Broken Wings (Cruel and Beautiful World, Book One 1)

by Stoddard Hancock, L.

  Deryn let out a painful laugh as she continued to cry into him. Her death grip on his shirt loosened as she finally let herself relax in Xander's arms. She never thought she would see the day where the two of them were willingly hugging, if that was what you could call this.

  "I'm going to do what I can to help you find your family, Leon. As soon as it's safe for you to leave here, I'll find a lead to their whereabouts. I'm not without my connections in the Resistance."

  "Thank you," she said with a sniffle.

  "And when you go back to them, you can go knowing that you were a victim of this ongoing war. You've done nothing wrong."

  "A victim," she repeated. "Like you."

  Xander shook his head against hers. "No. You and I are not the same."

  "How so?" she asked.

  "I've done things, Leon. You've had them done to you. It's different."

  Deryn wished she could argue, but it was hard to do that when she really didn't know what he'd done. He had mentioned to Veli on the tram that he was his superior now. She couldn't imagine he outranked someone several years older than him and so horribly devoted to the president without doing a few things that would tear his soul apart.

  The clock that hung above the fireplace chimed. They both looked up to see it was six-thirty. It felt much later.

  "Time to take your medicine," said Xander, standing up and pulling her with him.

  Deryn still had the blanket somewhat tangled around her. She fixed it before following him to the kitchen. After swallowing a spoonful of the green liquid, Xander gave Deryn a sleeveless shirt and a pair of boxer shorts to put on so he could help her rub the ointment on her bruises.

  "Who was the Guardian who owned you before Soren?" asked Xander as he got his first good look at the ankle that had been bothering her. It wasn't just sprained, it was full on broken. He would need to find something stronger to heal it tomorrow. There was no way he could leave it untouched.

  "What good will knowing do?" she asked.

  "I can find out on my own, but it'll be easier if you just give me a name."

  Deryn sighed. "Aila Parrish. She was angry because her brother Lester was recently killed -"

  "During that raid Trigger was part of -"

  Deryn's jaw dropped slightly.

  "- I know."

  "Yes, well, she took her anger out on me. She came up with so many new ways to torture me that I'm surprised I haven't lost my sanity. Or maybe I have. That would certainly explain how I ended up here, if this was all just a figment of my disturbed imagination."

  "Hmm," said Xander, pursing his lips as his mind began to wander. "You need to stay off your ankle for a while," he said, snapping back to focus. "No more walking around the apartment. You need bed rest."

  Before Deryn had the chance to protest, Xander scooped her into his arms and carried her to the guestroom. He placed her carefully on the bed and helped her back into the sweater he had given her. Then he took a seat on the bed's edge.

  "You look exhausted."

  "I could say the same about you," she said, pulling the covers over her.

  "I'm serious."

  "So am I."

  "You need time to heal. So lie down and get some sleep."

  "What's with your incessant need to order me around?"

  "What's with your incessant need to challenge everything I say? It's for your greater good, Leon, so, for once in your life, you should just listen."

  "Fine," she conceded, scooting down on the bed and laying her head on the pillow. "You should really do the same."

  "Is that an invitation?" he asked with a small smirk.

  Deryn grabbed the spare pillow and smacked him with it. "Did you not just say we were being serious? Get some sleep, Ruby."

  "Wish I could," he said, standing up and walking to the door, "but I'm actually heading out."

  "But what about the -"

  "Curfew?" he finished. "I'll be back long before then. And I'll have some company with me, so you need to stay in this room."

  Deryn let out a frustrated sigh. "Fine. All these damn rules," she mumbled as she nuzzled into her pillow with her back to him.

  "I also have duties in the morning, so I'll be leaving here fairly early and won't be back until evening."

  Deryn turned in her bed so she was facing him. "Guardian duties?"

  "Yes. Despite our current situation, I still am one and I have to keep up appearances."

