Spring, The Twosies

by Josie Brown

  Following his gaze into the crowd, she had to admit that he was right.

  The PHM&T parents’ Valentine’s party was a rousing success. Jade had made it mandatory that everyone dress in a costume representing “great lovers through history.” The room was filled with Cupids, Aphrodites, Don Juans, Venus di Milos, and St. Valentines.

  Jillian and Caleb had dressed up as Sonny and Cher. Ally and Brady were Scarlett O’Hara and Rhett Butler: hoopskirt and sausage curls for her, a cravat and mustache for him.

  Lorna was dressed as a very pregnant Princess Leia, while Matthew was Han Solo.

  “Dude, you’re my hero,” Caleb murmured to Matt before taking off after Reggie with Jillian’s contribution: boxes filled with heart-shaped cherry pielets.

  Ally tried to compliment Lorna on her costume, but Lorna wouldn’t hear of it. “All I’ve done is pinned brown coiled yarn to my head, and cut a head hole and two arm holes into a sheet,” she admitted. “If I weren’t brandishing Dante’s Luke Skywalker laser sword, believe me, no one would know who I was.”

  Appropriately so, Jade and Reggie had chosen Romeo and Juliet. Jade blew the long veil of her pointed hat out of her face before murmuring to Lorna, “I see that Bettina came with you.”

  “Yep. Lucky us,” Matthew said mournfully.

  Lorna slapped his arm.

  Ally turned to Brady. “She cornered you the minute you came into the room. What was that all about?”

  Brady shrugged. “Nothing. Something about making a donation to Lily’s school.” Instinctively, he glanced over at Matthew, who was trying hard to swallow his grin.

  None of this was lost on Ally.

  Brady nudged Matt to one side.

  “What are you two up to?” Ally asked warily.

  “Man talk,” Brady assured her. “You know, basketball scores and things.”

  “Bullshit,” she muttered under her breath. She glanced back at Bettina. Their eyes met.

  The pregnant woman scowled back until Ally turned away.

  Brady waited until Ally was deep in conversation with her friends before muttering, to Matt, “Hey, listen, not a day goes by that Bettina doesn’t hammer me about an advance on her portion of the BFZ deal.”

  Matt sighed. “Understandable. Her trust is frozen, and Mother has tightened her purse strings. In fact, Lily admitted that they’re barely speaking to each other.”

  Brady frowned. “That’s a shame.”

  “Not to mention that damned auction is happening this week.”

  “Which one is that?” Brady asked.

  “U.S. Marshals’,” Matt explained. “Lily tells me that Bettina is fretting over some horse statue. Granted, it’s valuable: it’s a Koons. It’s worth at least twelve thousand. It’ll probably go much higher. In any event, she won’t have the money to buy it back.”

  Brady gave a low whistle. “Let me guess. It’s why she’s ex-ed Daniel out of her life.”

  Matt snorted. “Could be. But he’s got a bigger reason to be in the doghouse with her. Art may be dead.”

  Brady’s jaw dropped. “What?”

  “Shhhh,” Matt warned him. “Nothing is confirmed. He’ll at least circle back around when he knows the lay of the land. She matters that much to him.” He grinned weakly at the thought.

  At that moment, he made up his mind to bid on the horse on his sister’s behalf.

  Also at that moment, Brady made the decision to bid on the horse. If AOZ signed on the dotted line, he’d let Bettina buy it back from him. Even if the deal faltered, it would be a great investment.

  “Here’s to true love,” Matt said as he clinked his glass against Brady’s.

  “Can you believe it? Bettina is the only person here not wearing a costume,” Jade grumbled to Lorna, Jillian, and Ally. “And after all that guilt she laid on me to use my quote-unquote ‘usual flare to make it a rousing success’!”

  “To be honest, lately she’s been on a tight budget.” Lorna leaned in and whispered, “The news on Art is not good. Lily told Eleanor that he might actually be…dead.”

  “Oh, my God!” Jillian, Ally, and Jade murmured in unison.

  “Shhh!” Lorna looked over at Matt and Brady. Considering the topic, they were too close for comfort. When they didn’t turn around, she added, “Daniel hasn’t given her official confirmation yet. Needless to say, between that news, her pregnancy, and the fact that Art’s death may mean that she’ll never get her assets back, she’s beside herself.”

