All I Want for Christmas is Big Blue Eyes

by Claire Ashgrove

  If it weren’t for Lucas and Mae, though, Amanda wasn’t certain Emma would be the happy little girl she was. Mae was the grandmother she never had, Lucas the only thing close to a father. Between the pair, and Amanda, Emma was spoiled rotten.

  Amanda pricked her finger again, and drew back, sucking on it.

  At this rate, she’d barely have time to change her clothes before the first of tonight’s guests arrived. Her role as co-hostess was rapidly fading into the background. She couldn’t meet and greet if she was still trying to get dressed. And she still had to get Emma ready as well.

  The phone rang, breaking through the shop’s silence like a cracking whip.

  She jumped. Taking a wide-step over the tall pickle buckets full of holly and pine branches surrounding her on the floor, she lunged for the receiver.

  “Rose’s Petals and Stems, Amanda speaking.”

  “Hey, babe.” Lucas’s voice was genial. “Mom called. Said Emma’s all upset about you sendin’ along her blue dress, not her new green one. Mom wants to know if you care if she runs Emma back over to your house and changes the dress.”

  Amanda rolled her eyes with a little groan. “I hate to have your mom go to that trouble. Tell Emma she can wear the blue one and look just as pretty. She’ll believe you.”

  “Been there, done that. Not workin’. Want me to swing by and pick it up? I’m almost done out here. My fingers are frozen.”

  Glancing down at her own hands, she chuckled. “Mine are bleeding. If you want to, go ahead. I don’t care what she wears tonight. Whatever keeps the peace.”

  “Sure. I’ll do that. I forgot to tell ya, I’m having a couple beers with Josh this afternoon. I won’t be at Mom’s before the party starts.”

  “Okay.”

  Josh.

  Her heart skipped a beat. Lucky Lucas. At least Josh wanted to see him. Why hadn’t he tried to contact her? Especially after last night. He couldn’t have been blind to the tension between them. Just thinking about it now left her tingling all over.

  “You about done with your arrangements?”

  Shoving the wandering thoughts of Josh aside, she lifted her gaze back to her cutting table. “No. I’ve got another three hours of work, easy.”

  “Need help?”

  “Not yours.” She grinned with the teasing remark. Lucas knew damn well he wasn’t any help in the flower shop. He didn’t have the faintest touch of artistic ability, and his hands were too big to know the meaning of delicate.

  “That stings, ‘Manda.”

  Through the line, she could almost hear his smirk.

  “I gotta go. These greens aren’t going to put themselves together.”

  “’Kay. See ya later.”

  She dropped the phone in the cradle and wandered back to her table. Picking up another evergreen piece, she let her mind drift back to Josh.

  Would he ask about her? Ask Lucas if she wanted to see him? A little shiver rolled down her spine. If Josh asked about her, surely he felt what she had. Maybe he’d show up on her doorstep tonight after the party.

  She shook her head. Didn’t matter if he did. She couldn’t go down that road again. While there was no stopping the way she felt about him, she held control over how far she let him back into her life. This time, it stopped at polite hellos. Conversation. A glass of wine at Mae’s. Nothing more. The hug had almost been too much.

  Wasting time thinking about him, wishing he might ask about her, wasn’t going to get these arrangements finished any faster, either.

  Grumbling, more annoyed with her wandering mind than the daunting chore ahead, she picked up a sprig of holly and worked it into the wreath.

  ****

  Josh’s cell phone buzzed against the antique vanity, pulling him out of his nap. He rolled over on the bed, swung his legs off, and grabbed for it. “Yeah?”

  “Hey, it’s Luc. I got your message, but ain’t no way I can get to Riley’s before Mom’s thing tonight. You wanna stop by my place for a bit?”

  Glancing at the clock, Josh noted it was already almost four. Lucas’ mother’s party started in three hours. “Sure. When?”

  “I’m home now. Anytime. I have to be at Mom’s by five. She’s got dinner for us.”

  Us? Maybe Lucas had finally found someone. Josh couldn’t wait to see the woman who finally turned his buddy’s finicky head. “I’ll be there in a bit.”

