Holly Lane (Destiny, Ohio)

by Toni Blake

  “Sue Ann,” he said then, “it’s come to my attention that you’ve been looking for another job.”

  And—oh no, oh God—why hadn’t it occurred to her that the people she worked with might hear she’d been asking around town about full-time employment? This is Destiny, dummy, where everyone knows everyone else’s business. She supposed she’d just neglected to think that far ahead amid her panic and worry.

  “Aren’t you happy here at Destiny Properties?” he asked. “Given that, last I heard, you were studying to get your real estate license, I was under the impression you planned to stay with us for a long while.”

  Oh crap. He’s going to fire me. He’s going to fire me and then I won’t have any income at all. Her stomach churned and she could barely breathe—yet she had no choice but to spill the whole unpleasant truth to him now. “I’m sorry, Dan. The only reason I’m looking for other work is because my ex-husband is petitioning to stop his alimony payments and I can’t make ends meet on a part-time salary. I’d hoped getting my license would solve that problem, but I no longer have time to wait for that. And while staying here would be my first choice, I know there are no full-time openings or any need to expand my current position. And whatever happens, well . . . I had hoped that when I get my license I would still be able to have a work home here. And the way things are going, I might just end up getting an additional part-time job waiting tables. Which I would in no way let interfere with my work here, I promise. And, okay, I guess I should have discussed my situation with Shirley, but I’m just so tired of people talking about me and my divorce that I was trying to deal with this quietly.”

  She’d rattled all this off without quite focusing on his face—instead she’d planted her gaze on the fancy silver reindeer on his tie. Ugh—again reindeers! Now, though, she looked him directly in the eye. “Please don’t fire me, Dan. This job is the only bit of security I have left right now, the only thing in my life I wasn’t worried about.”

  “Sue Ann,” he said calmly, “don’t worry—I’m not going to fire you.”

  “You’re not?” Relief rushed through her like a brisk winter wind.

  “No. I actually wanted to offer you a promotion.”

  She expelled the breath she hadn’t quite realized she was holding. “A promotion?”

  “This is very hush-hush in the office for now, but Shirley has just given me her notice. As you know, her daughter’s pregnant, and she’s decided to retire and babysit so her daughter can return to work. She’s recommended you to replace her as office manager, but when we heard you were looking elsewhere, we were concerned you were unhappy.”

  Sue Ann felt as if all the blood had drained from her cheeks as she said, probably too softly, “I would love to be the office manager.” Then she swallowed. “If you still want me for the position.”

  “I do. Especially now that I understand why you were making the rounds at other places. I need to know you’re dedicated to staying with us.”

  “I am—oh, I am! And I still intend to get my license, too.”

  He nodded, smiled. “Good, that’s great to hear. The office management job, as you know, is eight to five, Monday through Friday, and comes with a twenty percent raise over your current hourly wage. Will that work for you?”

  Fighting off the urge to literally leap for joy, Sue Ann instead managed to stay in her chair, do the math in her head, and quickly reply, “Yes. Definitely.”

  “Shirley will be with us through mid-January, so you can start full-time at the beginning of the year and that will give her some time to train you.”

  Sue Ann was back to not being able to breathe again, but she tried desperately to hide it. “That’s . . . amazing! Thank you!”

  And it suddenly got a little easier to stay afloat.

  On Saturday morning, Sue Ann and Sophie woke up to a few new inches of snow, but the roads were cleared early, so Sue Ann didn’t let it change their plans for shopping. After all, she was in far too good a mood to let anything get in her way today. Her mouth hurt from smiling. And her throat was even a little sore from all the talking she’d done on the phone last night. Not only had she called her mother and Jenny, she’d then also called Tessa, Amy, and Rachel, too. Her friends had been so supportive throughout her divorce—how could she not share her great news with them?

  And for some reason, a part of her also wanted to share it with Adam, but she’d resisted that urge. It’s only because you’ve shared some closeness with him lately. And probably, too, because he was more connected to the situation than any other man in her life. But getting a job didn’t mean her challenges were completely over—and he still might testify on Jeff’s behalf, and you still don’t know where that could lead.

