Scarred Souls: Raze & Reap

by Tillie Cole

  “Who?” I grunted, my hands beginning to shake.

  818 swallowed and said, “Your brother, your twin brother, Anri.”

  I stared and stared as 818’s words carried into my mind.… your twin brother, Anri, your twin brother, Anri …

  I tried to remember but nothing else came. Frustration built in my chest. I barked, “Continue. I want more. I need to hear more.” Talia gripped my hand, but I couldn’t look at her. I needed to know more without distraction.

  “I knew him,” 818 suddenly said. “I knew your brother.”

  I stilled. “How?” I asked.

  “He was in the gulag, the Georgian underground prison, with me. He was the best fighter we had.” 818’s eyes misted with water and he rasped, “He was my best friend.”

  818’s face dropped as he spoke those last two words. Frustration built in my veins. “I do not remember him,” I snapped. “I do not remember knowing him.” I breathed through my nose. “What else?” I asked. “Tell me more.”

  818 lifted his head, took a deep breath, and said, “You are from Georgia, eastern Europe.”

  “Where are we now?”

  “We’re in the United States, zolotse. In New York.” I looked to Talia and my heart sank. Her beautiful eyes were staring up at me, her sadness shining through.

  “I do not know any of this, Talia. I cannot remember anything and it hurts.” I pressed my hand on my heart. “Inside of me feels empty.”

  “I know,” she soothed. Talia got to her feet and sat in my lap. Her palm pressed against my cheek and she pressed her lips to mine. As she pulled away, I took a long breath. “Let Luka tell you about your past. Your memories will return. Don’t force them, just let them return of their own accord.”

  Luka cleared his throat. “You were the prototype for the drug you have been on. Your memories are still within you, but it will take you time to get them all back.”

  “You know this?” I asked, my eyes noticing the many scars on his flesh.

  “I’m living it,” he replied, “and I was not on the same drug as you. Your drug was far worse, much more powerful.”

  My fingers clenched. My teeth started to grind at that information, but I nodded my head for Luka to continue.

  “You had a large family, Zaal. Two sisters and two brothers. You were the eldest, with your twin. You had a sister who was five, and a younger set of siblings, a baby girl and a baby boy.”

  I worked on breathing, though it was a challenge. “Go on,” I pushed.

  Luka continued. “Jakhua was a family friend, the boss of an allied Mafia family. Then one day, he came into your house…” Luka took a deep breath. My stomach tightened. I felt I should know this. I knew this piece of information was important.

  “Go on!” I bit out. Luka’s brown eyes met mine.

  “And he killed them all. Massacred your family, right in front of your eyes.”

  Talia went absolutely still and turned her face into my neck. I breathed in and out, in and out. No memory returned, but anger did. Anger for what Jakhua had done. For taking away my family.

  “He spared your lives, Zaal. Took you and your twin, Anri, with him to experiment on. He put you through test after test to see if the drug worked. Eventually after a few years, with you, it worked one hundred percent.” He left that hanging in the air.

  “And him, my brother?” I inquired.

  “Only partially. He would forget things for a time, but the drug never lasted long enough to take all his free will. Jakhua needed subjects with full obedience. He knew your brother wouldn’t give him that. So he sent him to the gulag, where I met him a few years later.”

  My muscles ached and I felt exhausted. I clutched on to Talia, praying for a memory, any flicker of my past. But I was numb. Nothing was there in my fucked-up mind.

  Talia, feeling me tense, stroked my skin, pressing kisses to my neck.

  “And my … my brother?” I asked. The room went completely silent. Luka dropped his head, ran his hand through his hair. He looked up and rasped, “He died recently. Died in a death-match cage. In a fight.”

  My chest squeezed. My cheek twitched. I waited for the pain of losing a sibling, but nothing came. It was like my brain had switched off.

  The female beside Luka laid her head on his shoulder, whispering in his ear. Luka turned into her touch and she kissed him on his cheek. Luka’s tired eyes met mine and I said, “You were there.”

  Luka nodded his head. “I made him a promise that I would seek revenge on his captors. We found out it was Jakhua, then we found out about you. I freed you because that is what Anri would have done if roles were reversed.” Luka’s eyes blazed with a sudden flare of fury. “And next I’ll kill Jakhua. I’ll get your brother his ultimate revenge.”

