Where Love Grows

by Jerry S. Eicher

  Without looking back, Susan pushed open the washroom door and stepped in, knocking her knee against the wooden leg of the bench. She cried out in the darkness. With tears pouring down her face, she found the kitchen door, opened it, and went inside. Throwing her shawl on the floor, Susan collapsed into a chair. She wept hard but silently as the light of the kerosene lamp above her played on the walls and on her white kapp.

  Soft footsteps approached. Mamm’s voice came to her softly. “What’s wrong, Susan?”

  “Thomas just dumped me—and on Teresa’s wedding night.”

  “Oh, Susan, I’m so sorry.” Mamm’s arm came around her shoulder.

  “He was talking with another girl this afternoon. And right in our house!”

  “Now, now,” Mamm said. “Perhaps it’s not all that bad. You’ve been through this before.”

  “But this time it’s truly the end. Thomas is already thinking of another girl. Why does this have to happen?”

  Mamm sighed. “You always were such a high-strung girl, Susan. You take things so much harder than some of the other girls did.”

  “How am I supposed to take this?” Susan lifted her head. “My boyfriend from my schooldays, the one I imagined all these years I would spend the rest of my life with, turns out to be a flirting twerp who says I’m wonderful but can’t keep from wishing he was seeing someone else. Are all men like this?” Susan looked up at her mamm’s face.

  Mamm hesitated before answering, “They aren’t, Susan. You know they aren’t.”

  When Susan said nothing, Mamm drew her close. “Susan, please. I know you’re taking this—whatever happened with Thomas again—hard. You’re that way, I know. Your daett is a man, and he isn’t like Thomas. He has loved us for many years now.”

  Susan groaned. “I think the whole world is nothing but a bunch of rotten people. If I didn’t know any better, I’d go running back to Asbury Park again. But what a joke that was. All the good that happened is I brought home Teresa, who thinks we’re all sweeter than summer’s honey. She doesn’t think anyone in the entire community could ever be bad.”

  “Teresa has had plenty of her own troubles, Susan. You know she has. But I’m glad to hear you’re not leaving us again, even if you think it’s over with Thomas.”

  “It is over, Mamm. This time it really is. I can’t seem to find a boy who loves me.”

  Mamm touched her shoulder. “You’ll find love again, Susan. You’re too wonderful a girl not to. If you don’t want Thomas, we’ll stop insisting you see him. How your daett will handle this, I don’t know. I guess he can keep Steve over for another season.”

  Susan got to her feet. “So what is Daett going to do about the farm? This will affect him a lot.”

  “I don’t know. But don’t worry about the farm. We can sell it, I guess. Keep a few acres for the dawdy haus.”

  “I’m sorry, Mamm. I tried but it didn’t work out.”

  “I know, Susan. And now what you need is a good night’s sleep. We have plenty to do tomorrow with cleaning up after the wedding.”

  Susan stood up and hugged her mamm. They walked to the stairway door and then parted ways. Susan found her way up the steps in the darkness, running her hands along the wall until she found the doorknob to her bedroom. She climbed into bed weeping bitter tears and thinking about Thomas. And about James and Teresa. They would be lying tonight in each other arms. Why couldn’t she find that kind of love?

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  The morning after the wedding, the chores were done and breakfast had been served an hour before. The sun was climbing into the sky. Out in the yard, Menno and Steve were loading the last of the collapsible benches into the black church wagon. Standing back when they were done, they surveyed the empty barn.

  “I can’t believe it’s over,” Menno said.

  “Me neither. It was a good wedding though,” Steve said, leaning against the wagon.

  “Did you find any prospects for yourself among the visitors?” Menno teased.

  Steve laughed. “There was a nice girl from Ohio. I took her to the table at the hymn singing. Her parents run a little dry goods store in Berlin, but our conversation didn’t go much further than that.”

  “Your time will come.” Menno turned toward the road when a car pulled in.

  “That’s the Englisha man who was at the wedding,” Steve said, pushing shut the door of the enclosed wagon.