  Following a trip to Crestview, where the stores were filled with holiday crowds, she and Sophie then returned to Destiny, where things were a bit more pleasantly quiet. After parking on the town square, they needed only to stop by the Daisy Dress Shop—where Sophie picked out a scarf to give Jenny, especially from her—then headed on to Under the Covers. When she’d called Amy last night, Amy had mentioned that a gardening book Sue Ann had ordered for her mother had arrived.

  When they stepped inside, it was a regular party—the whole gang was there. Amy stood behind the counter, ringing up a customer’s order, while Jenny, Rachel, and Tessa all sat drinking eggnog in easy chairs. And Sue Ann was actually in the mood for a party for a change, happy to accept all the merry congratulations from her friends, and thankful for all the warmth and comfort that greeted her and Sophie when they walked through the door.

  After Amy’s customer left, she joined them and they all gabbed about shopping and holiday festivities and Sue Ann’s new position, sometimes sharing one conversation, at other moments branching off into a couple—and Sue Ann appreciated how they all included Sophie, asking her about Christmas parties at school, and Rachel fawned over her new snow boots with the fur around the top. Although everyone, Sue Ann noticed, judiciously avoided asking what Sophie wanted for Christmas or even mentioning Santa, so she assumed word of Adam’s reindeer promise had made it around.

  “Dickens!” Sophie exclaimed when the gray kitten peeked out from a bookshelf at her exact eye level.

  “I think he’s missed playing with you,” Amy said to Sophie—then cringed softly when she saw the look on Sue Ann’s face, mouthing the words Sorry, forgot in her direction. Despite her good mood, and even despite what she’d told Adam about how maybe she should have taken the cat, Sue Ann still wasn’t willing to make that leap. She hadn’t given the cat a lot of thought with everything else vying for attention in her head, but now that she’d be working so much more and would be at home so much less, the idea sounded less prudent than ever.

  “Where are his bells?” Sophie asked Amy, who then pointed behind the counter, and a moment later, with jingle bells in hand, Sophie went scampering off after the cat, who appeared to like being chased.

  “You’re lucky to be a mom,” Jenny said on a sigh, watching as Sophie disappeared between the tall shelves.

  Sue Ann supposed that meant Jenny’s baby quest wasn’t going well, but she didn’t feel she could ask at the moment since their other friends might not know about that. Oh, wow, look at me—not blurting something out before thinking. She really was getting better at keeping secrets and not being a bigmouth all the time!

  Maybe the flipside of the equation, though, would make Jenny feel better. “Yeah, but sometimes it’s really tough. Like right now, for instance.” She lowered her voice to make sure Sophie didn’t hear. “I mean, I’m still really anxious about keeping her happy this Christmas.”

  “She seems happy enough to me,” Tessa said, glancing back through the bookshelves where Sophie’s giggles could be heard.

  But Sue Ann only sighed. “Well, she has a lot of ups and downs. And I’m concerned about how all this will affect her, you know, in the big picture of life.” The fact was, having one big problem solved didn’t mean the others just we
nt away.

  “It seems to me,” Jenny said with a tilt of her head, “that you’ve always felt a lot of anxiety about Sophie’s happiness. And don’t take this the wrong way, but sometimes I’m afraid you overworry it.”

  Wow. Jenny had never said anything like that before, so the words left Sue Ann stunned. “But I’m her mom—of course I’m going to worry. I mean, you hear every day about people who are screwed up because of stuff in their childhood. And we know people who’ve . . . well, struggled due to things that happened when they were kids.” She knew she didn’t have to point out that she was talking about Mick, and also Rachel’s and Tessa’s fiancés, Mike and Lucky Romo. “I just consider my number one job in life keeping her safe. Emotionally.”

  “But . . . maybe you can’t do that,” Amy said. “I mean, that’s how we grow, how we live—we have emotions. And sometimes they’re hard, or rotten, but we learn from them and get through it.”

  Sue Ann just cast her friend a sideways glance. “Listen to Miss Psychologist over here.”

  “Yeah, Miss Matchmaker who never makes a match for herself,” Tessa said.