  He hung up and stared at the phone, suddenly unsure about spending time with his old friend. On one hand, nothing in the world sounded better than hanging out with Lucas. It had been way too long. But that length of time put a distance between them that Josh sensed even through the phone. Lucas felt like a virtual stranger now.

  Given his comment about starting trouble down here, the last thing Josh wanted to do was argue with Lucas. Particularly after seeing Amanda last night. Still, he wouldn’t know why Lucas seemed so different until he talked with him. Maybe Lucas could give him some answers about who Amanda married.

  Josh pulled a sweater on and fastened his jeans. He tugged on his socks and stuffed his feet in his hiking boots. Grabbing his fleece-lined coat off the wall, he headed to his car.

  Last night convinced him he was staying in Lexington only long enough to see what Sandra had in mind, do the job, and get the hell out of here. The sooner the better. If he pushed himself, he could have the plans finished shortly after Christmas and be back to spend New Year’s Eve with Olivia. A girl he’d met at the bar several weeks ago had hinted she was open for New Year’s, and he’d give her a buzz. See if he could weasel into her schedule. Certainly better than drinking champagne with his brooding sister.

  He’d have an outlet too, for the gnawing ache in his gut. Although experience told him, when it came to trying to forget Amanda, other women only made it worse.

  He navigated the three blocks to Lucas’ house quickly and nosed into his driveway. But as he shut the engine off and looked up, his gaze settled on Lucas’ truck.

  The same white, 4x4 truck he’d seen in Amanda’s driveway.

  Her silhouetted embrace behind her curtains jumped back into Josh’s mind, and he curled his fingers around the door handle as a burst of fury coursed through him.

  Lucas. The bastard. No wonder he sensed distance. His best friend stole Amanda right out from under him.

  Josh shoved the car door open and climbed out. He kicked it shut with his heel, stormed to the front door, and jammed his thumb onto the bell.

  The little son of a bitch. Of all the people in this world, Lucas Benning knew how Josh felt about Amanda. Even if he had sat on his hands and done some stupid things when it came to her. The least the two of them could have done was tell him. Lucas had his damn address. His mother sent Christmas cards for God’s sake. A wedding announcement would have been fair warning.

  Nothing would have brought him back here if he’d known that Lucas married his Amanda. That Lucas was the bastard who held her at night. Who dared to touch her body, look at her nakedness.

  His muscles went rigid with fury. Anger he knew, in the back of his mind, he didn’t have a right to feel. But he couldn’t squelch the burn no matter how many logical reasons stared him in the face.

  Lucas and he had met when they were five, when Josh’s parents moved to Lexington. Twenty plus years of friendship, and Lucas betrayed the very testaments of it. He stole Josh’s girl. The girl that should have been his.

  Lucas opened the door with a hearty grin and stepped back to let Josh inside.

  Josh couldn’t have stopped himself if he’d wanted to. With one foot in the doorway, the other on the porch, he drew back. Letting his arm fly, he punched Lucas in the jaw and sent him crashing against the wall.

  “Son of a bitch,” Lucas spat as he stumbled.

  Josh shook his hand. Damn. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d hit someone. But Christ, that felt good.

  Easing himself upright, Lucas glowered at Josh as he rubbed his jaw. �
�You’ve got ten seconds to explain before I return the favor.”

  “When in the hell did you decide it was okay to marry Amanda?” Josh exploded.

  Lucas blinked. “What?”

  The question freed Josh’s fury, and he clenched his fists at his sides as heat filled his veins. One punch was deserved. Beating the shit out of his best friend, he couldn’t do. No matter how good it might feel. “Your truck. Her driveway. That fucking huge ring. Did you think I wouldn’t care? That I was too stupid to catch on, and you could keep it hidden?”

  “I don’t think I’m hearin’ this right.” Lucas blinked again. He turned the corner, stalked into his living room. “You go away for eight years and deck me for that? If anyone needs a fist in the face, it’s you, asshole.”

  Josh followed him, grinding his teeth. But before he could spit out the string of oaths that lined up in his throat, Lucas cut them off.

  “I didn’t marry Amanda.”

  In a heartbeat’s passing, all the fury fled Josh. He stared, stunned. Dumbfounded that he’d just hit Lucas for no reason. That Amanda could bring him to such madness. Suspicion lingered, however, as the picture of their embrace pummeled into his thoughts. Maybe the ring was an engagement ring.

