All I Want for Christmas is Big Blue Eyes

by Claire Ashgrove

  Returning to the closet, he knelt down to investigate her shoes. After several long moments of debate over whether the brown clogs or the black Mary Jane’s were more appropriate, he chose the browns and dropped them at the foot of her bed.

  “Emma?” he called from the doorway to Amanda’s room.

  “Yeah?”

  “Time to get out now.”

  The water rushed through the pipes in the wall as she released the drain. Good. No arguments, no assistance needed. “I’ll be in the guest room working. Your clothes are in your room.”

  “Okay,” she answered, her voice closer, although she’d not yet stepped into view.

  He pivoted on his heel and shut himself inside the guest room before she came running out. If she’d foregone the towel again, this way he could claim legitimate unawareness.

  While Emma thumped around in her room, the window rattled as a door downstairs closed. Josh’s heart picked up a faster beat, and he lifted his head, listening.

  “Hello?” Amanda called. “You two here?”

  Not wanting to risk her discovering the packages beneath the bed, Josh stepped into the hall. “Up here, honey.” He started down the stairs, only to be shooed back up when he met her in the middle.

  “No kiss?” he asked with a pout.

  Grinning, Amanda leaned in and gave him a quick, chaste kiss. “Scoot. You can’t see what I have in this bag.”

  He arched his neck, pretending to peer around her at the bag she held behind her back. “Whatcha get me?”

  “None of your business.” She gave him a light push, urging him up the stairwell.

  “I won’t look, I promise. Ladies first.” Striking a gallant pose, he swept his arm across his body and ushered her ahead.

  Laughing, Amanda jogged up the rest of the stairs.

  He followed, studying her dainty backside, enthralled with her narrow waist and perfect little bottom. One he’d like to touch. Only, doing so would delay both Santa and dinner. Not to mention Emma’s friend. “Oh,” he exclaimed, suddenly remembering the sleepover. “When we were at Wal-Mart, Emma ran into her friend Amy. She asked if Amy could stay the night, and I couldn’t tell her no.”

  From within her walk-in closet, Amanda chuckled. “That’s fine. I’ll add an extra plate.”

  “Well, you see, honey…” He fidgeted. If she’d planned an elaborate dinner, she wouldn’t be too enthused about going out.

  “Mommy!” The exuberant cry rang down the hall as Emma burst through the doorway and launched herself at her mother. “Josh bought me Yasmin today!”

  “He did, huh?” Amanda gave him a heart-stopping smile before she bent down and squeezed Emma into a hug. “You look pretty, sweetheart. How come you’re all dressed up?”

  “That’s what I was about to explain,” Josh answered. “I’m taking the two of you to dinner. I promised Emma she could see Santa after. We need to hurry, before it gets too late.”

  For a moment, he thought Amanda might curse. She looked at him with an expression full of consternation. Yet, without a word, she turned abruptly around and vanished into her closet once more.

  “I don’t have a thing to wear.”

  “Just wear jeans. I am,” he answered. “Emma said you hadn’t washed hers.” Bending down to Emma’s level, he lowered his voice. “Why don’t you go get your new doll and bring it up here to show to your mom?”

  The way her face lit up melted Josh’s heart. With a soft squeal of delight, she sped out of the room, her hard-soled shoes pounding down the stairs.

  Josh went to the closet and let his gaze settle on Amanda. Her back to him, she gave him the perfect opportunity to look all he wanted as she changed her clothes. Her curves were just right—not overdone and voluptuous, and not at all lacking. Even through having one child, her slender waist didn’t seem much larger than it had when they were teens.

  He moved closer and brushed his fingers over the small of her back.

  One hand poised on a green shirt, ready to ease it off the hanger, she froze.

  Josh took a half-step forward and slid his hand over the gentle curve of her bottom as he pressed his lips to her shoulder. “I missed you today.” Inching his lips toward her neck, he turned her around with his free hand, and brought his mouth down firmly against hers, punctuating his confession with an ardent kiss.