  “She’ll be destitute,” Jillian murmured.

  “No,” Ally countered, “She’ll just be a burden on Eleanor”— grimacing, she gave Lorna a sidelong glance—“and Matt.”

  Lorna wiped away a tear. “For that matter, I’m beginning to think that Eleanor is upset at me as well.”

  “Why is that?” asked Ally.

  Lorna shook her head. “It wasn’t anything she said, per se. I just get this feeling that she’s avoiding me. In the past few weeks, she’s rarely called. And I have to ring her at least a couple of times to get her to call me back.”

  “She seemed unusually anxious at your shower,” Jillian admitted.

  Lorna nodded. “Whatever is bothering her, she’s not confiding in Bettina either. In fact, Lily let on that Eleanor is less than pleased with her mother.” She sighed. “I’m sure the Federal auction of all Bettina’s items this week is weighing on her too. In fact, do you remember the horse statue on the sideboard in her dining room?”

  Jillian shook her head. “Only vaguely. I was only there for her New Year’s Eve party, and the place was packed with people.”

  “It’s a Jeff Koons. Apparently, it has tremendous sentimental value to her. Lily says she’s very upset about it.” Lorna paused before whispering, “Don’t tell Matt, but I’m going to buy it back for her.”

  “Wow!” Ally exclaimed. “That’s so noble, considering…well, considering…” Her statement ended in an embarrassing silence.

  “You mean, considering how badly she thinks of me?” Lorna pinked up. “There are times I feel as if I could wring Bettina’s neck. But then I feel sorry for her, so I…”

  “You let her run circles around you—but that’s only because you truly care about her.” Jade put her arms around Lorna. “Seriously, if Reggie and I weren’t leaving for London on Monday, I’d go with you. I’ve never been to an auction.”

  “Me neither,” Jillian chimed in. “Why don’t I join you?”

  “That would be wonderful!” Lorna smiled jubilantly.

  “I’ll come too,” Ally promised. She looked over at Bettina. “Despite what Bettina thinks, you’re a good sister-in-law, Lorna.”

  Lorna sighed. “I wish she felt the same way. If I succeed, it will go a long way toward getting her to accept that I’m family.”

  The women couldn’t help but glance over at Bettina.

  When they found her glaring back, they quickly shifted their gazes as well as the subject.

  Who the hell do they think they are, staring at me like that, Bettina thought. Oh, my God! That jerk, Brady, better not be boasting about the BFZ app. Not until the paperwork is signed and I’m financially solvent again—

  Which, according to him, is supposed to happen this week.

  It sure as hell better. The auction is Thursday. I’ve got to buy back that statue.

  Suddenly feeling conspicuous, she made her way toward the center of the room through the thick undulating crowd. Scanning their faces, she wondered, where is that idiot, Kimberley?

  Finally, she saw the redhead. She was dressed as Catwoman. Her one-piece black patent-leather unitard hugged every curve. Unfortunately, the same could be said for her husband Jerry’s Batman costume. He bulged in all the wrong places, and not in the right one.

  Bettina winced. If ever a costume needed a codpiece, this was it. Poor Kimberley! No wonder she’s so enthralled with Andy!

  The Savitches were talking to another couple. The man and woman had their backs to Bettina, but both were dressed i
n Army fatigues.

  Enough with this lollygagging, Bettina thought. The sooner I break up their little foursome, the sooner Kimberley gets me that cell phone, and I can leave.

  Just then, the woman in the military fatigues turned around:

  Kelly.

  Bettina could feel her heart racing. She wondered, what is Kimberley saying to that bitch?

  Don’t be a dolt. Kimberley wants that cell phone as badly as you.

  The last thing she needed was for Kelly to distract Kimberley from the task at hand. As distasteful as it was, Bettina knew it was up to her to distract her nemesis so that her new frenemy could find the cell phone:

  So that they both could take Kelly down.

  As Bettina sauntered over, she forced a smile on her face.

  “Such unusual costumes,” Bettina purred. “Kimberley, yours is perfect—so you!” When she leaned into Kimberley to exchange air kisses, she muttered, “Get your ass upstairs, pronto.”

  In response, Kimberley giggled nervously, all the while nodding her head. “Thank you, Bettina. It was all Jerry’s idea.”