  "Yes, I suppose you do." Deryn's eyes fluttered. "Goodnight, Ruby. And, uhh ... thanks for tonight. Not my greatest birthday but at least I had one. And being able to smack you around a bit was definitely one of my better gifts." She smiled softly before closing her eyes completely.

  "Don't mention it."

  Xander turned out the lights and shut the door behind him. Once he was out of there, he went to his room and cleaned himself up a bit. While all of that talk may have been beneficial for her psyche, it was horribly damaging to his. He did things. She had them done to her. He was guilty. She was innocent. There were no shades of gray here, only black and white.

  Xander let out a deep and painful sigh before grabbing his coat and heading out the door. Deryn got her release that night. And now it was time for Xander to get his.

  ~

  Deryn awoke several hours later to the sound of muffled voices coming from Xander's room. At first they seemed fairly normal and she thought nothing of them, but then they became more frantic and she started to worry that something was wrong. She was about to get up and check on him when she remembered he had specifically told her to stay in the room. He had mentioned company, but what sort of company would be making those horrible sounds?

  "Ah! Mmm ... oooh ... yes!"

  Deryn's eyes widened as it finally dawned on her what was going on in there. She was caught somewhere between horror and disgust, and she was quick to bring her hands up to her ears. Unfortunately, that did absolutely nothing, especially when the loud slapping sounds began.

  Oh god, he was spanking her!

  Deryn nearly vomited as an image of Xander and a faceless woman going at it in the style most appropriate for his slaps entered her mind. She grabbed her pillow and threw it over her head, trying desperately to drown out the noise. She didn't know what she'd expected when he mentioned company, but this certainly wasn't it.

  Damn these thin walls.

  "Yes! Yes! Keep going, uh ... whatever the fuck your name is! I don't care!" shouted the woman.

  Deryn took a moment to roll her eyes in her tight, dark space. Real class act, Ruby.

  "Yes! Right there! Right there! Fuck! Fuck! Oh fuck!"

  A few moments later, the noises stopped and Deryn thanked the heavens with more enthusiasm than ever before. Still, she remained hidden under her pillow as an extra precaution. Somehow, she got the feeling Xander was not against second rounds.

  "That was amazing!" said the woman between heavy breaths.

  "Yeah, sure," said Xander unconvincingly. Deryn heard his bed creak and then several footsteps. "You should probably get a move on. Curfew starts in an hour."

  "What? But can't I stay here tonight?"

  "No."

  "Why not?"

  "Well, I don't think my wife would like it very much when she gets home in about ten minutes."

  Deryn chuckled. And then felt incredibly guilty about it.

  "Your wife!" shouted the woman.

  "That's right."

  She could almost see the smirk spread across Xander's lips.

  "You asshole!"

  The bed creaked again, followed by many angry stomps as the woman shuffled around the room, probably looking for her clothes.

  "I should've known better than to come home with a Guardian! The whole lot of you think you live above the rules!"

  "We do."

  "Fuck you!"

  Xander's bedroom door opened and slammed, followed shortly by the front door. Deryn listened as Xander walked out of his room and across the apartment. There were several c
licks as he locked the door. His footsteps returned to his room, and then he went silent.

  Deryn lay in bed for a while after, trying to process everything she'd just heard. Earlier that evening she'd started to think that maybe Xander had changed. She wasn't sure if it was for the better or not, considering the life he presently lived, but he definitely didn't seem like the boy she once knew.

  But now he felt familiar.

  A smile spread across Deryn's face.

  Nope. Xander Ruby definitely hadn't changed. Not entirely, anyway. Now, why did she find comfort in that?

  Chapter Eight

  Deryn ran through the dark halls of Eagle Center, her voice hoarse as she cried out for her father. Her heart was racing, and then she heard him call out, "Set our children free!"

  Bodies littered the halls, causing the putrid smell of death to spoil the air. But there was no time to stop and look. No time to dwell on who had been lost in this horrible battle. Only one thing mattered. Finding her way back to her father. Together they could end this. Together nothing could stop them.