  Her hungry response said she’d missed him too. But the kiss ended before he could drink his fill. She leaned back to look up at him. “You do realize that in inviting Amy over, you’ve forced us to behave tonight, don’t you?”

  He’d never even considered it.

  With a wince, he groaned inwardly.

  Grinning, she stepped out of his embrace to tug the shirt over her head. “Puts a whole new meaning on why we always had to ask our folks to have a sleepover, doesn’t it?”

  Resigning himself to the fate he’d created, he let out a sigh. “We can watch a movie, and maybe I can get some work done.”

  “On that awful idea of Sandra’s?” Although her tone was light, a touch of anger flashed behind her eyes.

  Josh clenched his teeth against it and counted to ten, tempering his response. So much for a movie—he really needed to convince her on this idea. Listening to her subtle digs every time he had to work would only lead to eventual fighting. “I need to start on a prototype. I’d like to have it done soon.”

  She stiffened, but said nothing. As calm as could be, she left the closet, knelt by the bed, and rummaged beneath it.

  “What are you looking for?”

  “Shoes.”

  One eyebrow cocked, he glanced back at the long rows of multi-colored shoes lined up along both walls of her closet. She had more? “Um.”

  “Um what?”

  “Aren’t there shoes in the closet?”

  “Not the right ones.” Letting out a sound of triumph, she crawled backwards and held up a pair of ankle-high hiking boots.

  He glanced back inside the closet, staring at a strikingly similar pair. With a shake of his head, he dismissed the questions running through his mind. Of all the things living with Olivia had taught him, questioning a woman’s idiosyncrasies stood out the most. Some things just weren’t meant to be understood.

  Emma skipped into the room and climbed onto the bed. She bounced in place as she kicked her heels against the side rails. With a long comb, she groomed her new doll. “Look, Mommy.”

  Amanda raised her head, a smile pulling at the corners of her mouth. “She’s pretty.”

  Bouncing with a little more effort, Emma nodded. “Josh got me Princess Cloe and the elf Meygan too. But he said I had to wait until Christmas to open them since it’s only two days away.”

  Josh shifted his weight, hoping Amanda wouldn’t lecture. To his utter surprise, she turned around, her expression soft, her eyes shining with affection. “That was awfully nice of him.”

  “If we don’t get to eating, we won’t see Santa,” he interrupted. “Are you two ready?”

  “Where are we going?” Emma asked.

  “Johnny’s Catfish.”

  Emma’s excited grin grew to twice its normal size, matching the widened quality of her eyes. “Can I have shrimp cocktail?”

  “We’ll see,” Amanda answered.

  Her shoes tied, she stood up and kicked her jeans legs over the top of her boots. “Let’s go, I’m starved.”

  Chuckling, Josh reached for both their hands. They each grabbed one, but as he started for the stairs, Emma stopped with a hard tug. “Will you carry me, Josh? My feet are going to get wet.”

  Her innocent request melted him. His heart turned over, and that strange warmth she provoked flooded into his veins. Answering with a nod, he bent down, cooped her up with one arm, and fastened her against his hip. He carried her down the stairs, feeling very much like the prince she dubbed him.

  Twenty-five

  Amanda leaned back in her chair, unable to control her giddy smile. It
had been on her face from the moment they left the house, through dinner, and lingered now as Emma polished off the last of her chocolate cake.

  Tonight was perfect. A glimpse of her dream family. Dining with Josh and Emma, sitting in this restaurant with people they knew, left her happier than she’d been in years. If her mother looked down from above, she’d be smiling, too.

  “Where’s Santa at tonight, Mommy?” Emma asked. She licked her spoon and set it in her empty glass cup.

  “Down on The Square, sweetheart.”

  Josh gave her a curious look. “That’s later than usual, isn’t it?”

  Taking a sip of her water, Amanda shook her head. “No, two years ago they asked him to visit each night up through the twenty-third. He even brings one of his reindeer with him.”

  “I hope it’s Rudolph!” Emma exclaimed.

  Josh turned his boyish grin on her. “I don’t know about that, Princess. I’ve always liked Prancer.”