  “Yah, he told me he’d stop by today. He wants to talk with me about something.”

  “I’ll get the horses ready for work then. Do you think you’ll be done soon?”

  “I think so. But it depends on what he wants to speak about.”

  “I’ll take the corn cutter into the field then.” Steve disappeared into the barn.

  Menno cleared his throat as Dennis approached.

  “Good morning.” Dennis extended his hand.

  Menno grasped it. “Gut morning to you. I hope you enjoyed the wedding yesterday. I saw you left a little early. There was still the youth doings in the evening you could have taken in.”

  “I enjoyed myself immensely,” Dennis said.

  Menno sat on a small bench next to the barn and motioned for Dennis to sit down next to him. “I take it you’re back this morning about the matter that brought you here in the first place.”

  “Yes, I am, Menno. Would you be willing to answer some questions about the past? Say forty-some years ago in St. Louis?” He hesitated and then continued. “Do you have any idea what I’m talking about?”

  Menno looked down for a minute and then looked into Donald’s eyes. “I’m afraid I do. You are Donald, aren’t you?”

  Donald didn’t look too astonished. “I supposed you might guess. Carol said she was going to write to you. Yes, I am Donald. I didn’t want to walk in and just announce who I was yesterday. You had the wedding going on, which I didn’t want to disrupt. I guess my guise was easily seen through though.”

  “When I received Carol’s note, I wrote you a letter inviting you to come. But I just mailed it yesterday.”

  “Does that mean you are…you are open to me being here? To asking questions?”

  Menno stood and leaned against the bench wagon. “You’re my son, Donald. Of course you are welcome here. Until last week, I didn’t even know you existed. Your mother…Carol…she told me back in St. Louis that she had miscarried.”

  Donald remained seated, motioning with his hand toward the half-empty barn. “Do you wish you didn’t know about me? I don’t exactly fit into all this.”

  “You’re my son, Donald. I am glad I know about you. Very glad! You could have told me yesterday. I would have welcomed you into our home and invited you to stay.”

  “I wanted to be sure this was a good idea. I wanted to see what kind of person you were and find out what the Amish are like. Sometimes it’s better not to know the secrets of the past.”

  “Not in this case. I say Da Hah be praised for you!” Menno drew closer. “But come, Donald. We must find Anna, my wife, and tell her this good news.”

  “Are you sure? I’m your son with another woman…” Donald was now on his feet.

  “Come with me. I will take you into the house. Anna knows of my great wrong, and she knows of you. She encouraged me to write to you. She’ll want to meet you.”

  Donald hesitated. “I think I’ll wait while you tell her I’m here. Then if she wants to meet me, I’ll come in. That way it won’t be so sudden or abrupt.”

  “You don’t understand, Donald.” Menno took hold of his arm. “This is now your home too. You belong here. Anna and I both feel that way. Anna is a wonderful woman with a big heart. She will accept who you are.”

  “I’m afraid it’s not that easy, Menno. I’m very thankful for this kind welcome. But please tell your wife I’m here and give her a chance to respond in private.”

  Menno took some time to think about it. “All right,” he said. Then he ran across the lawn, his beard flying over his shoulder. He burst into the
living room. Susan and Mamm were coming through the stair doorway, carrying baskets of dirty linens. They both gasped as he dashed in.

  “The Englisha man from yesterday!” Menno shouted. “He’s here, Anna! And, yah, he is my son like we suspected. Come now and meet him!” He held out his hand to his wife.

  Mamm put the basket on the floor and took his hand. She was ready to head outside, but a sound stopped her.

  She glanced at Susan, who was staring at her daett.

  Menno urged Susan forward. “Come, Susan! This man who came yesterday and is outside now is your brother.” Menno was crying and laughing at the same time. “You have a brother, Susan!”

  “Menno, stop a minute. The girl knows nothing about this,” Mamm reminded, tugging on his hand. “She may need some time to think about this before she’s ready to meet your son.”

  “What are you talking about, Daett?” Susan asked while frozen to the spot.

