by Toni Blake
“Shhhh,” Amy said anyway.
It was when George and Mary were doing the Charleston on the edge of the pool that Dickens leapt silently up onto the couch and started walking around on Sue Ann like she was part of the furniture. She said, “Sheesh,” and set him beside her on the middle cushion.
But by the time George and Mary were singing “Buffalo Gals” on the front walk, the gray kitten found a spot to settle—right in Sue Ann’s lap—and she decided to let him stay. And that maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t so bad. Maybe the little guy was actually pretty cute, even if she didn’t like to admit it.
And it was exactly when Mary said, “Welcome home, Mr. Bailey,” that Sue Ann realized she’d absently begun to pet him a little. “Hmm,” she said, glancing down.
“Hmm what?” Amy asked her, eyes still glued to the TV.
“Hmm, I guess maybe I’m starting to get what Sophie sees in this cat. A little anyway.” Then she thought out loud. “I wonder if maybe . . . I should think about taking a leap of faith.”
“What leap of faith?”
“That maybe Sophie can take care of a cat. That maybe he wouldn’t be just an expensive headache. Maybe I should reconsider.”
When Amy finally drew her attention from the screen to flash a big smile across the space between them, Sue Ann thrust a pointed finger in her direction. “But don’t get your hopes up. I still need to think about it.”
“No problem—my hopes are in check.” She still smiled, though. Then asked, “How was Sophie’s Christmas morning?” Everyone knew how concerned Sue Ann had been about that.
And while the easy answer was that it had turned out great, that reply would require a lot of explanation, which she knew Amy would dig for if she didn’t supply it, so instead Sue Ann said, “I thought you were watching a movie.”
“I am,” Amy said, reaching for the remote, “but we can pause it. I need a bathroom break anyway.” And the picture on the screen stilled, leaving the room quiet. “So, about Sophie’s Christmas. How did she take it when there wasn’t a reindeer under the tree?”
“Not very well,” Sue Ann said, realizing she’d have to tell the story whether she liked it or not. “But things got a lot better when she discovered that there was a reindeer in the backyard.”
Amy blinked. “There was a reindeer in the backyard?”
“Yep,” Sue Ann said, still a little awed by the memory. Or maybe it was the sweetness involved on Adam’s part that left her feeling overwhelmed. “Incredible but true.”
Amy just gaped at her. “Well, are you going to give me any details? I mean, I’m pretty sure a reindeer didn’t just come conveniently wandering up Holly Lane to your house on Christmas morning.”
Okay, this part would be a little tricky, but she could handle it. “Adam brought it,” she said.
“Adam brought it?” Amy asked.
“Because of how he semi-promised it to her when he was playing Santa. And of course, he is Sophie’s godfather.” Then she explained about him knowing a man with some reindeer. “And naturally, Sophie thought it was the best thing ever, and it really was pretty amazing, so . . . Adam definitely saved the day.”
“What else?” Amy asked.
“What do you mean, ‘What else?’ ”
Amy tilted her head and cast a speculative look Sue Ann recognized. “There’s more. More you’re not telling me.”
Oh, for heaven’s sake. Usually it was her and Jenny who knew when the other was holding something back. But with Amy . . . well, her sixth sense generally pertained to romance. Which meant that Amy somehow sensed what Sue Ann’s mom already knew—that something was up between her and Adam. Still, she fibbed, on the off chance Amy would believe her and let it go. “No there’s not.”
But letting it go was not to be. “You like Adam,” Amy concluded after a pause. “Like like him. Not just as a friend anymore.”
Sue Ann simply sighed, blinked. “You got that from the fact that he brought a reindeer to my yard?”
“I got that from the look in your eyes when you said it.”
Damn it. “I was trying to be nonchalant yet appreciative of his effort.”
“You failed on the first part. I mean, the delivery was okay—if we’d been on the phone, I’d have never known—but it’s your expression. And you blushed a little when you said he saved the day.”
Now Sue Ann let out a much larger sigh and said, “Don’t tell anybody, okay? Only Jenny knows. And I feel very weird about it.”