  Bettina turned to acknowledge him. “Adorable, yes, indeed. A true superhero, your hubby.” Bettina smiled at Peter next. “Sorry, but I’m at a loss to guess who you’re supposed to be.”

  He put his arm around Kelly. “Since I’m a doctor, we thought it best to show up as the most loving M.D. and nurse duo: Major Frank Burns and Margaret ‘Hot Lips’ Houlihan. You know, from M.A.S.H.”

  “Ah, yes! Now I see the resemblance!” Bettina fixed her gaze on Kelly. “In Kelly’s case, at least: arrogant, a stern taskmistress—and always horny.”

  Jerry’s clueless guffaw was echoed by Peter—until he saw the scowl on his wife’s face.

  “You’ve come solo, Bettina—to a Valentines’ party? What a novel concept!” Kelly purred.

  “It’s a club function. Even if I were by myself, I am the founder of the club, after all—or have you forgotten?” Bettina snarled.

  “How could I? You remind everyone, in practically every conversation,” Kelly replied. “Well, we’ll just pretend your date is the Invisible Man.”

  Bristling, Bettina was about to retort when a voice behind her said, “Then I’m not doing justice to my date.”

  Bettina recognized the voice. Daniel Warwick is here?

  Then she realized why he must have tracked her down:

  They’d identified the body.

  Suddenly, she felt faint.

  Daniel must have anticipated her reaction because his arm went around her waist.

  She was glad he was holding her—not because it had kept her steady, but because it felt so natural, so wonderful—

  All the more reason to get out of there. As anxious as she was to hear what he had to say.

  But, first things first.

  Kimberley couldn’t believe her eyes. Bettina brought a Federal agent with her? And she wants me to ransack Jade’s house while he’s here?

  What the hell? Is she having a hormone surge?

  Obviously, she wasn’t the only one. The way Kelly was licking her lips, you’d think that the tall, blond and handsome Daniel Warwick was a prime cut of filet mignon.

  Daniel’s look of concern was not lost on anyone. “Bettina, I—”

  To hush him, Bettina put a finger on his lips. “No need to apologize, darling, for being late. All that matters is that you’re here now.” She nodded toward the Overtons. “Daniel Warwick, this is Kelly and Peter Overton”—she shifted her gaze to the Savitches. “And this is my very dear friend Kimberley Savitch, and her husband, Jerry.”

  “We’ve met,” Kelly purred. “When you came looking for Bettina at our little mommy meet-up. Aren’t you the Federal prosecutor who is investigating dear hubby, Art?” She raised a brow. “You really do take your oath ‘to serve and protect’ seriously, don’t you?”

  Oh, hell, thought Kimberley. She felt the bile rising in her throat.

  I am not stealing that cell phone.

  Bettina looked straight at Kimberley and nodded toward the staircase that led up to Jade’s bedroom. Her glare left no doubt:

  Do it. Now.

  Kimberley’s headshake was barely perceptible, but Bettina caught it.

  Perhaps feeling the need to convince her otherwise, Bettina simpered, “By the way, Daniel, Jerry happens to be one of the best divorce lawyers in town. He’s a bloodhound when it comes to digging up dirt on the opposing spouses.” Noting Daniel’s perplexed smile, she sighed mightily. “I wish I’d used him when I filed against Art.”

  Kimberley’s eyes got large. Yes, she got the message.

  She swallowed the rest of the wine in her glass, and then raised it, murmuring. “Excuse me, everyone, while I go for a refill.” She sauntered off in the direction of the kitchen, where the bar was set up—

  Only to circle back around behind Kelly to the hallway.

  As she slipped up the staircase, she heard Bettina declare, “Daniel, did you know that Kelly was my oldest friend in the world? Kelly, Daniel thinks I am the perfect angel, but alas, you know better. Tell him about the trouble I used to get us into while in prep school together…”

  Where to look, where to look, where to look…

  Bedside tables!

  Hmmmm…Lots of books: mostly Shakespeare, some 19th Century poetry…

  No vibrator? REALLY? Come on, already—this woman used to be a porn star! This can’t be her side of the bed—

  Huh. I guess it was. His rubbers are on this side.