  I sat, staring at Luka. His female’s eyes were glistening as she watched me. I glanced down. Talia was curled against my chest, but her beautiful big eyes were studying me carefully. It was like she was waiting for me to break.

  I lowered my head at the female who was keeping me whole. I pressed a kiss to her head. “Are you okay, zolotse?” she whispered brokenly.

  I nodded without words. All three of them were staring at me like I should react. Truth was, I didn’t feel anything. I had a list of events that had happened in my life, but it didn’t feel like my life. I felt like Zaal and Anri were strangers to me.

  I was still 221.

  I wasn’t Zaal.

  Talia sat up further, but I couldn’t meet her eyes. “Zaal?” she asked again, but my eyes drifted to the staircase leading to the bedroom I’d been sharing with Talia. There I was happy. I had her and she had me.

  Here, I was lost, numb. I didn’t know who I was meant to be. I didn’t know the family I used to have.

  Talia made me someone. I was her Zaal.

  But alone, I was nothing more than a number. Than Master’s dzaghii, his dog.

  Lifting Talia in my arms, I placed her on the seat and got to my feet. “I am tired,” I said. I walked toward the door.

  “Zaal?” Talia called, and ran up behind me. I turned and she pressed her small body against my chest, questions swimming in her eyes.

  I lowered my head and pressed my forehead to hers. I breathed in her scent and felt warmth flood through my body. Since I had awoken drug free, I had needed her as much as I’d needed the old drug. But right now, I needed to be alone.

  “I need to rest. I need. I need…”

  “To be alone,” she said, finishing my words.

  I pressed my lips to her forehead and said, “It is not because I do not want you. It is because I need to think I—”

  “It’s okay,” she whispered. “You go and sleep. You’re still recovering and today has been a lot for you to take in.”

  I headed to the stairs, but turned back to Luka and asked, “Zaal is my first name. What was my family’s name?”

  Luka’s eyes shot to mine. Tensing his jaw, he stated, “Kostava. You are Zaal Kostava from Tbilisi, Georgia. You and Anri were the heirs of the Kostava clan, a Mafia family.”

  I soaked in those words and I wrapped my mind around that name, Kostava. Zaal Kostava.

  Leaving Talia in that room took more strength than I ever could imagine. She was a part of me now. As I walked up the stairs to the bedroom, my hand felt empty without hers clutching mine.

  I walked into the room and stared into the emptiness. My pulse raced and my palms began to sweat. Being alone again brought memories of being back in a cell. I fought the urge to go back downstairs.

  I wanted to remember and rest.

  I needed to find out who I really was.

  Remember exactly how Master had taken my life from me. Exactly what he’d done to my twin brother and me.

  I strode to the mirror hanging on the wall and stared at my reflection. My black hair ran down over my shoulders, my skin was marked with scars and marks. Then I looked to my face and I remembered what Luka had said. I had a twin. Anri. We looked exactly alike.

&nb
sp; Then I looked to my left cheek and the three moles beside my eye. One, two, three. One, two, three, the little girl’s voice sounded in my head. I could almost feel her little finger tapping at my skin.

  A sister. My sister. Dark eyes and dark hair, clutched in my arms.

  My heart sped up as I tried to remember more. But nothing else came. That was all I had to give, for the moment.

  Going to the bed, I removed my hooded sweatshirt and climbed under the comforter. I closed my eyes, Luka’s words echoing in my head: he killed them all. Massacred your family … right in front of your eyes …

  And my name … Kostava. You are Zaal Kostava from Tbilisi, Georgia. You and Anri were the heirs of the Kostava clan, a Mafia family …

  14

  TALIA

  My strength drained as Zaal walked out of the living room and up the stairs to our bedroom. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Our bedroom, I emphasized in my head. Because that’s how it was for me now. It may have only been weeks, but it was weeks of days full of just him and I. I’d taught him about life. I’d showed him the sun, but he’d shown me true freedom. He’d shown me what it was to feel wanted, needed, vital to someone else’s happiness.

