two apartments. “I’ll get it done.”

  “Good, I expect a phone call within the next forty-eight hours.” I hang up, and go into Penny.

  TEN

  Penny’s been in the hospital for three days now, and we have yet to actually discuss the entire incident. I’ve gotten some information out of her, but I’ve chosen to allow her to heal and not put more stress on her body.

  However, this doesn’t mean I’m willing to let this go, either.

  Penny’s just had a nurse helping her shower in one of those special chairs while I went to the cafeteria to get a coffee and some breakfast.

  When I return, Penny’s back in
bed, and her face is looking better. Not as dark under the eyes or in as much visible pain.

  “How was the shower?” I ask as I sit in the chair and put my coffee cup on the portable table.

  “I feel better, but I still hurt. The nurse was saying it’ll be a good six weeks, if not longer before my pelvis starts feeling less pain. Because of how badly it was shattered, it could take anywhere up to a year to heal completely. My saving grace is I’m healthy and fairly thin, so at least those two things are positive factors in the recovery of my pelvis.”

  I listen and nod, but now I need to know. “Did you know you were pregnant?” I ask.

  Observing Penny’s reaction confirms it. She had no idea. Her hands come up and she buries her face in her hands. Her shoulders violently tremble as she shakes her head. “I had no idea until I woke up from the operation and the doctor told me what she had to do. I’m sorry, Brandon, I really didn’t know.” She looks up from her hands, and I can see the shame and intense guilt in her eyes.

  “Hey,” I say as I gingerly move to sit on the bed with her, doing the best I can not to cause her any more pain than she’s already in. I wrap my arms around her shoulders and gently guide her toward me. “You didn’t know.” I smooth her hair and kiss her forehead.

  “I should’ve known something was happening, because I’d been feeling sick for about a week, and thought I was getting the flu. But…” she stops talking, not wanting to say the words. “I’m sorry, Brandon, so sorry. I didn’t mean to…”

  I know the word she’s just about to say, and I stop her before she can say it. “Shhh. It was an accident.”

  Her sobs continue, and I know this is a time a woman needs to cry. These aren’t the fake “I’m going to cry to get my way” tears, some women conjure when caught in a lie or when they’re trying to manipulate. These tears are from her soul. They’re showing me just how raw and exposed she is. And just how much pain her soul is in.

  As I hold Penny and she sobs into my chest, I continue to stroke her hair and kiss her forehead. She needs strength right now, and I’m her strength.