“No problem—I can keep a secret. But this has been going on awhile, hasn’t it? Because I even thought you were acting a little odd that day Rachel suggested I hook up with Adam.”
Sue Ann let her mouth drop open in disbelief. “God, you have an uncanny ability to recognize crap like this.”
“It’s a gift,” Amy said with a shrug. Then she leaned in closer, eyes widened and hopeful. “So does he like you back? And is it serious?”
Oh hell. Why lie at this point? Amy would eventually weasel it all out of her anyway. “Yes, he likes me back. And yes, it feels . . . horribly serious to me. And to him, too, I think. Only . . . ” She shook her head, still sad about the whole situation. “We can’t be together.”
Amy looked stunned. “Why not?”
“Because . . . it’s just so soon after my divorce. And there are trust issues. And besides, there’s so much going on for me right now—big, life-altering things.”
“Which would probably be easier to handle with the love of a good man in your life, don’t you think?”
Lord, she and Jenny both made this sound so simple. But it wasn’t. “Amy, I’ve thought long and hard about this, believe me, and I just can’t deal with it right now. I mean, I’m barely over the last man in my life, you know?”
“You’re afraid,” Amy said softly.
Hmm, funny. Sue Ann could spend all day postulating all the reasons she couldn’t be with Adam, but yeah, when she got right down to it, it was indeed as simple as that one little word. “Yes, I’m afraid,” she admitted.
Amy stayed quiet for a minute, clearly thinking this through, and reaching for a buckeye to help her. After she’d eaten it, she said, “I don’t want to discount your fears, Sue Ann. I mean, I get it, and I know you have a lot on your plate right now. But . . . ”
Sue Ann bit her lip. “But what?”
Amy met her gaze and looked suddenly, profoundly serious. “I’ve only been in love once in my life. It was a long time ago, and it didn’t last long enough.” Sue Ann remembered—Amy had had a boyfriend from another town for a couple of years after high school, and everyone had assumed they’d get married—only they didn’t. They’d broken up, and as far as Sue Ann knew, Amy hadn’t dated anyone since. It always made her sad to think about.
“You’ve been with the same guy since we were young,” Amy went on, “so maybe you don’t know this, but . . . love, real passion, doesn’t come along just every day. You went from loving Jeff right to having these feelings for Adam, yet it just as easily could have been years—or never—before you found someone you felt this way about. To pass it up because you’re afraid is . . . almost criminal. It’s a terrible waste. For both of you.”
Whoa. Sue Ann just sat there, trying to absorb everything her friend had just said. Amy was usually so upbeat, happy, fun—but right now she looked more somber than Sue Ann could remember seeing her in a very long time.
And she knew what neither of them were saying—that Amy would probably give anything to have a good man like Adam fall for her. And she wouldn’t take it for granted. She was reminding Sue Ann that she was actually pretty damn lucky to already have a great guy like Adam wanting a relationship with her.
“I . . . I know that. But the timing . . . ”
“Sucks a little, yeah. Or maybe it’s actually perfect. Whatever—doesn’t matter. I just think it’s too precious and valuable a thing to pass up over something like fear. And besides, if you love him—” She stopped then. “Do you? Love him?�
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Sue Ann’s chest tightened with her gasp. What a question. “I—I don’t know.”
“Well, the thing is, even I, with my limited experience, know that if you do love him, you can’t stop just because you want to. Love doesn’t work that way. It’s not that easy.”
Other than a few years between high school and adulthood when he’d thought he was too cool, Adam had attended the annual Destiny Christmas party at town hall without fail. Besides being a nice way to catch up with everyone in the community after the busy holiday season, it was usually just a damn good time.
Of course, it was snowing for this year’s party. Again. “For God’s sake,” he muttered, looking skyward as he stepped out of the house heading for his truck. A few new inches had fallen throughout the day and the weatherman had reported that it would keep right on coming until daybreak. He’d never seen so much snow in December in his entire life.