  So are all her sappy cards to him… My God, does she write one a day? And does he keep them all? This is a dead end! I’ve got to keep looking—

  Closet…

  Tons of shoes, but no shoe boxes, darn it…

  Ha. Tallest heels evah. They must be from her pole-dancing days. Does she still have a portable pole someplace? …I don’t see one in here.

  I’ll bet Reggie wishes she did.

  I wonder if she gives lessons…

  Hmmm, she’s exactly my size! Surprisingly, there’s not a lot of whore couture in here… I like this little black number. I wonder if she’d miss it? …

  Dammit, it’s not in here! Where then? …

  Dresser.

  Sock drawer…no.

  T-shirts…no.

  Jammies…no.

  Bras…no… Really? A 36 double-C? I must be taking the wrong vitamins…

  Panties…

  And the cell phone… Yes! Yes! Yes!

  After stuffing it deep in her cleavage, Kimberley flew out of the room.

  What’s taking that moron Kimberley so long? Bettina wondered.

  Had she known Kelly still remembered every slight and scheme of their shared childhoods, she would have gone through Jade’s things herself.

  Half the things she’d long forgotten. What did it matter that she muddied some other little girl’s best dress, or stole someone else’s boyfriend, or pranked a teacher and then blamed it on some little boy already pegged a hooligan?

  What made her flinch most was watching the others chuckle (thank goodness, not Daniel) at Kelly’s current reminiscence: how a sixteen-year-old Bettina drove her boyfriend’s car into Lake Merritt.

  “In my defense, it was pouring rain, and the lake was a mere six feet from the road, and there was no barrier between them,” Bettina sniffed. “It was an accident waiting to happen.”

  “At sixteen, you’re only allowed a student permit,” Jerry pointed out. “You shouldn’t have been driving in the first place.”

  “You could have drowned,” Daniel muttered. “Along with the boy.”

  “All of which Bettina’s family lawyer pointed out to her eighteen-year-old boyfriend. They threatened to sue his family,” Kelly chortled. “Needless to say, the poor kid took the blame in front of the cops. When you’re a Connaught, it’s so easy to buy yourself out of any situation!” Her eyes opened wide, as if a thought had just occurred to her. “Speaking of opening one’s pocketbook to save face, the auction of
your personal items is just days away, isn’t it, Bettina? On Valentine’s Day?”

  “How did you know that?” Bettina growled.

  “News travels fast.” Kelly grinned wickedly. “It’s all anyone can talk about.” She swept her hand out, as if encompassing the partygoers in her assertion. “Frankly, I think holding an auction is a brilliant idea! If allowing others to own a knickknack or two will help put you back on your feet… Oh, no, wait a minute! Because it’s being conducted by Mr. Warwick and his department, none of the money goes back to you. That’s just so sad!” She clicked her tongue in mock sympathy.

  Bettina’s eyes shifted to Daniel. Was he laughing at her too? No. In fact, he seemed just as distressed as she was.

  “No worries, darling. It’ll still be a big success. You’re famous! Well, infamous anyway,” Kelly assured her. “In fact, I’ve got my eye on a little something from your art collection: that stunning horse statue by Jeff Koons.” She laid a hand on Peter’s chest seductively. “I’m sure it won’t go cheap, but when I think of what pleasure it will give me, I get all giddy.”

  “I imagine it’s a state you find yourself in often,” Daniel muttered. “Now, if you’ll excuse us, Bettina and I—”

  Just over Kelly’s shoulder, Kimberley came into view. “Ah, there you are!” Bettina’s exclamation came with a pointed glare.

  Kimberley assuaged her pique with a thumbs-up.

  Jubilantly, Bettina added, “I’ll bet you made a stop at the little girls’ room too! Would you mind showing me the way?” She patted her belly. “You remember: big babies, tiny bladders.”

  She hustled Kimberley down the hall.

  Bettina shoved Kimberley into the downstairs hall bathroom and shut the door. She put out her hand. “Where is it?”

  “I’ve got it in a safe place,” Kimberley assured her.

  “You promised it to me!” Bettina hissed.

  Kimberley grinned. “Yes—as soon as you secure that file. We’re swapping, remember?”

  “Yeah, yeah, I said we’re swapping, and I meant it! But I need to see the photos for myself. For all I know, you made the whole thing up.”