  “But they were mean to Rudolph, weren’t they, Mommy?”

  Amanda took a moment, recalling what she could of Rudolph’s story. With a thoughtful look she answered, “Yes, I suppose they were. But that was a long, long time ago. I’m sure, now that Rudolph’s all grown up, that he doesn’t care what happened when he was little. They’re all good friends now.”

  She watched as Emma considered her explanation. With a decisive nod, her daughter slid down from her chair. “I guess it’s okay to like them all. Can we go?”

  “Just a minute, I have to pay for our dinner,” Josh answered with a chuckle.

  Another bubble of giddy emotion welled within Amanda as he signaled for their waiter. Though dressed only in a pair of jeans and a dark khaki sweater, he was by far the most attractive man in the room. She hadn’t failed to notice the many appreciative looks he’d received when they arrived, or how the young waitresses giggled in the corner as they stared at him. His hair tumbled lazily over his forehead, its shaggy lengths adding character and youth to his chiseled features, while accenting his eyes.

  He maintained an air of confidence she didn’t recall he’d possessed previously. Even the subtle wave of his hand, the succinct nod of thanks he gave the waiter, the casual way he rose to his feet, alluded to this newfound trait. It suited him well, and in those simple actions, she saw the man he must be in the professional world. No wonder he’d accomplished so much, so quickly.

  He extended his hand to help her from her chair. His smile reached in and set off butterflies in her belly. He’d always made her feel special, but tonight, she couldn’t shake off a touch of awe that it was her he chose.

  She slid her fingers into his, savoring the strength in his hand. As she stood, she brushed a kiss against his cheek. Good God, she loved this man.

  Bending slightly, he reached for Emma’s hand to lead them out the door. “All right, ladies. We have an hour and a half until Amy arrives. Emma, if you want to rent a movie for tonight, let me know when we’re done with Santa.”

  “Can we, Mommy?”

  Amanda laughed quietly as she fastened her seatbelt. “If Josh says it’s okay, that’s fine. I think the new Disney movie’s out now.”

  Josh’s hand found hers over the center console, and he gave it a gentle squeeze. A shiver raced up her spine.

  Her thoughts circled around the baby as he navigated toward historic downtown. Would he be excited? In the past, he’d approached their three scares with the maturity of a boy much older than his years. He focused on the responsibility, made plans for second jobs, convinced her it would be okay no matter what happened. He’d always said he didn’t want children, but when confronted with the possibility; there’d been a definite undertone of enthusiasm in all he said.

  On the other hand, when the three instances proved to be nothing but false alarms, he hadn’t looked, or sounded, disappointed. Not that he’d seemed necessarily relieved—he just didn’t react one way or the other. “Okay, baby,” was about all he’d ever said.

  His attitude with Emma hinted to the possibility he’d enjoy being a father. But would he secretly resent it? Would he, when the newness wore off, feel like he was obligated? That wasn’t particularly part of Josh’s personality—he’d never felt obligated to a thing in his life—but parenthood changed people. At least it had with Tyler. He’d become suffocatingly possessive, refusing to allow her to stand on her feet and work for a full day.

  At least until he realized she didn’t love him. When he discovered Josh still held her heart, he pushed harder, expecting more than she usually did, all the while pointing out where she failed.

  Josh had always been protective. Amanda didn’t kid herself into believing that would change. Likely, it would increase. But could he become the overbearing asshole Tyler had? She choked back a renegade giggle. His attempts at protectiveness almost always made her laugh. He’d insist, she’d refuse. He’d cuss, and for a while, he’d sulk. Until he couldn’t take being annoyed any longer. Seeing him fret over every little thing would certainly be entertaining. If he reacted that way, and if this pregnancy proved anything like Emma’s, when Amanda couldn’t keep a morsel of food down, he’d come unglued.

  Josh nosed into a parking space near the old courthouse and shut off the car. Amanda couldn’t decide who got out first—Emma or he. Yet, the both of them appeared at her door simultaneously, Josh opening it while Emma pulled on her hand, hurrying her along.

  “I’m coming,” she protested on a laugh.