  And Amy’s face went red. Because they never talked about that, about the fact that Amy hadn’t dated anyone in a very, very long while. But apparently Tessa had decided it was time to confront that particular elephant in the bookstore.

  “Well, who would I match myself up with around here?” Amy finally replied, clearly trying to downplay it with her light tone. “I mean, you girls have already taken most of the hot men off the market.”

  Rachel just rolled her eyes as the others flashed looks of disbelief. There were still more than one or two attractive single men running around Destiny. And Rachel finished her eye roll by pointing to Amy and saying, “Okay, I’m turning the tables on you, Miss Matchmaker. What about Adam Becker? He’s the nicest guy in town, and you’re the nicest girl, so that seems like a good match to me.”

  And in response, Sue Ann’s stomach wrenched. Because Adam is mine! Mine, mine, mine! Not really, of course—but that was her gut reaction. Which threw her a little.

  Thankfully, no one besides Jenny noticed the look on her face because they were all too caught up in what Rachel had just suggested. And Sue Ann’s heart beat too hard as she sat waiting for Amy’s response.

  “Adam? And me? Gosh, I don’t know,” she finally said, sounding blessedly skeptical. But already Sue Ann’s mind raced. Could Adam be attracted to Amy? Amy was much prettier than she realized, and such a nice person, too. And what kind of creep am I to not want my dear friend to find love? Oh Lord, I don’t want to be one of those I-don’t-want-him-but-you-can’t-have-him kind of women.

  “He’s a great guy,” Tessa chimed in.

  “But he’s been kind of testy lately,” Amy pointed out.

  “True, he has,” Sue Ann heard herself agree. Oh God, I am one of those women.

  “I’m sure it’s just holiday stress,” Rachel said, then shifted her attention to Sue Ann. “You know Adam really well. Don’t you think he and Amy would make a nice couple?”

  Everyone looked at her now, waiting for her answer—even Amy, darn it. So she glanced at Jenny, as if for rescue—rescue that didn’t come—and then made herself say the right thing. “Sure. He’s a great guy, like Tessa said.” Even if the words didn’t come out quite as strong and clear as she’d hoped. And her stomach churned, wondering if she’d just set something in motion that she would regret.

  Yet then Amy replied, “Even so, I’ve just never felt that thing with Adam, you know? That spark. So I don’t think it’s in the cards.” And Sue Ann was torn between wanting to jump for joy and giving Amy the real truth of the situation: Just because you’ve never felt a spark with Adam before doesn’t mean it won’t suddenly happen—trust me, I know. But she settled—wisely, she thought—for doing neither and just sitting quietly in her chair and taking a sip of eggnog.

  After that, fortunately, the discussion moved on to other topics, and though Sue Ann tried to pay attention and occasionally add some pithy remark that would make her friends think she was acting normal, she felt far from normal on the inside. Her reaction to the idea of Adam being with someone else was . . . startling. And a little frightening.

  She’d forgotten. How this felt. To have that powerful pull toward a new man in your life. Lord, she hadn’t gone through this since high school—half her life ago. It was at once exhilarating and agonizing.

  But for her, right now, agonizing was winning, hands down. It seemed like no matter what she did regarding Adam, she was going to be miserable. To let herself start a relationship with him would be . . . to worry, to be wary. And was she even emotionally equipped to have a relationship right now? She didn’t think so. And there was so much to do, so much to consider. There was Sophie. And Christmas. There was her new job and her real estate license. And whether or not to keep the house. She loved the house. She’d put a lot of blood, sweat, and tears into the house. But she and Jeff had refurbished it together, and now some of those tears were the really sad kind, and so wouldn’t the place always be tainted with memories of a past she needed to put behind her?

  “I’m going to sell the house,” she said out of the blue. It suddenly seemed so clear, like something she shouldn’t have been waffling on all this time.

  “Huh?” Tessa asked, and Sue Ann realized she’d interrupted something Tessa had been saying about her Christmas present for Lucky.

  “I’m sorry,” Sue Ann said, “I didn’t mean to be so rude. But it just hit me, hard—I should sell the house. For a while it seemed like something I needed to hang onto, but I think hanging onto it was like hanging onto Jeff, and the past, and even as much as I love that house, I need someplace new, a truly fresh start. You know?”