  Finally reaching the room everyone was fighting in, Deryn stopped and stared at Godfrey, who was facing President Saevus, their weapons firing at each other. At first, it seemed like her father was going to win, but then, just when she thought he had him, a bright light grew around Saevus, shielding him and shooting an explosion back at her father. His body went stiff as he flew back against the wall, falling lifeless to the floor.

  "Dad!" she cried, trying so hard to run for him but her feet wouldn't budge, her entire body feeling as heavy as lead.

  "Deryn!"

  Dakota was running towards her, his right arm outstretched as he reached for her. She lifted hers and did the same, wanting desperately to know what it felt like to touch those fingers again. Even if it was just once more.

  He was so close. So close she could smell him, that intoxicating aroma of pine trees and rain and something else she had never quite been able to place. But, before he could reach her, she was knocked off her feet and being pulled away from him. Dragged farther and farther until his figure became nothing more than a speck in the distance.

  "No! Dax!" she cried.

  "Shut up, you toxic trash!"

  Someone grabbed Deryn by the waist and flipped her so she was facing him. She screamed as he stared down at her. The cold and angry eyes of Atticus Ruby. Eyes she could never forget. Saevus and Elvira watched her from over his shoulder, amused grins distorting their already hideous faces. The smell of death had never been so strong.

  "You belong to us now," said Elvira, cackling wildly as she stepped forward. "You will never see your precious Trigger again."

  No.

  "And your father's head will be mine," said Saevus. "It's over, Outsider. We have won."

  No.

  "Stop crying!" shouted Atticus, smacking her hard across the face.

  "No!"

  Those eyes ... Those piercing, cruel brown eyes.

  "No!"

  "Leon!"

  "NO!"

  "Leon, wake up! It's me!"

  Atticus's eyes continued to stare down at her. Deryn thrashed around violently as he tried to hold her still.

  "No! You can't have me! You will never have me!"

  "Leon, it's me! Xander! You're having a nightmare! Wake up!"

  Deryn's body eased slightly as the hold on her suddenly seemed gentle. She looked back into Atticus's eyes only to see them melt away and become Xander's. The differences were slight but they were there. A shade lighter with a gold ring around the pupil, slightly softer on the edges, and kind. These eyes were kind. Especially when waking her from a nightmare.

  "Again?" said Deryn, sounding frustrated as she breathed heavily in his arms.

  "I know," said Xander. "Third time since you got here."

  Once Deryn's breathing evened out, she looked at him and frowned. "I woke you."

  He shook his head. "I couldn't sleep."

  "Why?"

  "I rarely do," he said with a halfhearted smile.

  "Too much on your mind?"

  "No. Just a light sleeper."

  Deryn's frown deepened. She knew he was lying.

  "Any little noise'll wake me up and, once I do, I can never get back to sleep."

  "So no solution then?"

  "Of course there is. It's called whiskey," he said matter-of-factly. "Helps me during night's when sleep is necessary."

  She smiled softly. "How about tea?"

  "Whiskey is better but I guess I'll humor you."

  Xander got up from the bed and walked out to the kitchen. Deryn took a moment to compose herself. Her nightmares were always the same. A combination of her most horrible memories and her greatest fears. And it always felt so real. So painfully and hideously real.

  After wiping a single tear from her cheek, Deryn sucked back her nerves and followed him. She grabbed her favorite blanket off the back of the couch and leaned on the counter while he made tea.

  "So did you get your lady friend out before midnight this time?" she asked.

  Xander's shoulders bobbed as he chuckled. "You bet your sweet ass I did. I fucking took my eyes off the clock for two seconds the other night. Never again."

  Deryn rolled her eyes. "You didn't have to be such a jerk to her about it."

  "I thought I was a perfect gentleman."

  "You made her sleep on the floor."

  "I gave her a blanket."

  "And a pillow?"

  "Oh, right! I forgot about that." He glanced over his shoulder at her and smirked. "Whoops."

  Deryn huffed. "You're an ass."

  "Spare me your judgments, Leon, because I really don't give a shit."