  When she climbed out, Emma dragged her down the salt-covered sidewalk. “We have to hurry, Mommy. Look at all the people.”

  Amanda looked up, flinching inwardly at the block-length line. This wouldn’t be fun in the cold. As Josh sidled up beside them, she wound her arm around his waist and leaned in, seeking shelter from the wintry air. Side-by-side, the trio came to a halt at the back of the line.

  Josh grinned down at Emma, and inclined his head at Santa perched in a velvet chair, a solitary reindeer tethered to a post at his side. “It’s Blitzen.”

  Emma stood on tiptoe, straining to look over the people. “I wanna see!”

  Letting out a hearty laugh, Josh scooped her up and set her on his shoulders. “How’s that?”

  “I can see forever up here! Look, Mommy, over there.” She thrust her arm out to the side. “There’s people singing.”

  Rising on her toes as well, Amanda peered around the crowd toward the end of the block, taking in three carolers dressed in Victorian garb. They flanked Santa on his left hand side, holding thin songbooks in gloved fingers.

  “What’s that song, Emma?” Amanda asked.

  “Deck the Halls. Fa-la-la-la-la…la-la-la-la.”

  Josh flashed a wink at Amanda, and she chuckled quietly. Changing the subject, she asked, “What did you find out about your car?”

  He shifted Emma so he could hold her ankles with his hands. “I called Benny’s garage and had it towed in. He said he wouldn’t be able to look at it until after Christmas.”

  That worked in Amanda’s favor. The longer his car didn’t function, the longer he couldn’t push the issue of her coming to Kansas City. She’d put so much thought into the idea today she gave herself a headache. In the end, the only thing she knew for certain was that despite how good the private schools might be, she couldn’t uproot Emma that way. This was Emma’s home, and the hustle and bustle of the city would never appeal to her. She couldn’t play in the yard as she did now. She couldn’t ride her bike all over when she got older. She couldn’t walk to school. And Amanda didn’t intend to worry herself sick every time her daughter left the house.

  They’d just have to come to some other agreement. Even if it killed her to not have Josh at her side daily.

  Somehow, there had to be another way to have both the man she loved and the home she’d grown so attached to.

  ****

  Josh ambled forward, his fingers numb from being in the cold almost an hour now. Emma shivered in his arms
. At his side, Amanda mimicked the reaction. Part of him wanted to give up this crazy idea of seeing Santa tonight and take Emma into the city first thing tomorrow, just so she could wait in line indoors. The other part of him realized they’d waited this long, and the three children in front of them would climb in Santa’s lap, recite their wishes, and Emma’s turn wasn’t far away.

  “A doggy,” the child presently in Santa’s lap said.

  The red-suited man laughed, shaking his large belly and rocking in his chair as if it were the funniest statement he’d heard all afternoon—never mind that two little boys ago, he’d heard the same request. “What would you name this doggy?”

  “PJ, like me. When I get in trouble, the dog will come to my dad so I won’t have to.”

  Santa laughed harder, and Josh’s mouth twitched with humor. Sound logic for what looked to be an eight or nine-year-old little boy.

  “I can’t bring you a dog, PJ. Dogs don’t do so well on the sleigh. They get sick. What else would you like from Santa?”

  “A metal detector so I can look at all the old stuff buried under the house. Dad says our house is real old and people prolly put stuff there once.”

  “Now that sounds more like it,” Santa said with a bob of his bearded head. “Can you look at the camera?”

  Josh tuned out, returning his thoughts to Amanda and what to get her for Christmas. He now had at least a full notebook sheet of ideas for Emma but couldn’t come up with a single thing for the woman who meant so much.

  He’d considered jewelry. But Emma already picked out the bracelet, and Amanda had never been the sort of woman that drooled over gems and gold. In fact, she’d even taken off that terrible wedding ring and now wore no adornments.

  Something for the kitchen had crossed his mind too. Yet, that felt too impersonal and carried the connotation that he expected her to cook. No, he wanted something she could enjoy simply for herself.

  Which led him back to the beginning where he couldn’t think of anything at all.