  All her friends chimed in with their agreement and support, but soon enough the conversation drifted to yet another new subject, and that’s when Jenny leaned over to put her hand on Sue Ann’s knee. “This is big,” she said quietly. “Especially since you just became more financially equipped to stay where you are.”

  “I know,” Sue Ann agreed. “It just shot through me like a bolt of lightning. That I don’t need the house anymore. I don’t need that part of what used to be my marriage. In fact, maybe I don’t need any of it anymore. Well, other than Sophie, of course. But the rest . . . I think I’m really, finally, beginning to let go.”

  Jenny’s smile reached all the way to Sue Ann’s core. What she was feeling right now was real, and solid. Jenny was right. It was big. She suddenly felt braver, and more ready to face life. Maybe it was the new job helping her see that she could make changes, be successfully independent, do things on her own. And she realized it was as if holding onto the house, even just in her own mind, had somehow been . . . weighing her down.

  “Beginning to let go and starting to move on?” Jenny asked.

  “Yes, and starting to move on,” she said. “Definitely.”

  “With Adam?” Jenny whispered.

  And Sue Ann’s stomach began to churn again, pushing her to say, “Look, one big step at a time, okay? I have a new job, and I’m ready to sell the house—that’s enough for today. And I think it’s pretty good progress.”

  “Okay, okay—you’re right, it is,” Jenny agreed. “And I’m proud of you.”

  And Sue Ann felt pretty proud of herself, too. “New life, new beginnings,” she said. “But one step at a time.”

  A few minutes later, she announced it was time to get her mom’s book and depart. “I promised Sophie we’d make cookies this afternoon and that we’d try sledding on that hill at the end of our street—you know, the one that runs down to Sugar Creek.” As she stepped up to the counter and opened her purse to pay Amy, she called back through the bookstore, “Soph—it’s time to go!”

  And by the time she’d picked up her bag and was buttoning her coat, Sophie appeared from between the shelves—of course carrying fluffy little Dickens in her arms. “I love him so much, Mommy,” she said, peering up.
“Can’t we take him home? Pleeeease.”

  Oh boy, here we go again. It was starting to seem dangerous to bring Sophie to the bookstore. “Soph, honey, we’ve discussed this. Having a cat takes a lot of work—and money, that we just don’t have right now.”

  “But . . . ” Then Sophie flashed her best pouty face and sad eyes—almost enough to do Sue Ann in. Yet she refused to let it. Even if the kitty did start looking a little cuter to her every time she saw it. “You got a new job yesterday. That’s more money, right?”

  Sue Ann could only sigh. “More money that we need for other things. And between my schedule and yours, we’ll barely be home. Come on, honey—say goodbye to Dickens for now and we’ll go home and make cookies like we planned. Then we’ll get out the sleds—remember?”

  She saw Sophie struggling, trying to decide if she should keep arguing or just look forward to the fun afternoon ahead, and eventually her little girl gave a soft nod and said, “All right.” Then she hugged the gray kitten to her chest and said, “I’ll see you soon, Dickens. I’ll miss you. Bye.”

  Okay, good—another bullet dodged. At least for today.

  Next mission: Get Adam Becker out of her head.

  Because, again, there was so much else occupying space there that needed her attention—and heck, now she had a house to put on the market, too. Which would take a hellacious amount of work in the new year. And then she’d need to find a new place, figure out what kind of home she and Sophie actually wanted—and all while settling into a new job and studying for her real estate exam, too. So yeah, this was no time to add a pet to the mix. And this was no time to keep letting herself pine over a man. My God, I just stopped pining for one and now I’m already pining for another? What kind of madness had her once simple, settled life become?

  So even as she said her goodbyes and gathered up her bags and her child, she lectured herself. No more Adam. No more thinking about his kisses. Or the hot, hot sex we shared. It was getting-back-on-the-horse sex, that was all—all it can be. No more feeling jealous at the mere mention of his name. Oh Lord, she’d practically behaved like he’d told her Sheila once had. So it stopped. Now.