  Once the tea was finished, he handed her a red mug - which she had already decided was her favorite days ago - and the two of them took seats on opposite ends of the couch, as they were accustomed.

  "Mind if I make one more judgment?" she asked as she settled into her seat.

  "You mean you haven't already?"

  Deryn narrowed her eyes.

  Xander rolled his, a habit he quickly realized he was picking up from her. Only eleven days here and she was already getting under his skin. "On with it, Leon."

  "I'm just a little surprised that you know how to make tea and -" She took a sip. "- it's not bad."

  "Why?"

  "I don't know. I suppose it's because, back in training, you hardly seemed self-sufficient. Didn't your family always have someone serving you? I know I saw someone doing your laundry once while you ordered them around."

  "Of course we did. But I don't exactly have a wave here now, do I?"

  Deryn had heard the term 'wave' over the years, but it still always sounded funny to her, probably because she had seen actual waves in the ocean before. It was what Guardians called their worker slaves. The ones whose heads they shaved and were forced to work all day. The less desirable who no one was searching for.

  "Not that I've seen," she said.

  "The Ruby family's wave spends all of its time at my father's house."

  Deryn's head snapped up. "It?"

  "Yes, the wave. We have just the one now. My family was downgraded after my mom's execution."

  "Waves and slaves aren't its , Ruby. They're hes and shes."

  "Says who?" he asked, clearly egging her on. "Besides, I don't know what it is. All waves have their heads shaved, and the one my father owns' sex isn't exactly discernible."

  Deryn's jaw dropped.

  Xander smirked. "Are you going to yell at me now?"

  "You're damn right I am! What right do you have to say something so degrading about a poor, defenseless person?"

  "Every right. I own it ."

  " He !" she yelled.

  Xander froze. "What?"

  " He ! Not it ! He !"

  "How do you know my family's wave is a he? It was a woman who did my laundry." His eyes drifted slightly towards the photo on his bookshelf. The one where – he had noticed previously – she ha
d covered the image of his father.

  Deryn lost all color in her face. "Or she," she said quickly. "'He' is just a natural default."

  "Like my 'it'?"

  "No, Ruby" said Deryn slowly and clearly. "It's not the same."

  "What a fucking double standard!"

  Deryn had stopped listening. Xander watched closely as she sucked on her bottom lip, very visibly falling into the depths of her mind again. She did that a lot.

  "Leon," he called.

  It was a few seconds before she looked up and noticed him.

  "I'm not serious. I understand all slaves are people, but I have to say 'it' when around other Guardians or the president. It's what's expected of me."

  Deryn nodded. "I know," she said, taking another sip of her tea. "I think I'm going to take this to bed. I really need to work on getting past these nightmares."

  She started to stand, but Xander reached across the couch and grabbed her arm before she got very far. "I've heard that, sometimes, it helps to talk about your nightmares."

  Deryn blinked. "Talk about it?"

  "Yes."

  She blinked again. "With you?"

  "That is what I was getting at. I can see now why everyone always thought you were so intelligent."

  "And it's those sorts of comments that make me not want to tell you anything."

  Xander smirked. "Come on, Leon. I humored you with the tea. Even made a cup for myself instead of hitting the bottle. Now it's your turn to humor me."

  Deryn pursed her lips and studied him. Since the day she got there, Xander had been putting on this persona that never felt quite right to her. Something was off, and she had a hard time believing he cared at all about her nightmares. If she had to make a guess, she would say that he didn't want to be alone. If he really did never sleep, like he said, then she imagined his nights were pretty lonely, especially when he was so unwilling to let anyone stay over. And it wasn't like she had to be anywhere in the morning. She might as well 'humor' him.

  With a light sigh, Deryn sunk back in her seat. Xander removed his hand from her arm and returned to his side of the couch. They both sat with their feet up, hers crossed beneath her while his were out in front of him, one bent and one straight.

  Deryn took another sip of her tea before starting. "I don't know what you're expecting. My nightmares aren't exactly cryptic. I just dream about that day at Eagle."