  “Planning on doing it anytime soon?” He paused, adding through clenched teeth, “I swear to God, Luc…”

  “Nope.” Lucas answered with a chuckle. “No, I tried that. There’s somethin’ a bit disillusionin’ about hearin’ your best friend’s name whispered in your ear just as you’re about to org—”

  “You slept with her?” Josh’s incredulous question thundered through the room. He stared at Lucas, speechless.

  Lucas turned away, shaking his head. “Things ain’t what they used to be, Josh. You haven’t been here. You can’t just waltz in here like you’ve been away a week or less. Eight years. And that was one night out of the last ten. Do Amanda a favor. Let her go. She and I aren’t involved, but she’s got a life of her own now. A family. Don’t turn it upside down this time.”

  So she was married. And Lucas was evidently close to her still.

  Josh’s head spun with questions. Things he wanted to know, needed to hear the answers to. What had possessed Lucas to sleep with Amanda? What made her turn to him? She’d never felt more than brotherly affection toward him.

  Who gave her that huge ring? And what did a life of her own and family mean?

  Suddenly everything was too overwhelming. The realization of how much she meant to him, combined with the hopelessness of already losing her before he’d had a chance to do anything about it, all slammed into him with a dizzying effect.

  He’d just hit his best friend for God’s sake. Other than Amanda, Lucas was the only person Josh was certain would be there if he ever needed someone. Yet, now, Lucas stood across the room from him, coldly warning him away from Amanda. Telling him, without saying it directly, that Josh wasn’t a part of their lives any more.

  That he wasn’t welcome either.

  It was all too much for the walls Josh deliberately put around himself. They buckled, threatening to tumble and expose things Josh not only didn’t want Lucas to see, but also couldn’t face himself.

  He turned for the front door.

  “Run away, Josh. Like always. When it’s too much for you to handle,” Lucas called with a snort.

  “Go to hell!”

  Josh yanked open the door and stalked to his car. He gunned it in reverse and turned north, driving anywhere but here. He wasn’t running away. Just needed to calm down. Find some space to breathe. Absorb everything.

  He wouldn’t leave Lexington without smoothing things over with Lucas. After all the times Mae had stepped in, playing the part of surrogate mother, Josh couldn’t bail on her party either. Although, that didn’t mean he had to stay long. He’d make an appropriate appearance, then quietly escape.

  Tomorrow, he’d get in touch with Sandra and bump their meeting forward. Once he got an idea of what she had in mind, he could throw himself into work. With his mind occupied, this chaos happening around him, inside him, would go away.

  Six

  Amanda stepped down from the ladder and looked up at the beam that divided Mae’s living room from the front foyer. She eyed the sprig of fresh mistletoe with a frown. The damned red ribbon wasn’t right. If she tried to fluff the loops, the ends twisted and hid the white berries. If she moved the ends, the loops squashed like someone had hastily tied it up.

  While she studied the frustrating piece, the front door opened. Lucas entered and stomped the snow off his feet on the thick welcome mat. He looked up with a mischievous grin. “Mistletoe!”

  Laughing, Amanda backed away from the troublesome arrangement. “Oh, no you don’t.”

  As he approached, his arms laden with last minute needs from the grocery store, he winked at her. Dressed in a dark grey suit with a Santa Claus tie, his powerful frame looked somehow larger, more intimidating. His short brown hair was clipped neatly, evidence of a late-afternoon haircut, and his eyes twinkled with humor.

  But as he bent down to kiss her cheek, a dark bruise along the left side of his jaw stood out despite his darker, olive features.

  “What happened?” She fingered the mark in surprise. “Get in the way of one of the cows?”

  Lucas’ humor vanished. He turned away, toting his packages to the kitchen where Mae and Emma bustled about their last minute details. “Beers with Josh didn’t go so well.”

  Amanda’s eyes widened in disbelief. What the hell had happened? “He hit you?”

  “Before he even said hello.”