  “I said I have a son!” Menno repeated. “Da Hah has turned a great sin in my youth into a blessing. He has given me a son.”

  “How could Daett have a son?” Susan looked to Mamm for an explanation. “Did you have a son before my sisters and I came along? I thought there was only nine of us. Would someone please tell me what’s going on!”

  Menno approached Susan. He gently took her basket and set it on the floor. Then, taking both of her hands in his, he said, “My dear daughter, you know that I love you and your sisters with all my heart. I have tried to be a good daett and bring all of you up in the fear of Da Hah.”

  Susan nodded, her eyes not leaving Daett’s face.

  “And you know that I have feared greatly for you especially. I trembled when you left to live among the Englisha. Yet Da Hah had mercy. You have returned safe and sound. Now Da Hah is also having mercy upon me.”

  “I still don’t understand.”

  Daett looked at Mamm, his lips moving silently.

  “You’d better tell her all of it,” Mamm said.

  Menno’s smile ebbed. He let go of Susan’s hands and slowly began speaking. “Before I was married and was living in St. Louis, I spent time with an Englisha girl. We thought we were in love, and I committed a great sin. Of this Da Hah knows and your Mamm knows. I’ve kept it secret all these years because Carol, the Englisha girl, told me she had miscarried. But now my son has sought me out. You and your sisters must met him. And soon the whole community will know what has lain hidden in my heart for so long. I pray this brings no sorrow upon you or your sisters. Please do not take this as a hurt into your heart, Susan.”

  “And you knew about this, Mamm?” Susan asked.

  “Come, Susan.” Mamm took Susan’s hand. “Let us go meet this man who is your father’s son. I’m an old woman, and I haven’t always done what is right either. I have never lacked in love from your daett. He has loved me as if there never had been another. That’s enough for me. And you know he has loved you with all his heart too. I hope you can find forgiveness in your heart for your daett and also acceptance for this brother of yours.”

  “This is too much…too sudden.”

  “Then I beg your forgiveness,” Daett said. “I know it is a shock. I was surprised too. It will be a shock to your sisters and everyone else too. But we must not hold my silence against Donald. We must welcome him into our family. He is my son.”

  Above them the cry of baby Samuel echoed through the house and Susan jumped.

  “Come!” Mamm said. “Maurice will take care of Samuel for now. Please come with us to meet your brother.”

  Susan looked at both of them for a long moment before nodding slightly and following them out the door.

  Menno led the way, with Anna on his arm. Susan stayed a few steps behind. Mamm opened her arms as they approached the middle-aged man standing beside the barn. She took Donald into them without a word. Mamm stroked his head.

  Donald, much to his surprise, found himself crying on her shoulder.

  “So you are Menno’s son. Welcome to our humble home, Donald. You should have told us yesterday who you were. We would have welcomed you and kept you at the house instead of sending you on your way.”

  “It would have been too much,” Donald said. “You were in the midst of celebrating a wedding. And I wasn’t sure what would happen.”

  “Yah, it would have been a surprise. But it is gut that you’re here,” Mamm said. She turned to Susan and took her by the hand, leading her to face Donald. “This is Susan, our youngest of nine daughters.”

  “Hello,” Donald said with an easy smile. “I think you were one of the girls sitting at the center table yesterday. A very nice wedding, I must say.”

  “Thank you,” Susan managed. “Teresa and James make a wonderful couple.”

  Menno spoke up. “Let’s go inside the house, and we can talk.”

  “Well, for just a while,” Donald said. “I don’t want to impose. And I really need to get back home again. I’ve been on the road for over a week tracking down the one lead I had to find you. To tell you the truth, I was nervous and almost went home last night. But then I decided I had to resolve this one way or the other.”

  “Yah, it’s too bad my letter didn’t get to you in time to save you some trouble,” Menno responded.

  Menno and Anna led the way to the house. While Menno and Donald settled into chairs in the living room, Anna and Susan went to the kitchen to prepare a bite to eat. “I want them to have some time to themselves,” Anna explained.