But he tried to remember that people loved a white Christmas and that some considered Christmas snow more of a magical thing than a nuisance. His boys, to name two. He’d talked to Jacob and Joey earlier and they’d convinced their mom to let them go sledding in lieu of sitting around with her extended family all afternoon. And a part of him was definitely wishing he could be there with them, playing in the snow—but lately he’d come to accept that this was just a condition of his life now. He wouldn’t always have every moment with his sons that he wanted. Which simply meant he had to make the time he did have count. And overall, he was just glad they were home. They wouldn’t be at the party tonight, but he’d pick them up tomorrow for a couple of days, and he’d have them again over New Year’s.
As for now, dealing with the snow in practical ways meant a lot of people were having a hard time getting to the party tonight, but everyone with four-wheel-drive vehicles was pitching in to help out—including him. Currently he was on his way to pick up not only Edna Farris, but also “a slew of apple pies,” she’d told him on the phone an hour ago. “Get me there in one piece and there’s a whole pie with your name on it.”
Given how good Edna’s apple pies were, he’d said, “Now that’s an offer I can’t refuse.”
After that, he’d make another trip out to transport Willie Hargis, Grampy Hoskins, and anybody else who called needing a ride by then.
And as he turned on his windshield wipers to battle the snow, falling in thick, heavy flakes, he realized that a week or two ago, calls asking him for help would have had him growling and snarling his way into Grinchville—which must mean he’d truly, finally, shaken that off now, thank God. Because he was happy to help, happy he could help.
Part of that, of course, was because his kids were home and Christmas had turned out pretty damn nice after all. And part of it, too, had to do with this morning, with delivering that reindeer to Sophie. The truth was, it had been a hellacious amount of work and he’d been just as exhausted and cold as Sue Ann had suspected. But he hadn’t minded a bit, especially when he’d seen the look on Sophie’s face. And also the look on Sue Ann’s.
It had been truly gratifying to make Sophie’s Christmas special.
And . . . illuminating to realize how much Sue Ann still wanted him.
She hadn’t said that, but she hadn’t needed to. Somehow, even despite the facts that she’d been in a bathrobe with her hair pointing all over the place and that he’d been unable to feel his fingers by then . . . the expression on her face had warmed him inside and made him realize he wasn’t alone in his feelings here, he wasn’t the only one suffering. And yeah, he’d understood that before, but given that the last time he’d seen her she’d been throwing him out of her house, maybe he’d forgotten. Maybe he’d forgotten just how sexy and sweet she could look when she felt that invisible pull between them. Maybe he’d forgotten the caring went both ways.
Yet now he remembered. And he still hadn’t had any strange dreams today as he’d slept off his reindeer-related exhaustion, instead waking up feeling . . . happy.
He wasn’t sure why. He still didn’t have the girl he was pining for, after all. But maybe . . . well, maybe something had happened inside him that he hadn’t expected.
Over the last few days, people had forgiven him for being a first-class jerk this month. And without quite realizing it until today, somehow, at the same time, he thought he’d finally forgiven himself, too. But not for his Scroogy attitude. For what he’d done at that wedding.
God knew he’d been carrying the weight of it for a while now—three long years. And through everything that had happened over the last few weeks, he realized he was at last ready to stop mentally beating himself up for it. And that—along with all the other good tidings of the last few days, including a call to Jeff’s lawyer today that he thought might allay some of Sue Ann’s fears about his testimony—was indeed enough to make him a happy guy on this snowy Christmas night.
All of which made him cautiously begin to wonder if maybe, just maybe, it was possible for Sue Ann to forgive him, too.
Could be that he was a glutton for punishment, but he’d realized he still wasn’t quite ready to take no for an answer from her. The emotion in her eyes this morning had reminded him how much there was between them, and that it was just too damn precious to let go.
She didn’t think she was ready to trust him? Understandable.
But he’d just have to change her mind.
Tonight.
Twenty-one
As to her, she was worthy to be his partner in every sense of the term.
Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol
When Adam hung up his coat and stepped into the party, Bryan Adams’ version of “Run, Run Rudolph” rocked through the large town hall meeting room. The place was aglow with white mini-lights and filled with Destiny residents celebrating the holiday. Long tables overflowed with both new dishes and leftovers from celebrations at home: cookies and candies and fudge, stuffing and cranberries and mashed potatoes. Chief Tolliver stood carving a turkey Jenny had baked for the occasion, and Adam even spotted a couple of fruitcakes people had undoubtedly received as gifts and were hoping to rid themselves of here.
Little kids danced around a twinkling Christmas tree near the wide front windows, where snow could be seen falling outside. Ladies mingled and admired each other’s holiday fashions while men stood around drinking beer and slapping each other on the back, many of them clearly uncomfortable in new sweaters they’d gotten just today. He spotted Tyler Fleet kissing Cara Collins under a sprig of mistletoe that hung from a light fixture.
Everything was as it should be on this snowy Destiny night, and taking it all in gave him a warm feeling.
Except . . . well, okay, not everything was as it should be. The night wasn’t perfect. Yet. But he’d be working on changing that, with Sue Ann, very soon.
As he grabbed a festive paper plate and began to load it with food, Mike and Rachel meandered up. “Thanks for bringing my grandma, Adam,” Rachel said. “We’d have done it ourselves, of course, but we had to pick up half the Romo population in the county.”
After plopping a helping of potatoes onto his plate and returning the spoon to the bowl, he smiled and told her, “Happy to help, and Edna’s even sending a pie home with me for my trouble.”
Mike joined the conversation by giving his head a small shake and saying, “Damn, I’m glad you’re back to normal, dude. I couldn’t handle you walking around—”
“Acting like you?” Rachel cut him off.
“Something like that,” Mike said on a sigh. “One of me’s enough.”
Adam only laughed, adding, “I couldn’t agree more.”
As the two went on their way, looking for Edna, Adam continued filling his plate, hungry since he’d slept through lunch, but at the same time he kept an eye out for Sue Ann and Sophie. Not just because he wanted to take another shot at romance with Sue Ann—and also tell her his new news about the alimony hearing—but because he was planning one more special thing for Sophie, too, one more Christmas s
urprise. He’d hoped to pick them up for the party as well, but he’d found out from Mike on the phone earlier that Jenny and Mick were already giving them a ride. And they still hadn’t arrived when he took a seat with Mike, Rachel, and Logan to eat his dinner.
Before long, the CD player was turned off and people gathered around the piano in the corner of the room to sing carols while Caroline Meeks played. “Hark the Herald Angels Sing” rang out through the air when Adam looked up to see Sue Ann and Sophie step in from the cold, Jenny and Mick on their heels. His eyes met Sue Ann’s across the room even as she began to untwine the scarf around her neck, and he experienced that all too familiar tugging sensation inside him that stretched all the way from his heart to his groin. Damn, she made him feel everything. Everything tender and sweet. Everything hot and sexy, too.
He had to battle the urge to go bolting from his seat to go see her. Be cool, dude. Not only because he didn’t want to overwhelm her the second she walked in the door, but also because—just like when he and Sheila had broken up—he wasn’t particularly open about spreading personal news, and he still figured Sue Ann didn’t want the whole town tuned in to their romance, either. He understood now that Sue Ann’s divorce had taught her the value of keeping private things private.
So he calmly finished his meal, even though he stayed completely aware of where she was in the room at every second, in a way that made him feel all of sixteen. But that part he didn’t fight. There was something surprisingly exhilarating about experiencing that sensation again for the first time in a long while.
A few minutes later, he stood up and headed to the kitchen to discard his plate, and when he turned around, Sue Ann stood before him in a sparkly white sweater along with dark jeans and boots. She looked warm and wintry, and he suffered the sudden urge to curl up next to her under an afghan, in front of a fireplace.
“Hey,” he said, offering up a small grin, and not trying to hide anything that might be showing in his eyes, like that he was still completely into her.