  She reached for the stepladder, stunned. It took a lot to provoke Josh to fists. More than any other man she’d known. When he was angry enough to hit, he’d nearly always been furious with his parents. Most often, his father, and his never-ending quest to get to the bottom of as many bottles as he could in one afternoon. Otherwise, everything else rolled off Josh’s shoulders, even if he had legitimate reason to be upset.

  With one last glance at her mistletoe, she gave up on it. Picking up the ladder, she joined everyone in the kitchen and hung it on the basement stairwell wall.

  “What did you do to provoke sweet little Josh?” Mae frowned at Lucas.

  “Josh ain’t little anymore, Mom. Sweet’s never been part of his disposition. An’ I didn’t do a damn thing.”

  Amanda gave him a disbelieving little snort. After what Lucas had confided about wanting to flatten Josh’s nose, he couldn’t be completely innocent. More likely, he’d done something to provoke Josh’s temper.

  Catching her silent accusation, he backed up against the wall, raising his hands in protest. “I swear.”

  “Then what set him off?”

  “Aunt Mae, I can’t stir anymore. It’s too hard,” Emma whined.

  Amanda glanced over at her daughter. Elbow-deep in a doubled recipe of fudge, she had chocolate from ear to ear. Amanda stifled her laughter by covering her mouth. Recovering, she cleared her throat. “Sweetheart, that’s good enough. We’ll go upstairs and take a bath in a minute. Don’t touch anything.”

  Wordlessly, Mae took the bowl from Emma and began furiously stirring the confection.

  “So what happened?” Amanda folded her hands over her chest as she looked to Lucas.

  “Ah…” He hesitated, his cheeks flushing. “He thought I married you.”

  The air rushed from her lungs at the same time the floor took a sharp dive to the right. She grabbed for the countertop, steadying herself. Josh jealous? Did that mean…

  With a shake of her head, she grabbed Emma’s elbow and ushered her up the stairs. She was not going to think about that little bit of news. Even if hitting Lucas meant something, she couldn’t allow it to matter.

  But still...

  A strange sense of delight washed over her, seeping all the way down to her toes. If he was jealous, that meant he hadn’t completely forgotten about her. Of course, if the way he�
�d looked at her last night hadn’t made that blatantly obvious, she didn’t know what would.

  “Momma, we’ll look pretty tonight. Aunt Mae said I’d be the belle of the ball. Will you make my hair pretty like yours?”

  Amanda smiled down at Emma as her heart swelled. “Of course you’ll be the belle of the ball. Soon as you get all this chocolate off you.”

  She twisted on the faucets and helped Emma out of her play clothes. As the tub filled, Emma jumped in, taking up the soap and washcloth with all the seriousness of a woman preparing for an important job interview.

  Amanda couldn’t help but grin.

  She took the washcloth from Emma’s messy hands, lathered it heavily, and washed her daughter’s face. Emma finished the rest while Amanda soaped Emma’s long blond hair.

  “Lean back, sweetie. I need to get the soap out.”

  Sloshing water over the edge, Emma scooted toward the drain and reclined in the shallow water. As Amanda rinsed her hair, her little features twisted in thought. “Mommy?” she asked quietly.

  “Yes?”

  “Is Josh the Josh you sometimes talk to at night in your room?”

  Amanda’s hands froze. Any time she’d given over to the memories she couldn’t forget, she’d been certain Emma was sound asleep. There were too many things Emma wouldn’t understand, and questions Amanda didn’t want to answer about Emma’s father, Tyler.

  She summoned a weak smile. At the same time, she refused to lie to Emma. “Sometimes, yes.”

  “Who is he?”

  “An old friend.”

  When the water ran clean, Amanda helped her upright and worked in a dollop of conditioner.

  Emma’s frown deepened, pulling her delicate eyebrows tight.

  “What, sweetie?” Amanda asked.

  “You always tell me real friends don’t make you cry.”

  Amanda tried to swallow as her stomach knotted. “Sometimes, honey, when you get older, they do. They don’t mean to always. But it happens anyway.”

  “So it’s a grown-up thing?”

  The way she neatly resolved her confusion with one broad categorization brought a genuine smile to Amanda’s face. “Yes. That’s a good way to put it. Now, let’s get this conditioner out and get you dressed. You don’t want to keep the boys waiting, do you?”