  “I still can’t believe this,” Susan said quietly. “How could Daett do such a thing?”

  Anna stopped slicing the cherry pie and looked at Susan. “Someday you will look back and hope that Da Hah and those who love you will be able to forgive what you have done in your youth. We do not all sin alike, but Da Hah knows that we all sin. Yah, I have sinned, your daett has sinned, and you too have sinned. Forgiving a person who has sinned is to do what Da Hah asks of us. And we know when we forgive others, we too are forgiven, just as the Bible says. Now, get four plates and some forks.”

  Susan did as her mamm asked. She heard the two men in the living room laugh at something they were talking about.

  Two hours and much conversation later, Donald rose to leave. “Well, this has been far more than I expected,” he said. “You’ve all been very gracious.”

  “Perhaps you can come back at Thanksgiving or Christmas—and bring your son, Charles, with you,” Mamm said. “It’s one thing to find a son Menno didn’t know about, but to also hear of a grandson is yet another surprise.”

  “I would like that,” Donald said. “I know my being here might make problems for you. Are you sure it’s okay? Are you sure you want me to come back?”

  “Yah, we want you to come back. Nee, you will never be a problem for me,” Menno assured him. “I love you…son.”

  The two men embraced, Menno with his long beard pushed over his son’s shoulder.

  Donald turned and gave Mamm a hug. “May I come back some other time to visit? Would that be okay?”

  “Certainly,” Anna said. “You will always be welcome here.”

  Then he turned to Susan, who had remained mostly quiet during the visit. “So what about this one?” Donald asked, coming toward her. “Do you think you have place in your life for a brother?”

  Susan offered her hand. “You’ll have to give me some time to get used to the idea. But you are welcome here.”

  “I understand,” Donald said.

  Menno and Donald walked to the car together, while Susan and Mamm watched from the porch. Susan was clutching Mamm’s arm.

  “He’s always wanted a son,” Mamm said, wiping away tears.

  “I can’t believe this is happening! First Thomas and now Daett. What temptations and sins are going to show up next?”

  “You must not believe evil can triumph,” Mamm said. “Da Hah intends only for the good.”

  “What am I supposed to believe?” Susan cried softly. “It turns out my own daett sinned in such a way.
Yah, I will forgive, but it’s hard to accept this.” She was silent for a minute. “You do know what this will mean, don’t you, Mamm?”

  “Yah, but I don’t think your daett yet knows what all is coming,” Mamm admitted. “But I still rejoice with him that his son has come. Da Hah would not have sent Donald here at this time without a reason. A son will add joy to your daett’s heart in his old age just as you girls have always done.”

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  As Donald pulled away in his car, Menno walked to the barn, looking over his shoulder and seeing the retreating forms of Anna and Susan heading into the house. There wasn’t much he could say to them right now. He had apologized again, and Anna had seemed to understand. But Susan? That was another matter. In the meantime, how could such sorrow and joy be racing through his heart at the same time? He had a son!

  He quickened his pace. Steve probably wondered what had happened to him. He was in the field already cutting the corn. Menno took a quick look into the distance. Yah, Steve was busily at work, the corn binder throwing the sheaves out behind it.

  Menno hesitated. Should he or shouldn’t he? The thought raced through his mind. All these years he had never willingly neglected work, yet this morning had been different than any other morning. And it was not over yet. His other daughters needed to know the good news. After they were told, he would need to tell others. Deacon Ray would hear the truth from his own lips, Menno decided. And Deacon Ray would do what he wished after that. Yet even the thought of what might be coming did little to dim the joy in his heart. He had been given a son! No one could take that away.

  Running across the field, Menno waved his hat at Steve, smiling at the startled look on his hired hand’s face.

  “Whoa!” Steve pulled back on the lines. “You must have very gut news to share,” he said, turning to Menno

  “I do! I have a son. The Englisha man is my son.”

  “Your son?” Steve was staring now. “How is that possible?”

  “It is a long story, Steve, and in many ways a sad one. But Da Hah has brought good from a sin of my youth.”