  A deep sigh sounded behind me. I knew I had to face Luka and Kisa. Luka’s face was stone when he’d seen me be affectionate with Zaal. I hadn’t told Luka he’d changed. I had lied to my brother repeatedly when he’d called in to check on Zaal’s progress.

  And I’d done it on purpose. I’d wanted Zaal to myself. Just for once, I’d wanted to have something that wasn’t Bratva owned.

  Zaal was mine.

  In this house he wasn’t a Kostava. I wasn’t a Tolstaia. We just were.

  Inhaling a long breath, I slowly turned to see Kisa and Luka staring at me. Luka’s expression was stern, but Kisa’s was sympathetic.

  Silently, I moved toward them, then sat back in the large sofa cushions. Luka’s gaze was cold. Shaking my head, I said, “Just get it over with, Luka. You’re disappointed in me. You think I’ve lost my fucking mind.”

  I caught Luka shift on his seat in my peripheral vision. “I am pissed, Talia,” he said. I raised my eyebrow at how much he sounded like my father. Betrayal of my family now ran through my blood—I got it. I went against the golden rule—never betray the family.

  Then Luka added, “But not because you’re with him. But because you led me to believe he was unchanged. I’ve been going crazy, believing that he was gone in the head with whatever fucked-up drug they’ve pumped in his veins for twenty years. For weeks I’ve been preparing to come back here and kill him, because I thought it was better than leaving him living as Jakhua’s monster. I owed Anri that much. His brother would be better off dead than alive, as nothing but a mindless killer.”

  I swallowed at Luka’s answer. Kisa cast me a smile as Luka threaded his hand through hers. I instantly felt guilty, my readiness to argue with my brother vanishing to dust.

  I ran my hands down my face and groaned. “I just wanted him to myself, Luka. He was weak and so lost. In fact, I thought he’d died. I’d been watching him on the surveillance footage and could see his gradual change. He was first feral, then weak, then nothing. I thought the cold-turkey drug detox had been too much too soon. But then I went down to see him. I don’t know, so he wouldn’t be alone, I guess. The change in him, God, it was night and day. On the drugs he was an animal, attacking the guards left, right, and center, pacing the same patch of floor like a pit bull. But when the drugs were gone, he stayed slumped against the wall, his sad green eyes staring at nothing. He was so broken, so lonely and lost…” I cleared my throat, remembering him bound, dirty, and matted, in chains.

  “I couldn’t leave him.” I flickered my gaze to my brother and Kisa, then added, “And then he responded to me. He trusted me, and we’ve grown close.” A smile curled on my lips. “He’s beautiful. Inside and out.”

  “Oh, Talia,” Kisa said softly. I met the eyes of my best friend. “You love him,” she said. My lips parted to argue the case. But as a pair of jade green eyes drifted through my mind I couldn’t … I couldn’t deny Zaal, couldn’t deny the impact he’d had on me.

  Kisa rose from her seat and came to take me in her arms. I hugged her back, but as she pulled away I could see concern all over her beautiful face. “You don’t approve?” I asked. Kisa held my hand.

  She shook her head. “Talia, I’m not one to judge. I loved your brother my whole life. You know this. But through grief and duty to the Bratva, to my papa, I was claimed by Alik Durov.” Her eyes fell and she shook her head. “But Talia, you know that my father and your father won’t accept your being with a Kostava. Under any circumstance.”

  I glanced to Luka, who was watching us. “Luka?” I asked. He ran his hand down his face.

  “Kisa’s right. They won’t accept it. He’s not Russian. He’s Georgian. Worse still, his family murdered one of our own.”

  Devastation cut through me. I lowered my eyes. “So you’re saying all I have with Zaal are the next few weeks until I have to return home?” Neither of them said anything in response. But it told me everything I’d asked. To them my situation was hopeless.

  But quite frankly, I didn’t give a shit what anyone had to say.

  Standing, too consumed with concern for Zaal, I decided to go to bed. I refused to accept that I had limited days with Zaal, but if somehow I lost the fight to keep him in my life, I wasn’t going to waste a single second.

  I released Kisa’s hand. She got to her feet. “Talia,” she called after me, sympathy for my situation lacing her voice.

  “It’s okay, Kisa,” I said in comfort, throwing her a smile. “I’ll be fine. Because what other choice is there? We’re Bratva women, stern Russians who brush anything off. I’ll work it out. I always do.”

  Kisa’s eyes closed and opened only to showcase the pain she felt for me. I glanced to Luka, who had his hands in his hair. “You’re just lucky you found your soul mate at birth.” Kisa’s eyes sought out her husband and that love, that breathtaking connection they shared pulsed between them. “And that when he was lost, he returned to you.” My stomach gripped in envy and I added, “Where for me? Because I’ve fallen for the enemy, I get to cherish him, hold him, then am expected to let him go all because the great Volkov powers that be don’t approve. Question is, how the fuck do you live knowing the person meant solely for you is still out there living and breathing without you by their side?”

  Luka got to his feet and I stilled. Since he’d returned, Luka had made no attempt to hold me. He’d never showed any emotion toward me. I watched him approach. Kisa stepped back, a floored expression on her face.

  Warily, Luka stood before me, rocking uneasily on his feet. Shock filled my veins as his big arms lifted. Unable to hold back my gasp, Luka wrapped them around me and brought me to his chest.

  I held him. I held my big brother and took solace in his embrace. I’d missed this. As kids we were so close. He’d hold me all the time. For the first time since he’d returned, it felt like maybe, just maybe, my brother, my childhood hero, was rising from his darkness once again.

  I soaked in his warmth and whispered sternly, “Luka, I believe it was meant to happen. Even if it won’t be welcomed.”

  Luka pressed a kiss to the top of my head and rasped, “What was meant to happen?”

  “Everything,” I said back. “Your journey brought me Zaal. He’s shown me what real love is.”

  Luka’s hold tightened. I felt Kisa’s hand on my back. After a few more seconds, I withdrew from his arms. Luka was watching me with concern.

  Subconsciously I reached for my necklace. I ran my hand over the Tolstoi name and laughed a humorless laugh. “You know, babushka gave me this as a talisman to find my true love. It was dedushka’s. He gave it to babushka before he left for that trip to Moscow, as a way to keep him close to her heart until he returned.” I caught the gold of the necklace glinting off the beaming sun shining through the window. “I wonder what
she would have said knowing that the love I found was the son of the man she hated most.”

  Unable to take the pain this knowledge brought, I whispered a brief “Good night,” and dashed up the stairs.

  Quietly, I cracked open the door, to see Zaal lying fast asleep on the bed. His huge body seemed to dwarf the king-size bed. My chest clenched in pain. He was mine. Every fiber of my being had claimed him as mine. My heart, my soul, my spirit. At this point, I didn’t give a fuck what anyone else thought.

  I stripped off my clothes, careful not to make a noise. Zaal was lying on his back, his long black hair hanging over his pillow. His muscles relaxed as he slept. He looked so peaceful. I hoped he would get the rest he craved.

  Attracted to him like a magnet, I snuggled into his side, the heat of his body instantly warming me. My head lay on his chest and I listened to his steady breathing. It soothed me. Suddenly, as if needing to touch me, even in his sleep, Zaal slid his arm over my shoulder and pulled me close.

  As I closed my eyes, I remembered everything Luka had told Zaal tonight. And I felt sick. His history was so sad, so violent. A wave of protectiveness embraced me, and lifting my chin, I stared up at Zaal’s handsome face.

  His eyelids fluttered in sleep, and running my finger down his stubbled cheek, I whispered, “Zaal Kostava, you’ve stolen my forbidden heart.”

  15

  ZAAL

  “Boys, come here!” Papa’s voice called Anri and me in from the garden. We looked at each other and smiled. I set off running, sprinting through the long grass.

  I was fast, but so was Anri. I could hear him running behind me, picking up speed. I laughed as we rounded the corner and our house came into view.

  Grandmama was sitting on the porch. She started laughing as she saw us approach. I pushed myself harder, then Anri was suddenly at my side. We looked at each other and started laughing. We both reached the porch at the very same moment.

  I stopped in front of Grandmama. She put down her tea and started clapping. “My boys!” she exclaimed, and opened her arms for us. Both Anri and I ran into her embrace. She kissed us both on the head.